The Mages Garden

A few years back my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of uterine cancer. As with many people undergoing chemo. She had to cut off all her hair. In solidarity my sister and I did the same big chop buzz cut. 

All my life I had long hair. It's super thick, soft, beautiful hair. But it was either kept in a tie or occasionally cut short for convenience. It was also a major chore that at times made me miserable. It's hot and so much to maintain. In my active professional life I spent most of my time sweating and always in motion. My hair was the last thing I worried about as it was always kept in a tie. 

Since my mama has healed I continue to maintain the hair cut. As an Indigenous woman our hair is our spiritual connection to everything we value culturally. I found that however for me it wasn't necessary to grow it long to maintain that connection. 

I enjoy the freedom of no hassle having my hair this length. I enjoy the fact that my feminine power is not regulated by societies stipulations. Especially the Masculine zealots who believe they can dictate what makes a woman attractive or femenine.

I found that my appearance may be unattractive to few but is irresistible most. For the men who's preference is to have a woman with hair I am not mad at you. It's your prerogative. As it is also mine to be who I desire. 

What I wish more humans would realise is this: You have been programmed. Your sense of style is a program. Your vision of perfection is a program. Your life is a program. Your mind is following a program. It is why many speak lowly of and attempted to erase and dominate the diversity around the world from other cultures. They are shallow, egotistical, programed narcissist drinking the kool aid. Beauty is undefined. It can only be perceived. And perception does not equate to truth nor farce. It is only a matter of personal opinion. Opinions are not fact.

HOWEVER, No one person on this planet has the power to dictate the method of which anyone especially a woman chooses to adorne herself physically. 

ALSO, in order to deprogram Oneself they must be willing to shed everything which keeps them attached to the program. An ego death is more terrifying than the real kind therefore many choose to remain in the matrix. 

For me, furthering my elevation was shedding my hair despite the opinions, negative comments and backlash. It not only allowed me to be brave and present for my mother during her cancer treatment but to be brave and dive deeper into myself. The portal of transcending into my higher self and calling was amplified. My sense of self awareness shifted. Any inhibitions that I held dissolved. The vulnerability of walking as a femenine woman outside of what is expected from me has given me the courage to take leaps of faith. To encourage and empower others. I have become the woman of my own dreams and each day it gets better and better. 

Hair or none, I am amazing. I do what I wish. And it doesn't hurt my feelings if anyone is put off by it. That's none of my business. 

X

Been telling myself for the last 2 years I'm tired of this parenting shit lol... The volunteer management position I signed up for. Never ending schedules, events, activities... Diffusing each crisis and meeting deadlines. Consistent reminders, life coaching, contemplation of strangulation twelve times a day... Yes. All of this shit is for the birds. But. It's almost over. At least season 3 is... College: Season 4 is approaching. 

I'm almost FREE! My mind has gone buck wild imagining all the cool adult things I'll be getting into. I'll have to adjust my schedule to cover only me now... All the exciting things I have planned. But. Why am I feeling frustration? Sure there's more time ahead to tackle my goals. Sure I won't have to listen to anymore of today's "music" blasted on the radio. No more reminding someone else to put things away, turn the light off, get adequate rest, eat... Only me... 

As the day approaches my heart aches a little more. It's a great thing happening. A celebration of accomplishment and the excitement of watching my offspring leap into their dreams. But. I'll miss them.  So much. 

The air is crisp. A welcomed chill opposite of the sweltering heat by day. It's quiet tonight. Except for the chirping of the tree frogs and the baritone solos from the toads. Oh and somebody's dogs are being triggered by nature. Other than that, it's quiet. 

In ritual on my front porch, rocking in my chair... Taking in all these sounds including that of the light traffic from holiday visit neighbors and their guests. I was surprised by a very heavy buzzing around the screen on the outside of the porch. 

It wasn't the aggressive buzzing of a hornet. Nor the annoyed buzz from a patroling bumble bee. Certainly wasn't a horse fly. 

I decided to turn on my flashlight. A tiny seemingly iridescent being fluttered around dancing from light to shadow. Fairies? Nope they don't make noise when they fly believe it or not. Their like stealth aircrafts... Any way. Whatever this colorful little craft with the throaty exhaust is I couldn't figure out. 

