Shout out to "Anna." Hands down one of the best short-term arrangements I've had as a dom.
I kept this blog post journal for a few weeks so it is long. This was written with full consent and knowledge of all people mentioned.
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She told me that she only had 3 months for a dynamic. Yeah…..COVID and career choices hijacked that timeline.
Prior commitments would take her out of the area.
We spent a month talking on here, 3 weeks getting introduced at a safe distance, then had her fly in for a week. The shining moment for her deciding if she wanted to meet me was later revealed to be......
When I asked for pictures in the second message. She upped the bet with a Facetime request. Honestly, I wasn't ready.
Scrambled to trim my beard and floss. She drilled me on my profile pictures, noted that she appreciated not being catfished. I understood the hesitance to send pics is a patience test to screen for detrimental intentions. She then asked about my genuine thoughts about sharing media so soon... and tried to come up with a compromise. In my mind, anyone who can build a life plan and explain their intentions to a blank screen is a true sociopath. I need a face with the info.
She was curious how in my mind, anyone who can build a life plan and dynamic in their mind without tangible input from the other person........is a sociopath. Olive branch: that guy who just sends a dick pic and says a sub belongs to him without knowing her name/tastes/preferences. Is in the same lane where a woman would ask a guy to lay bare his vulnerabilities and desires to a blank screen. It's madness.
We both were in agreement about physical + virtual security when meeting strangers online. She found a lack of nuance in the process of doing a background check. I can admit there is a cloud of euphoria that accompanies meeting someone new and in-depth with little to no complications. Getting a one and a million shot, off a BDSM site, during covid, barely weeks after coming back from Iraq. She crunched the stat down to 1 in 68 billion.
That we could meet and get what we desired from each other and the dynamic, in the allotted time that we both agreed upon. We still did the background checks as a courtesy after the conversation, instead of a boon to hold over one another. She had a small-time criminal past during her college days. Forging papers and pushing pills, clearly Pablo Escobar in female form.
Her pictures were clean, smooth, and had an organized bedroom. Petite, pale, brunette, big butt, flat stomach. She credited her abs to hours spent using an ab wheel while playing Assassins Creed. Raging erection.
Conversations were smooth, brutally honest, and had a healthy back and forth when we called each other out on our shit. I felt refreshed that we both gave enough room to admit when we were wrong. Also, we were not afraid to openly admit what we desired and longed for. The amount of energy I used to spend on keeping everything compartmentalized and "not that serious" ....was internally exhausting. We took a look at our schedules, both applied for remote and lined up our free time.
We discussed poly and monogamy at length. Anna asked about how we should handle additional people and partners. For the time she was here, we were exclusive. While apart, we keep things transparent and vet whomever the other would interact with.
If I'm honest, this raised the quality and reduced quantity of potential women I could be within a college town. And my standards whittled her pool of bachelors to zero.
One comparison she made is on intentions. I was very clear that I wanted a sub or slave who chooses to serve me how I see fit. I do not want me to settle upon distraction or escape. There can be a time where I can be that for my submissives, but it can not be the base or foundation for the relationship. Anna states she is impressed. Made me feel like I just danced and sang in a video.
We both had recent STD and COVID tests. She appreciated the courtesy.
Anna's hardest laugh came from reading some of the worst-case scenario messages I got on FetLife. Women sending pictures of their eyeballs and legs... as if I only like women in pieces. "Hey, daddy" texts with a string of emojis. Mad creepy.
We were sending these jokes, memes, and screenshots while she was flying in. Now the adventure begins:
Day 1 of Anna's visit: She hated my Xbox. I hated her choice of shows. We compromised on board games and watching anything else from documentaries, to video game walkthroughs, and bank robbery heists. We concluded she would most likely be caught by authorities before me. I promised that if she got caught, I would handle her share fairly. This set something off in her. For argument's sake, we both decided not to do anything physical the first night. When addressed openly, it was fairly easy. I did wake up twice for snacks. She rolled a blunt for me in booty shorts. The finesse was highly appreciated. We both skated on thin ice above the tension and appreciated the skill we each displayed. As a gentleman, I never asked if she regretted this.
Back....back....back to how she waited until after the Xbox diss, that THIS year was the year she would BDSM and romance a fair shot and 100% effort. I took it as a warning of temperament, not disrespect, which is exactly what it was. We both learned the unique ways to apply the following lines of logic: Awareness is separate from compromise, compromise is separate from insubordination or lack of order.
"This year is the year I will give BDSM and romance a fair shot with 100% effort."
(We met after May, so I'm going into a late start. She’s originally from Denver, so that’s nice. I liked that she only hinted at previous doms instead of venting every minute detail of the disappointing factors.)
I can imagine that if the above was the headline for her profile, the lies, and fantasies in her inbox could make another Twilight saga.
I will always be thankful for my endeavors in Europe. That taught me 3 valuable lessons
What it feels like to be desired and pursued to the point of exhaustion.
What happens in relationships (casual and serious) when people only engage me (in intimate settings) SOLELY for my skin color, physique, bank account, or dick size.
What it feels like to have someone genuinely strip away and forget boundaries. All in the effort to get to know me more as a person.
We go over house rules, expectations, roles, and responsibilities. Most of this journal has that as the undercurrent. Saves time on having to describe every minute action of submission.
We form guidelines from our love languages and specific emotional/mental requirements. The physical is established as something for me to lead and guide upon. Very appreciative of the fact that we fit well together. Hands, positions, cuddling, hugging, movement, and stride. Compatibility is important.
Day 2. We went out to the bar. COVID was in a lax phase. Another woman joined in our conversation about arcades. Further cementing my suspicion that women are attracted to men with women. A homeless hipster man interrupted our conversation, under the mistaken impression one of these women was single. His opening line was about how he's poly but just wanted someone to get out of the bar with. Confusion abounds.
