The Belly

The long story of how I was a head of household, dom, daddy, and master to 7 subs. This was not by choice. I almost went homeless. It was stressful beyond all measure. And I will forever be glad I went through this. Late 2011 to 2013, I had my own place in Berlin and a soldier's room in Bayern. 

Start point: Germany. I dated a woman nicknamed OM. OM was a tall, slender brunette with a sharp eye for bad posture and designer licorice. 

We went to a nightclub that doubled as a BDSM club downstairs. This was my first time in a big German nightclub (aside from Pearls and the WON). Also, my first time seeing people just having sex under the floor I was standing on. 

From the standpoint of rough sex in porn, these people seemed... normal. For all the whips, chains, and handcuffs, most people were just laying in bed together having regular sex with a toy or two. Maybe it isn't all about the crazy bendy bends and whippety whips.There was something weirdly....primal and comforting about knowing people were preoccupied with their deepest desires that they shared with their trusted partner (from life or for the night). Therefore, in certain ways. I'm invisible. Until I choose not to be. 

I made friends, went back a couple of times with OM. Then there was a special event.

In the early winter months, Germany has a BUNCH of film festivals. Which usually attracts young female actresses, directors, writers, and so on. 

Perfect time for a predatory domme/dom to look for a broke, naive sub, who speaks 3 languages and has a passport.

Ladies (and people), use a VPN, never stay in hostels. They have all-female accommodations in almost every major city. Only drink from closed glass bottles. Never drink from paper, plastic, or open container when traveling abroad. When you do have a glass container, check the lid and bottom. 

Social media warnings are abound in every news outlet. Here’s a new one: Watch how your social media networks are connected. 

Xbox or Instagram then Facebook then Google then Instagram then Google maps and boom. I know where you are. 

I am 6 foot in combat boots, bearded, vet, can down 6 german beers and I was roofied a total of 6 times in Germany. 4 of my girlfriends were drugged while with me in a club. And a lot of my friends (especially black soldiers) got the same treatment. Roofies in Germany are like Vicodin in the US. 

____

Anyway, film festivals, new subs, Germany. OM has to go out of town on business. I agree to stay in Berlin. 

Now, at the same time, the US Armed Forces invested millions into human trafficking prevention. 

___please read:

• Germany is a source, transit, and destination country for women, children, and men subjected to sex trafficking and forced labor. Approximately 85 percent of identified victims of sex trafficking originated in Europe, including 20 percent from within Germany, 20 percent from Romania, and 19 percent from Bulgaria. Non-European victims originated in Nigeria, other parts of Africa, Asia, and the Western Hemisphere. The majority of sex trafficking victims have been exploited in bars, brothels, and apartments – approximately 36 percent of identified sex trafficking victims reported that they had agreed initially to engage in prostitution. Young German women were sometimes coerced into sex trafficking by purported boyfriends in "loverboy" schemes. Nigerian victims of trafficking are often coerced into prostitution through voodoo rituals. Victims of forced labor have been identified in hotels, domestic service, construction sites, meat processing plants, and restaurants. Members of ethnic minorities, such as Roma, as well as foreign unaccompanied minors who arrived in Germany, were particularly vulnerable to human trafficking. Individuals with disabilities, including those hard of hearing, were vulnerable to forced labor. NGOs reported an increase of domestic workers complaining of abuse in diplomatic households. Various governments reported German citizen participation in sex tourism.
• The Government of Germany fully complies with the minimum standards for the elimination of trafficking. The German government increased its identification of labor trafficking victims by approximately 75 percent, though the number of sex trafficking victims it identified decreased. The government lengthened the reflection period granted to suspected victims and provided opportunities for certain victims of exploitation to remain in the country during civil claims against their employers. The government proactively identified a high proportion of trafficking victims. Nevertheless, a German government study showed that labor trafficking identification lagged behind sex trafficking victim identification. Sentencing convicted trafficking offenders to terms of imprisonment remained a significant deficiency in the German government's anti-trafficking efforts. Available statistics continued to indicate the majority of convicted labor and sex trafficking offenders were not required to serve time in prison, placing victims at potential risk when convicted offenders were free after trial.
• https://www.refworld.org/docid/4fe30cc8c.html (this is only one report, I don't have access to a lot of the old Army material, but that stuff was crazy)

___

Back to regular programming. OM calls it off when she comes back. Says we can do casual BDSM but not actually date. She will help me find a submissive more attentive to my "needs." I asked which ones since having sex with a German woman in Berlin every weekend plus BDSM outings were more than enough for my sex drive. 

She gave some compliments that I don't wish to share, and basically told me I have the makings of a great dom. The next weekend, I had a month to month flat in Bayreuth.

I was going on dates off Tagged and the bars at the time. OM said no more bars, no more night clubs (I still went a few times but not every weekend like I used to).

__

Sub 1 comes into the picture from the WON. It's winter, her friends left her, we played chess with change waiting on the after-hours spot opened up. She tells me about a Russian club called Plan B. 

I say sure. We crash at my place. drive from Bayreuth to Wurzburg. Plan B is packed.