I watched for a little while longer the tiny body weaving and dancing LOUDLY. And suddenly, it was clear. A HUMMINGBIRD is hunting. Using the soft light from the house inside as a guide it found the perfect morsels to attack. 

This was a special visit I must admit. Hummingbirds in my culture are a great omen. There are many tales about our tiny ancestors. In brief, seeing a hummingbird is considered a sign of good fortune and success. It also means that your ancestors and guides are near, your life will be filled with times that are blissful, beautiful, new beginnings and much more. There's even a tale which explains how man was given fire from a hummingbird. 

I appreciate those moments. It felt like I actually worked with nature to meet a goal helping the tiny fighter jet get food. And also spiritually; this event spoke many things to me and for that I am also grateful. 

X

Imagining pain

Smiles, it makes my pussy jump

Nipple clamps, yes please.

From this person's perspective it's:

Shortlived hyperfocus on a new creative obsession.

Sneaking in quick displays of affection and in the next moment be withdrawn.

Knowing things through energy exchange and the "clairs" <clairaudient, clairvoyant, claircognizence, clairsentient> no words required. 

Trouble sleeping

Socializing for 1 hour, escaping into the woods for 3 months. <it's not difficult to do lol>

Requiring subtitles all the time...

The eternal internal war to prevent one's self from interrupting another while talking.

Time and object blindness

Being tortured by bright light

Meticulous meticulousness... 

Incredibly funny, especially to a neurodivergents self, we laugh our assess off at our self. 

.

What does Plush mean, love?

The pussy of your dreams, Sir.

Tight, squirting, luscious.

From this person's perspective:

It's...

Really wanting to speak up and add to the conversation but realising the energy to do so is nonexistent. 

Saying everything in headspace with enthusiasm and not being able to articulate the same vocally.

Resting bitch face or Resting confused bitch face.

Wanting to enjoy physical touch without initiating it to be able to receive it in return. 

Eternal exhaustion mentally and physically.

Existing as an Overwhelmed Empath 24/7. Having abilities is a curse and a blessing. 

The strong desire to be in a relationship yet one hundred million percent desiring to also be left the fuck alone. 

Attempting to write more but every thought quickly becomes another before getting it out... The classic "What was I about to: Say, do, type, call, cook, everything" 

Knowing there's work to be done, deadlines to meet BUT paralysis sets in. 

A social battery that can only charge up to 26% even when plugged in. Faulty equipment. No refund. 

Loud noises ruining the atmosphere and mood.

Utter irritation and the will to burn it all down when something is out of place, new and/or unnecessary, boring, slow, unprepared, too easy, not what was ordered, a waste of money, too bright, around for too long... 

Remembering to clear clutter or to complete a task only when it's irritated the fuck out of you after seeing it again because it's been forgotten one zillion times... 

It's pouring down out there right now. Talks of tornados and hail. I decided to get out there right in it. Lightning streaking across the dark sky. Thunder crashing seconds after.  I miss my storm chasing days when I lived at the beach. I would go out on purpose and be the only person sane enough to stand in the softness of the sand and watch the dark clouds glide in from over the ocean. 

You ever watched a storm form over the sea? From the farthest distance you can see the rain pouring down into the waves.  All the while on top of you the thunder cracks and lightning threatens to land. Id get excited waitng there for the rain to wash over me. Like a baptism of sorts. Id stand there with my head lifted to the sky eyes open and just be so happy. I actually witnessed lightning strike the sand. Reminded me of when Bill and Ted would touch down in the phone booth. It happened only feet from me. Leaving a streak of glassed sand and some gnarly formations smoking from all the heat. Shit that was crazy. 

