Dumpless Flights.

• WHATS UP LOSERS!!!!

Too strong? Sorry I will dial it down just a bit… 

HOWDY YALL? Still too much…. Whatever you’re gonna have to deal with it. 

First off, I should apologize. I haven’t been communicative and like others, I have been strictly living on the beach of avoidance. But the waves can only wash up so many buried treasures before your forced to look at them… 

I don’t mean to do it- I call it “protecting” my peace but honestly, its come to some very abrupt and hard conversations to realize, I wasn’t protecting anything; I was being selfish, and bullheaded, and expecting others to accommodate for the choices I have made. 

Recently, someone inadvertently brought this to my attention and stopped me from making the biggest mistake I could possibly make right now. 

And now I am thinking, how long have I been allowing myself to live in this cloud of grey? 

The air is pretty fresh up here may I add~

Love, 

a very tired but optimistic bunny <3

The hill is getting steeper by the minute. 

At least thats what it feels like- my ankles are getting weaker by the day, and I definitely don’t have the knees for such demands. 

Regardless. I am starting to feel a bit defective. 
I have this fantasy in my head; where my daddy comes home to find me cleaning and cooking and making everything perfect for him, in nothing but an apron. 

He walks through, I hear keys jingle as theyre put away and the stomps of his boots by the front door. 
I hastily run to the door way greeting him, before kneeling saying : welcome home :). 

But, alas, I’ve yet to find a daddy that would let me do that for him. 

Maybe I’m too picky ?… 

I will be honest, I get the ick FAST when I see traits I don’t like…. 
And I have a keen nose for danger- even though, sometimes my nose leads me to it (if you know what I mean.) 

I don’t know. 
maybe I’m searching for outside sources so I don’t have to think about the internal ones.

to be honest I do get a little jealous reading some of your blogs from time to time.

but, as an old friend would say:

tis but a ramble.

~bunny  

Sometimes, loving someone is realizing you never really loved them at all, rather you just loved all the possibilities they could’ve brought for you; and that’s okay. 

That’s all. No word vomit tonight lol~

buns

For about two months now, every Wednesday, I've been doing Shibari classes down town. 

And, it's definitely... enlightening to say the least... 

When I first got into the whole thing, it was for someone else not really my self.  Not that I didn't like the idea or didn't think it was impressive, I just had never done it before and honestly,  I was bored and I wanted to impress them. 

The issue though was that when that ended, I realized I only I liked the thought of being intimate with someone in that fashion, but lacked the respect or proper training so I couldn't comprehend it on a level that would have been needed from me... if that makes sense. 

You live, You Learn. 

But now, it's different.

I was introduced to these classes by a friend at work, A. She instructs, and we really bonded over the issues we have both faced in the community as black women, and also, the issues of being thrown into the community unknowingly at pretty young ages. Yes, I am 24; Yes, that is still young, but I have always been in relationships, vanilla and friendship alike where there has been some sort of power exchange dynamic. Rather it be healthy or not. 

ANYWHO BACK TO THE STORY: A was talking about rope bondage and shibari, and how it helped her come to terms with all these big feelings that she was going through. To her, she described it as a way that she could process everything, without actually having to sit down and think about it. I thought she was being a little overly dramatic but I entertained the Idea. I was talking to a dom that was interested in it and I knew many other people or have tried it or consistently partake in it but I never thought of it  in a way that just wasn't sexual. But, I liked the feeling she gave me when she talked about it. It was, refreshing. Like, she was excited and I guess that made me excited.

So here I am, 2 months later, with a new hobby on my belt. In the beginning I wasn't sure if I was going to like it but I stuck to it. I liked the fact that it forced me to do some sort of exercise; especially on days that I felt lazy. 

It wasn't until recently though that I finally experienced was A did: I still go alone. I don't have a partner but luckily, the class I am in is mostly women with the exception of a few couples that stayed so it's easy to find another partner for the day plus, it helps that I am not shy whatsoever. 