BEDROOM PRO TIP for men: Jack off before going out. When you don't want sex RIGHT NOW...... and a woman is bragging about how much she shoots down men she doesn't want.....more so than she is asking about you. Don't sleep with her. Matter fact, leave sex on the back burner for the first week. Just see how things pan out. Sticking to this and that budget will naturally filter out the unwanted. 

We arrive at Plan B. Hulk 1 Bouncer sees me, a black American in Germany trying to get into a Russian club .......and I speak neither language.

Hulk 2 aka Guy next to him looks in my wallet. Sees a card for Slovensky miln (hotel in Poland), his cousin works there. He is Russian and Polish, hates people picking on him for it. 

Hugs me. Lets us in. Never told me his name. Puts a girl on my lap (young German strawberry blonde with mean side glance). This is Hanna (I can write her name with permission). Redhead, green eyes, Israeli, Dad is German and Irish, Mom is pureblood Israeli. Not allowed to divulge more.  She becomes sub four, 2 months after the Turkish Twister Sisters. 

At this point. 9 Turkish men walk into the club in tracksuits, wifebeaters, and FIla tennis shoes. Clearly... they are not here for the Bingo tournament. 

+++For those who have not been to Europe, do not pick a fight with Turkish men. There are never less than 15. The first 9 are club enforcers (making sure their buddies have a good time, the rest are drivers, hookah masters, and parking lot fight club members. Pay your respects, buy the head guy a drink, and go on about your business.

For the record, NO ONE is stupid enough to start mess in a Russian club, against Americans...who have money...to pay said Russians. To ask you politely to leave. Without your girl. Or your jacket. This a common occurrence, do not bring your girlfriend (who you abuse and cheated for money) to a club full Americans. She will get spoiled...by my woman. Then my gay friend will teach her how to Bachata. Then we tell her we can get her a ride anywhere if she leaves whoever. They say they have clothes in the guy's car. I show them a military ID (meaning they can just buy clothes with us on base for half price of what German stores sell). 

NIGHT CLUB PRO TIP #1 for men: Stud Lesbians have more money than you. They know a woman's body better than you. They can have sex longer than you. And rarely does anyone want to fight them. Especially the studs who are in the military. Why have enemies when you can have friends. 

NIGHT CLUB PRO TIP # 2 for men: Ignorant men from any race do not like lesbians. Much fewer studs. Much less an African American military stud. Her name is Shyne. And she will knock you clean out.....

TIPS + Shyne + Russian/polish bouncer +  = Me bringing home two turkish women. 

Sub 2 and 3 are Buket and SubA (she's taken now, I respect it and wish you the best boo). Supposed to have gone on a Lil Jon concert tour, fat guy in the entourage said both had to sleep with him. She liked my beads; that I had a belt, had my shoes tied, and could speak coherent sentences. We didn't even make it out of the parking lot. 

___Skip ahead 2 months. Hanna comes over for dinner. Meets the twisters. They drink wine. I go out. Come back to a dog pile of Taylor Swift, glitter, wine boxes, and a surgically clean house.

____

Now....this is not meant to sound racist. But German and American white men have been the best thing for my dating life since I hit puberty. Young European women are something else. All 7 subs had degrees, spoke 3 languages, had served in some military or community service role......and every one of them met a white guy online, traveled across the country, and then.....

How did I get 7 subs? i have some better questions...

1. To the "dom" who demands subs listen to anything, he says when he is drinking...How did YOU talk to a 24-year-old Spanish girl (w/ a degree and biggest green-hazel eyes you ever have seen) for 3 months, buy her ticket from Spain to Germany, take her out to a BDSM party, then leave her there? I'll probably pick her up. 
2. To every guy who says he has "yellow fever." F you. I'm from Cali. Speak a little Chinese. I got your chick, her friend, their mom's parrot HAS SAID it likes me more than you. F you. And that stupid flask you keep filled with Jim Beam but brag to everyone how it's something fancy. 
3. To the white soldiers, in the military (you militias..I'm not talking to you) who sneak women on to the base in the trunk of your car.
   
   1. That's illegal.
   2. That's illegal and cruel.
   3. That's illegal and stupid. 
   4. After you got in a drunk argument and thought it was funny or ok to leave another human being stranded, she hit my girl up
4. To the brothers (in every sense of the word) who think it's acceptable to take a woman to a club, then hit on someone else's woman. Then leave your woman (that you haven't danced or had sex with). 
5. Which character in this story are you?
   1. Took my friend's sister (looks like my sister, short, shiny ebony skin, way better fro than mine) and her friends out for a birthday night. I was in pajamas, the designated driver, forgot to brush my teeth and had to pull a favor with the bouncer to get in because I forgot my wallet. To the guy who walked up to supposed sister for the night... and said these words "Me and my best friend would love to f+++ you in the a++ until you say you love us."
   2. Fun fact: I'm not armed
   3. Fun fact 2: Sis is armed 
   4. Fun fact 3: Sis and her cousins...are armed
   5. Guys, women are no longer needing to be protected. They have combat boots, guns, knives, mace, and more. STOP with these suicide run pick up tactics. Because watching you get your face stomped in at gunpoint by 4 black women is hard for me to watch. And the police, upon hearing what you did, will watch also. 
   6. There are mythical tools that will aide in your dating life. If you never had 4 women actively hit 3 nightclubs to help land a girlfriend. It's an amazing experience. 

