The Belly

My life coach suggested that I'm at a point in my life where I can work on the things I compartmentalized over the years. Since now that I'm back from war, it may be more than just those memories that are surfacing in my nightmares. I have moved into being a complete human being. Without secrets, or needs for pretense and dramatic obstacles. Lo and behold, after Thanksgiving, my father emerges. 

My father was a cruel man who used half-assed military psychological techniques to gaslight and mentally abuse anyone who came around him. He tried to dominate his environment through fear and intimidation; maybe this was the only version of "respect" he has ever known. Hate to admit it, but many of my insights for what NOT to do in a relationship/friendship comes from him. 

After over a decade of not speaking, we reconnect and he says that all he wants is to have his current three businesses run by his children. 

He says many of his insults were meant to inspire and motivate me. I asked him about when he covered for his oldest son, my shitbag brother, being a molester and rapist. Or when my father tried to discourage and beat the idea of me running track. He lied to me, told me I wasn't good enough, that he was shocked I was even accepted. He told me this, at random, over dinner, 2 months AFTER I already had gone to state and won an MVP trophy. Both were in my backpack during his speech. I never trusted the words from an older black man after that. 

Boots and fists were his ways of talking with me about my future after I turned 18. Bet that garage door still has my blood on it. 

"Wall to wall counseling" is what he called it. I lost it when he tried that on my younger sister. 

___

Present-day. During the call with my father...I felt nothing at first, then the temperature started to rise. Remembering the times he would wake me up by stuffing ice in my mouth and underwear. Which of course made me remember the perverse interests of my shitbag older brother. Every day, we would fight about how my mother screwed him over, if only he hadn't married her, and if only I could be better at football and grades. I always hated playing football. Actually, I always was cautious of all-male environments and all masculine energy environments. My mother already showed me what is to persevere and be mentally tough, so being physically tough in a room of juveniles, gangbangers, and wannabe celebrities....just didn't appeal to me. My father was furious. Told me I was a useless nigger who would only experience negative growth. 

Backstory: My father was in the Navy for 28 years. Always bragged that he worked around Seals, without becoming one. Pushed me to graduate high school early. Put me on the street, at 17, with no car, no clothes, he "lost" my cell phone, and we never spoke about the money I saved under my bed. I just bit my tongue, I didn't have time to feel sad or self-pity. I was hungry and homeless. 

He told me if I ever got arrested, he will just hang up the phone. 17 was too young to work without paperwork, I couldn't get into Job Corps, halfway houses were full, and family wasn't answering the phone. I wore down my 2 pair of shoes within a month from all the walking. Gangs were getting their cheap thrills and entry kills by killing homeless people in their sleep. I swore I would never beg for change. I joined gang life in Tijuana Mexico to survive. 

I slaved every day and night in Tijuana. Sold my dignity and innocence for food and ammunition. My father's insults rang in my head every time before I did something I knew would destroy something vital in myself. After a few months, I built myself up from the ground. Got a car, an apartment, guns, two girlfriends......right when I started to get good at it. My mother called. 

My mother was in the Marines during my childhood. We had our falling out when I was 12 (they divorced when I was 4) and went to live with my father after. A mistake, but this is life. My mother was hard on me every day, spanked but never beat me, took me a while to realize that. After the divorce, my mother remarried and moved to NY. 

When she found out what I was becoming. She reached out, encouraged me to join the Army. Got a train ticket to NY from San Diego. Didn't hug me when I arrived. And gave serious thought to me joining Aviation instead of Combat Arms. I was self-destructive and hell-bent on hurting the world, but I couldn't say no to my mother. So I joined Aviation and it turned out to be the best thing for my life, career, and education. 

____

I wanted to just write that down. It was bugging me and affecting the energy in a budding BDSM dynamic. Which after some thought, we both decided it wasn't a right fit. I realize that my father never had this skill. To reflect, look back on and learn from his mistakes, and to give that turn around to someone he hurt. 

He would always make himself the center. As in, he loved bragging and sending threats about how much people in the family needed him. How essential yet independent he was. How much people should invest emotionally and financially into respecting him and his vision for all of our futures. I noticed that he only spoke of legacies and inheritance to me during the threat part of the conversation. I never believed one word, but it still hurt.

I can see myself actively trying to prevent doing this kind of damage to someone else. I worked for years to raise my mental and emotional awareness. To heal and discipline instead of hardening and abuse. 

Obviously, I declined to join my father's new empire. He is only speaking to me now after finding out I was contracting in Iraq for the last three years. 

He keeps talking over the vibe as if he owns the conversation. As if I am to submit...again. I feel that cold dark creeping through my lungs. I snapped and said some things I wish I hadn't, but I'm glad I did. 

In response, of all the concepts and words available, he chose to call me a "Momma's Boy." Spoke at length about how my mother was promiscuous during her younger years. Insulted her memory, looks, and how she performed as a mother. This was not expected. Honestly, I understood every villain and hero who said they were disappointed when they saw the true state of mind in their lesser rivals. 

____

I started a list of the things my mother did for me. Even when I lashed out at her. Even after we had fallen out after falling out. 

She took me in when I had nothing and never asked for a dime in my ENTIRE life. Bought me a jeep. Took me to England on July 4th (a huge thing for me when I joined the Army). She wasn't perfect. She had me at 19, while in the Marines, and had to grow up while raising me.

++Side note: I remember when I was small, my mother was approached by someone trying to jack the car. He had a friend. My mother threw it down. Fists, teeth, and feet. There was no clear sign that she would lose. I stood there and cheered as these men stepped back with mouths and ears bleeding.  It was a rush to see her winning. To see SOMEONE, anyone winning in this world. She fell back against the car, they walked off. 

My father was 33 when he met my mother, who was 18 and just joined the military. I'm a fan of age just being a number, and people finding lasting connections across any distance/boundary. It's just that I read my mother's diaries. And combining that with what I know of military life. My father was a predator who mentally manipulated and took advantage. 

My mother responded with divorce, remarrying, moving away, and getting child support. Actions that I believed were the cause of the family tearing apart. Partly because my mother NEVER spoke ill of my father. Ever. She also never told us the truth about my dad. Now, I can see how it protected the few facets of the family we had left. 

At this point in my life, I like who I like. I actively practice ways to avoid falling into or starting the cycles of misery and disrespect that my father reveled in. 

____

Back to the moment I snapped and said things I wish I hadn't said, but don't regret. I shared how much pain and anguish he caused during those years. How I now know how much of a pervert and sick fuck him and his firstborn son are. I was calm, quiet, and cold in my words. Tone and volume would not interfere with this message getting across. Next, I explained if you're a grown man in your 30s and you get an 18-year-old pregnant, and it turns sideways. WELL FUCKING DUH.

I understand that my mother grew into a man-eating shark. Sharks are great. They mind their business, only attack when hungry or crossed....or if you look weak and bleeding. Know how you don't get bit? Stay the fuck out of the ocean that's how. MESSAGE to all the dommes/doms out here cradle robbing. 

There are many things that I know about dating now, that if my father had just grown the fuck up and treated people like humans, he would have known and I could have learned/healed from. Not putting the sole blame on another for my self-development, just noting how things could have gone. It's fun to imagine right?

++realization: Having watched many young men get addicted to video games. myself included. I remembered the hours, days, and weeks of collected time that I spent angrily screaming at strangers to kill imaginary aliens on a time limit. Being stressed...but trying to enjoy it. While paying more money, time, and effort. Then filled with rage upon seeing that the methods for communication that I had fashioned and honed in one environment would not work in another. What if life and having children was my father's post-video-game life. His life before my mother was just yell at people and things got done. Even before he joined the military. 

I do not want to see aspects of my father's mistreatment of women and relationships, leak into my BDSM life. Having said that, I am seeing a lot of people in the BDSM community (new and otherwise) trying to stuff as much of their life experiences, trauma, ideas, and above/beyond desires into every dynamic they come across. Without having fully healed from whatever they went through before. Or proactively try to heal that pain in another. Having admitted and learned from what is listed above. It is easier to see who has not done this kind of work and those who don't need to at this point in their life. 

That may be all that's keeping them going. They may find a dynamic that lets them express and structure those energies.

Fair warning though, the other side of that fence is worth working over. The road to emotional/mental recovery is hard, daunting, painful and many times invasive/uncomfortable. I am saying it is worth it to be vulnerable, to heal from being broken, to drop the narcissism that you claim is realism, and to connect with those around who genuinely care about one's well being. 

At the moment my father responded to all this by deflecting and choosing to only insult my mother. Whom he has not seen in over 30 years. I realized that there are too many things broken in him for me to actually GET anything positive from him. I saw nothing of the man I feared when I was younger. I was expecting to be outsmarted and one move behind despite my life experiences. I solved the mystery that he wasn't hiding his intellect and planning life lessons and stability for all in the future. It's just that past abusing others and earning money, my father had no other skill sets.

__

I remember screaming and wrecking my house. The conversation was not what I was mad about. It was the surging amount of disappointment. Metallic bile builds up in my chest. It freezes and shatters. I feel that furnace melting the pieces down. I can not believe that THIS is what I feared. You couldn't be a good father, at least be a good enemy. My sense of honor keeps drinking and says: "I would have rather we fought and he killed me instead of this."

My inner "hero" was tearing his own eyes out. We trained for years, suppressed all those evil intentions, to ride across whole continents and conquer an old rival. Only to find that their lands were barren, there's no fucking treasure vault, and my actual enemy is just a crazy old man with a crown made of bills. Fuck. 

___

My life coach hugged me when I told her all this. Invited me to her place and we soaked in her hot tub. She gave me a couple of hours to destress in private. As I floated above the jetstreams and energy recovery salt mix. I felt the chain, on that anchor of madness, snap. I close my eyes and feel the smooth glide of my vessel progressing through the waters of life.

Later, I open my eyes and she is standing over me with a blunt and a smile. She hands me cold water and the blunt. Then starts to tell me how she tried kink, chooses to block out her past trauma, and focuses on healing others as her own personal therapy. She tells me how her ex cheated on her with a 15-year-old, how her friend of 20 years turned spiteful and jealous, and how her mother is slowly slipping into dementia. 

I don't sit up, I just float and accept. I cannot do anything about these past events, and my coach is way above me in this regard. After this entire ordeal. I deep cleaned my house. Found myself waking up earlier. It's easier to study without hearing the past echo my resentments and most painful moments. 

I've moved on, for now. 

I sincerely hope everyone gets to find closure. Not the pretentious version filled with memes and "deep quotes" where one depends on time to erase the memory. No, I mean the groundwork, the progress, the struggle with madness and depression, facing the past demons and bullies, then choosing to move on. My mother taught me young that it is better to face pain and hardship instead of running from or blocking them out. I ignored her for years. Knowing I needed that anger to survive. 

Fight on humans. You will not be victorious "one day" when it's "meant to be."

We can be victorious every day that we choose to break previous cycles, and build our own.

 

The realm of dreams and the trials of existence have been at war for eons

I had a dream about that guy. 

He was all the man you thought he would be.

I beat him. 

We both moved on. 

He beat me in that too. 

———

I saw death not too long ago

A hooded figure made of cold glitches and self-reflections 

I say cold because when you see death, you will not fear it. You will understand it. Then you will run from it. 

You will scramble to baton down the hatches

Thinking whatever it is you believe is why you’re alive and should go on living 

By instinct, one will seek to defy that demanding darkness 

From that struggling.... will one will find a moment of peace?

A sliver of solace breaks across me like the first rays of that one sunrise. You know the one I’m talking about

Devoid of bravado, I say that death did not come to me with a cruel sneer and a mean grip 

No. There was a warm blanket made of my brightest moments and absolute beliefs. This blanket was split in two. One half laid at my feet. Over a piece of expanse. The other draped across my shoulders.

A boon against the cold silence of the falling night

I was then embraced by the balance as my own father cursed my existence

Death formed a mouth and asked me in my mother's voice 

“You did all that killing to kill yourself huh? “

In that moment, fueled by all we imagine, desire and fear 

I accepted that I would not give up

Now I’m laying bed and eating a bagel. 

Kind of funny how that worked out huh? 

 

Recently received a few angry messages about my tastes for ddlg. One of which started with "A real man does this..."

 

Normally, I leave the details vague to leave room for conversation and for me to learn from my mistakes. But, I'm pretty dead sure about this one.

I struggle to find a difference between DDLG and pedophilia. Distinctions and arguments can be made, but it's just not for me. 

 

I have two main platforms in my life that force me to see things from different perspectives and levels. My community of friends and my counselor. 

What makes people happy is their business. When people try to insult, bully, and nag their way into my life, I do not care for what role they want with me.