Last Wednesday, L our instructor increased the difficulty a little bit and introduced a tie called a GOTE tie or TK tie. It's like a fancy knotted harness and it has a lot of room for creativity. They usually ask for a volunteer to come up as like an example to show the rest of the class and I guess I was feeling spunky that day so I volunteered. First we stretched, they asked me to do some deep breathing exercises then got right to it once I was ready. 

Listen, I don't know how long miss gurl was talking but it was like as soon as the rope went on this time, something ignited. It was trance like. When I kneeled as they worked around me (kneeling is easier since I am pretty tall and it helps the other person see what they're doing) , it's like I went into that weird inbetween stage of being half asleep but also half aware. I heard them instructing, I also heard them ask me questions and check on me as they continued but I didn't comprehend it. And I loved it. I got to finally know what it's like to be on autopilot. I was floating, and when they were done- I felt beautiful. I finally felt like that statue. Like I was living piece of art. 

It's odd you know, I started off doing this for someone else, then continued doing it out of curiosity- and now, I am absolutely addicted. I am chasing a high that for once that isn't alcohol, sex, or outside attention to make me feel complete. This time, I am finally complete, just took some patience and rope LOLs. 

ANywhoSes... 

Sorry for the hiatus~ Buns 

It’s cold again. 
And I have noticed that everytime snow falls, something heavy breaks my back.

But at least the world is quiet. 

Hard headed men make me angry.

Well, scratch that; let’s kill the generalization. Hard headed people make me angry but bull headed men frustrate me. Yes, there is a difference; and it seems to be all I encounter.

I know I know, I have room to talk. I’m not exactly the best at listening or comprehension, but I don’t mind having a soft bottom, I didn’t think boys would but you never know what many are into now days.

My journey thus far in kink and PE has made an exceedingly frustrating halt. That’s a conversation for later.

My exploration of people however seems to be never ending but now even that is getting frustrating. There’s a lot of good eggs in there don’t worry, even if they have some cracks in them.

But now I’ve made it to a point where I’m confused and questioning everything I do.

Before I continue, I’m doing great; health is priority; back into weight lifting and your girl is getting strong all on her own. No surgery in the horizon just a lot of neurological monitoring.

As for my personal life, I feel like I am lost and scrambling, trying to connect to many different avenues. School is getting close to ending. I’m still sort of alone-ish (again, another story for a different day). Just a lot of imbalance everywhere. So, it’s a conscious effort to not cause mischief or wriggle my way back into situations that I know won’t be fruitful, just because they’re fun for a week.

I don’t know, everything is just so utterly boring. And when I get bored, nothing good almost NEVER comes out of it.

~B?️

In shadowed rooms.

That’s where whispers tread,

Circling all around as hands dance,

Caressing, up and down her body. Squeezing, pulling, gripping.

A dance of rope with words unsaid,

Only huffs, and growls, and squeals.

She meets the touches with heated excitement~ pulling and squirming under such

harsh demands.

Her body strains but yet, finds release;

In pain, each fiber digs causing strange vibrations. Her toes are numb and cold as they dangle. Her thigh flexes, cramped and tied close to her hip; but her face; nothing but soothing peace.

Each strike, a mark, a tender bruise,

A love that heals as she sways, a smile creeping across her face. A thank you leaves her lips.

She learns the language of the lash,

slow heavy thumps, as deep moans escape leading to a quiet crash. An ocean; like never ending waves of ecstasy sweeping her unconscious, leaving only her body for his safe keeping.

In gentle thread,

Of a bond that grows, of white primal fire.

Hohoho bitches !

~?

Howdy and hello all you beautiful weirdos.

I speak to you from the great beyond that is my cell phone while at the beginning of my final shift before my small holiday break from work. 

I decided to title this one with the amount of hours I’ve worked this week just to give you a glimpse of how long I’ve been awake. You can imagine how giddy I’m getting or maybe it’s delusion. I’m not quite sure yet. 

Anyhow, I just thought I’d give out a quick little update and some good ol thank yous. I’ve been having some great conversations and laughs with a lot of you here and I just wanna say that I love you all as sappy as that sounds; You’re helping me understand and become a greater woman and thank you for checking on me as I go through some pretty scary times in this kind of funky transitional period in my life.