We actually went home and passed out at 5 pm. Like some gangsters.
We went back out for a ride on my Harley that night. Pulling into College Street, a woman called to me from a bar balcony, asked how much my bike cost. I replied politely, she asked if she could go for a ride. I gave an awkward grin and shrugged it off. Anna smiled and held my hand softly. As I turned away from her, I felt two hot coals burning into my neck. And Anna's two hands holding my one turned into a business handshake. I didn’t look up at her expression. I was crunching the numbers on how to handle this improbable situation.
I gave her a full gang sign secret handshake. Two slaps, a pound, and the bring-it-here hug.
She kept holding my hand, smiling, amused and slightly confused.
Fair warning to all doms: the change in the hands is critical. You can only finesse your way out of these situations. The answer is to focus on your woman. Nine times out of ten it will work. More like 7, I can't speak for everybody.
After she laughed, she straight up asked, "So would you fuck her?"
I looked Anna dead in the eye and told her the truth.
"Hoes are scarce when the hunt is nigh. Leave those to starve who can only thrive."
Short answer: No.
Anna asks why. She doesn't want to be comforted or consoled, she wants to be informed. A platform that's nigh impossible to arrive upon without mother fucking FINESSE.
Yes...I'm bragging.
Because any error in my handling of this situation would have ended in disaster.
After the blunt "no." Anna sits forward in my lap on my bike and just starts swinging in the dark.
She wanted information, took out a mental notebook, grinned at me, and asked if I was ready.
Her questions:
Do you know why you're here with me, right now?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want to strike out on the hunt and see if you still got it?
If you find out you do still have it, would you kick me to the curb?
If the stranger danger lady rejected you for any reason, how would you try to recoup the situation with me?
Threesome?
Would you want to line up something with her for the day that I leave?
I noted that I was losing my vibe. I cut off her questions and spoke of her in the 3rd person.
I told her the truth. A couple of tears messed up her mascara. We went home.
No pressure. Just day two into handling a semi-open, brutally honest BDSM dynamic, on a time limit, with a woman I flew in 2 days ago.
Around 11 pm, we go for a drive in the city. We talk about everything from Greek mythology to the US prison industry. I pull into Walgreens, we will be blazing later, I grab snacks. She creeps into my lap and gives me a loving blowjob then rides me. It was feral, deep, and yet she remained submissive the entire time.
Her last words before cumming "I'm not losing you to some random bitch." The energy was that of desire, not negativity. Which was nice, and cemented an iron cross in the heart of my subconscious thoughts for other women. Seeing that she was pleased to see me satisfied was a much more welcome sight than to see her hesitating and holding back, over insecurities that I never saw in her.
Day 3. Woke up to Anna making breakfast. She cleaned up the living room and prepped the chessboard and my guitar. Even though she doesn't play either. We spent the day learning chess with kink dice. Kept clothes on the whole time. Lapdance teases and whatnot. She forgot to rinse soap out of the coffee maker when she washed it. So……...that was an interesting breakfast.
Later in the day, Anna goes into the back bedroom to take a phone call. She's back there for 3 hours and doesn't come out after. I mind my business and head to the store for some essentials. Upon coming back, Anna is in the bathroom crying. She just got promoted and will be cutting the vacation short. This will also speed up her leaving the country and thereby ending the dynamic.
Her career field (in finance) is selective, competitive and the contracts are something out of Darth Vader's imagination. I start thinking of all the white lies and false information we would need to get through this. I decided to say nothing.
I pick her up and she falls asleep reading manga while I smoke weed.
Day 4: We start packing for day 6. At noon, her co-worker calls to let her know that due to COVID, her placement is being put on hold for another two weeks. Anna turns to me, I blink twice, grab her butt and nod. She continues. Handcuffs and ball gags were broken out the second she hung up the phone. So we are now gonna get another two weeks. It was today that fully revealed the fact that she is satisfied when I'm satisfied. Today, it's as if her body was wired to go off at just the right time. We made smooth transitions between verbal instructions and physical demands. Was it the adrenaline of euphoria….how low does the corporate world sink you that one would near explode at the thought of it being delayed for but a week?
I wipe that thought from my mind and step into Anna’s new world of heightened senses and submissive desires.
Day 5 to 8: Cruise control. There is a certain level of intimacy that feels like handling raw sunlight. That's when you are both aware that 100 percent is being given. To many of my internal faculties, I was skeptical of feeling this deep...this quickly. But I noticed that I have dated some women for months to years without going outside of our comfort range for emotional expression and capacity. So...fuck it....torpedoes are damned.
Anna wanted to try the yoke collar and domestic servitude. It was, at first, obstructive. I didn’t want to introduce it as a discipline measure until she got a firm balance with it on.
After 10 attempts (impressive), we both decided to hang that piece of kink up.
In the aftermath of the coming nights, we were just an old couple. We drank hot cocoa, watched anime, learned chess, and took baths. Anna cooked, cleaned, did the laundry. I gave her a massage, a foot massage, and I did the dishes and trash piling.
Now reflecting, it was natural that we went these couple days without any kink. Maybe we both just wanted to feel peace in another’s presence. Maybe we hit the gas too hard and too fast, and now we need repairs before going that speed again. Maybe this level of intimacy is reserved for those who can risk it.
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Side note: I miss her. Like every relationship/dynamic, I'm reflecting on things that could have gone better, and things that I know I may never get to experience again. My romantic experiences abroad were much more intense than my experiences here in the US. So it was refreshing, surprising and fully satisfying when Anna gave her ALL to me. On a budget, on common sense, and common ground. This was a three-pointer to win the game with 3 seconds left.