That energy is disgusting. 

If I split dating and dynamics into 3 reciprocating phases. Today's dating environment focuses on an imaginary bridge between the beginning and the third phase. 

Phase 1: Startup. The meeting. The butterflies. The intrigue. Exploring. The hunt. Attracting someone's interest. 

Phase 2: The building and maintenance. Setting boundaries, goals, budget, and lifestyle. 

Phase 3: Maintenace and Conflict resolution. 

I question if this bridge is where people choose to mull over inconsistencies, cheat, lie, pretend to be children, or escape to whenever one or both ends of the spectrum are too much. 

To put it in the words of Chen Li, "I would rather dance drunk in Limbo than work in Heaven or burn in hell."

Not my cup of tea. 

______

I was speaking with a couple earlier last week and they introduced me to two women (both late 20's with careers) who are re-entering BDSM with a specific focus on DDLG. We spoke over coffee and it went worse than I thought. 

"I'm a brat." Was the main defense for disrespectful, mischievous, or ignorant behavior.

Side note: I have helped raise real children. I don't want to date one. 

Halfway through the conversation, I realized that I usually conflict with people who enter BDSM with the intent to stop thinking, find an escape from their problems, or to in some way disable a part of themselves. They essentially want to get drunk on BDSM. Also, in this day of digital cocaine, I have seen many subs find ways to microdose on subspace. Leaving huge gaps of time where the dom is not involved. This unnatural extension usually revolved around the sub relinquishing control but not influence. 

I will be with someone who is fully aware of what they want, need, and have to offer. From the foundation of roles and dynamics that we build. Not just hope to attain. And they will choose to give that to me on a regular basis. That's real, authentic, and easier to maintain for the long run. 

When I was in the Army, video games were a vehicle of fantasies for young men. A vehicle of ideal situations where you can never die, start over from critical mistakes, and feel physical feedback whenever you do something good. 

Romantic fantasies seem to be video games for young women. With the roles of the controller, console, and type of game played interchanging. Not my kind of shindig. 

___

My mother helped me see another side to this. I have spent years of life on anti-human trafficking task forces. I have seen the glint and gleam that comes into a perverse predator's mind when they see someone new and inexperienced. One thing I hate about Hollywood is that they show most kidnappings happening violently. Coercion is one of the main ways people are victimized. This coercion usually involves meeting people who disable a part of themselves in order to have fun. There is a distinct difference between someone turning off their ability to think, versus a sub choosing to surrender conscious control to the dom. 

That entire thought train will not be on these tracks. Just gonna steer clear. 

___

So there it is, I don't like ddlg, brats, littles, or any romantic interaction between an adult and child-like mind. I think it's detrimental, uncanny, and inappropriate. But if you, within the confines of the law and with consent, have found someone willing to be vulnerable in this way with you. Good job. 

If you're trying to force your opinions into a scheme or aimed hostility at people who don't whole heartedly agree with you. Fuck you. 

 

 

Shout out to "Anna." Hands down one of the best short-term arrangements I've had as a dom.

I kept this blog post journal for a few weeks so it is long. This was written with full consent and knowledge of all people mentioned. 

________

She told me that she only had 3 months for a dynamic. Yeah…..COVID and career choices hijacked that timeline. 

Prior commitments would take her out of the area.

We spent a month talking on here, 3 weeks getting introduced at a safe distance, then had her fly in for a week. The shining moment for her deciding if she wanted to meet me was later revealed to be......

When I asked for pictures in the second message. She upped the bet with a Facetime request. Honestly, I wasn't ready. 

Scrambled to trim my beard and floss. She drilled me on my profile pictures, noted that she appreciated not being catfished. I understood the hesitance to send pics is a patience test to screen for detrimental intentions. She then asked about my genuine thoughts about sharing media so soon... and tried to come up with a compromise. In my mind, anyone who can build a life plan and explain their intentions to a blank screen is a true sociopath. I need a face with the info. 

She was curious how in my mind, anyone who can build a life plan and dynamic in their mind without tangible input from the other person........is a sociopath. Olive branch: that guy who just sends a dick pic and says a sub belongs to him without knowing her name/tastes/preferences. Is in the same lane where a woman would ask a guy to lay bare his vulnerabilities and desires to a blank screen. It's madness. 

We both were in agreement about physical + virtual security when meeting strangers online. She found a lack of nuance in the process of doing a background check. I can admit there is a cloud of euphoria that accompanies meeting someone new and in-depth with little to no complications. Getting a one and a million shot, off a BDSM site, during covid, barely weeks after coming back from Iraq. She crunched the stat down to 1 in 68 billion. 

That we could meet and get what we desired from each other and the dynamic, in the allotted time that we both agreed upon. We still did the background checks as a courtesy after the conversation, instead of a boon to hold over one another. She had a small-time criminal past during her college days. Forging papers and pushing pills, clearly Pablo Escobar in female form. 

Her pictures were clean, smooth, and had an organized bedroom. Petite, pale, brunette, big butt, flat stomach. She credited her abs to hours spent using an ab wheel while playing Assassins Creed. Raging erection.  

Conversations were smooth, brutally honest, and had a healthy back and forth when we called each other out on our shit. I felt refreshed that we both gave enough room to admit when we were wrong. Also, we were not afraid to openly admit what we desired and longed for. The amount of energy I used to spend on keeping everything compartmentalized and "not that serious" ....was internally exhausting. We took a look at our schedules, both applied for remote and lined up our free time. 

 

We discussed poly and monogamy at length. Anna asked about how we should handle additional people and partners. For the time she was here, we were exclusive. While apart, we keep things transparent and vet whomever the other would interact with. 

If I'm honest, this raised the quality and reduced quantity of potential women I could be within a college town. And my standards whittled her pool of bachelors to zero. 

One comparison she made is on intentions. I was very clear that I wanted a sub or slave who chooses to serve me how I see fit. I do not want me to settle upon distraction or escape. There can be a time where I can be that for my submissives, but it can not be the base or foundation for the relationship. Anna states she is impressed. Made me feel like I just danced and sang in a video. 

We both had recent STD and COVID tests. She appreciated the courtesy. 

Anna's hardest laugh came from reading some of the worst-case scenario messages I got on FetLife. Women sending pictures of their eyeballs and legs... as if I only like women in pieces. "Hey, daddy" texts with a string of emojis. Mad creepy. 

We were sending these jokes, memes, and screenshots while she was flying in. Now the adventure begins:

Day 1 of Anna's visit: She hated my Xbox. I hated her choice of shows. We compromised on board games and watching anything else from documentaries, to video game walkthroughs, and bank robbery heists. We concluded she would most likely be caught by authorities before me. I promised that if she got caught, I would handle her share fairly. This set something off in her. For argument's sake, we both decided not to do anything physical the first night. When addressed openly, it was fairly easy. I did wake up twice for snacks. She rolled a blunt for me in booty shorts. The finesse was highly appreciated. We both skated on thin ice above the tension and appreciated the skill we each displayed. As a gentleman, I never asked if she regretted this. 

Back....back....back to how she waited until after the Xbox diss, that THIS year was the year she would BDSM and romance a fair shot and 100% effort. I took it as a warning of temperament, not disrespect, which is exactly what it was. We both learned the unique ways to apply the following lines of logic: Awareness is separate from compromise, compromise is separate from insubordination or lack of order. 

"This year is the year I will give BDSM and romance a fair shot with 100% effort." 

(We met after May, so I'm going into a late start. She’s originally from Denver, so that’s nice. I liked that she only hinted at previous doms instead of venting every minute detail of the disappointing factors.)

I can imagine that if the above was the headline for her profile, the lies, and fantasies in her inbox could make another Twilight saga.  

I will always be thankful for my endeavors in Europe. That taught me 3 valuable lessons

What it feels like to be desired and pursued to the point of exhaustion. 

What happens in relationships (casual and serious) when people only engage me (in intimate settings) SOLELY for my skin color, physique, bank account, or dick size. 

What it feels like to have someone genuinely strip away and forget boundaries. All in the effort to get to know me more as a person. 

We go over house rules, expectations, roles, and responsibilities. Most of this journal has that as the undercurrent. Saves time on having to describe every minute action of submission. 

We form guidelines from our love languages and specific emotional/mental requirements. The physical is established as something for me to lead and guide upon. Very appreciative of the fact that we fit well together. Hands, positions, cuddling, hugging, movement, and stride. Compatibility is important. 

Day 2. We went out to the bar. COVID was in a lax phase. Another woman joined in our conversation about arcades. Further cementing my suspicion that women are attracted to men with women. A homeless hipster man interrupted our conversation, under the mistaken impression one of these women was single. His opening line was about how he's poly but just wanted someone to get out of the bar with. Confusion abounds.
 We actually went home and passed out at 5 pm. Like some gangsters. 

We went back out for a ride on my Harley that night. Pulling into College Street, a woman called to me from a bar balcony, asked how much my bike cost. I replied politely, she asked if she could go for a ride. I gave an awkward grin and shrugged it off. Anna smiled and held my hand softly. As I turned away from her, I felt two hot coals burning into my neck. And Anna's two hands holding my one turned into a business handshake. I didn’t look up at her expression. I was crunching the numbers on how to handle this improbable situation. 

I gave her a full gang sign secret handshake. Two slaps, a pound, and the bring-it-here hug. 

She kept holding my hand, smiling, amused and slightly confused.

Fair warning to all doms: the change in the hands is critical. You can only finesse your way out of these situations. The answer is to focus on your woman. Nine times out of ten it will work. More like 7, I can't speak for everybody. 

After she laughed, she straight up asked, "So would you fuck her?"

I looked Anna dead in the eye and told her the truth.

"Hoes are scarce when the hunt is nigh. Leave those to starve who can only thrive."

Short answer: No. 

Anna asks why. She doesn't want to be comforted or consoled, she wants to be informed. A platform that's nigh impossible to arrive upon without mother fucking FINESSE. 

Yes...I'm bragging. 

Because any error in my handling of this situation would have ended in disaster. 

After the blunt "no." Anna sits forward in my lap on my bike and just starts swinging in the dark. 

She wanted information, took out a mental notebook, grinned at me, and asked if I was ready. 

Her questions:

Do you know why you're here with me, right now?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want to strike out on the hunt and see if you still got it?
If you find out you do still have it, would you kick me to the curb?
If the stranger danger lady rejected you for any reason, how would you try to recoup the situation with me?
Threesome?
Would you want to line up something with her for the day that I leave?

I noted that I was losing my vibe. I cut off her questions and spoke of her in the 3rd person. 

I told her the truth. A couple of tears messed up her mascara. We went home. 

No pressure. Just day two into handling a semi-open, brutally honest BDSM dynamic, on a time limit, with a woman I flew in 2 days ago.

Around 11 pm, we go for a drive in the city. We talk about everything from Greek mythology to the US prison industry. I pull into Walgreens, we will be blazing later, I grab snacks. She creeps into my lap and gives me a loving blowjob then rides me. It was feral, deep, and yet she remained submissive the entire time. 

Her last words before cumming "I'm not losing you to some random bitch." The energy was that of desire, not negativity. Which was nice, and cemented an iron cross in the heart of my subconscious thoughts for other women. Seeing that she was pleased to see me satisfied was a much more welcome sight than to see her hesitating and holding back, over insecurities that I never saw in her. 

Day 3. Woke up to Anna making breakfast. She cleaned up the living room and prepped the chessboard and my guitar. Even though she doesn't play either. We spent the day learning chess with kink dice. Kept clothes on the whole time. Lapdance teases and whatnot. She forgot to rinse soap out of the coffee maker when she washed it. So……...that was an interesting breakfast. 
Later in the day, Anna goes into the back bedroom to take a phone call. She's back there for 3 hours and doesn't come out after. I mind my business and head to the store for some essentials. Upon coming back, Anna is in the bathroom crying. She just got promoted and will be cutting the vacation short. This will also speed up her leaving the country and thereby ending the dynamic. 

Her career field (in finance) is selective, competitive and the contracts are something out of Darth Vader's imagination. I start thinking of all the white lies and false information we would need to get through this. I decided to say nothing. 

I pick her up and she falls asleep reading manga while I smoke weed. 

Day 4: We start packing for day 6. At noon, her co-worker calls to let her know that due to COVID, her placement is being put on hold for another two weeks. Anna turns to me, I blink twice, grab her butt and nod. She continues. Handcuffs and ball gags were broken out the second she hung up the phone. So we are now gonna get another two weeks. It was today that fully revealed the fact that she is satisfied when I'm satisfied. Today, it's as if her body was wired to go off at just the right time. We made smooth transitions between verbal instructions and physical demands. Was it the adrenaline of euphoria….how low does the corporate world sink you that one would near explode at the thought of it being delayed for but a week? 
I wipe that thought from my mind and step into Anna’s new world of heightened senses and submissive desires. 