------These kinds of situations happen EVERY weekend in EVERY city. It's to the point, I just walk down the street, open doors, and say "have a nice day." and I'm getting numbers. If my poly house offers more food, positivity, progress, and humanity than your 1-bed basement apartment (that you don't clean, can't have peace in, and ignore ol girl to play video games and scream at random strangers online...... the Lord will put that woman in a better (or my...) place. 

___

Now, let's go into the management of multiple subs:

• FIRST. Accept that you aren't ready.
• SECOND. Accept that sex is one of the smallest components of BDSM. When 7 people come at you, your blanket approach of pickup lines and tinder profile fixer-upper advice is not going to help you. Physically most men should be able to fuck half the amount of people they can fight. This is why many of you are single, bragging how you want to have sex with multiple women, then quit when you get the chance.
  • Wanna threesome, go to Mexico or Thailand. Get it out of your system. They have sex challenges, and those places are still in business for the last couple of decades. To every guy who says sex is it, sex is everything, sex is the only thing women are good for. There is an adult entertainment crew in Phuket who pays me to refer men like you. And we all laugh when you leave after only 2 weeks. Pull up. 
• Whenever you are outnumbered, you do not dominate. You are supposed to guide, prepare, and react appropriately. 
• Always stay 10 rolls of TP ahead of the curve. Q-tips, sulfate-free lotion, 
• Bronner's natural soap. Just get 10 bottles and ration. 
• Prepare your kitchen as if you have to care for an extreme celiac. Seeds, fruits, veggies, nuts, gluten-free bread.
  • Yesterday I received this response to "Bruh, why do I have to change what I eat for hoes? I need protein, meat, man food."
    • My subs were from Greece, Spain, Germany, and Turkey. Food was never an issue. 
    • Worked in a slaughterhouse for a couple of years with more than a few women co-workers. Meat is not a "man" food. It's dead flesh of another animal. We abuse, neglect, and slaughter animals for commercial consumption.
    • Bulls, Whales, Giraffes, Elephants, Stallions, Gorillas......don't eat meat. 
  • Being considerate of other people's needs is the most crucial part of poly. If you don't have it, if you're looking for a quick fix. This will blow up in your face. 
• Absolutely FORBID glitter, makeup with ingredients that have closed lawsuits, exes, pets, kids, cigarettes, and alcohol. 
• Throw the video games in the trash. Read, learn, play music, games, go to sleep at a reasonable hour
• Cook large, nutrient dense and cheap meals. Rice + Chia seeds + Carrots/sweet potatoes/celery/radish + cayenne & sea salt ---> rice cooker. derrin's signature 15 minute stew. 
• Listen
  • Take notes, handle any argument like a legal review. Do not let emotion cloud hard decisions. 
  • Now listen some more. 
  • Now really listen and take notes. 
  • Make a plan. Execute the said plan. 
  • Encourage feedback on your ideas, passions, and projects. Now do the same for your household. 
• Poly is not a hall pass for you to treat people like s+++. Matter of fact if you knew the back

Start: First 1, then 3, then 6, then it was 7. 

Crisis Management:

• It's poly, people date outside the tribe. People outside the tribe usually suck. When a partner gets the short end, just be around. Cook, massage and don't say anything, speak with your actions that you're here no matter what. 
• Build and stick to a budget. Do not send money to anyone outside the dynamic. You need every cent in the long run. Trust me. 
• Physical communication triggers. I have a red med bag hanging above my light switches. In it:
  • Vaccum sealed Lemon OG Haze x2 joints
  • Lighter
  • A note from me to me: Red Alert, light the blunt and take notes. 

___

Like my profile, this may seem all over the place so let me explain. I upgraded my way of thinking in domination. I no longer try to just dominate an individual. I dominate an entire environment. Budget, bills, open sunny windows, essential hair products, hair ties on every door, manadatory deep conversations...so on and so on. Once this is implemented, I am subconsivously dominating anyone who enters my space. 

Take shoes off at the door. Have manners. Be prepared to have a few convos where you might be on the losing end. All food is served buffet style to encourage people to share recipes, dips, and warmth. All electronics go into the charging room. Spare bedroom with a charging rack and photography equipment. (PRO TIP: Less radiation = less stress. Don't sleep next to your phone, laptop and wifi router.)

With that said, that means my spectrum for who I can attract and what I'm open to, is drastically changed. I'm no longer looking for one person with this specific list of qualities, because life isn't a shopping spree and if American slavery taught us anything, it's that people are not products, predicable or down to be held against their will. I am looking for someone who can survive in my environment. 

Only the kind, only the humble, only the hardworking could survive in my house that welcomes veterans, BLM events, children of all ages, rescue animals, business professionals, models, cooks, and non-profit business owners. I take care of survivors. I love survivors. I hope to be head of a village of survivors one day. 

SQUIRREL!!!...........Flashback to the Grand 7. The plan. For the first month or two, we started with myself and 3 subs, and all basically dogpile over each other. This dynamic was the LEAST amount of sex I have ever had in my life..........a period I thoroughly enjoyed. Then 4 more women came, mostly transient or here for summer classes. Same story as above. After 3 months, 2 girls went to Berlin, 2 had their own place. The rest shared my place in Bayreuth, while whoever wanted to join me when I had to drive to work (soldier in Germany), would just stay with me for that couple days or night until we go back to the house. Staying engaged, positive, and learning to listen instead of just hearing what people say and responding, was still not enough to make things perfect. 