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Day 9: We wake up late, work out, and have breakfast. Upon going to get the mail together. A couple of college women walk by. “Hey, sexy.” A blonde called out to me. I closed the front door. Anna went to her knees and gave 100 percent in the face fucking that was about to take place. She swallowed, learned, and submitted.
I asked what was on her mind during that entire ordeal. She started talking about the best ways to leave a subconscious marker. She wanted to attack the root thought of other women with her fully vulnerable self in a hardcore sexual and submissive fashion. I was impressed and floated on a cloud for the rest of the afternoon.
After a shower and a cup of coffee, I am surprised to find the living room...changed. The lights are low, the chessboard set up and the cushions are positioned to sit down...not lie down.
This is the “We Need To Talk” set up.
She takes my whiteboard and dry erase marker and writes down:
Poly, other subs, vetting other partners, best/worse case scenarios.
I immediately felt a disturbance in the force. I’m not prepared to…...well….ok, I’ll be honest. She got me in a state where I wasn’t fully able to manipulate the conversation in my favor. Well played. I can be vulnerable as well.
Last we talked, we were both exhausted after the “vetting” was addressed as more of a tool to eliminate rather than consolidate, we decided to leave it as two more subs max. She admitted she had no desire for other doms. She just didn’t know how to balance herself outside of her expectations and experience. And that she was curious how different in range and scale the level of attention and support she could get from multi-faceted dynamic.
I decided to remain quiet on where this could have gone and enjoyed the warmth of our best-case scenario.
As we lay there on the couch. She takes a deep breath and starts with her notebook:
She has insecurity about being replaced or having to compete for her dom’s attention. In all honesty, she prefers not having more doms and has never been in a successful relationship with dom and other subs.
Playing it safe is separate from playing stereotypes, and that’s something she wants to unlock but doesn’t want to be taken advantage of.
Being cautious of a man who wants multiple women is common sense. But don’t we all aspire to be or be around men who have multiple women?
If truly a man’s desire for multiple women will always fall outside the boundaries of conventional relationships, am I hedging my bets against the competition by having a teammate? (what is this death battle of dating we find ourselves in?)
If there was to be another sub, the details would have to be nailed down.
I had politely interrupted how I wasn’t ready to answer on the behalf of all mankind, and their part-taking in their individual and collective pursuits of women. That’s the open field of opportunities to conflict over imaginary obstacles and unlikely situations. Let’s keep the conversation local.
As a dom, I want 2 or 3 submissives. I have worked toward being the man and dom of that level.
We both have spoken at length about what our standards are for others. Meaning it will be some time and effort we would find, connect with, plan for, and be with someone else in a committed dynamic.
Over the years I have dealt with waves of misinformation, stereotypes, insults, and negative comments about my ideal dynamic. I ignore it. I am better equipped, served, and satisfied in a dynamic with multiple subs committed to me. I’ve run two households and have references. Anna takes a deep breath. I can tell that she isn’t getting the kind of answer that she wants. Even more so frustrating is that she doesn’t know the right questions to ask.
Anna speaks about budgets, degrees, career choices...I stop her and straight ask if she’s coming back to me if her career allows it. She says she doesn’t know. But for now, she wants to experience this conversation. IN the comfort of my home, away from prying eyes, while not being afraid to express her honest, at times selfish, vulnerable, and/or die-by-my-principles type of thoughts.
We decide to call it a night.
Day 10:
Another lazy day sleeping in. COVID zombies running around outside.
I leave for a couple of hours so Anna can work on her emails and projects.
Upon coming back, I find Anna in panties and a baggy t-shirt. With kitchen gloves and one of my steel toe boots on.
Apparently, there was a spider and this was the standard outfit for battle. I hold in the laugh I deserved to have. Scanned the room and found the spider near the light switch. Small little bastard. Killed it with a napkin.
I walk over to Anna. Grab her shoulder and turn my head slowly. “The battle is over.”
Anna rolls her eyes and points at the couch. Ah, having more submissives. How could I forget?
She notes that the very concept of any man with multiple women is easily misinterpreted as, and easily attached to, negative and/or perverse concerns. The argument for monogamy is as old as any book you’ve read. The same can not be said for the other spectrums.
Anna notes that she has never openly discussed polygamy or polygyny in an objective or supportive fashion. The bare minimum requires that the dom be emotionally intelligent, financially stable, and committed, and present.
Is this about establishing a conducive environment for a level of kink and connection? Or reigning in a man’s desire for all women into a set spectrum of 2 to 3 women? Or lessening the burden of related expenses and hardships across multiple people?
I asked if she is genuinely asking or looking to have my sex drive be the lynchpin for all endeavors. That is an unnatural amount of pressure that should be evenly distributed to other aspects of the relationship. Because one aspect of me will eventually tire and burn out from that level of emphasis as a headliner in a relationship.
She noted that the amount of effort needed to make that work is much clearer to view in a negative light than the blind-corner-lottery of the regular dating. I noted that most people’s romantic disappointments, hardships, and lowest points of self... came from monogamous interactions.
Anna threw her book at me. “So I am to be property?”
I make a stand in my mind to leave an anchor here. Explaining my intentions, I take her into the bedroom. Place her in restraints. I’m making a play call. We both need to take a step back, and she needs to know there are some answers she needs to find on her own in order to internally direct herself toward serving me.
She breathes evenly and decides that she wants to enjoy and receive this experience instead of finding a way to distract herself from it.
At the behest of the earlier question, not the concept, I discipline and push Anna to have orgasm after orgasm. I place a hood over her head. Have her do squats and push-ups until she is sweating. Forcing orgasms between rounds of exercise.
I have orange juice already iced (BOOM). After all, is said and done, we shower. Nap.