Day 5 to 8: Cruise control. There is a certain level of intimacy that feels like handling raw sunlight. That's when you are both aware that 100 percent is being given. To many of my internal faculties, I was skeptical of feeling this deep...this quickly. But I noticed that I have dated some women for months to years without going outside of our comfort range for emotional expression and capacity. So...fuck it....torpedoes are damned. 
Anna wanted to try the yoke collar and domestic servitude. It was, at first, obstructive. I didn’t want to introduce it as a discipline measure until she got a firm balance with it on. 

After 10 attempts (impressive), we both decided to hang that piece of kink up. 

 

In the aftermath of the coming nights, we were just an old couple. We drank hot cocoa, watched anime, learned chess, and took baths. Anna cooked, cleaned, did the laundry. I gave her a massage, a foot massage, and I did the dishes and trash piling. 

Now reflecting, it was natural that we went these couple days without any kink. Maybe we both just wanted to feel peace in another’s presence. Maybe we hit the gas too hard and too fast, and now we need repairs before going that speed again. Maybe this level of intimacy is reserved for those who can risk it. 

 

____________

Side note: I miss her. Like every relationship/dynamic, I'm reflecting on things that could have gone better, and things that I know I may never get to experience again. My romantic experiences abroad were much more intense than my experiences here in the US. So it was refreshing, surprising and fully satisfying when Anna gave her ALL to me. On a budget, on common sense, and common ground. This was a three-pointer to win the game with 3 seconds left. 

____________

 

Day 9: We wake up late, work out, and have breakfast. Upon going to get the mail together. A couple of college women walk by. “Hey, sexy.” A blonde called out to me. I closed the front door. Anna went to her knees and gave 100 percent in the face fucking that was about to take place. She swallowed, learned, and submitted. 
I asked what was on her mind during that entire ordeal. She started talking about the best ways to leave a subconscious marker. She wanted to attack the root thought of other women with her fully vulnerable self in a hardcore sexual and submissive fashion. I was impressed and floated on a cloud for the rest of the afternoon. 

After a shower and a cup of coffee, I am surprised to find the living room...changed. The lights are low, the chessboard set up and the cushions are positioned to sit down...not lie down. 

This is the “We Need To Talk” set up. 

She takes my whiteboard and dry erase marker and writes down:

Poly, other subs, vetting other partners, best/worse case scenarios. 

I immediately felt a disturbance in the force. I’m not prepared to…...well….ok, I’ll be honest. She got me in a state where I wasn’t fully able to manipulate the conversation in my favor. Well played. I can be vulnerable as well. 

Last we talked, we were both exhausted after the “vetting” was addressed as more of a tool to eliminate rather than consolidate, we decided to leave it as two more subs max. She admitted she had no desire for other doms. She just didn’t know how to balance herself outside of her expectations and experience.  And that she was curious how different in range and scale the level of attention and support she could get from multi-faceted dynamic. 

I decided to remain quiet on where this could have gone and enjoyed the warmth of our best-case scenario. 

As we lay there on the couch. She takes a deep breath and starts with her notebook: 

She has insecurity about being replaced or having to compete for her dom’s attention. In all honesty, she prefers not having more doms and has never been in a successful relationship with dom and other subs. 
Playing it safe is separate from playing stereotypes, and that’s something she wants to unlock but doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. 
Being cautious of a man who wants multiple women is common sense. But don’t we all aspire to be or be around men who have multiple women? 
If truly a man’s desire for multiple women will always fall outside the boundaries of conventional relationships, am I hedging my bets against the competition by having a teammate? (what is this death battle of dating we find ourselves in?)
If there was to be another sub, the details would have to be nailed down. 

I had politely interrupted how I wasn’t ready to answer on the behalf of all mankind, and their part-taking in their individual and collective pursuits of women. That’s the open field of opportunities to conflict over imaginary obstacles and unlikely situations. Let’s keep the conversation local. 

As a dom, I want 2 or 3 submissives. I have worked toward being the man and dom of that level. 

We both have spoken at length about what our standards are for others. Meaning it will be some time and effort we would find, connect with, plan for, and be with someone else in a committed dynamic. 

Over the years I have dealt with waves of misinformation, stereotypes, insults, and negative comments about my ideal dynamic. I ignore it. I am better equipped, served, and satisfied in a dynamic with multiple subs committed to me. I’ve run two households and have references. Anna takes a deep breath. I can tell that she isn’t getting the kind of answer that she wants. Even more so frustrating is that she doesn’t know the right questions to ask. 

Anna speaks about budgets, degrees, career choices...I stop her and straight ask if she’s coming back to me if her career allows it. She says she doesn’t know. But for now, she wants to experience this conversation. IN the comfort of my home, away from prying eyes, while not being afraid to express her honest, at times selfish, vulnerable, and/or die-by-my-principles type of thoughts. 

We decide to call it a night.

Day 10:

Another lazy day sleeping in. COVID zombies running around outside. 

I leave for a couple of hours so Anna can work on her emails and projects.

Upon coming back, I find Anna in panties and a baggy t-shirt. With kitchen gloves and one of my steel toe boots on. 

Apparently, there was a spider and this was the standard outfit for battle. I hold in the laugh I deserved to have. Scanned the room and found the spider near the light switch. Small little bastard. Killed it with a napkin. 

I walk over to Anna. Grab her shoulder and turn my head slowly. “The battle is over.”

Anna rolls her eyes and points at the couch. Ah, having more submissives. How could I forget? 

She notes that the very concept of any man with multiple women is easily misinterpreted as, and easily attached to, negative and/or perverse concerns. The argument for monogamy is as old as any book you’ve read. The same can not be said for the other spectrums. 

Anna notes that she has never openly discussed polygamy or polygyny in an objective or supportive fashion. The bare minimum requires that the dom be emotionally intelligent, financially stable, and committed, and present.

Is this about establishing a conducive environment for a level of kink and connection? Or reigning in a man’s desire for all women into a set spectrum of 2 to 3 women? Or lessening the burden of related expenses and hardships across multiple people? 

I asked if she is genuinely asking or looking to have my sex drive be the lynchpin for all endeavors. That is an unnatural amount of pressure that should be evenly distributed to other aspects of the relationship. Because one aspect of me will eventually tire and burn out from that level of emphasis as a headliner in a relationship. 

She noted that the amount of effort needed to make that work is much clearer to view in a negative light than the blind-corner-lottery of the regular dating. I noted that most people’s romantic disappointments, hardships, and lowest points of self... came from monogamous interactions. 

Anna threw her book at me. “So I am to be property?” 

I make a stand in my mind to leave an anchor here. Explaining my intentions, I take her into the bedroom. Place her in restraints. I’m making a play call. We both need to take a step back, and she needs to know there are some answers she needs to find on her own in order to internally direct herself toward serving me. 

She breathes evenly and decides that she wants to enjoy and receive this experience instead of finding a way to distract herself from it. 

At the behest of the earlier question, not the concept, I discipline and push Anna to have orgasm after orgasm. I place a hood over her head. Have her do squats and push-ups until she is sweating. Forcing orgasms between rounds of exercise. 

I have orange juice already iced (BOOM). After all, is said and done, we shower. Nap. 

We both come out of slumber around 4 am. So this is day 11. 

________________

Day 11. 

Anna jumps on my back while I’m making coffee. She smells like cannabis and cinnamon. I like it. 

Anna:

Most people that I have dated did not have a lot of positive team-based environments or achievements. 

++++me internally screaming. “It is 5 freaking AM.”

I put her in the plank position. 

Anna takes this as a sign. 

I start making breakfast while she stays in a plank position. I tell her she can do squats or push-ups if she gets tired. 

She bends over and starts playing with herself. Direct disobedience. So hot. And well-timed. 

I have my way with Anna right there on the couch. She rolls over satisfied and sweating. Quickly horrified when I said, “Go shower and get back to the plank position.”

Spent the earlier part of the day sweating her out in our agreed-upon training schedule for maintaining the dynamic. After lunch, Anna sits in my lap and asks if we can go get lunch. We head to the grocery store. 

While inspecting the bread for wiretaps, Anna coyly asks how I could afford multiple submissives. Not financially, since everyone will have a job and life goal that is structured into the dynamic...she’s talking about the physical and emotional tolls. 

Will I be able to keep 3 women satisfied? Mentally, physically, and emotionally?

How will conflicts be handled? Are there ranks or set positions? If someone feels 

I responded with:

I emphasized how WE will help keep each other satisfied with the standards of our agreed-upon dynamic. Everyone will be on the same page. And the effort to get to an agreed platform of communication and relationship responsibilities will naturally filter out the unwanted. I will be able to do my part as the man of the house and dom. That does not equal me carrying or covering for all lacking aspects of the relationship. There will be order/structure for submission and behavior. There will also be shared responsibility, having respect for common ground, and a focus on supporting each other. Over the common notion to eliminate competitors and “win.”
How often have these questions, and my first point, been openly and at length discussed? I just wanted to know what level of experience with these issues I’m dealing with. There is a difference between me managing and me compromising. 
 Conflicts, breakups, and deviations will be handled with logic, common sense, and compassion. 

“I just don’t like other women. What if I can’t be with other subs?”

There’s no way to tell her the future. What will happen if we both openly and fully went looking to make a best-case scenario for polygyny? And what if our best efforts fail? Or the third partner messes it up? Would we recover? Would it be worth it? Why would I even go through that?

Hardline. If Anna becomes more destructive than helpful in my life. I will try to make amends, resolve conflicts, and stay fair and sane. There will be a limit. If it’s breached, we will end or take a break if both parties are willing. I will do what’s best for the dynamic and those commit to and agree best with it. 

This is how I best operate in a relationship. 

I just reply: “What if it turns out to be better than your monogamous adventures?”

Anna finishes cleaning the kitchen. I put the laundry in the dryer. 

She puts on a bandana and some sweats and starts scrubbing my hardwood floors. I honestly do not know how to respond. Pinesol is a powerful substance. I should be careful with my words. 

We talked about poly and dynamic structures at length before her coming here. Did she come here with an idea to change me to her ideal dynamic? Was I unclear in my intentions before coming here? A couple of hours go by, we both shower. 

We decided to drop the previous line of thinking and go get donuts. 

Anna asks if she could make it as a contractor in the Middle East. I tell her I don’t know. We get back in the car and she tells me how badly she wants me. We don’t make it out of the parking lot. Upon getting back to the house, Anna sets up her laptop. 

Anna showed me the convo when she spoke to a previous sub of mine. They talked about the usual and who would be where and why we broke up before. Some time goes by and Anna decides to try and talk to another sub for the first time. 

Sarah enters the scene. Brunette with lighter highlights, same build as Anna. Sarah works in life insurance. Prefers red wine over cannabis. 

I’m sure she will keep me on the edge of my seat with tales of action and adventure. 

Sarah lives in Denver. An hour away. Has her COVID and STD test. 

We talk later over the phone. Anna takes a deep breath during the conversation. 

There is a small, but present, sense of caution with how quickly Anna met Sarah. I could scour sites, bars, parties, and events for weeks and never meet someone this compatible. Did she build this woman in a factory? Sarah used to do Jujitsu but hurt her back rowing in college. 

How in the godforsaken name of the US dollar, did Anna find Sarah on a whim? Not even fully looking? Just browsed? 

Can I be honest and say….I kind of wish she could know the pains of trying to find a compatible submissive. She already knows about that hardship from finding a dom. But…..you know what….Anna wins. She is better with searching for, screening, and approaching women and submissives than I am. 

Back to Sarah, we were both relieved to see none of us liked ropes. Fixed restraints win the day. For stability and comfort. Anna says I should be a kink salesman. 

Day 12: 

Anna and Sarah have lunch without me. To this day, I don’t know what they talked about. Anna decided to go for a drive after, probably to clear her head. she came back to the house around 11. Then slept on the couch. I respected that she wanted space. We talked about how she wanted me to push through moments like these with what I wanted. But instincts told me to let this play out. She was silent for most of the day. Curled up on the couch working on her projects and writing in her journal. This went on for a couple more days.

Day 15: 

We spent the last couple of days avoiding one another. I figured there is a volatile mixture of emotions with a ticking trigger. We have nine days left before she leaves. 

“Can I be property today?” Anna asks quietly. 

In my mind, I’m imagining we are on a ship. I’m captain, she is the support crew. I’m managing parts of both of us to an agreed-upon heading. We decide to sail to a certain location. She chooses the heading that works best for her, I choose how to manage the daily operations, schedules, responsibilities, and how we respond to outside threats. 

