the greatest gift i could ever give to myself....
the time i allowed myself to spend alone with myself
getting to know myself
i know what and who i am and what i need
inexperienced, never trained, never being in a particular role....
to me that is all irrelevant to knowing who I am
i have spent so much time examining myself and my past relationships
i held onto a lot of pain for a long time caused by someone who did not deserve a place in my heart to inflict such pain
i took time to learn that and to learn to let myself heal and to learn that i was letting that pain control my life and my happiness
i have learned to let go and to forgive myself for a lot of mistakes I made
i have knocked down walls of the box i have been trapped in for most of my life
i have discovered myself, I have learned to love myself, I have let myself have fun
i have learned to stand up for myself and that i do not have to allow people who cause me emotional instability to be a part of my life,
i have learned about what i need in a partner, in a relationship and that the methods i had used to protect myself were keeping me from getting and giving what i needed to
i thought i had to protect my heart, i thought i had to protect my mind, trust in no one, i thought in order to protect myself i couldnt give myself to another
i learned that mindset was keeping me imprisoned, keeping me from being happy, keeping me from being who i am, who i have always been
i have learned that the mistake i made when i was so young was not that i gave my heart, my mind, all of my trust to a man
just that i gave it to the wrong man