We both come out of slumber around 4 am. So this is day 11.
________________
Day 11.
Anna jumps on my back while I’m making coffee. She smells like cannabis and cinnamon. I like it.
Anna:
Most people that I have dated did not have a lot of positive team-based environments or achievements.
++++me internally screaming. “It is 5 freaking AM.”
I put her in the plank position.
Anna takes this as a sign.
I start making breakfast while she stays in a plank position. I tell her she can do squats or push-ups if she gets tired.
She bends over and starts playing with herself. Direct disobedience. So hot. And well-timed.
I have my way with Anna right there on the couch. She rolls over satisfied and sweating. Quickly horrified when I said, “Go shower and get back to the plank position.”
Spent the earlier part of the day sweating her out in our agreed-upon training schedule for maintaining the dynamic. After lunch, Anna sits in my lap and asks if we can go get lunch. We head to the grocery store.
While inspecting the bread for wiretaps, Anna coyly asks how I could afford multiple submissives. Not financially, since everyone will have a job and life goal that is structured into the dynamic...she’s talking about the physical and emotional tolls.
Will I be able to keep 3 women satisfied? Mentally, physically, and emotionally?
How will conflicts be handled? Are there ranks or set positions? If someone feels
I responded with:
I emphasized how WE will help keep each other satisfied with the standards of our agreed-upon dynamic. Everyone will be on the same page. And the effort to get to an agreed platform of communication and relationship responsibilities will naturally filter out the unwanted. I will be able to do my part as the man of the house and dom. That does not equal me carrying or covering for all lacking aspects of the relationship. There will be order/structure for submission and behavior. There will also be shared responsibility, having respect for common ground, and a focus on supporting each other. Over the common notion to eliminate competitors and “win.”
How often have these questions, and my first point, been openly and at length discussed? I just wanted to know what level of experience with these issues I’m dealing with. There is a difference between me managing and me compromising.
Conflicts, breakups, and deviations will be handled with logic, common sense, and compassion.
“I just don’t like other women. What if I can’t be with other subs?”
There’s no way to tell her the future. What will happen if we both openly and fully went looking to make a best-case scenario for polygyny? And what if our best efforts fail? Or the third partner messes it up? Would we recover? Would it be worth it? Why would I even go through that?
Hardline. If Anna becomes more destructive than helpful in my life. I will try to make amends, resolve conflicts, and stay fair and sane. There will be a limit. If it’s breached, we will end or take a break if both parties are willing. I will do what’s best for the dynamic and those commit to and agree best with it.
This is how I best operate in a relationship.
I just reply: “What if it turns out to be better than your monogamous adventures?”
Anna finishes cleaning the kitchen. I put the laundry in the dryer.
She puts on a bandana and some sweats and starts scrubbing my hardwood floors. I honestly do not know how to respond. Pinesol is a powerful substance. I should be careful with my words.
We talked about poly and dynamic structures at length before her coming here. Did she come here with an idea to change me to her ideal dynamic? Was I unclear in my intentions before coming here? A couple of hours go by, we both shower.
We decided to drop the previous line of thinking and go get donuts.
Anna asks if she could make it as a contractor in the Middle East. I tell her I don’t know. We get back in the car and she tells me how badly she wants me. We don’t make it out of the parking lot. Upon getting back to the house, Anna sets up her laptop.
Anna showed me the convo when she spoke to a previous sub of mine. They talked about the usual and who would be where and why we broke up before. Some time goes by and Anna decides to try and talk to another sub for the first time.
Sarah enters the scene. Brunette with lighter highlights, same build as Anna. Sarah works in life insurance. Prefers red wine over cannabis.
I’m sure she will keep me on the edge of my seat with tales of action and adventure.
Sarah lives in Denver. An hour away. Has her COVID and STD test.
We talk later over the phone. Anna takes a deep breath during the conversation.
There is a small, but present, sense of caution with how quickly Anna met Sarah. I could scour sites, bars, parties, and events for weeks and never meet someone this compatible. Did she build this woman in a factory? Sarah used to do Jujitsu but hurt her back rowing in college.
How in the godforsaken name of the US dollar, did Anna find Sarah on a whim? Not even fully looking? Just browsed?
Can I be honest and say….I kind of wish she could know the pains of trying to find a compatible submissive. She already knows about that hardship from finding a dom. But…..you know what….Anna wins. She is better with searching for, screening, and approaching women and submissives than I am.
Back to Sarah, we were both relieved to see none of us liked ropes. Fixed restraints win the day. For stability and comfort. Anna says I should be a kink salesman.
Day 12:
Anna and Sarah have lunch without me. To this day, I don’t know what they talked about. Anna decided to go for a drive after, probably to clear her head. she came back to the house around 11. Then slept on the couch. I respected that she wanted space. We talked about how she wanted me to push through moments like these with what I wanted. But instincts told me to let this play out. She was silent for most of the day. Curled up on the couch working on her projects and writing in her journal. This went on for a couple more days.
Day 15:
We spent the last couple of days avoiding one another. I figured there is a volatile mixture of emotions with a ticking trigger. We have nine days left before she leaves.
“Can I be property today?” Anna asks quietly.
In my mind, I’m imagining we are on a ship. I’m captain, she is the support crew. I’m managing parts of both of us to an agreed-upon heading. We decide to sail to a certain location. She chooses the heading that works best for her, I choose how to manage the daily operations, schedules, responsibilities, and how we respond to outside threats.
I have too much curiosity to just wing it. I ask about her change of heart.
“I just want to be owned and stop thinking.”
I take a step back and politely refuse. I’m looking to be a life choice, not an escape or refuge.
She didn’t make this distinction, and this was an act of resignation to circumstances, not a conscious choice to serve or be involved in a dynamic.