I have too much curiosity to just wing it. I ask about her change of heart. 

“I just want to be owned and stop thinking.” 

I take a step back and politely refuse. I’m looking to be a life choice, not an escape or refuge. 

She didn’t make this distinction, and this was an act of resignation to circumstances, not a conscious choice to serve or be involved in a dynamic. 

Anna decides to go for a drive. Of course, I agree. True submission can exist wherever we go, I’m hoping she finds a solution soon. 

Day 16:

Turns out Anna spent the night in Denver. Didn’t tell Sarah or me. These two go out for lunch again. Then Anna crashes at Sarah’s. 

So far. I’m giving ground left and right under the pretense we need space to grow and hammer in how we can best move on. I spend the day speaking with the VA and preparing my notes for a black lives matter meeting. 

The dynamic is in a building phase. From experience, I know that this phase (for this specific type of dynamic) is volatile, plagued with a lack of support from extracurricular sources, and unknown territory for many. 

I text Anna and tell her to come back. She asks if Sarah can come. 

Sarah just got laid off. COVID has people caring less and less about buying life insurance. 

She has a few months of unemployment and another 2 jobs lined up (in the city.) But she’s still upset. 

Fully admitting the classic block to emotional response common in men. I completely miss my chance to be supportive and respond with

“Yeah, that’s cool.”

The vibe took a 45 degree turn and continued down this perverted path. Ladies arrive. Wine is bought. Sarah and Anna facetime Anna’s gay cousin. Who I will admit has some impressive cheekbones and makeup game for a guy. Like, he could be a model. But chooses to live a regular life. The ladies bid emotional stories over wine and Killer Dave’s Cinnamon Raisin bagels. 

Smoking weed in the background, I realize that this is something I like. Everyone together, pouring in what they desire, healing with and feeding from each other’s positive vibes. Anna looks at me and tosses some chips at my back. I smile and go to shower. 

The cousin who shall not be named asks to talk with me. Anna is getting sleepy. 

Sarah asks if she can crash, I say sure. She washes the dishes and changes into sweats and a tank top. Anna is out on the couch. 

The cousin notes that he sees my eyes are bloodshot. If I’m stressing over the ladies, don’t. It will or it will not work out depending on how much they choose to try. Turns out he is an Air Force veteran and shares some skincare secrets for those who returned from Iraq. 

I was blown away. 

Sarah and I play a couple of games of chess. She crashes into my bed. 

I don’t sleep. Just pace around my house smoking weed and reflecting back on Iraq and how much I miss some of my friends who are gone. 

Day 16:

Sarah and I have coffee and discuss finances. I will be focusing on my nonprofit business. 

Sarah has her family’s restaurant, but she said she would only take that offer if she lost a leg or something. 

In the back of my mind, I decide to never open a restaurant. 

Sarah remembers that she used to trade crypto. She forgot she had over 9 grand in digital currency sitting in a coin base account. Her 9 grand was almost doubled with the rise in bitcoin. 

“Looks like I’m having wine for brunch.”

I head to the grocery store. Sarah and Anna have a twerking competition over who called dibs on the last cinnamon bun. Anna won. How in f***....as a man…..did I miss such an event in my own home? F**************!!!!!!

Day 17: 

Another 5 am wake up. 

Sarah goes back to her place. We had bagels and eggs. 

___

Anna finishes the laundry, cleans up the bedroom and bathrooms. Then comes back to the property discussion. Apologizes, but thinks that’s what she wanted, not what she needed at that moment. 

With that said, she doesn’t want to be in a dynamic with Sarah. I pop my back in the kitchen and take the news in stride. I don’t want to seem selfish or complacent. Sarah was great, and it is rare to find a woman who wants to be a poly BDSM dynamic. But upon deeper thinking, I could see what Anna was saying about a long term fit. This was something she wanted to be consoled on, not guided or informed. Trusting a man’s gut on a lady’s intuition…….I started thinking about what Anna wants to eat.  

“Holy shit. You’re really not mad.”

What?

We played UNO, she destroyed me. I smoked her out. We ended up baking sourdough bread and playing the most intense game of tic tac toe in my life. 

Day 18:

Anna’s cousin texts me asking to borrow 50 dollars for uber. Turns out he lost his wallet at the store. I pay for uber through my app. He cash apps me a couple of hours later after making it home.

While Anna is doing her skin and hair care routine, we talk about Sarah’s newfound fortune in crypto. Thank god that he and I both lost money in crypto. It was such a relief to find someone else who lost out in the open range wild west of crypto. I needed that consolation. 

Later that day, I had a photography job for a celebration dinner. I didn’t know the occasion. But it was focused on these two women and a married gay couple. A couple of guys were both into real estate. Had been together for years and played dominos. 

I took 20 photos with my E90D and we played bones and smoked Sativa all afternoon. 

I learned from consecutive interactions that gay men have impeccable advice for straight men when it comes to fashion and communicating with women. These were my elders and they are in a happy dynamic so I should take some notes. 

Anna was by my side smiling at me and stroking my ego as I lost hand after game after hand after the game. It was tragic. I was getting blocked out on the table, schooled in conversation, and pitied after.

It felt good to be humbled. And to get these experiences from people who actually care about how I feel. 

We got home. I put Anna over my knee and spank her. I want her in a bad way. I put Anna in restraints and fun abounds. 

Later in the night, she wakes up, sweating and crying. She had a weird nightmare about Trump and healthcare. I have no idea how to respond. 

We go for a late-night run. Running late at night develops a focus in me from my Army days.

We get back. My hands are aching to hold a firearm or put on the gear and drive somewhere.

Anna lays on my lap as I’m staring out the window. Can’t get the war off my mind. 

We eventually fall asleep on the couch. 

Day 19

Uneventful morning. We both woke up to see that there was yet another version of fort nite skins that our Xbox addicted friends were fiending over. Honestly, I should just toss this thing out. 

Over lunch. Anna asks me about my plans for children. I tell her that I had a vasectomy in 2009 and I have a son and daughter from a previous marriage. At that moment, I realized we had sex and talked about bringing in more people before fully disclosing who was already present in the most intimate parts of my life. Whoa…... This is what so many women have tried to tell me in my younger days. 

Ok, backtrack. I remembered that Anna is dedicated to adoption ONLY. That’s only IF financial goals are met before she is 35. She repeated this so curtly that there was no room for question or deviation. 

“Can I be honest? I would like to pause the dynamic and take a day to roast you. Like fully grill and drill into what I want from and can do here. I guess, walk the grounds in another set of shoes as they say.”

I ask if there are any limits or special issues I should be aware of before agreeing. She notes that I rarely choose to argue but instead suggest boundaries or better alternatives. And then she admits that it can be frustrating because many times she can not be in the mood to wholly agree or plan. Sometimes she wants to argue, do damage, rebuild, have room to be selfish and forgiven. 

With a mouth full of sandwich, I realize that she’s got me out of my depth. I could have handled this in stride over the phone two weeks ago, but not on the fly after recent events. I take a deep breath, collect my thoughts, and pull out a pen and a small notebook from my jacket. 

“Hit me.”

___

Skip forward….

We had a threesome with THE redhead who has chosen the nickname, Donna. Yes from the show Suits. Redhead works in gov. Compliance, curvy, former volleyball player, bad left knee to show for it, hates chocolate only in food form. Donna was my former match from Tinder, who turns out, through a set of work and social connections, had met Anna a few years back. 

Previously, on The Showdown…. Anna’s federal investigation into every aspect of me as a human being has hit a critical point. She surfed through my porn favorites, previous dating profiles, and of course, came across a woman she knows. Anna texts Donna on Facebook, and the challenge series begins. Anna asks if Donna can stop by. 

COVID and STD test clear. Cool. 

Donna remarks how presumptive this seems. I note back how presumptive THAT seems. 

HA! Take that. Donna and Anna play checkers. I go to the store. 

The cousin texts me from his friend's phone and asks for another uber. And to not tell Anna. She always holds it over his head every Christmas dinner. I assure him of my discretion and send the uber. I Will not disclose further details. 

____back to the future of the threesome…..or right before. 

With wine in one hand and a phone in the other, Donna and Anna are jointly grilling me. 

……………….Channeling my inner Doc Holiday to handle the situation.  

It’s all on the record. Anna has my previous texts. I didn’t trip, backtrack, or get caught up once.

Gonna get me to preaching. 

It was all on the line. My backstory. The timeline of my deployments versus my relationships. Worst breakups. Sex injuries. Embarrassing sex stories. Challenges of fatherhood. Any regrets and major reflections as a dom. What makes me believe I can handle and satisfy multiple submissives. What will happen when, not if, I cannot fulfill my part in the dynamic and the relationship? 

My answers were tracing back to the level of transparency that comes in a true poly relationship is a daunting factor for most. Yes, you will have conflicts, no it won’t be perfect, yes, we will all be growing and learning as we move along. But no matter the setup, there is a requirement of your very self that you will have to give to make things work. When there added factors of uncertainty, THAT seems to be what fuels people’s ability to attack and sabotage any plans for happiness. 

Throughout my life, any new idea I had would receive the same vibes of doubt I get when exploring poly. Having another career, working for Google, being with someone my family dislikes, joining the military, or being a commercial diver. 

The older gay couple noted that’s just life. The level of relationship I’m looking for is simpler but more arduous than the regular one on one. They settled into monogamy for financial reasons at first, had a nice couple of sex parties but never involved a third partner. Both advised me to stick to my mindset of dominating zones instead of individuals. And only engage with submissives who understand that. 

The air in the house changes. Donna centers on wanting to know how many women I had been with when I was on deployment. The conversations sidetrack into us betting who can beat who in Uno. The spoils are massages and a car wash.  

In the middle of it, Donna notes that since Anna was on a time limit, could she have a sort of fully committed trial run as a sub. I told her we would need to design that to custom fit her with regards to Anna. Anna tosses grapes into her own mouth and kicks her feet up and says 

“God damn right I’m calling the shots.”

Donna turns to Anna and asks her straight in the face. 

“Can I really join or would that make you uncomfortable?”

Anna smiles and asks to take it slow. 

I gasp in shock. Sarcastically. 

++Dom realization: Maintaining balance is more important than enforcing an order. I was glad that table punishment was in the house rules. Offense 1 or 2 types of disobedience would have set types of punishment. Donna was open to punishing Anna as a support sub, but Anna did not want to take part in any discipline of Donna. Just play support when we have sessions. 

We put the cards down and the threesome's energy focused on Donna and me, pleasing and pushing Anna to a new plateau. Cards on the table, Donna knew Anna’s body better than mine. It was like watching someone drive your car in a bank heist. Successfully.

There was a huge payday. Everyones all smiles. I think we all needed something like that to vent some of the everyday madness. 

Donna and I go to sleep. 

I wake up with a screaming headache and my right ear ringing. My eyes are watering and I think I’m having a panic attack. 

Anna is up, in the living room, deep cleaning her hard drives. I come out into the foyer, she sees me. I sit down and she brings me some water. I’m sweating. 

We get dressed and go for a walk. 

Donna texts Anna asking if everything is ok. We head back and give Donna a foot and head massage. We smoke, talk and Donna passes out on the couch.

Anna stays up with me, we go for another walk. She pulls me behind the trees in the parks. And we make out before having a quickie. 

Day 20:

Anna’s last day. She flies out tomorrow. It almost feels as if she’s not even thinking about it. Donna called in sick to work. 

So both of them sleep in while I make breakfast. Donna comes out first. She pats me on the butt with that “Good Game” energy. I jump slightly from the impact, but it is hella funny. 

Anna comes out, they both go shower together. We all go for a walk in the park. And have a random game of 21 with a guy and his son. We had sanitizer on the ready. 

We all come back to the house. Donna takes out a pair of oversized glasses and reads over my house rules from Anna’s computer. Anna is giving input and answering questions as we go along. I decide to head to the store and get some vegetables for lunch. 

Donna’s phone rings. She just got approved to work remotely. 

I’m gone for about an hour. Come back to the house being cleaned and drill rap playing on the speakers. Laundry is done, beds made, and even my joints are rolled. I start looking for things to help out with. Donna is helping Anna with navigating spreadsheets formatting and error corrections. Listening over her shoulder, I learned a crucial trick in matching and backtracking sheet formulas in separately formatted worksheets. BDSM is officially helping my professional skill set. 

Anna and I ganged up on Donna this time. She accidentally kicked me in the throat when a foot restraint burst loose from the tether. We had a moment of silence, some laughs and the girls had fun while I watched. Anna cleaned up the bedroom. I went to go get juice. 