It's now in 2020, years later, everyone has branched off. Kids, houses, new partners. I took contracts in Afghanistan, then Iraq. 

_____

To new doms, be wary of getting into situations that you don't anything or anyone to refer to. It's our role to guide, yes, but every guide respects the environment they are in to best give critical points. To new subs (male and female), if they don't have two people like you who can give a reference about half the stuff they are telling you. They are lying to you. And if you are driving on in a relationship without verifying or with you feeling like crap every day. Address it, if it doesnt work, leave. Your life and happiness are YOUR responsiblity. 

Now lets talk about the goodies and/or benefits of being head of household. My 4th relationship mentor is Anthony L. Ray. We met in Seattle. He taught me about business, relationships, and surviving as a black man in Europe. He warned me that the conversations people start with you when they a tall black dude with 3 women is HILARIOUS. And he was right, because he lived that life. Let me say it plainly. Sir Mix a Lot taught me about life in a Seattle Jazz bar for weeks. As a young, hard headed soldier, I shut my mouth and listened. Most of his advice didn't click in till years later. 

Glad this whole shebang worked out ok for me, but I'm now seeing poly in a much different light. I now see that in a poly house with 7 women, I had the same amount of sex with the standard sex-is-controlled for dates, money and gifts. The latter women never hand fed me my meds after my deployment. Never called me handsome after I had my face split open. Every woman with a dream wedding (but doesn't know the cost), that I dated, left me for dead when I got laid off from Google. 

For people who are wary of poly. Your ex who cheated on you, that was not poly, that was a breach of trust. Your status in a relationship is how you feel, what you're responsible for, and how that special person treats you. That message is for EVERYONE. If you felt that, reconsider who you are with. 

For everyone claiming to be poly, list your references.

My references: JackieCantRN + Littleliv 

__

I am forever thankful that life forced me into this position during my twenties. There are lessons I learned but don't know how to implement since I am not experienced enough yet. I'll be here to answer any questions you may have. God Bless. 

Sorry for this disorganization. Running a business, watching dogs/kids and trying to manage all this has me all over the place. 

We are thriving. Come smoke. 

My name is Derrin Evans, this is the story of the last aviation mission I had before I flew to Germany and became a dom. Enjoy.

To "John" I miss you, man. Thank you for the stepladder, 2 fans, and the motorcycle you left me when I was homeless."

To "Amy" ...74473891. Everest. See you then.   

___

North Afghanistan, 2013. As a late birthday present, Operators "John" and "Amy" wake me up after my shift. They say they have a surprise for me. 

We get to the terminal. John brings me into their compound, puts a badge around my neck, and then goes into detail as my eyes take in a mid-forties Middle Eastern male, with some very nice tribal style military threads on, sitting Indian style on top of 13 cargo strapped bundle crates. He has some makeshift upper body straight jacket made of kevlar. Apparently this guy put up some struggle with just regular cuffs. 

He has a clean-cut tribal man bun with one string of red and white beads strung throughout it. His face is hardened leather, but his scars are soft and moisturized. Also has bandages around his left hand and right side of his neck. Recent trauma. His eyes are bloodshot jade-green hazel coals as he smiles at me with perfect white teeth. If the Cheshire cat was raised by Sadam Hussein, that's what this guy looked like. Even while bound, I felt as if we would to fight this guy at any moment.  

John turns to me and in a mocking Pashtu accent, he says.."tell the first black man you see, I want to talk with them before we both go off to different prisons."

Now, Amy is a 6 foot German Olympic athlete looking amazon. We hooked up twice. I barely survived. 

She brushes her hand past my cheek and pulls me close. "Make sure you eat your vegetables and brush your teeth when you're done playing with your friend. Ha Ha. The outbound flight got bumped, we escorted this guy to his cell. He s+++ in it. We aren't flying with that in the hold. Prep my weapons and gear while you chat?"

For the record guys, a military woman will appreciate you cleaning the house and her weapon, more than flowers. Experience talking here.  

She hands me her sidearm, knowing I'm not allowed to touch it. Her husband doesn't even clean her weapon. She gets close again. "I promise I won't tell anyone if you strip it down and..." John puts Amy in a headlock. They head off to midnight chow. John is Amy's supposed brother-in-law. I can't deal with operators. 

The other guards play spades on the cargo ramp as we wait for the water truck to clean the cell.

Then I hear his voice. If Jafar decided to lift weights instead of scepters, that's what his voice sounded like. 

-----Side note - the convo was at least a couple hours. He understands advanced calculus, American history, and trajectory algorithms, why is this guy in chains. the following is just the ending highlight. 

"Born in captivity.... and now you call yourself a warrior because your masters let you wear a uniform while killing other poor brown people. Heh...I can only respect a man when he is true to his nature." - Afghan Warlord

I felt the triple-layered sting in my neck. In one breath, this man just disrespected America, black history, my family, my military service, and my personal journey through racist/sexist America, and now he DARES to....

