Bre cheese pls

Today is my day off. Slept in til 11 like a true birthday girl💕 Made myself some coffee with a bit of cinnamon. Sipped, enjoyed the blooms of my Christmas flowers by the window. This is their third time blooming, the red and white are truly gorgeous. hopefully they will bloom again this summer/fall.

Next I went HAM on the backyard with my leaf blower, that always relaxes me lol. Then fed the birdies. Spoke with some family then watched Kiff for a little before taking a nice long hot shower. Treated myself to a new skincare set I bought online. Did a little pampering before getting ready for dinner. I love an easy day.

I decided to stop taking my ADHD meds a month ago. Energy is kaput but I am in desperate need of feeling again. My emotions are like a dried up well. Have an appointment with my new providers behavior specialist in a few weeks. Til then I will carry on!

Anyways, my mom and I met up with my big bro and his wife for a nice hibachi meal at Sakura. Anyone remember when they had cool ceramic glasses for drinks and for an 5.95 you could keep it? Yeah they don't do that anymore. I ordered the steak and scallops. Freaking amazing. Been a few years since I had been and was glad to revisit. The chef was awesome, oh and I caught one of two shrimp! 

Oh and some gifts!

Really excited to set this guy up!!!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Cinnamoroll & Kuromi Peeps plushies!! 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Best of all, L.L. Bean wicked good slippers!

Heres to 36🙂 Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! 

Nyahhhh :P

Today is my second day at my new store. I miss my team, my store of seven years, I had so much more to learn from my coworkers since taking on this API position last year. Here there is no team, no security, no monitors. Bare bones. I've been sent here to survive, not thrive. I sit at the computer, counting the minutes in an empty office til it's time to go home to an empty house. 

Life is lonely.

It wasn't a door slam- no storm, no tears, just a cold sharp knife, the kind that cannot be felt until it's too late.

You stopped asking.

Stopped checking in, just drifted back into your own life, leaving me in ours like a fading photograph, cracked but still framed. 

Shoved into the back of a drawer.

I didn't cry that day- just stared at your messages, unknowingly bleeding.

Wishing you had the decency to call and explain yourself

Like a real Dom 

Like a real man

Like a real friend

But knew goodbye had already happened long before I started feeling light headed. Long before I bled out.  

I can't even be here for my baby properly during his last days on earth.

All I can selfishly think about is 'Daddy is gone. My safe place is gone. Everything is gone.' 

Being so fucking disappointed in yourself and others simultaneously

Is the most crippling feeling on earth.

Tomorrow at half past noon, my baby, my everything of 16 years is going to heaven. He will be happy and free of pain. He will find my dad, and he'll see how much his pups grown. And they'll start where they left off years ago. That is the record I'm playing on repeat in my brain, I can't afford anything else rn. 

I'm not sure what my disposition will be after tomorrow. Honestly I'm a little scared how all this is and will change me.

I appreciate all the messages from the community. Please understand I don't have any type of mind frame to respond at this time. But it helped. So again thank you truly.