Anna decides to go for a drive. Of course, I agree. True submission can exist wherever we go, I’m hoping she finds a solution soon.
Day 16:
Turns out Anna spent the night in Denver. Didn’t tell Sarah or me. These two go out for lunch again. Then Anna crashes at Sarah’s.
So far. I’m giving ground left and right under the pretense we need space to grow and hammer in how we can best move on. I spend the day speaking with the VA and preparing my notes for a black lives matter meeting.
The dynamic is in a building phase. From experience, I know that this phase (for this specific type of dynamic) is volatile, plagued with a lack of support from extracurricular sources, and unknown territory for many.
I text Anna and tell her to come back. She asks if Sarah can come.
Sarah just got laid off. COVID has people caring less and less about buying life insurance.
She has a few months of unemployment and another 2 jobs lined up (in the city.) But she’s still upset.
Fully admitting the classic block to emotional response common in men. I completely miss my chance to be supportive and respond with
“Yeah, that’s cool.”
The vibe took a 45 degree turn and continued down this perverted path. Ladies arrive. Wine is bought. Sarah and Anna facetime Anna’s gay cousin. Who I will admit has some impressive cheekbones and makeup game for a guy. Like, he could be a model. But chooses to live a regular life. The ladies bid emotional stories over wine and Killer Dave’s Cinnamon Raisin bagels.
Smoking weed in the background, I realize that this is something I like. Everyone together, pouring in what they desire, healing with and feeding from each other’s positive vibes. Anna looks at me and tosses some chips at my back. I smile and go to shower.
The cousin who shall not be named asks to talk with me. Anna is getting sleepy.
Sarah asks if she can crash, I say sure. She washes the dishes and changes into sweats and a tank top. Anna is out on the couch.
The cousin notes that he sees my eyes are bloodshot. If I’m stressing over the ladies, don’t. It will or it will not work out depending on how much they choose to try. Turns out he is an Air Force veteran and shares some skincare secrets for those who returned from Iraq.
I was blown away.
Sarah and I play a couple of games of chess. She crashes into my bed.
I don’t sleep. Just pace around my house smoking weed and reflecting back on Iraq and how much I miss some of my friends who are gone.
Day 16:
Sarah and I have coffee and discuss finances. I will be focusing on my nonprofit business.
Sarah has her family’s restaurant, but she said she would only take that offer if she lost a leg or something.
In the back of my mind, I decide to never open a restaurant.
Sarah remembers that she used to trade crypto. She forgot she had over 9 grand in digital currency sitting in a coin base account. Her 9 grand was almost doubled with the rise in bitcoin.
“Looks like I’m having wine for brunch.”
I head to the grocery store. Sarah and Anna have a twerking competition over who called dibs on the last cinnamon bun. Anna won. How in f***....as a man…..did I miss such an event in my own home? F**************!!!!!!
Day 17:
Another 5 am wake up.
Sarah goes back to her place. We had bagels and eggs.
___
Anna finishes the laundry, cleans up the bedroom and bathrooms. Then comes back to the property discussion. Apologizes, but thinks that’s what she wanted, not what she needed at that moment.
With that said, she doesn’t want to be in a dynamic with Sarah. I pop my back in the kitchen and take the news in stride. I don’t want to seem selfish or complacent. Sarah was great, and it is rare to find a woman who wants to be a poly BDSM dynamic. But upon deeper thinking, I could see what Anna was saying about a long term fit. This was something she wanted to be consoled on, not guided or informed. Trusting a man’s gut on a lady’s intuition…….I started thinking about what Anna wants to eat.
“Holy shit. You’re really not mad.”
What?
We played UNO, she destroyed me. I smoked her out. We ended up baking sourdough bread and playing the most intense game of tic tac toe in my life.
Day 18:
Anna’s cousin texts me asking to borrow 50 dollars for uber. Turns out he lost his wallet at the store. I pay for uber through my app. He cash apps me a couple of hours later after making it home.
While Anna is doing her skin and hair care routine, we talk about Sarah’s newfound fortune in crypto. Thank god that he and I both lost money in crypto. It was such a relief to find someone else who lost out in the open range wild west of crypto. I needed that consolation.
Later that day, I had a photography job for a celebration dinner. I didn’t know the occasion. But it was focused on these two women and a married gay couple. A couple of guys were both into real estate. Had been together for years and played dominos.
I took 20 photos with my E90D and we played bones and smoked Sativa all afternoon.
I learned from consecutive interactions that gay men have impeccable advice for straight men when it comes to fashion and communicating with women. These were my elders and they are in a happy dynamic so I should take some notes.
Anna was by my side smiling at me and stroking my ego as I lost hand after game after hand after the game. It was tragic. I was getting blocked out on the table, schooled in conversation, and pitied after.
It felt good to be humbled. And to get these experiences from people who actually care about how I feel.
We got home. I put Anna over my knee and spank her. I want her in a bad way. I put Anna in restraints and fun abounds.
Later in the night, she wakes up, sweating and crying. She had a weird nightmare about Trump and healthcare. I have no idea how to respond.
We go for a late-night run. Running late at night develops a focus in me from my Army days.
We get back. My hands are aching to hold a firearm or put on the gear and drive somewhere.
Anna lays on my lap as I’m staring out the window. Can’t get the war off my mind.
We eventually fall asleep on the couch.
Day 19
Uneventful morning. We both woke up to see that there was yet another version of fort nite skins that our Xbox addicted friends were fiending over. Honestly, I should just toss this thing out.
Over lunch. Anna asks me about my plans for children. I tell her that I had a vasectomy in 2009 and I have a son and daughter from a previous marriage. At that moment, I realized we had sex and talked about bringing in more people before fully disclosing who was already present in the most intimate parts of my life. Whoa…... This is what so many women have tried to tell me in my younger days.