You ever talked to a storm? There was a time I was really going through it. Another test from the universe. My life had changed drastically in a matter of hours. A new state, no family, friends. Just me and my cat. The rental I arranged was nothing like the photos the crooked landlord sent. I walked into a death chamber. Black mold, dead mice... Fucking nuts.  Couldn't sleep in there of course.  After driving through the craziest mountian ranges and roads for 16 hours all I wanted was to sleep. Instead I waited for stores to open to.gather hazmat gear and everything else to clean up. Hours later the place was habitable. I felt like everything that could go wrong; had. But let's just say the shit hit the fan after that. Unloading the truck, absolutely spent, I remember when the rain started. Deep in the woods off grid with no cell service and no one else for at least 2 miles. The storm came in rapidly spilling fat heavy drops into the trees. Torrential down pour is an understatement. I took myself out side then and shouted to the clouds asking them why after all I'd been through they choose that moment to run up on me. I was pissed and gave the storm a piece of my damn mind. With every complaint thunder crashed. With every tear lightning shot.  I screamed then, because there was no sympathy, no letting up. It rained and rained and rained.  After everything I endured in just over 24 hours I was deflated but not defeated. Then something happened. Just as quickly as it rode in the rain calmed. The drips like sweet kisses on my skin. I felt in their lightness compassion. I felt loved, protected even. The sun had begun to find its way again in the sky. Everything around me serene. Born again. With a calm mind and peaceful spirit I took what I needed immediately in and chose to leave the rest for later. Rest is what I needed. The storm taught me a lesson....

Right now. Take a little time to calm your mind. Walk away from the mile long list and ground yourself. Be gentle with you. There's always enough time. And everything does work out in the end. Believe it. 

X

Took the ducky out today on the river. White water for me is the quintessential nemesis. It had rained a bit last night, then earlier today this huge storm pounded the area with hail, thunder and lightening. 

I was about a mile down river heading towards the rougher currents and a tricky undercut to my right. The water table was higher than usual because of the rain, the probability of crashing into the ceiling of the undercut was greater than safely passing without getting flipped in the developing hole to my left. 

The decision to bail and take out was necessary. I decided to walk the way down past this area and relaunch for my safety. No one knew I had attempted the river today and going it alone was certainly stupid. Obviously I made it out because I'm here typing... 

Inflatable ducks are so heavy, even my streamlined version weighs about 36 pounds and after exertion, fok it's... deadly torture. 

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment and the feeling of danger. It didn't matter that it was heavy or that I was alone and potentially in danger. 8 more miles to go down stream was what I continued to tell myself as I trudged through the wet forest.

After about 10 minuets of walking I arrived at a point past the bony where the water had calmed down. The next set of heavy rapids would be aproximately 2 miles down. The calmness of the water after treacherous encounters is humbling. You must be alert and never assume that the water ahead is the same. 

After a quick refreshing break, replenishing my self with a light snack and some hydration I decided to peel out.  The pace of the water swiftly carried me onward. Luckily, those last few miles gave me just what I had been looking for. That nerve tingling sensation. It's almost like ice hitting my veins. Every stroke, every breath, is life or death. Although the worst of it was behind me I still longed for that danger. I feel so alive when faced with uncertainty. And when I prevail it is as if I am reborn.

The veil between this dimension and the next is easier to cross into when it's just me, my yak and the water. Ritualistic magik would best describe it. Each paddle stroke is an incantation; weaving my spell into the water. The river is my dearest friend and my foe. Our dance is spiritual. 

I respect, honor and love her; and she allows me to fill my cup. No matter how much I test mother river I remain humble. She can change her mind about me and my antics at any time. Instead she reveals her most powerful beauty and her secrets. I've discovered many caves from the past lives of the indigenous people who inhabited the land in my travels downstream.As a forager she has gifted me the ability to harvest, propogate herbs and identify specimines I'd only read about in books.

Today was a good day. And if I were to pass on permanently into the next dimension it would certainly have been a good death. 

I am happy though to still be alive... There's another chance to test my limits that I get to experience.

A'ho⚡️⚡️⚡️

I'm not sure if he'll mind this but he started it first. 

If you know him, chime in; his heart has a heavy thirst.

Right now his life is changing and I feel that day by day, 

He's saying alot but reading between the lines, his heart is heavy and being swept away. 

We don't need to know all the details to wish another a better day. 

We are a community and we are meant to shield one another in dismay.

Send him a kind word of encouragement, a dirty joke or a slutty story to brighten his smile as he's on his way.

Andron Dom, I don't know you well. But we are servants of a bigger outlook; you matter. That's all I have to tell.