My hand moves into a fist and then it clicks. Everything my mother told me about staying away from white women at all costs (didn't work), keeping my head down (and hands seen) when I pass police, being home by sunset, giving 2-hour warning to when I am going to leave to or leave from somewhere, never travel alone, not travel outside of a certain radius (sounds like a plantation rule but whatever), and avoid stereotypical behavior. 

I take a deep breath and I let go of my internal aggression (a tool born from my bloodline having to discard their personal pride and public dignity in order to survive) as I explain to him.....

"I forgive your ignorance."

He smirks. but as I continue, the smugness fades.

There is no industrial prison system here. He's only known OPEN warfare his whole life.

At most, the deepest plot was a government or two. He's never been raised in America. Seen MILLIONS of people placed in iron cages, fed and made to do legal slave labor across a country three times the size of his f'ing awareness. He's never lived in a world ruled by hyper-consumerism, contracts, and legal consequences. 

I take a deep breath and I stand on the bottom of the ramp with him looking down at me.

"Statistically speaking, as a black American, I'm 13 times safer driving past your house here in your country, or fighting you (here in your homeland) than I am in any major city in America."

He doesn't ask if that bothers me. After years of racism, horror, and violence, most people get used to it. He speaks about destiny, how the world should be if people just... I respectfully interrupt. 

"When I was born, my mother knew, at 18, I would be a soldier, a corpse, or a slave. I chose to be a soldier at 5. All my other friends are corpses or slaves. I signed a contract with the Army. I aim to finish it because it ensures my survival when I return to America."

2 minutes of silence. "Well...I have something for you in my jacket if you're stressed."

His shoulders slump and I walk off. I see Amy when I turn around, she has my food from the DFAC. I thanked her for the plate. And we haven't seen or spoken to each other since. 

___________________________________________________________

I am writing this to give perspective...I just now realized...

My last night as a real soldier. Before all my heavy injuries. Alone and in private, I stood before a full moon, with miles of empty desert reflecting its light all around. I pulled the faded green duct tape pouch and pulled out 7 nuggets of Afghan Kush. I put a light up. There's blood on it. I remember the bandages. And....I get it now. 

I smoked cannabis under a full moon in a warzone. The same cannabis had a verified warlords blood on it. Don't know how I feel about that. Because at the time, I was just an aviation file clerk. What kind of world puts people like us in these kinds of situations?

___

If I'm going to continue to be a dom, what is the best way to portray these experiences to my future partners?

A basic set of house rules. Make sure to customize:

House Rules

• Dominant will set the purpose, pace, and direction of house rules, and given tasks. Dominant will decide if any issues need guidance, reward/punishment, discipline, or space.
• Submissive and Dominant may both refer back to these founding documents for clarity, inspiration, and/or amended. 
• Submissive will review the calendar/planner, foundation document, and house rules in order to center her daily efforts, thoughts, and assignments. 
  Submissive will always remove clothing as soon as she/he gets home unless the Dominant has laid out clothing for the Submissive to wear or submissive requests to wear something (daily outfits will be laid out neatly on the couch.). Clothes will be neatly folded or placed in the laundry whenever she gets undressed.
• Submissive will train daily in the following areas (to be continued): 
  
  • Self-recovery: hydration, proper nutrition, exercise, and setting appropriate appointments. 
  • Deepthroat and gag reflex training. 
  • Core training: forms of dance
  • Techniques and methods for serving/pleasing dom and/or enhancing aspects of ownership in the dynamic.
• The Submissive will wear and gratefully accept any toys the Dominant chooses to insert or adorn her while cleaning or in any other circumstance.
  The submissive will request an opportunity to serve the Dominant in a respectful and detailed manner. 
  
  • Sleep schedules will be discussed beforehand and will be enforced accordingly. 
• The Submissive will always thank the Dominant for an opportunity to serve whether it was doing a chore or being disciplined/punished.

• Direct eye contact is mandatory during conversations. 
  Hygiene: 
• Dominant and Submissive will ensure they are clean and fresh before play. 
• The Submissive must be available for sexual service whenever the dominant requires it.
• The Submissive must always be ready for any form of sexual service, which would mean that her body must be prepared in order to make it easy for the Dominant to use her.
• The Submissive will not be allowed to have an orgasm without permission.
• The Submissive will maintain body hair to a minimum. Failure to do so will result in punishment.
• The Submissive and Dominant will be clean and pleasant to all the senses at all times.
• The Submissive is not allowed to touch her or his owner’s property without permission in any sexual way.
• Etiquette, Punishment/ Discipline:
• Submissive will maintain good posture at all times. 
• In private,  she will address the Dominant as Sir or Daddy. In public, the Submissive may choose what is most appropriate. 
  Safeword. 
• Safewords are important and both parties will understand and respect clear limits, boundaries, and safe word procedures. The safeword is: LILLIES
• Submissive will not abuse safe word to quit early or to get out of punishments Scott free. The safeword is a LILLIES or double-tap. Depending on the severity of offense certain punishments will be administered without a safe word. Submissive will be counseled before and given proper aftercare after such sessions. 
• Punishment and or discipline takes precedence over any other command.
• A Submissive must show gratitude for punishment and or discipline.
• A Submissive must take correction gracefully and maintain a grateful presence around the house after the fact.
• A Submissive must confess to disobedience and take responsibility even when the dominant is not present and beg for punishment and or discipline.
• A Submissive must always maintain the punishment position in these cases.
• Submissive is allowed to be proactive with acts of servitude. These spontaneous or regular acts will be up to her in order to show her true devotion outside of the standard dynamic. 
  Schedule
• Dominant will set a schedule and it will be posted in the Weekly Task Log.
  Significant events, appointments, trips, due dates, and important dates will be saved in the calendar. 

