Dirty Pretty Things

When I need you the most,  is when I'll probably push you away. 

When I need a friend the most,  is when I'll probably get quiet and hide away. 

When I'm hurting the most,  is when I'll probably be the fakest happy me that you'll ever see.

When I'm breaking inside, you'll probably never know

But what if there's no probably about it.

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So emotional,  I  know  it's not a good look. Life's been heavy lately.  For a few weeks now. And I'm just ready for a change. "Be the change" is not as simple as it sounds. 

It snowed today. I know, what the fuck. That sums up everything. 

Sending blessings and love, miracles and kindness, sunshine and umbrellas to all who need them the most. ♡

Thank you to Squeedoodle for the challenge.  I couldn't resist it. 

~ I took a break for awhile. Things have been ....too heavy. And I hate being a bother to anyone.

~ Its hard to ask for help or a hug. It always has been. It's like I'm programmed to help others but not to accept help.

~ Theres been a lot of big changes & updates in my life & Im trying to be okay.

~ I missed my friends & the submissive support system we have built up together. Its everything I hoped for, subs empowering other subs. It makes my heart happy.

~ I haven't felt myself in a bit, I lost my voice and lost myself. But I'm trying 🩷.

Hold me, Daddy. Wrap your arms around me and embrace me so tight.

Touch me, Daddy. Run your hands up and down my body like you own me, cuz you do.

Kiss me, Daddy. Invade my mouth with your tongue ànd devour me like you're starving.

Bite me, Daddy. Nip at my shoulder and claim me as your own when you sink your teeth into my skin.

Pinch me, Daddy. Squeeze my sensitive nipples and make me gasp & moan for you.

Tease me, Daddy. Make me beg for you to fuck me because we both need that feeling in our veins

Stare at me Daddy. Lets make eye contact as you push your cock so deep inside me in one thrust .

Whisper to me, Daddy. All the dirty and naughty things you want to do to me, that I love so much.

Love me, Daddy. And never ever stop. I'm yours forever ♡

And some AI art I created. 

The waters slowly rising and im sinking under. Im choking on acrid bubbles of despair with heavy gold chains wrapped around my ankles.

The bitter taste gets caught in my throat, and I gasp for breath. Im trying so hard to breathe, as the tears roll down my face. Forever trapped in this unrelenting cage of self-loathing.

I'm never going to be good enough, so why do I even try. The very fact that I have to try so hard proves my point. 

I'm my own worst enemy.

Preface ~ This is likely to be an unpopular opinion *especially because I do identify as a submissive* and that's truly okay. There is a lot of varying opinions on everything in this lifestyle and it doesn't mean any of us are right or wrong. There is a lot of gray area, and this is only my perspective. I'm not trying to piss you off but tomorrow I may try haha. 🙃

 The current trend I am repeatedly seeing is how many people are focused on what a gift submission is. I just dont comprehend it in this way. I guess my brain works differently. But if we see submission as a "gift," then why don't we see dominance as a "gift", too? I don't like the "gift" analogy. It just seems wrong to me. Why are we even keeping track of if someone has "earned" us? Maybe we haven't "earned" them? Should we keep a tally? /sarcasm. 

This concept just bothers me. Im not sure calling submission -a gift- is appropriate. A gift is defined in the dictionary as a thing willingly given to someone without payment. But in bdsm context, we do expect payment. We expect our partner to hold up their end of our negotiations and be dominant. We expect them to take control, to know whats best for us.and to take care of all our needs. That's a pretty huge payment, isn't it. If a Dom does not give you time, effort, attention, orgasms, security etc then you are unlikely to keep submitting to him. Why would you? Noone blindly gifts submission without expectations and a return of the investment. 

We could say that dominance needs to be earned, too. Just like submission. Why is there a differentiation? Neither side should have more importance, in my opinion. Both are essential. Reciprocity. Neither dominance nor submission can happen successfully without the other. That's why it's an exchange. Which absolutely makes sense. Give & take. Push & pull. Cooperation & compromise.

Discussion is encouraged after my bubble bath 👀.

My creative side is at peace. I've been messing around with digital art & AI this week, and I am sooo addicted. I am a gurl that wants to be creative but i struggle to express myself. Well not anymore! So this is how it works.  Basically, you feed text prompts into the AI image generator and it spits out your creations. Like magic! (This is the only time I will endorse spitting). Sounds easy amirite? Kinda yeah but kinda not.

The more defined and specific your words are, the better your creation is. A full paragraph is the best and most advanced method they say. I'm mostly using keywords lol. At least 60% of what I render goes in the virtual trash. Today, I was exploring with ambiance type words like grunge, rock, whimsical, Victorian etc. To see the different ways they effect the creation. Then you can adjust the weight of your words too. I've done sea turtles to vampires to high heel shoes to pugs. You can literally create anything from your imagination!! And then refine your text and improve it even more. You have to be patient though because AI likes to be unstable and glitch out if you're too confusing. Or it's a bad word. Or just cuz. I've been using NightCafe Creator and I love the daily contests to challenge myself.
You can even order a print of your art rendering right there in high resolution! 
I'm just so excited and enthusiastic about this and hopping all around. It's so much fun and so satisfying. I know its only words and imagination but it still takes creativity right?

Ill post some stuff I created! Thank you for peeking ♡

P.S. if I Missed the memo on AI art and y'all already know how awesome it is....oops. 

Example: here I used the words "small adorable pug puppy sleeping on his back with tongue sticking out,  in a sweater cuddling a teddy bear, cozy, lace, browns, peaceful"

A lot of people are going through heavy things right now. I see you & I feel you & I know you're hurting. I wish I could take it away from you. Ive been emotionally drained too. Done like dinner. Is it some kind of moon or celestial thing? 🌟 🌙 

Let's do some randomness:

~ You're not alone, I promise you this. 

~ It's okay to be sad, quiet, and down. Let yourself feel it. I'm still learning this...

~ Self love baby! A fuzzy blanket, a candle, ice cream, a good book about zombies or a familiar voice on the phone. Do it ♡

~ One day this too shall pass. I feel like I'm in a bad meditation class right now lol.

I dont know what else to say. Just spreading some love your way. Pay it forward. 💟

My minds a mess.  My hearts a mess. My emotions are a mess.  Does that make me messy?

Sixteen carriages drivin' away

While I watch them ride with my dreams away

To the summer sunset on a holy night

On a long back road, all the tears I fight

Happy Birthday to a close friend on the Cage ~ @ Varangian. Let's make this a Birthday post to celebrate him. Drop your birthday wishes here ♡

I confess I had other motives for my blog challenge. It wasnt so much about others defining us but it was more about finding a way to get people commenting, having conversations and sharing laughs. A way to bond the community. I wanted to think of something that would encourage people to go out of their way and comment, even on strangers blogs. I wanted it to be reciprocal.  Leave a comment, get a comment. 

These are my final thoughts:

~ Some quiet members who don't usually participate or post, came and joined in

~ Almost everyone seemed to have fun & laughs and I loved seeing that. The fuzzy feelings were everywhere. 

~ I met some new people, i hope y'all did too 

~ I've never seen so much activity! There was so many comments & notifications. It was wild!

~ I saw a lot of really nice comments and want to thank everyone that participated.  ♡