Dark reflections

I was today messaged on FL following another member making an assumption and publically attacking me based on it. Despite repeated attempts on my part to defuse the situation and politely ask them to stop. 

I later received a message from another user saying they were increasingly disagreeing with some of my most recent postings and had ''growing concerns" following recent comments I'd made.

The messsge read very much like a passive aggressive chastisement for me not nodding along and dancing to the contrmporary tune. The 'concerning' posts/comments in question were ones where I had become more vocal about Leather culture and how the modern culture was one of intolerance dressed as tolerance. Screaming about protecting marginalised groups while consistently shouting down and forcing out a marginalised group. 

These posts of mine usually have a theme that the newer people often (but not always) lack the awareness to treat the subculture with the respect I feel it deserves. That ignorance then being used to demonise older models of practice which are then further used to justify bullying and pushing out an ever dwindling minority of traditionalists.  The message ended with an unsubtle hint that I was being watched carefully. 

Apparently refusing to agree that people of a more 'modern' view have a right to a double standards enabling them to bully people who have been around longer or take things more traditionally is ...wrong? If WE try to advocate or defend our views we're being ignorant of others and gatekeeping. If THEY do it its advocating for themselves and calling out bad actors/injudtice even for those with a demonstrable history of tolerance, community engagement and trying to be inclusive.

I imagine it is concerning to people who are now so used to not being challenged to not have automatic compliance. It concerns them others may not be on-board with mindless, self absorbed attitudes. I imagine it makes them feel threatened when their echo chamber is abruptly broken. If stating bullying of people whatever thrir viewpoint is enough to get a chewing out and veiled threat I'd say that's what is concerning. 

It's become incresdingly apparent to me that 'Community' no longer exists as it once did. The scene has changed hugely in the 13 years I have been in it. It's become better in some ways but worse in others. I'm honestly thinking of stepping away from the more mainstream scene.  Something I would hate to do as I've been doing this kink thing for quite a while now  

There's no Community feeling now, with people who are here for nothing more than hookups, pick up play or similar casual interaction seemingly becoming the norm. It's not the scene I came into and it seems to have gotten so much worse over the last 5 years especially. People don't seem able to think beyond "Whst do *I* want" "How does that make *me* feel?" "*I* don't like that". The sense of personal entitlement has become the ultimate concern rather than doing things safely or properly. 

Not to say those aren't valid arguments, BDSM is a place for outsiders and I am not a fan of "The True Way"  but it irritates me when these people parrot and loudly proclaim BDSM concepts they obviousky have no deeper understanding of. They scream about respect, tolerance etc without extending that to others who have made living by those tenants a part of their day-to-day. These people are using their own consent as a battering ram to censor others because the ones who have been there and made it their lives are trying to tell them they're being ignorant, dismissive or selfish in their mindless obsession with their own emotional or physical gratification. Co-opting something they dont appreciate or understand then bullying others out of it. There's no appreciation for what we used to be as a subculture because any attempt to prompt people to think beyond themselves is treated as a personal attack and you're buried by the snowflakes or "it's just a bit of fun innit?" Crowd.

I take solace in the fact this seems to be a largely UK specific phenomenon where the "I want" and "The rules don't apply to me" seems to be much more pronounced than the limited exposure to the same I've seen in the Mainland and US scenes but I can't be sure that's not a grass is greener view. The fact remains my local scene has no clue anymore in how to balance the individual against the greater whole. I find myself wanting to shake these people and remind them "It's not all about YOU"

I was recently bleated at that I wasn't respecting others boundaries because the person didn't like me expressing an opinion (not a demand or request to use them) on the modern refusal to use them universally as i felt it was vasually discarding decades of a long cherished tradition central to BDSM spaces. How can you expect reasonable dialogue or to educate people who's immediate response is to shut down when they hear something they dislike? 

If people want to be respected and tolerated. Then that needs to cut both ways.