Day 21. 

Anna flies out early in the morning. Donna and I take her to the airport. Her flight gets bumped for 2 hours. We spent that time with her at the little coffee shop. We talk about the impossible. How Donna wants to serve and how we could get Anna to come back. 

Anna’s flight takes off. Donna heads to Denver and I go back home. 

I text that I’m gonna crash and toss my phone on the table. I woke up a couple of hours to Donna knocking on my door. She dropped a friend off at the Spine Institute in Loveland and thought it would be cool to surprise me. 

We smoke a blunt and play checkers. She breaks the ice first about how she may have rushed into this dynamic. But since it’s turning out better than she thought, it’s now weird to think she just wanted a couple of nights to be distracted with. She goes into very graphic details of shitty “doms” that have tried to own her when she was still just exploring. She asks if we come to the hump that is when people start doubting if long term is possible, how would it be handled. I asked how much comfort will she really take in planning the end before the beginning. 

She replies curtly if she can see how I can handle worse case scenarios, that will make her more able to trust me in the best-case ones. Also, I was a little too smooth during the double impact investigation. That’s fair. 

But….Couldn’t I just be that good?

She said no. Flatly. And without restraint. 

She gets on her knees in front of the couch and continues the conversation. The conversation then turned south over expectations, then ended with us being angry and we both said some hurtful things. Neither of us left the household. Stubborn in our own right. 

This is new, we have sprinted through our vetting processes and now don’t have Anna to balance out and filter parts of ourselves we spread out before. 

After a couple of minutes, she apologized and admitted she had some parts of herself that she didn't want to be involved with BDSM. But those same parts would at times be an obstacle in her giving submission in certain capacities. 

I flat out told her, that can’t work for me. I can compromise to find a middle ground, I can go through a development phase, but I can’t play musical chairs with the emotional development inside a poly dynamic. Donna perked her head up, admitted she didn’t think of it that way. 

++Dom realization: Sticking to your guns doesn’t mean ignoring possible compromises. However, do not sugar coat situations or factors. Finding out compatibility, or lack thereof is important in avoiding future damages. Which will compound the more partners you have. 

She asks if she can be excused. Then goes into the back bedroom to decompress. I texted Anna, who tells me she’s been talking to Donna almost this entire morning. Anna’s sanity is stuck in the middle of a 14-hour layover in NY. If she misses this flight, her company will just put her with the next group of people flying out next week. 

She asks if she can stop in at her place and spend the rest of that week with me. Just in case. I am fully aware there is an 80 percent chance she will be coming back. Donna passes out in the bed. I joined in a Destiny raid with some friends, smoked, and passed out on the couch. 

Woke up late at night. Donna was being approached by an ex in her DMs. She teared up a little and asked if she could show me the messages. In all honesty, this guy was smooth. I mean, punctuation, reminiscing on good times while saying how much he learned from being with her…... I mean this guy had half an R&B album in his messages. 

I explained that exes are attracted to positive energy, and hunters have all kinds of tactics to hunt prey. I noted the generic transitions in his responses. This is a guided conversation. Donna doesn’t get the difference between regular shitty pick up artists. I explain the difference between hollow tip rounds and shotgun shells. 

He will spray that auto 12 gauge. Best for hitting a larger surface area. Then fire hollow points at pain points. Small entry, large exit wounds. 

She gets it. Texts she isn’t interested. We crash. 

_____________________________________________

Day 22 and a later week recap. 

The flight delay drags on. Anna stops in her city then catches a red-eye flight to Denver. I pay for an uber to bring Anna to me. Anna cancels the uber, Sarah will be bringing her up. Sarah, in spectacular fashion, had tried going back to an ex and that fizzled quickly. 

Donna gets off work early and comes up. 

We all go out for drinks. Sarah is surprised to meet Donna but respects it. Two of my motorcycle buddies pull up. We have a beer. Donna chats them up. Anna and I talk about the upcoming three days she has with me. 

We bar hop. My buddy rides off with Donna for a quick ride. Sarah and Anna in front of me. Anna reaches back and holds on to my belt buckle for a couple of seconds. 

Getting that short story treatment, 3 drinks, and some heavy details later, Sarah asks about how to be a support sub and watch and learn but experiment to see what she’s looking for. Donna returns, curls fully ablaze from the ride. With a chicken wing in hand, I update Donna. She says that sounds sketchy but amazing. Anna later admitted she misheard Donna. And thought Donna asked to watch just Sarah being disciplined. 

Anna smiles, grabs my leg, looks at Sarah, and says she will play Donna her. Sarah is oblivious but sensitive so she says ok. We play pinball in the bar nearby. Donna wins by a hair. 

We all hug it out. Donna and Sarah ride back to Denver. Anna comes back to me. 

For the rest of the week. Donna came and worked remotely, Sarah managed her portfolio, and Anna just relaxed at the park to read. Play sessions were worked out beforehand. Sarah and Donna loved to go head to head on anything, Anna liked being in my lap and just...well reading into me. It felt really good that she just decided to drop everything in her arsenal to commit to making a poly dynamic work. I’m impressed, amazed, and grateful. 

She blows me in front of Sarah and Donna. She doesn’t finish me. I almost lose it. 

+++Dom realization: With 3 months of effort, I put to good use my abilities as a dom with 3 subs. I later realized I did not burn out. There were no star crossed or outright crossed parties, and we are all still working on ourselves. 

Sarah helps clean up the kitchen then heads back to Denver. Anna sits into my lap and asks if I could do her a favor and punish fuck Donna. Donna is silent but visibly wet. In the moment of clarity that comes from the distance needing to be crossed into full depravity. I realized that Anna is submissive, clever, obsessed with me, and would be a dangerous enemy if I ever crossed her. 

Donna gets the full routine. Tabata rounds with orgasm control. Deepthroat training in restraints. Confession games. And we went until she used the safeword. Anna gave her a massage after. 

During which she admits that she realizes she misheard Donna at the arcade. Donna sits up and asks if that means she gets to watch Anna get punished. 

__________________-

On Anna’s last night, it was Sarah running support, helping with restraints. Donna ran point and I joined in at critical junctures. It was amazing. For the few sessions, we got to do this over the next few days. Even after Anna left, having Sarah as support while dominating Donna was an adventure unto itself. Anna cut contact cold turkey once she was across the Atlantic. 

In weeks to come, Donna struggled through some things with her ex. And we worked it out as her BDSM commitment to me would be part-time since we both honestly wanted a poly dynamic, but just couldn’t see how we could keep that slot open for Anna. Nor how we could seek to replace Anna while our chemistry was still fresh. I’m writing about this not to expose or blame Donna. Just bringing a possible outcome to the forefront. There are those who have never tried poly and you need to realize an entire spectrum of unspoken laws before diving in. 

With my better judgment and a final nod from Anna (donna texted her), Donna spent a lot of time retraining herself to be my sole submissive. As our sessions got more intense, I realized that I was competing with a range of traumas that her ex was exposing. Even in a casual setting, I had to address that this set up would only last us a couple of months. Before we play with a mix of emotions and events too volatile to handle. 

I realized I was responding to her life's ups and downs through the lens of BDSM….Instead of training a submissive who was fully present and engaging. The ex, with years of emotional ammunition and having spoken with her family about holiday plans, got to her while they were in Denver. They haven’t spoken in a couple of weeks. It was a one night, 6-minute mistake on her part, something I could forgive. She’s taking some time for herself. 

Donna and I decided to remain casual friends. She has tried slave/master dynamics and seems to fit better into that role. It's just not what i'm looking for at this time. Our last session was very passionate. She was eager to give all of herself to me, to the point I wondered where this new-found enthusiasm to submit was coming from. This was the first time Donna wasn’t detached, out to prove something or just tasting something new. She was fully open, vulnerable, and just wanted to hold me tight knowing that I would guide her through subspace. I gave some good aftercare. 

She showered and came out and asked to go again. Not sex. Just the restraints and discipline. We still text. Might grab drinks after New Years. 

The story ends with Anna flying out to her new career in international finance. Sarah got pregnant and is now happily engaged to a great guy. I had a beer with him. He is a pool shark, runs his own business, and honestly loves Sarah. They met when he backed into her at a bank parking lot. 

_______

I learned a lot on this journey. I do not have the ability to fully explain how, but in many ways, this dynamic was harder to engage and navigate than my experiences in Berlin. 

Poly has always been my lifestyle of choice. I have headed a lot of butting head sessions with the standard monogamy mindset. 

Now, fair warning, since I do believe many people will struggle once they get to this part. In my kind of dynamic, I build up instead of break down. This allows for people to have room for error, develop themselves, and have to consciously choose what aspects of themselves they want to submit and/or change in a dynamic. But it will also leave open far afield for obstacles and distracting developments. You will have to choose and deal with the choices you make to abstain from or engage in your own set of long shots. This is a guide based on my personal experiences. Not a cheat sheet for elimination 

Following my formula, some of you will find life partners. Some will end up drinking alone and depressed. Some will end up worse off than they started. Some will leave a better person in other aspects of their life outside of BDSM. 

To the new doms entering poly, after the nuance, there will be a phase where all parties will have to grow into accommodating and accepting all aspects of this dynamic and other people. This usually is NOT when you’re going over house rules and laying boundaries. It will come out at dinner weeks later. No matter what, people need time to grow into something like a poly household. Giving people time to be human is what I’m saying here. Your sex drive will drop when having multiple submissives. It is not feasible to think that any part of a poly relationship could be handled by one person without the support and trust of other parties. So learn to share, train a lead sub, guide them to support one another, and engage when needed not if. 

Addressing the dom side of me that enjoys being supported. Next to no one is going to support you on this journey at first. Learn how to surround yourself with supportive and positive people who will advise and tell you the brutal truth when needed. New submissives will definitely find solace in you having references, trusted friends, and previous subs (that you're on good terms with). If you allow people who would destroy, condemn, or sabotage your relationships. Cut them off. Simple as that. 

Personally, I have learned to organically guide instead of absolutely control this starting part of dynamics. As mentioned before, I want a best-case scenario, but I’m man enough to cut off the wrong type of situation for long term progress. 

Tests need to be kept current, finances need to be addressed, hiding desires will only hurt someone else. I built my own world for BDSM and was selective of who I wanted in it. For a time, it was fulfilling, balanced, and everything I wanted. Until next time.

____

Anna, I miss you. 

Sarah, you're awesome and I wish you the best. 

Donna, you're on my mind every full moon. Yes, I admitted it before Christmas. 

___

 

If you’re wanting to discuss and share, do let me know. Wish everyone the best for the holidays.

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rambling blog...

Started out barefoot and on the streets at 17. Now 34 with my own house. 

I say that to myself every morning in the mirror. To remind me to remain focused, humble, and flexible. I remember lessons past and achievements earned. Those who doubted, cursed, undermined, and attacked me throughout the years. And the lessons I had to teach before I got to fully learn, but luckily turned out ok for everyone involved. It is no shaming factor to admit one's luck. Be just as proud of your ability to survive as you are in your opportunities to succeed. 

Walking through my house barefoot. Enjoying the warmth of hardwood floors beneath my feet. I slide my feet through the grooves, proud that I spent a decent amount of time smoothing the floors of splinters and splits. 

This morning, I started counting all the things that I'm grateful for. And the hard-lined truths about why I'm missing certain things in my approach to BDSM and searching for new partners. The first thing that I am thankful for is the snow falling this morning. It keeps ringing in my mind how long I spent in the desert and many of the things in regular life that I missed out on. The second thing that I'm thankful for is the time skip. Seeing potential love interests change throughout the years has helped my personal perspective in judging and evaluating new people and interactions. Yes, COVID is helping....but not helping at the same time. The third thing I'm thankful for is awareness. In my romantic life, Mari will always hold the championship title. She was the first woman to ever ask me if I had food allergies and what gifts I hated getting on my birthday. She was too in-depth for me as a young soldier with a death wish. But now that I'm semi-retired, smoking a grandpa pipe and making hand ground coffee, I wish this version of me could take a shot at all Mari was offering. I'm thankful I have that experience to depend on when remembering those who were there for me, those who comforted and provided for me in my times of need. 

Speaking of awareness, the aforementioned "components", of myself as a person and what I have to offer as a life partner, though vital, do not dictate who is the best option for me based on what phase I'm going through in life. To me, that means I was distracted by the pursuit of a stable station, under the impression that this alone would ensure my best case scenario for other parts of my life. Including BDSM. This approach helped me mature faster than my peers, but also accelerated the eventual breakdown process of relationships. Especially relationships where I kept an end time in mind. Not a healthy habit. 