Ok, backtrack. I remembered that Anna is dedicated to adoption ONLY. That’s only IF financial goals are met before she is 35. She repeated this so curtly that there was no room for question or deviation.
“Can I be honest? I would like to pause the dynamic and take a day to roast you. Like fully grill and drill into what I want from and can do here. I guess, walk the grounds in another set of shoes as they say.”
I ask if there are any limits or special issues I should be aware of before agreeing. She notes that I rarely choose to argue but instead suggest boundaries or better alternatives. And then she admits that it can be frustrating because many times she can not be in the mood to wholly agree or plan. Sometimes she wants to argue, do damage, rebuild, have room to be selfish and forgiven.
With a mouth full of sandwich, I realize that she’s got me out of my depth. I could have handled this in stride over the phone two weeks ago, but not on the fly after recent events. I take a deep breath, collect my thoughts, and pull out a pen and a small notebook from my jacket.
“Hit me.”
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Skip forward….
We had a threesome with THE redhead who has chosen the nickname, Donna. Yes from the show Suits. Redhead works in gov. Compliance, curvy, former volleyball player, bad left knee to show for it, hates chocolate only in food form. Donna was my former match from Tinder, who turns out, through a set of work and social connections, had met Anna a few years back.
Previously, on The Showdown…. Anna’s federal investigation into every aspect of me as a human being has hit a critical point. She surfed through my porn favorites, previous dating profiles, and of course, came across a woman she knows. Anna texts Donna on Facebook, and the challenge series begins. Anna asks if Donna can stop by.
COVID and STD test clear. Cool.
Donna remarks how presumptive this seems. I note back how presumptive THAT seems.
HA! Take that. Donna and Anna play checkers. I go to the store.
The cousin texts me from his friend's phone and asks for another uber. And to not tell Anna. She always holds it over his head every Christmas dinner. I assure him of my discretion and send the uber. I Will not disclose further details.
____back to the future of the threesome…..or right before.
With wine in one hand and a phone in the other, Donna and Anna are jointly grilling me.
……………….Channeling my inner Doc Holiday to handle the situation.
It’s all on the record. Anna has my previous texts. I didn’t trip, backtrack, or get caught up once.
Gonna get me to preaching.
It was all on the line. My backstory. The timeline of my deployments versus my relationships. Worst breakups. Sex injuries. Embarrassing sex stories. Challenges of fatherhood. Any regrets and major reflections as a dom. What makes me believe I can handle and satisfy multiple submissives. What will happen when, not if, I cannot fulfill my part in the dynamic and the relationship?
My answers were tracing back to the level of transparency that comes in a true poly relationship is a daunting factor for most. Yes, you will have conflicts, no it won’t be perfect, yes, we will all be growing and learning as we move along. But no matter the setup, there is a requirement of your very self that you will have to give to make things work. When there added factors of uncertainty, THAT seems to be what fuels people’s ability to attack and sabotage any plans for happiness.
Throughout my life, any new idea I had would receive the same vibes of doubt I get when exploring poly. Having another career, working for Google, being with someone my family dislikes, joining the military, or being a commercial diver.
The older gay couple noted that’s just life. The level of relationship I’m looking for is simpler but more arduous than the regular one on one. They settled into monogamy for financial reasons at first, had a nice couple of sex parties but never involved a third partner. Both advised me to stick to my mindset of dominating zones instead of individuals. And only engage with submissives who understand that.
The air in the house changes. Donna centers on wanting to know how many women I had been with when I was on deployment. The conversations sidetrack into us betting who can beat who in Uno. The spoils are massages and a car wash.
In the middle of it, Donna notes that since Anna was on a time limit, could she have a sort of fully committed trial run as a sub. I told her we would need to design that to custom fit her with regards to Anna. Anna tosses grapes into her own mouth and kicks her feet up and says
“God damn right I’m calling the shots.”
Donna turns to Anna and asks her straight in the face.
“Can I really join or would that make you uncomfortable?”
Anna smiles and asks to take it slow.
I gasp in shock. Sarcastically.
++Dom realization: Maintaining balance is more important than enforcing an order. I was glad that table punishment was in the house rules. Offense 1 or 2 types of disobedience would have set types of punishment. Donna was open to punishing Anna as a support sub, but Anna did not want to take part in any discipline of Donna. Just play support when we have sessions.
We put the cards down and the threesome's energy focused on Donna and me, pleasing and pushing Anna to a new plateau. Cards on the table, Donna knew Anna’s body better than mine. It was like watching someone drive your car in a bank heist. Successfully.
There was a huge payday. Everyones all smiles. I think we all needed something like that to vent some of the everyday madness.
Donna and I go to sleep.
I wake up with a screaming headache and my right ear ringing. My eyes are watering and I think I’m having a panic attack.
Anna is up, in the living room, deep cleaning her hard drives. I come out into the foyer, she sees me. I sit down and she brings me some water. I’m sweating.
We get dressed and go for a walk.
Donna texts Anna asking if everything is ok. We head back and give Donna a foot and head massage. We smoke, talk and Donna passes out on the couch.
Anna stays up with me, we go for another walk. She pulls me behind the trees in the parks. And we make out before having a quickie.
Day 20:
Anna’s last day. She flies out tomorrow. It almost feels as if she’s not even thinking about it. Donna called in sick to work.
So both of them sleep in while I make breakfast. Donna comes out first. She pats me on the butt with that “Good Game” energy. I jump slightly from the impact, but it is hella funny.
Anna comes out, they both go shower together. We all go for a walk in the park. And have a random game of 21 with a guy and his son. We had sanitizer on the ready.