• As proof you have read this, connect to the wifi as soon as you get inside the house.

Hey Doms, it's time to start reaching out to each other. We can do this by supporting one another, knowing our capabilities, and connecting the dots on how we can improve, network, and take a moment to treat ourselves better. This should be done before we strap up our boots and get back to continuing to provide, teach, instruct, work, and lead. In this blog, I'll address some stereotypes, give tips on how to clean yourself up or how you can help someone do the same, give advice on how to ground yourself, and how to find the right sub/slave/pet for you. 

For the doms who are experienced and dealing with a troublesome submissive that is sweating and stressing them out, don't give up on thinking they can't be broken into learning a lesson. Try actually communicating and shifting aspects of your dynamic. I have yet to have a sub who "loves being punished" last more than 15 minutes when the punishment was military physical training exercises. As the dom, what effect do you want to have on your sub? Do you want them to reflect? To feel punishment? To learn a lesson? To feel exhaustion? Learn about scene tailoring, it's a big help. 

For the new doms busting at the seems with delusions and hormones, I promise your experiences will be easier, better, and longer-lasting if you focus on yourself before trying to find someone to command, control, and direct. Reach out to experienced doms, fix your own sleeping schedule, physical fitness, life priorities, and relationship skills before trying to make, mold, and direct the nature of someone else's. 

To the guys who fit the description in every rant (check sub forums and blogs) about fake doms, let's go over why you're sending bs messages with blank profiles and demands. 

1. If you're inexperienced. Read up. Go to classes. Spend a little money on learning essential skills: slip knots, cooking, finish up that workout program in the gym. The point is to establish a sense of discipline. commitment and self-respect that will support your confidence in being a leader and making decisions. 
2. If you figure you have no shot so you might as well just try to be an asshole or give the bare minimum just in case your shot makes it. If you're going to take a shot, take it with precision. In any area of life.
   • Most submissives who respond to me, they respond because they are interested in what I have to say, how I look, and that I actually invest time and effort to read their profiles and blogs. 
     • Post pictures (if you're concerned about discretion, blur your face out, or have a black and white classic photo that hides your face, hell post a fake pic of someone who resembles you and explain later. Something.)
     • Write and read blogs. Not doing this for entertainment. See what are the new trends of submissive disappointments and outrage. Go back and review your own posts, social media, and profile. Reflect on how and why your reaction was what it was.
     • Clean up your social media.
       • Fix grammatical mistakes, post photos of any volunteer work, or social events you like to do.
       • We all had that cringe-worthy rage phase, clean that up. 
     • We interact with each other as people, potential partners, and the roles that we assign and support. Meaning, as a human being, be prepared to engage, open to, and connect with these different stages and phases. Instead of unrealistic expectations, try realistic standards: For yourself and the submissive partner that you're looking for. 

Using my uncle's analogy, approach every interaction like you're trying to sell a car for someone you trust. You smile, do research on the product or service you're offering, be clear about what you expect, clean yourself up, take decent pictures, show up on time, and actually do your homework on the buyer.  

Keep in mind that every relationship and interaction should have a balance. A lot of doms will tire themselves out trying to provide, discipline, communicate, engage. I encourage submissives to have a level of awareness with new doms that are willing to do the work to be actual doms. Introduce them to experienced doms, show initiative, and tell the dom what you like, review ...ah you get the point. 

I want to encourage people to see men and doms in a positive light. However, gentlemen, it can't happen until you value and establish standards for yourself in order to be in that light. If there was ever a time to do research, reflect and improve.............the time is now. Message me if you have any questions. 

Hey everyone, I've gotten a few of the same questions, so I'm just gonna give some insight here?

I know....f*** this guy, right? 

1. I'm confused by your blog. You say you don't want a relationship but you're looking for someone to relocate?

Answer: I only speak on the relationship options that are directly presented to me. There are a lot of women looking for a man as a come up or just use him for money. To be clear, I am not a sugar daddy, bull, cuckold, or penpal. With regard to a relationship, I'm willing to put in the same amount of time and effort that I receive.

It may seem confusing because my answer doesn't fit a set definition in a set time/place where I give a blanket expectation to every person I meet. I'm looking to be with someone after finding the right balance between life, work, interests, goals, and compatibility. Sometimes that formula may say it's best for us to be casual, friends, live together, move to the same city for one or both of our careers. I prefer organic relationships to standard suicide run situationships (yeah I made that up, patented too). 

2. How dominant are you?

Answer: If I had to give a scale of 1 to 10. I would say a solid 7 with the potential to be your personal 10. There is a lot of work needed from both sides in order to fully support the best performance, stamina, and leadership attributes of a dom. I could show up and be strict, fit, hung, considerate, and perfect dom. But it's useless with a sub who chooses to not listen, party every night, and act in a disrespectful or destructive manner that does nothing for the progress of the relationship. 