In my younger pursuits, while meeting new partners, a guilty pleasure of mine was the comparison. Knowing that I was better than my formers. Learning my own shortcomings in the process. But, if I'm honest, I also learned to hide flaws better than fix them. This was not helped by the realization that I was coming across women with more and more drastic dating backstories. Soon to be divorcees dealing with the struggles of discrete casual dating....seems to be a common scene. In BDSM, we work on breaking down barriers, b

From what I have seen, the American Dream is filled with traps that many don't recover from. I believe that many people turn to things like BDSM as more of an escape than a path to a better self. This is a distinction was something I was rarely if ever, concerned with when I was a younger dom. I regret I am only now identifying this need from years of its absence. And the potential setbacks that accompany such lacking accounts.  

 

 

 

This is a dom reflection and outreach post. 

Browsing through blogs and forums, there is no shortage of life “lessons” and bad childhood stories to share when these topics arise. However, rarely (if ever), do I see that same amount of energy used to portray learning experiences in a positive way.
Perhaps people just haven’t been asking or been asked. 

I got shot, crushed, stabbed, ran over, bit, and chased till exhaustion during my kiddo days. 

Years later, here I am a year back from my 7th deployment, pending disability, unable to work, and unable to get medical care. I remember all the cold and depressing hospitals I’ve been into. pain meds were a godsend, but the after-effects sucked. 
Looking into it, sometimes it’s better to have a loving grandma neighbor.

Getting stitches in a warm kitchen on towels and pillows is WAY better than a hospital, even without pain meds. The food is better too. But, when younger, I didn’t know what/how to appreciate what this environment signified. I remember kicking, screaming, and cursing at her. But I always went back. There have even been some hospitals that I scoffed in because Abuela could have done much better. 

Over the years: She reset my shoulder when I crashed my bike. stitched my forehead and leg. Pulled out teeth. took thorns out my neck. salved my burns (we set fire to dead trees). Push packed my hands and feet when they were cracked and split. 

I share the above story to say the following:

Pain and labor are the main two factors of human development. Having to toil through tasks and ordeals with a set direction and focus helped form me as an individual. I have noticed that I’m able to sense people whose past was devoid of these experiences. 

Not saying everyone should and must go through trauma to grow into who they want and/or are destined to be. I’m just observing; and these observations are helping me make sense of how bizarre, twisted, and convoluted many people seem to be nowadays. 

If you’re a dom who has read my previous blogs and you’ve been experiencing similar frustrations with brats, entitled women, abusive doms who only know how to chase twisted desires, and sugar babies, do read on.  

Within the boundaries of my life experiences, here are some key things I’ve learned. Hopefully, this helps you in your search. Going back to labor and pain, if you’re a leader, you need more of both in your life and will have to take on the burden of introducing and (in a positive way) reinforcing these into someone else’s life in order to produce the best result. 

1. Self-development as a leader is nigh impossible solo. As a leader, I have always been held to standards of exceptional achievements and socioeconomic efficiency, NOT personal development, social adaptability, and emotional intelligence. I learned the latter from reflecting on the few times I've come across and/or practiced it. 

As a matter of fact, the first time I was introduced to the concept of emotional intelligence, it was in an Army training program. Fair warning, those programs are designed to build rapport and extract information from a subject. And they advise you to keep an emotional distance and observational standpoint from the entire process and another party. It has taken years for me to sift through the internal damage this has taken on me and my ability to genuinely connect with others. 

Solution: Focus on healthy habits and your mental health. If you’re looking to assume a leadership role. See a professional psychiatrist first. Setting up and training mental defenses is essential. This helped me in professional, personal, and romantic endeavors. Decompress and vent stress routinely, not reactively. And immediately cut off people you recognize as a danger to your ability to grow and develop. Try to compromise and communicate but limits should be hard, defined, and final. 

2. You will have noticed by now how many submissive minded individuals will pack their trauma and need for past rearing and positive enforcement into their present interactions with you. It is a daunting task mathematically, to think that a sub/co-worker/trainee is asking you to provide the professional and personal guidance they may have been missing their ENTIRE life. By default, many of your lessons will be diluted or interpreted differently.

It’s easy to say just screen more carefully, I would like to genuinely engage and elaborate on what has worked for me in that area. 

Solutions:

Off the top, understand that no matter the age, gender, ethnicity, or profession, it is impossible to gauge someone’s internal development and character from just a few exchanges. Choose whether you want to go on a personal development journey before or with someone you meet. 

Hopefully, you set that psychiatrist appointment. The more you say you don’t need one. The worse it’s gonna be. 

If you chose to go with the WITH option (a wordplay on point). Brutally and quickly assess and address your own internal vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Under what circumstances do you lie, cheat, or want to hurt others. How you best learn and retain information. Name three of the biggest positive experiences in your lifetime. Now name three reasons for each that those experiences would not have the same effect on your potential submissive or trainee. 

There are definitive differences between weakness and vulnerability. Strength and resilience. A flaw versus a defect. And having knowledge versus understanding information. 

After the formalities. Forewarn and then engage.  Short, deep, and brutal conversations. Childhood trauma, learning styles, family history, genetic disorders, medications/allergies, and so on. 

3. Define, adapt, and improve your standards and boundaries. A perfect bad example of this is when you have a meal plan, but get hungry to the point self-discipline collapses and you eat what you have to. Reverse engineer that. If you come up with viable solutions that can be written down and implements, know that this helped me help others deal with addictions to video gaming, porn, casual dating, or gambling. 

Once the fence is set up, you can’t cave bruh. I know...hoes, distractions, junk food, and digital cocaine have trained you differently. 

4. Absolve the fever: if you’re a monk or troll, we get it. You can shut the fuck up. This is for those like myself. 

It’s common knowledge that men lose logical reasoning when aroused. In a commercial consumer society, keeping men aroused in order to control us in our most susceptible state, is the goal.

From what I’ve seen in modern America. The aforementioned model exists in everything from cologne to cars, the idea of having or doing something in order to satisfy our needs for physical and emotional intimacy. 

Current thoughts on a monogamous relationship: Will only teach me how to engage, argue, and have sex with a single person. Thereby leaving a single point of failure for my experiences and skills in romance. The argument of long term positive habits aside, I believe monogamy fails in the long run because it's based mostly on external interests. Socioeconomic status, what your family/friends think, what religion says based on a book written by people you never met, who are still to this day arguing what the hearsay of dead people meant. In addition, it is rarely made personally adaptable. It's a rigid foundation of who/what goes where. A system to handle relationships, under the pretext of free will, under the pretense of eternal damnation. Referenced in a legal contract with the state to dictate who gets what in event of death or break up. That's too much for me to process as a natural choice in mate selection.  

Please do read on for the approach that worked for me. Go to a target-rich environment for you. South America and East Asia for American men in general. Germany and Ukraine for black and Hispanic men. Thailand is for white guys. But it’s twisted now. Fuck until you get that control collar out of your subconscious. 
One of the main advantages that women have had over me in relationships is the development and benefits that come from being consistently pursued and offered material things in exchange for the company.

Until you know you know how that feels, it will be difficult if not impossible to get along with women in any capacity. It’s been a base foundation of logic for many female life experiences. Knowing this has been essential in my journey as a dom. 

5. Should have mentioned this earlier. Finances. Set a budget. Never go over it. Period. 

WHEN you do, choose rent and food over utilities. It’s illegal for most companies to cut off utilities during winter. Pay cell phone over internet. Don’t sell your car. Downsize monthly. Donating to charity is a joke. Get your money back if you can. 

Be honest, if you’re barely supporting yourself as an individual. You’re not ready to support and/or provide for someone else. Even if you're sharing bills with a sub, leadership is defined by the scope of influence. Keep your house clean and finances in order before involving others

6. Hygiene. Once you keep a refinement of recovery and neatness, it will come glaringly clear how many people you hang with....who don’t. Inform them then cut off those who can’t keep up. We all need to progress. 

to the new doms: shower daily, moisturize, manscape, clean your toilets and kitchen, sweep out under that bed and organize all that paperwork sitting around the house. whatever is messed up in the dark is usually what we need to work on. 

Inflation and life crises will come. Doubled by the number of people you bring in. to my fellow poly doms, it’s like fire prevention. Don’t let that spark burn your house down. 

7. Understand that I’m high right now. There are no official references to what I said above and we don’t know each other. But if you wanna share and learn together. Let me know. Dinner with the old lady may interrupt though 

 

The long story of how I was a head of household, dom, daddy, and master to 7 subs. This was not by choice. I almost went homeless. It was stressful beyond all measure. And I will forever be glad I went through this. Late 2011 to 2013, I had my own place in Berlin and a soldier's room in Bayern. 

Start point: Germany. I dated a woman nicknamed OM. OM was a tall, slender brunette with a sharp eye for bad posture and designer licorice. 

We went to a nightclub that doubled as a BDSM club downstairs. This was my first time in a big German nightclub (aside from Pearls and the WON). Also, my first time seeing people just having sex under the floor I was standing on. 

From the standpoint of rough sex in porn, these people seemed... normal. For all the whips, chains, and handcuffs, most people were just laying in bed together having regular sex with a toy or two. Maybe it isn't all about the crazy bendy bends and whippety whips.There was something weirdly....primal and comforting about knowing people were preoccupied with their deepest desires that they shared with their trusted partner (from life or for the night). Therefore, in certain ways. I'm invisible. Until I choose not to be. 

I made friends, went back a couple of times with OM. Then there was a special event.

In the early winter months, Germany has a BUNCH of film festivals. Which usually attracts young female actresses, directors, writers, and so on. 

Perfect time for a predatory domme/dom to look for a broke, naive sub, who speaks 3 languages and has a passport.

Ladies (and people), use a VPN, never stay in hostels. They have all-female accommodations in almost every major city. Only drink from closed glass bottles. Never drink from paper, plastic, or open container when traveling abroad. When you do have a glass container, check the lid and bottom. 

Social media warnings are abound in every news outlet. Here’s a new one: Watch how your social media networks are connected. 

Xbox or Instagram then Facebook then Google then Instagram then Google maps and boom. I know where you are. 

I am 6 foot in combat boots, bearded, vet, can down 6 german beers and I was roofied a total of 6 times in Germany. 4 of my girlfriends were drugged while with me in a club. And a lot of my friends (especially black soldiers) got the same treatment. Roofies in Germany are like Vicodin in the US. 

____

Anyway, film festivals, new subs, Germany. OM has to go out of town on business. I agree to stay in Berlin. 

Now, at the same time, the US Armed Forces invested millions into human trafficking prevention. 

___please read:

• Germany is a source, transit, and destination country for women, children, and men subjected to sex trafficking and forced labor. Approximately 85 percent of identified victims of sex trafficking originated in Europe, including 20 percent from within Germany, 20 percent from Romania, and 19 percent from Bulgaria. Non-European victims originated in Nigeria, other parts of Africa, Asia, and the Western Hemisphere. The majority of sex trafficking victims have been exploited in bars, brothels, and apartments – approximately 36 percent of identified sex trafficking victims reported that they had agreed initially to engage in prostitution. Young German women were sometimes coerced into sex trafficking by purported boyfriends in "loverboy" schemes. Nigerian victims of trafficking are often coerced into prostitution through voodoo rituals. Victims of forced labor have been identified in hotels, domestic service, construction sites, meat processing plants, and restaurants. Members of ethnic minorities, such as Roma, as well as foreign unaccompanied minors who arrived in Germany, were particularly vulnerable to human trafficking. Individuals with disabilities, including those hard of hearing, were vulnerable to forced labor. NGOs reported an increase of domestic workers complaining of abuse in diplomatic households. Various governments reported German citizen participation in sex tourism.
• The Government of Germany fully complies with the minimum standards for the elimination of trafficking. The German government increased its identification of labor trafficking victims by approximately 75 percent, though the number of sex trafficking victims it identified decreased. The government lengthened the reflection period granted to suspected victims and provided opportunities for certain victims of exploitation to remain in the country during civil claims against their employers. The government proactively identified a high proportion of trafficking victims. Nevertheless, a German government study showed that labor trafficking identification lagged behind sex trafficking victim identification. Sentencing convicted trafficking offenders to terms of imprisonment remained a significant deficiency in the German government's anti-trafficking efforts. Available statistics continued to indicate the majority of convicted labor and sex trafficking offenders were not required to serve time in prison, placing victims at potential risk when convicted offenders were free after trial.
• https://www.refworld.org/docid/4fe30cc8c.html (this is only one report, I don't have access to a lot of the old Army material, but that stuff was crazy)

___

Back to regular programming. OM calls it off when she comes back. Says we can do casual BDSM but not actually date. She will help me find a submissive more attentive to my "needs." I asked which ones since having sex with a German woman in Berlin every weekend plus BDSM outings were more than enough for my sex drive. 