We all come back to the house. Donna takes out a pair of oversized glasses and reads over my house rules from Anna’s computer. Anna is giving input and answering questions as we go along. I decide to head to the store and get some vegetables for lunch.
Donna’s phone rings. She just got approved to work remotely.
I’m gone for about an hour. Come back to the house being cleaned and drill rap playing on the speakers. Laundry is done, beds made, and even my joints are rolled. I start looking for things to help out with. Donna is helping Anna with navigating spreadsheets formatting and error corrections. Listening over her shoulder, I learned a crucial trick in matching and backtracking sheet formulas in separately formatted worksheets. BDSM is officially helping my professional skill set.
Anna and I ganged up on Donna this time. She accidentally kicked me in the throat when a foot restraint burst loose from the tether. We had a moment of silence, some laughs and the girls had fun while I watched. Anna cleaned up the bedroom. I went to go get juice.
Day 21.
Anna flies out early in the morning. Donna and I take her to the airport. Her flight gets bumped for 2 hours. We spent that time with her at the little coffee shop. We talk about the impossible. How Donna wants to serve and how we could get Anna to come back.
Anna’s flight takes off. Donna heads to Denver and I go back home.
I text that I’m gonna crash and toss my phone on the table. I woke up a couple of hours to Donna knocking on my door. She dropped a friend off at the Spine Institute in Loveland and thought it would be cool to surprise me.
We smoke a blunt and play checkers. She breaks the ice first about how she may have rushed into this dynamic. But since it’s turning out better than she thought, it’s now weird to think she just wanted a couple of nights to be distracted with. She goes into very graphic details of shitty “doms” that have tried to own her when she was still just exploring. She asks if we come to the hump that is when people start doubting if long term is possible, how would it be handled. I asked how much comfort will she really take in planning the end before the beginning.
She replies curtly if she can see how I can handle worse case scenarios, that will make her more able to trust me in the best-case ones. Also, I was a little too smooth during the double impact investigation. That’s fair.
But….Couldn’t I just be that good?
She said no. Flatly. And without restraint.
She gets on her knees in front of the couch and continues the conversation. The conversation then turned south over expectations, then ended with us being angry and we both said some hurtful things. Neither of us left the household. Stubborn in our own right.
This is new, we have sprinted through our vetting processes and now don’t have Anna to balance out and filter parts of ourselves we spread out before.
After a couple of minutes, she apologized and admitted she had some parts of herself that she didn't want to be involved with BDSM. But those same parts would at times be an obstacle in her giving submission in certain capacities.
I flat out told her, that can’t work for me. I can compromise to find a middle ground, I can go through a development phase, but I can’t play musical chairs with the emotional development inside a poly dynamic. Donna perked her head up, admitted she didn’t think of it that way.
++Dom realization: Sticking to your guns doesn’t mean ignoring possible compromises. However, do not sugar coat situations or factors. Finding out compatibility, or lack thereof is important in avoiding future damages. Which will compound the more partners you have.
She asks if she can be excused. Then goes into the back bedroom to decompress. I texted Anna, who tells me she’s been talking to Donna almost this entire morning. Anna’s sanity is stuck in the middle of a 14-hour layover in NY. If she misses this flight, her company will just put her with the next group of people flying out next week.
She asks if she can stop in at her place and spend the rest of that week with me. Just in case. I am fully aware there is an 80 percent chance she will be coming back. Donna passes out in the bed. I joined in a Destiny raid with some friends, smoked, and passed out on the couch.
Woke up late at night. Donna was being approached by an ex in her DMs. She teared up a little and asked if she could show me the messages. In all honesty, this guy was smooth. I mean, punctuation, reminiscing on good times while saying how much he learned from being with her…... I mean this guy had half an R&B album in his messages.
I explained that exes are attracted to positive energy, and hunters have all kinds of tactics to hunt prey. I noted the generic transitions in his responses. This is a guided conversation. Donna doesn’t get the difference between regular shitty pick up artists. I explain the difference between hollow tip rounds and shotgun shells.
He will spray that auto 12 gauge. Best for hitting a larger surface area. Then fire hollow points at pain points. Small entry, large exit wounds.
She gets it. Texts she isn’t interested. We crash.
_____________________________________________
Day 22 and a later week recap.
The flight delay drags on. Anna stops in her city then catches a red-eye flight to Denver. I pay for an uber to bring Anna to me. Anna cancels the uber, Sarah will be bringing her up. Sarah, in spectacular fashion, had tried going back to an ex and that fizzled quickly.
Donna gets off work early and comes up.
We all go out for drinks. Sarah is surprised to meet Donna but respects it. Two of my motorcycle buddies pull up. We have a beer. Donna chats them up. Anna and I talk about the upcoming three days she has with me.
We bar hop. My buddy rides off with Donna for a quick ride. Sarah and Anna in front of me. Anna reaches back and holds on to my belt buckle for a couple of seconds.
Getting that short story treatment, 3 drinks, and some heavy details later, Sarah asks about how to be a support sub and watch and learn but experiment to see what she’s looking for. Donna returns, curls fully ablaze from the ride. With a chicken wing in hand, I update Donna. She says that sounds sketchy but amazing. Anna later admitted she misheard Donna. And thought Donna asked to watch just Sarah being disciplined.
Anna smiles, grabs my leg, looks at Sarah, and says she will play Donna her. Sarah is oblivious but sensitive so she says ok. We play pinball in the bar nearby. Donna wins by a hair.
We all hug it out. Donna and Sarah ride back to Denver. Anna comes back to me.
For the rest of the week. Donna came and worked remotely, Sarah managed her portfolio, and Anna just relaxed at the park to read. Play sessions were worked out beforehand. Sarah and Donna loved to go head to head on anything, Anna liked being in my lap and just...well reading into me. It felt really good that she just decided to drop everything in her arsenal to commit to making a poly dynamic work. I’m impressed, amazed, and grateful.