If our goals and personalities align, I will learn your fantasies so that the rewards are better. I'll learn your fears and physical limits so that punishments are more effective. I believe in grabbing and spanking my sub in a playful manner or put her in a spreader bar if she has bad posture or speaks out of turn. I also believe in caning my sub's feet and repeatedly denying orgasms, or doing physical training to exhaustion if she fails a task or slacks off. I do have a sadist side, that only comes out after we build a connection and talk about house rules, limits, scene play out, safe words, and aftercare (if needed.) After that, I can turn up the heat until you have to walk out of the kitchen. Come visit. Try me. 

3. Are you monogamous?

Answer: 90 percent Yes. 10 percent open to talking about what setup works best for us. 

4. How do finances work when you're with a sub?

Answer: I'm looking for a partner, not a dependent. If we live apart, we handle our own bills. If we live together, everything is 50/50.

5. What are your thoughts/experiences with CNC?

Answer: My thoughts: Consensual non-consent and branch activities like it is a pretty broad range of tastes and levels of intensity. I enjoy it when it's done right. I had one sub who liked to roll dice to see what kind of dom/sub/CNC/punishment stuff we would do. She liked to gamble and I like to sort of chance and variety it brings. 

I have had another sub who liked to have a small board sign in my house with green on one side and red on the other. Green means anything goes. Red means CNC is off. At any time, my sub is allowed to change the board. This ensures feedback and is a communication anchor that will let me know when my sub may be on her cycle, is physically hurt, needs another kind of attention, or is just not feeling CNC. Of course, we have agreed that I make final decisions but I prefer a dynamic with feedback, communication, and reliability. So far, when talking about ease of transition between scenes, phases, and levels of intensity, this set up has worked best. 

6. Red flag time. Do you have any kids? When were you last tested for STDs? Do you have a criminal record or have you had a DUI?

1. Yes. Being fair: I have been deployed most of my life. I live on my own at this time. Yes, I try to be an involved parent. 
2. April 9th 2020. I get tested monthly. 
3. Clean background. Ask then look me up. 

Just quit. I loved the job, but it's time for a change. 

I will be taking the next year off of work and will be focusing on finishing my book and improving my health + quality of life. 

In the meantime, where does that leave me as a dom?

I'm open to moving anywhere, or maybe just bite the bullet and get an RV so I can see the 50 states and visit old friends and family on the way. Or just to hell with it and move to Colombia, Spain, Portugal or Thailand. 

Along the way, finding a submissive who is open-minded, financially stable, and able to relocate has been difficult. 

Like everyone, I get lonely/horny/frustrated with this seemingly endless search. I'm not the type to give up, but perhaps I'm doing something inefficiently or need to learn of another BDSM community where I could find someone I click with.

A bit about me: 5'11, fit, have my life together, about to take on some new adventures. I'm 420 friendly, Xbox gamer, firm and fair. I can be a bit of a sadist. But I do come with hard limits on bodily fluids, blood, scarring, or anything illegal. Clean, rough, and disciplined are the three words that would best describe my approach

What I look for in a submissive: Fit (or willing to be), current passport, stable income. Committed to the dynamic and willing to fully give herself to me. With the understanding that she is getting the best of me as well. 

Here's the kicker, I do not want children and I am not going to buy an oversized house any time soon. I have had this talk with many friends, why do so many women want to have children with little to no plan on how to afford them? The planet is overpopulated, CDC estimates that it costs $250,000 minimum to raise a child. I just recently have run into a few doms who have had subs fake or try to trick their way into being pregnant. 

I'm just blabbing at this point. Seeking to have a clear mind and conscience before I attack the day. I feel a bit better now. If you're reading this far, I hope that you shake off whatever weights have been dragging you down. I hope you are reunited with your sense of humanity, work ethic, and overall appreciation for what/who you have in your life. I know I will. Good luck and good night. 

My most recent interaction with a sub kind of hit me with a glass slipper. From the very start she was clear that her goal was marriage. Personally, she was nice. Smart. No kids. Consistent with communication. Had a deeper understanding of dom/sub dynamics. 

Logistically. She was In debt. Working an entry level position. Hadn't finished her degree and so on and so on. 

From my standpoint. The current status, statistics and environment of modern marriage is not ideal for any type of growth. I was clear that I would only consider marriage if there was a plan for advancement, maturity and stability on both sides. She repeatedly inquired about my emotional state and my feelings toward her.

I was honest and she was unsatisfied. Considering the fact that I deploy a lot for my job and she was starting a new career. I understood.

Now I'm back on the scene. But I'm starting to question aspects of this whole setup. The doms pursue, court, and entice. While subs sift through truck loads of messages expecting their dream dom to drop from the sky. That process is flawed and broken in so many ways. For those who say "that's how it's supposed to be." I ask you, has the result been what you desire? 

I am near exhausted sorting through profiles that are:

1. long winded with no physical description or pictures. 

2. Blank with just a picture of a bdsm pop quiz result and some deep quote bullshitm 

3. An entire profile dedicated to being a detailed dossier on all of the disappointments and heartbreaks. 

......