She gave some compliments that I don't wish to share, and basically told me I have the makings of a great dom. The next weekend, I had a month to month flat in Bayreuth.

I was going on dates off Tagged and the bars at the time. OM said no more bars, no more night clubs (I still went a few times but not every weekend like I used to).

__

Sub 1 comes into the picture from the WON. It's winter, her friends left her, we played chess with change waiting on the after-hours spot opened up. She tells me about a Russian club called Plan B. 

I say sure. We crash at my place. drive from Bayreuth to Wurzburg. Plan B is packed.

BEDROOM PRO TIP for men: Jack off before going out. When you don't want sex RIGHT NOW...... and a woman is bragging about how much she shoots down men she doesn't want.....more so than she is asking about you. Don't sleep with her. Matter fact, leave sex on the back burner for the first week. Just see how things pan out. Sticking to this and that budget will naturally filter out the unwanted. 

We arrive at Plan B. Hulk 1 Bouncer sees me, a black American in Germany trying to get into a Russian club .......and I speak neither language.

Hulk 2 aka Guy next to him looks in my wallet. Sees a card for Slovensky miln (hotel in Poland), his cousin works there. He is Russian and Polish, hates people picking on him for it. 

Hugs me. Lets us in. Never told me his name. Puts a girl on my lap (young German strawberry blonde with mean side glance). This is Hanna (I can write her name with permission). Redhead, green eyes, Israeli, Dad is German and Irish, Mom is pureblood Israeli. Not allowed to divulge more.  She becomes sub four, 2 months after the Turkish Twister Sisters. 

At this point. 9 Turkish men walk into the club in tracksuits, wifebeaters, and FIla tennis shoes. Clearly... they are not here for the Bingo tournament. 

+++For those who have not been to Europe, do not pick a fight with Turkish men. There are never less than 15. The first 9 are club enforcers (making sure their buddies have a good time, the rest are drivers, hookah masters, and parking lot fight club members. Pay your respects, buy the head guy a drink, and go on about your business.

For the record, NO ONE is stupid enough to start mess in a Russian club, against Americans...who have money...to pay said Russians. To ask you politely to leave. Without your girl. Or your jacket. This a common occurrence, do not bring your girlfriend (who you abuse and cheated for money) to a club full Americans. She will get spoiled...by my woman. Then my gay friend will teach her how to Bachata. Then we tell her we can get her a ride anywhere if she leaves whoever. They say they have clothes in the guy's car. I show them a military ID (meaning they can just buy clothes with us on base for half price of what German stores sell). 

NIGHT CLUB PRO TIP #1 for men: Stud Lesbians have more money than you. They know a woman's body better than you. They can have sex longer than you. And rarely does anyone want to fight them. Especially the studs who are in the military. Why have enemies when you can have friends. 

NIGHT CLUB PRO TIP # 2 for men: Ignorant men from any race do not like lesbians. Much fewer studs. Much less an African American military stud. Her name is Shyne. And she will knock you clean out.....

TIPS + Shyne + Russian/polish bouncer +  = Me bringing home two turkish women. 

Sub 2 and 3 are Buket and SubA (she's taken now, I respect it and wish you the best boo). Supposed to have gone on a Lil Jon concert tour, fat guy in the entourage said both had to sleep with him. She liked my beads; that I had a belt, had my shoes tied, and could speak coherent sentences. We didn't even make it out of the parking lot. 

___Skip ahead 2 months. Hanna comes over for dinner. Meets the twisters. They drink wine. I go out. Come back to a dog pile of Taylor Swift, glitter, wine boxes, and a surgically clean house.

____

Now....this is not meant to sound racist. But German and American white men have been the best thing for my dating life since I hit puberty. Young European women are something else. All 7 subs had degrees, spoke 3 languages, had served in some military or community service role......and every one of them met a white guy online, traveled across the country, and then.....

How did I get 7 subs? i have some better questions...

1. To the "dom" who demands subs listen to anything, he says when he is drinking...How did YOU talk to a 24-year-old Spanish girl (w/ a degree and biggest green-hazel eyes you ever have seen) for 3 months, buy her ticket from Spain to Germany, take her out to a BDSM party, then leave her there? I'll probably pick her up. 
2. To every guy who says he has "yellow fever." F you. I'm from Cali. Speak a little Chinese. I got your chick, her friend, their mom's parrot HAS SAID it likes me more than you. F you. And that stupid flask you keep filled with Jim Beam but brag to everyone how it's something fancy. 
3. To the white soldiers, in the military (you militias..I'm not talking to you) who sneak women on to the base in the trunk of your car.
   
   1. That's illegal.
   2. That's illegal and cruel.
   3. That's illegal and stupid. 
   4. After you got in a drunk argument and thought it was funny or ok to leave another human being stranded, she hit my girl up
4. To the brothers (in every sense of the word) who think it's acceptable to take a woman to a club, then hit on someone else's woman. Then leave your woman (that you haven't danced or had sex with). 
5. Which character in this story are you?
   1. Took my friend's sister (looks like my sister, short, shiny ebony skin, way better fro than mine) and her friends out for a birthday night. I was in pajamas, the designated driver, forgot to brush my teeth and had to pull a favor with the bouncer to get in because I forgot my wallet. To the guy who walked up to supposed sister for the night... and said these words "Me and my best friend would love to f+++ you in the a++ until you say you love us."
   2. Fun fact: I'm not armed
   3. Fun fact 2: Sis is armed 
   4. Fun fact 3: Sis and her cousins...are armed
   5. Guys, women are no longer needing to be protected. They have combat boots, guns, knives, mace, and more. STOP with these suicide run pick up tactics. Because watching you get your face stomped in at gunpoint by 4 black women is hard for me to watch. And the police, upon hearing what you did, will watch also. 
   6. There are mythical tools that will aide in your dating life. If you never had 4 women actively hit 3 nightclubs to help land a girlfriend. It's an amazing experience. 

------These kinds of situations happen EVERY weekend in EVERY city. It's to the point, I just walk down the street, open doors, and say "have a nice day." and I'm getting numbers. If my poly house offers more food, positivity, progress, and humanity than your 1-bed basement apartment (that you don't clean, can't have peace in, and ignore ol girl to play video games and scream at random strangers online...... the Lord will put that woman in a better (or my...) place. 

___

Now, let's go into the management of multiple subs:

• FIRST. Accept that you aren't ready.
• SECOND. Accept that sex is one of the smallest components of BDSM. When 7 people come at you, your blanket approach of pickup lines and tinder profile fixer-upper advice is not going to help you. Physically most men should be able to fuck half the amount of people they can fight. This is why many of you are single, bragging how you want to have sex with multiple women, then quit when you get the chance.
  • Wanna threesome, go to Mexico or Thailand. Get it out of your system. They have sex challenges, and those places are still in business for the last couple of decades. To every guy who says sex is it, sex is everything, sex is the only thing women are good for. There is an adult entertainment crew in Phuket who pays me to refer men like you. And we all laugh when you leave after only 2 weeks. Pull up. 
• Whenever you are outnumbered, you do not dominate. You are supposed to guide, prepare, and react appropriately. 
• Always stay 10 rolls of TP ahead of the curve. Q-tips, sulfate-free lotion, 
• Bronner's natural soap. Just get 10 bottles and ration. 
• Prepare your kitchen as if you have to care for an extreme celiac. Seeds, fruits, veggies, nuts, gluten-free bread.
  • Yesterday I received this response to "Bruh, why do I have to change what I eat for hoes? I need protein, meat, man food."
    • My subs were from Greece, Spain, Germany, and Turkey. Food was never an issue. 
    • Worked in a slaughterhouse for a couple of years with more than a few women co-workers. Meat is not a "man" food. It's dead flesh of another animal. We abuse, neglect, and slaughter animals for commercial consumption.
    • Bulls, Whales, Giraffes, Elephants, Stallions, Gorillas......don't eat meat. 
  • Being considerate of other people's needs is the most crucial part of poly. If you don't have it, if you're looking for a quick fix. This will blow up in your face. 
• Absolutely FORBID glitter, makeup with ingredients that have closed lawsuits, exes, pets, kids, cigarettes, and alcohol. 
• Throw the video games in the trash. Read, learn, play music, games, go to sleep at a reasonable hour
• Cook large, nutrient dense and cheap meals. Rice + Chia seeds + Carrots/sweet potatoes/celery/radish + cayenne & sea salt ---> rice cooker. derrin's signature 15 minute stew. 
• Listen
  • Take notes, handle any argument like a legal review. Do not let emotion cloud hard decisions. 
  • Now listen some more. 
  • Now really listen and take notes. 
  • Make a plan. Execute the said plan. 
  • Encourage feedback on your ideas, passions, and projects. Now do the same for your household. 
• Poly is not a hall pass for you to treat people like s+++. Matter of fact if you knew the back

Start: First 1, then 3, then 6, then it was 7. 

Crisis Management:

• It's poly, people date outside the tribe. People outside the tribe usually suck. When a partner gets the short end, just be around. Cook, massage and don't say anything, speak with your actions that you're here no matter what. 
• Build and stick to a budget. Do not send money to anyone outside the dynamic. You need every cent in the long run. Trust me. 
• Physical communication triggers. I have a red med bag hanging above my light switches. In it:
  • Vaccum sealed Lemon OG Haze x2 joints
  • Lighter
  • A note from me to me: Red Alert, light the blunt and take notes. 

___

Like my profile, this may seem all over the place so let me explain. I upgraded my way of thinking in domination. I no longer try to just dominate an individual. I dominate an entire environment. Budget, bills, open sunny windows, essential hair products, hair ties on every door, manadatory deep conversations...so on and so on. Once this is implemented, I am subconsivously dominating anyone who enters my space. 

Take shoes off at the door. Have manners. Be prepared to have a few convos where you might be on the losing end. All food is served buffet style to encourage people to share recipes, dips, and warmth. All electronics go into the charging room. Spare bedroom with a charging rack and photography equipment. (PRO TIP: Less radiation = less stress. Don't sleep next to your phone, laptop and wifi router.)

With that said, that means my spectrum for who I can attract and what I'm open to, is drastically changed. I'm no longer looking for one person with this specific list of qualities, because life isn't a shopping spree and if American slavery taught us anything, it's that people are not products, predicable or down to be held against their will. I am looking for someone who can survive in my environment. 

Only the kind, only the humble, only the hardworking could survive in my house that welcomes veterans, BLM events, children of all ages, rescue animals, business professionals, models, cooks, and non-profit business owners. I take care of survivors. I love survivors. I hope to be head of a village of survivors one day. 

SQUIRREL!!!...........Flashback to the Grand 7. The plan. For the first month or two, we started with myself and 3 subs, and all basically dogpile over each other. This dynamic was the LEAST amount of sex I have ever had in my life..........a period I thoroughly enjoyed. Then 4 more women came, mostly transient or here for summer classes. Same story as above. After 3 months, 2 girls went to Berlin, 2 had their own place. The rest shared my place in Bayreuth, while whoever wanted to join me when I had to drive to work (soldier in Germany), would just stay with me for that couple days or night until we go back to the house. Staying engaged, positive, and learning to listen instead of just hearing what people say and responding, was still not enough to make things perfect. 

It's now in 2020, years later, everyone has branched off. Kids, houses, new partners. I took contracts in Afghanistan, then Iraq. 

_____

To new doms, be wary of getting into situations that you don't anything or anyone to refer to. It's our role to guide, yes, but every guide respects the environment they are in to best give critical points. To new subs (male and female), if they don't have two people like you who can give a reference about half the stuff they are telling you. They are lying to you. And if you are driving on in a relationship without verifying or with you feeling like crap every day. Address it, if it doesnt work, leave. Your life and happiness are YOUR responsiblity. 

Now lets talk about the goodies and/or benefits of being head of household. My 4th relationship mentor is Anthony L. Ray. We met in Seattle. He taught me about business, relationships, and surviving as a black man in Europe. He warned me that the conversations people start with you when they a tall black dude with 3 women is HILARIOUS. And he was right, because he lived that life. Let me say it plainly. Sir Mix a Lot taught me about life in a Seattle Jazz bar for weeks. As a young, hard headed soldier, I shut my mouth and listened. Most of his advice didn't click in till years later. 

Glad this whole shebang worked out ok for me, but I'm now seeing poly in a much different light. I now see that in a poly house with 7 women, I had the same amount of sex with the standard sex-is-controlled for dates, money and gifts. The latter women never hand fed me my meds after my deployment. Never called me handsome after I had my face split open. Every woman with a dream wedding (but doesn't know the cost), that I dated, left me for dead when I got laid off from Google. 