She blows me in front of Sarah and Donna. She doesn’t finish me. I almost lose it.
+++Dom realization: With 3 months of effort, I put to good use my abilities as a dom with 3 subs. I later realized I did not burn out. There were no star crossed or outright crossed parties, and we are all still working on ourselves.
Sarah helps clean up the kitchen then heads back to Denver. Anna sits into my lap and asks if I could do her a favor and punish fuck Donna. Donna is silent but visibly wet. In the moment of clarity that comes from the distance needing to be crossed into full depravity. I realized that Anna is submissive, clever, obsessed with me, and would be a dangerous enemy if I ever crossed her.
Donna gets the full routine. Tabata rounds with orgasm control. Deepthroat training in restraints. Confession games. And we went until she used the safeword. Anna gave her a massage after.
During which she admits that she realizes she misheard Donna at the arcade. Donna sits up and asks if that means she gets to watch Anna get punished.
__________________-
On Anna’s last night, it was Sarah running support, helping with restraints. Donna ran point and I joined in at critical junctures. It was amazing. For the few sessions, we got to do this over the next few days. Even after Anna left, having Sarah as support while dominating Donna was an adventure unto itself. Anna cut contact cold turkey once she was across the Atlantic.
In weeks to come, Donna struggled through some things with her ex. And we worked it out as her BDSM commitment to me would be part-time since we both honestly wanted a poly dynamic, but just couldn’t see how we could keep that slot open for Anna. Nor how we could seek to replace Anna while our chemistry was still fresh. I’m writing about this not to expose or blame Donna. Just bringing a possible outcome to the forefront. There are those who have never tried poly and you need to realize an entire spectrum of unspoken laws before diving in.
With my better judgment and a final nod from Anna (donna texted her), Donna spent a lot of time retraining herself to be my sole submissive. As our sessions got more intense, I realized that I was competing with a range of traumas that her ex was exposing. Even in a casual setting, I had to address that this set up would only last us a couple of months. Before we play with a mix of emotions and events too volatile to handle.
I realized I was responding to her life's ups and downs through the lens of BDSM….Instead of training a submissive who was fully present and engaging. The ex, with years of emotional ammunition and having spoken with her family about holiday plans, got to her while they were in Denver. They haven’t spoken in a couple of weeks. It was a one night, 6-minute mistake on her part, something I could forgive. She’s taking some time for herself.
Donna and I decided to remain casual friends. She has tried slave/master dynamics and seems to fit better into that role. It's just not what i'm looking for at this time. Our last session was very passionate. She was eager to give all of herself to me, to the point I wondered where this new-found enthusiasm to submit was coming from. This was the first time Donna wasn’t detached, out to prove something or just tasting something new. She was fully open, vulnerable, and just wanted to hold me tight knowing that I would guide her through subspace. I gave some good aftercare.
She showered and came out and asked to go again. Not sex. Just the restraints and discipline. We still text. Might grab drinks after New Years.
The story ends with Anna flying out to her new career in international finance. Sarah got pregnant and is now happily engaged to a great guy. I had a beer with him. He is a pool shark, runs his own business, and honestly loves Sarah. They met when he backed into her at a bank parking lot.
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I learned a lot on this journey. I do not have the ability to fully explain how, but in many ways, this dynamic was harder to engage and navigate than my experiences in Berlin.
Poly has always been my lifestyle of choice. I have headed a lot of butting head sessions with the standard monogamy mindset.
Now, fair warning, since I do believe many people will struggle once they get to this part. In my kind of dynamic, I build up instead of break down. This allows for people to have room for error, develop themselves, and have to consciously choose what aspects of themselves they want to submit and/or change in a dynamic. But it will also leave open far afield for obstacles and distracting developments. You will have to choose and deal with the choices you make to abstain from or engage in your own set of long shots. This is a guide based on my personal experiences. Not a cheat sheet for elimination
Following my formula, some of you will find life partners. Some will end up drinking alone and depressed. Some will end up worse off than they started. Some will leave a better person in other aspects of their life outside of BDSM.
To the new doms entering poly, after the nuance, there will be a phase where all parties will have to grow into accommodating and accepting all aspects of this dynamic and other people. This usually is NOT when you’re going over house rules and laying boundaries. It will come out at dinner weeks later. No matter what, people need time to grow into something like a poly household. Giving people time to be human is what I’m saying here. Your sex drive will drop when having multiple submissives. It is not feasible to think that any part of a poly relationship could be handled by one person without the support and trust of other parties. So learn to share, train a lead sub, guide them to support one another, and engage when needed not if.
Addressing the dom side of me that enjoys being supported. Next to no one is going to support you on this journey at first. Learn how to surround yourself with supportive and positive people who will advise and tell you the brutal truth when needed. New submissives will definitely find solace in you having references, trusted friends, and previous subs (that you're on good terms with). If you allow people who would destroy, condemn, or sabotage your relationships. Cut them off. Simple as that.
Personally, I have learned to organically guide instead of absolutely control this starting part of dynamics. As mentioned before, I want a best-case scenario, but I’m man enough to cut off the wrong type of situation for long term progress.
Tests need to be kept current, finances need to be addressed, hiding desires will only hurt someone else. I built my own world for BDSM and was selective of who I wanted in it. For a time, it was fulfilling, balanced, and everything I wanted. Until next time.
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Anna, I miss you.
Sarah, you're awesome and I wish you the best.
Donna, you're on my mind every full moon. Yes, I admitted it before Christmas.
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If you’re wanting to discuss and share, do let me know. Wish everyone the best for the holidays.