I'm usually upbeat and rolling with the punches. But today just really hit below the belt. But I will take it for it is and try again tomorrow. Because the one for me isnt just going to fall out of the sky. I have to find her while she is trying to find me. She will work, communicate and reach out in response to my efforts and we will build up from there. 

I believe in that. I believe in genuine grit more than I believe in fate. I hope that people who are tired or bored see this and remind themselves what they are going through the grind for. And if what you're doing isn't working, try something new. Don't just be on the defensive. Attack, blitz, flank, and adapt your strategies to win. 

This post was mostly just a time killer rant for me. Just waiting on standby and ranting. 

I have been a straight dom throughout this entire experience. 

I went to a kink club in tampa. My sub felt ill and went back to our place. I stayed for a bit and mingled. There was a guy just sitting by himself in the corner. Pale white, swimmer build, about 5'7 with dirty blonde hair. I noticed he had a raiders wristband, so we connected. We chatted for a bit and he was super up beat. We talked about console games for a while and then got around to how we both ended up in Tampa. He went and bought both of us drinks and came back with a smoke for both of us. 

After a while, he got around to how he had been stood up and kicked out of his folks house. He came out to his parents, and to his surprise his dad was understanding but his mother wanted him gone. She took back his car and sold it. He then moved in with his dom, who had stood him up tonight and asked him to move out. 

Then he went back to asking me how I passed a certain raid in a game because he could never get past it. I asked what he does for a living...........digital nomad. Savings of 22k. I offered the spare bedroom at my place and we lived together and I was his fin dom for almost a year. I built him his own stock portfolio, set up auto pay for his bills and cut off all those pesky subscriptions. Taught him how to cook, fix cars and other basic life skills that many people expect from each other but aren't willing to sit down and teach. 

We never did anything physical but I noticed that he was severely lacking in social and mental discipline. At this point I realized that we have loads of people just going through the motions of adulthood without actually maturing insight, independence and a sense of responsibility. Reach out and help people. You all know someone who is lacking, it doesn't cost one cent to sit them down and help build a plan based on what you have learned. 

As an adult, we should be mindful of contributing to our neighbors and community. You would be surprised how far a 20 minute real conversation can get. I continued on with dating and engaging with female subs and recognized that I had to separate their lack of experience with bsdm FROM their lack of knowledge of how to operate as an adult in the real world. 

Now, what does this have to do with the CAGE? I have seen the following posts: 
1. Doms posting about immature and inexperienced subs who collapse the dynamic. 
2. Subs posting about neglectful and inconsistent doms. 

Solution: Separate the core issues in your experience (as a dom/sub) by their origin and level of other people's involvement. Recognize your short comings and what type of person you would balance well with. Just shouting out your kinks with no substance about you, what you do for a living or what you look like is ineffective. Give some fertile soil for seeds of potential to grow. 

Right now I am focusing on accomplishing my financial and education goals. 

My last submissive did not want to be involved because of this. She had a bit of a brat/little side to her, but we were firm on that not being a driving element in this dynamic. Being childish is different from being stubborn. 

I now have an understanding why.

She had wasted her college years with little to no awareness of finances or a set budget. 

When I was trying to suggest a budget, she kept taking it personally and after the break up, she admitted she was uncomfortable, a little jealous, and feeling overwhelmed when the gap (between where she should be and where she is in life) was put on paper. 

I was comforting and respectful, the same way I am with anyone who asks me to help with their stock, property or personal finance portfolio. I explained that I would be more than willing to structure and guide, but her internal struggles kept bubbling to the surface and I came to the realization that I was facing something more than just the issue at hand. 

It took three weeks for her to tell me that her family business was failing and she kept this to herself because......reasons. 

I went back to the base communication efforts. Before we have a dynamic, we have to be stable and trusting of one another. Like checking the vehicle before taking on the challenges of driving in bad weather and traffic. 

It doesn't feel like either of us failed, there are just a lot of unanswered questions and a stubborn unwillingness to bring that to the table. After this, I think I will avoid brat littles. I operate better with someone who understands life responsibilities and builds their expectations of our dynamic from there. Not the other way around. 

Right now I'm working in the Middle East as a military contractor. To say the least, this has put a peculiar twist on my personal relationships. I, begrudgingly, have come around to the online. I prefer having someone in person, the body language, the sarcasm, the physical and mental attraction mixing. 

But here, I just don't understand people who sign up for a website, say nothing about themselves and expect results.

Now: please get that I understand the following...

1. Everyone is free to make their own choices and present themselves at their own level of comfort and discretion. 

2. I'm talking about ME. I am allowed to want I want and like what I like. So fuck you high horse princess victim types. 

Moving on, I come from a military life. Spent a lot of time chasing assholes around the world with fake bank accounts pseudo-back linked to more bullshit and so on. There has been little to no effort to discern shyness and concerned anonmonity from ignorant lethargy. 

I'm only speaking on this because I'm getting one word message after message from "new" subs with blank profiles. 

Had a friend sit me down and she asked why i stress about this. I'm not stressed, I'm addressing this openly. She didnt get it. I asked her how she felt when a guy just sends a dic k pic. No message with a blank profile. Just a cock pic. She looked at me, then her coffee and shut the hell up for 3 minutes. So satisfying.