For people who are wary of poly. Your ex who cheated on you, that was not poly, that was a breach of trust. Your status in a relationship is how you feel, what you're responsible for, and how that special person treats you. That message is for EVERYONE. If you felt that, reconsider who you are with. 

For everyone claiming to be poly, list your references.

My references: JackieCantRN + Littleliv 

__

I am forever thankful that life forced me into this position during my twenties. There are lessons I learned but don't know how to implement since I am not experienced enough yet. I'll be here to answer any questions you may have. God Bless. 

Sorry for this disorganization. Running a business, watching dogs/kids and trying to manage all this has me all over the place. 

We are thriving. Come smoke. 

 

My name is Derrin Evans, this is the story of the last aviation mission I had before I flew to Germany and became a dom. Enjoy.

To "John" I miss you, man. Thank you for the stepladder, 2 fans, and the motorcycle you left me when I was homeless."

To "Amy" ...74473891. Everest. See you then.   

___

North Afghanistan, 2013. As a late birthday present, Operators "John" and "Amy" wake me up after my shift. They say they have a surprise for me. 

We get to the terminal. John brings me into their compound, puts a badge around my neck, and then goes into detail as my eyes take in a mid-forties Middle Eastern male, with some very nice tribal style military threads on, sitting Indian style on top of 13 cargo strapped bundle crates. He has some makeshift upper body straight jacket made of kevlar. Apparently this guy put up some struggle with just regular cuffs. 

He has a clean-cut tribal man bun with one string of red and white beads strung throughout it. His face is hardened leather, but his scars are soft and moisturized. Also has bandages around his left hand and right side of his neck. Recent trauma. His eyes are bloodshot jade-green hazel coals as he smiles at me with perfect white teeth. If the Cheshire cat was raised by Sadam Hussein, that's what this guy looked like. Even while bound, I felt as if we would to fight this guy at any moment.  

John turns to me and in a mocking Pashtu accent, he says.."tell the first black man you see, I want to talk with them before we both go off to different prisons."

Now, Amy is a 6 foot German Olympic athlete looking amazon. We hooked up twice. I barely survived. 

She brushes her hand past my cheek and pulls me close. "Make sure you eat your vegetables and brush your teeth when you're done playing with your friend. Ha Ha. The outbound flight got bumped, we escorted this guy to his cell. He s+++ in it. We aren't flying with that in the hold. Prep my weapons and gear while you chat?"

For the record guys, a military woman will appreciate you cleaning the house and her weapon, more than flowers. Experience talking here.  

She hands me her sidearm, knowing I'm not allowed to touch it. Her husband doesn't even clean her weapon. She gets close again. "I promise I won't tell anyone if you strip it down and..." John puts Amy in a headlock. They head off to midnight chow. John is Amy's supposed brother-in-law. I can't deal with operators. 

The other guards play spades on the cargo ramp as we wait for the water truck to clean the cell.

Then I hear his voice. If Jafar decided to lift weights instead of scepters, that's what his voice sounded like. 

-----Side note - the convo was at least a couple hours. He understands advanced calculus, American history, and trajectory algorithms, why is this guy in chains. the following is just the ending highlight. 

"Born in captivity.... and now you call yourself a warrior because your masters let you wear a uniform while killing other poor brown people. Heh...I can only respect a man when he is true to his nature." - Afghan Warlord

I felt the triple-layered sting in my neck. In one breath, this man just disrespected America, black history, my family, my military service, and my personal journey through racist/sexist America, and now he DARES to....

My hand moves into a fist and then it clicks. Everything my mother told me about staying away from white women at all costs (didn't work), keeping my head down (and hands seen) when I pass police, being home by sunset, giving 2-hour warning to when I am going to leave to or leave from somewhere, never travel alone, not travel outside of a certain radius (sounds like a plantation rule but whatever), and avoid stereotypical behavior. 

I take a deep breath and I let go of my internal aggression (a tool born from my bloodline having to discard their personal pride and public dignity in order to survive) as I explain to him.....

"I forgive your ignorance."

He smirks. but as I continue, the smugness fades.

There is no industrial prison system here. He's only known OPEN warfare his whole life.

At most, the deepest plot was a government or two. He's never been raised in America. Seen MILLIONS of people placed in iron cages, fed and made to do legal slave labor across a country three times the size of his f'ing awareness. He's never lived in a world ruled by hyper-consumerism, contracts, and legal consequences. 

I take a deep breath and I stand on the bottom of the ramp with him looking down at me.

"Statistically speaking, as a black American, I'm 13 times safer driving past your house here in your country, or fighting you (here in your homeland) than I am in any major city in America."

He doesn't ask if that bothers me. After years of racism, horror, and violence, most people get used to it. He speaks about destiny, how the world should be if people just... I respectfully interrupt. 

"When I was born, my mother knew, at 18, I would be a soldier, a corpse, or a slave. I chose to be a soldier at 5. All my other friends are corpses or slaves. I signed a contract with the Army. I aim to finish it because it ensures my survival when I return to America."

2 minutes of silence. "Well...I have something for you in my jacket if you're stressed."

His shoulders slump and I walk off. I see Amy when I turn around, she has my food from the DFAC. I thanked her for the plate. And we haven't seen or spoken to each other since. 

___________________________________________________________

I am writing this to give perspective...I just now realized...

My last night as a real soldier. Before all my heavy injuries. Alone and in private, I stood before a full moon, with miles of empty desert reflecting its light all around. I pulled the faded green duct tape pouch and pulled out 7 nuggets of Afghan Kush. I put a light up. There's blood on it. I remember the bandages. And....I get it now. 

I smoked cannabis under a full moon in a warzone. The same cannabis had a verified warlords blood on it. Don't know how I feel about that. Because at the time, I was just an aviation file clerk. What kind of world puts people like us in these kinds of situations?

___

If I'm going to continue to be a dom, what is the best way to portray these experiences to my future partners?

 

A basic set of house rules. Make sure to customize:

House Rules

• Dominant will set the purpose, pace, and direction of house rules, and given tasks. Dominant will decide if any issues need guidance, reward/punishment, discipline, or space.
• Submissive and Dominant may both refer back to these founding documents for clarity, inspiration, and/or amended. 
• Submissive will review the calendar/planner, foundation document, and house rules in order to center her daily efforts, thoughts, and assignments. 
  Submissive will always remove clothing as soon as she/he gets home unless the Dominant has laid out clothing for the Submissive to wear or submissive requests to wear something (daily outfits will be laid out neatly on the couch.). Clothes will be neatly folded or placed in the laundry whenever she gets undressed.
• Submissive will train daily in the following areas (to be continued): 
  
  • Self-recovery: hydration, proper nutrition, exercise, and setting appropriate appointments. 
  • Deepthroat and gag reflex training. 
  • Core training: forms of dance
  • Techniques and methods for serving/pleasing dom and/or enhancing aspects of ownership in the dynamic.
• The Submissive will wear and gratefully accept any toys the Dominant chooses to insert or adorn her while cleaning or in any other circumstance.
  The submissive will request an opportunity to serve the Dominant in a respectful and detailed manner. 
  
  • Sleep schedules will be discussed beforehand and will be enforced accordingly. 
• The Submissive will always thank the Dominant for an opportunity to serve whether it was doing a chore or being disciplined/punished.

• Direct eye contact is mandatory during conversations. 
  Hygiene: 
• Dominant and Submissive will ensure they are clean and fresh before play. 
• The Submissive must be available for sexual service whenever the dominant requires it.
• The Submissive must always be ready for any form of sexual service, which would mean that her body must be prepared in order to make it easy for the Dominant to use her.
• The Submissive will not be allowed to have an orgasm without permission.
• The Submissive will maintain body hair to a minimum. Failure to do so will result in punishment.
• The Submissive and Dominant will be clean and pleasant to all the senses at all times.
• The Submissive is not allowed to touch her or his owner’s property without permission in any sexual way.
• Etiquette, Punishment/ Discipline:
• Submissive will maintain good posture at all times. 
• In private,  she will address the Dominant as Sir or Daddy. In public, the Submissive may choose what is most appropriate. 
  Safeword. 
• Safewords are important and both parties will understand and respect clear limits, boundaries, and safe word procedures. The safeword is: LILLIES
• Submissive will not abuse safe word to quit early or to get out of punishments Scott free. The safeword is a LILLIES or double-tap. Depending on the severity of offense certain punishments will be administered without a safe word. Submissive will be counseled before and given proper aftercare after such sessions. 
• Punishment and or discipline takes precedence over any other command.
• A Submissive must show gratitude for punishment and or discipline.
• A Submissive must take correction gracefully and maintain a grateful presence around the house after the fact.
• A Submissive must confess to disobedience and take responsibility even when the dominant is not present and beg for punishment and or discipline.
• A Submissive must always maintain the punishment position in these cases.
• Submissive is allowed to be proactive with acts of servitude. These spontaneous or regular acts will be up to her in order to show her true devotion outside of the standard dynamic. 
  Schedule
• Dominant will set a schedule and it will be posted in the Weekly Task Log.
  Significant events, appointments, trips, due dates, and important dates will be saved in the calendar. 

• As proof you have read this, connect to the wifi as soon as you get inside the house.

Hey Doms, it's time to start reaching out to each other. We can do this by supporting one another, knowing our capabilities, and connecting the dots on how we can improve, network, and take a moment to treat ourselves better. This should be done before we strap up our boots and get back to continuing to provide, teach, instruct, work, and lead. In this blog, I'll address some stereotypes, give tips on how to clean yourself up or how you can help someone do the same, give advice on how to ground yourself, and how to find the right sub/slave/pet for you. 

For the doms who are experienced and dealing with a troublesome submissive that is sweating and stressing them out, don't give up on thinking they can't be broken into learning a lesson. Try actually communicating and shifting aspects of your dynamic. I have yet to have a sub who "loves being punished" last more than 15 minutes when the punishment was military physical training exercises. As the dom, what effect do you want to have on your sub? Do you want them to reflect? To feel punishment? To learn a lesson? To feel exhaustion? Learn about scene tailoring, it's a big help. 

For the new doms busting at the seems with delusions and hormones, I promise your experiences will be easier, better, and longer-lasting if you focus on yourself before trying to find someone to command, control, and direct. Reach out to experienced doms, fix your own sleeping schedule, physical fitness, life priorities, and relationship skills before trying to make, mold, and direct the nature of someone else's. 

To the guys who fit the description in every rant (check sub forums and blogs) about fake doms, let's go over why you're sending bs messages with blank profiles and demands. 

1. If you're inexperienced. Read up. Go to classes. Spend a little money on learning essential skills: slip knots, cooking, finish up that workout program in the gym. The point is to establish a sense of discipline. commitment and self-respect that will support your confidence in being a leader and making decisions. 
2. If you figure you have no shot so you might as well just try to be an asshole or give the bare minimum just in case your shot makes it. If you're going to take a shot, take it with precision. In any area of life.
   • Most submissives who respond to me, they respond because they are interested in what I have to say, how I look, and that I actually invest time and effort to read their profiles and blogs. 
     • Post pictures (if you're concerned about discretion, blur your face out, or have a black and white classic photo that hides your face, hell post a fake pic of someone who resembles you and explain later. Something.)
     • Write and read blogs. Not doing this for entertainment. See what are the new trends of submissive disappointments and outrage. Go back and review your own posts, social media, and profile. Reflect on how and why your reaction was what it was.
     • Clean up your social media.
       • Fix grammatical mistakes, post photos of any volunteer work, or social events you like to do.
       • We all had that cringe-worthy rage phase, clean that up. 
     • We interact with each other as people, potential partners, and the roles that we assign and support. Meaning, as a human being, be prepared to engage, open to, and connect with these different stages and phases. Instead of unrealistic expectations, try realistic standards: For yourself and the submissive partner that you're looking for. 

Using my uncle's analogy, approach every interaction like you're trying to sell a car for someone you trust. You smile, do research on the product or service you're offering, be clear about what you expect, clean yourself up, take decent pictures, show up on time, and actually do your homework on the buyer.  

Keep in mind that every relationship and interaction should have a balance. A lot of doms will tire themselves out trying to provide, discipline, communicate, engage. I encourage submissives to have a level of awareness with new doms that are willing to do the work to be actual doms. Introduce them to experienced doms, show initiative, and tell the dom what you like, review ...ah you get the point. 

I want to encourage people to see men and doms in a positive light. However, gentlemen, it can't happen until you value and establish standards for yourself in order to be in that light. If there was ever a time to do research, reflect and improve.............the time is now. Message me if you have any questions.