Anyhow, just thought I’d give you a quick ruse about one of my shifts that I worked I think a night ago: On my way out the door one of my patients was causing a ruckus  You see, He thought that if he could strip, he could squeeze between the security doors and escape to freedom. Obviously, that is not humanly possible so as I was making my way out blinded by the relief of being off of work, he took the opportunity to sock my scrubs with poopy hot chocolate. You heard me right poopy hot chocolate.  anyways I hope that made you laugh because I’m still laughing about it.

Kisses!!!  
?

I’ve had this weird melody on loop in my head for a few days now… 

only fitting at work I turn it into a song right? 
I will let you guess how it sounds 😄 

"Lines in the Sand"

*(Verse 1)*

We said it’s casual, don’t read into it, babe

But every time you kiss me, I can’t look away

You pull me closer, then break the hold

Playing with fire, but it’s burning too cold

*(Pre-Chorus)*

We told ourselves we’d keep it light

But every touch is starting to rewrite

All the things we said we’d never do

Now I’m tangled up in loving you

*(Chorus)*

The lines in the sand are washing away

What was so simple now feels so gray

You’re not just a moment, you’re more than I planned

And now we’re caught in the mess of our own hands

The lines are blurred, I can’t pretend

That I don’t need you, that I don’t want this to end

We’re stuck in the middle of what’s right and wrong

But these lines are gone, and we’re holding on

*(Verse 2)*

We said no feelings, but this feels too real

You’re in my head, and I can’t even deal

One word, one look, and I’m already torn

I told myself I wouldn’t, but now I’m so worn

*(Pre-Chorus)*

We’re crossing every line we drew in the sand

Like we never even had a plan

*(Chorus)*

The lines in the sand are washing away

What was so simple now feels so gray

You’re not just a moment, you’re more than I planned

And now we’re caught in the mess of our own hands

The lines are blurred, I can’t pretend

That I don’t need you, I don’t want this to end

We’re stuck in the middle of what’s right and wrong

But these lines are gone, and we’re holding on

*(Bridge)*

I can’t keep pretending this is nothing at all

When every second with you makes me feel so small

You said we’d never let it get too deep

But now I’m drowning in everything we keep

*(Chorus)*

The lines in the sand are washing away

What was so simple now feels so gray

You’re not just a moment, you’re more than I planned

And now we’re caught in the mess of our own hands

The lines are blurred, I can’t pretend

That I don’t need you, I don’t want this to end

We’re stuck in the middle of what’s right and wrong

But these lines are gone, and I’m holding on

*(Outro)*

The lines in the sand, they don’t exist anymore

And I’m not sure if I want to keep the score

'Cause with you, I don’t know where I begin

And I don’t know where this ends, but I’m in.

is it corny? maybe… 

but it’s got this great pop country 90s feel and I’m loving it… almost like if the chicks and faith hill had a baby? 
there’s your hint !! 

*KISSIES* 

? bunny ? ~

Tomorrow is the big day.

I meet with the neuro surgeon to see if I need surgery or not.

Since doing this stuff alone, I don’t really know how exactly I feel yet so ive been furiously crocheting in the process. So far Ive made two blankets and one baby blanket.

It’s like hooking in your nerves, one by one but some how, in the end; it still turns out beautiful.

In fact, I got the call when I went out shopping.

I was getting some last minute Christmas gifts and right at the peak of some corny “let’s get drunk on Christmas” song I answered.

“Hey! We got your file! Cool case! Anyways come on in!! We’re gonna stick a needle in your brain and make sure it’s actually fluid thats leaking and not something else.”

Huh. Not exactly the gift I was looking for but I guess that’ll do.

I did end up making a great little friend on here. She’s shy so I won’t put her on the spot but, I already love her to pieces. I think she is  just the cutest. (You know who you are 😉 )

I don’t know y’all. Today has just been one of those weird days.

Not to mention, everytime I see flannel I get insanely sad. I’m sure you can guess why.

Toodles.

Bun