Confessions of a Kinky Kitten

It’s strange to sometimes feel like an empty box of memories, the pictures inside my mind have been ripped apart or burnt to ash.
People’s faces are scratched off.. cut out.

A coping mechanism meant to protect me I’m told.

It’s even stranger to know that once upon a time I was actually whole, a piece of glass with no smudges or cracks.
But now if you shake me hard enough you’ll be able to hear the broken glass rattling back and forth.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror all I can see are the cracks and jagged edges of what’s been put back together.

Little blue shards of a little blue girl, still sitting in her little red wagon.
Sitting and waiting for someone to see her.. to help her.

But what’s done is done.. that little girl has long been buried and forgotten.
It’s the puzzle she left behind that gets me lost sometimes.
The mystery behind her eyes.. my eyes.

It scares me..

It’s the crooked man in my nightmares that shackles my limbs and twists his mouth into the most terrifying smile I’ve ever seen that does me in.
It’s a demon that smelt like cigarettes and sweet patchouli with his hands held open, waiting for that woman to hand over what she owed.

Her own children.

I can’t break open for anyone to see, the skin is too torn and I don’t feel like me, I don’t even smell like me.

I smell like them and the scent seeps into my nostrils like a putrid fog and leaves me gagging and gasping for air.. something clean, anything will do. As long as it’s untainted and untouched by them.

And when sleep can’t chase everything away I whisper all my truths into a dark room, into the empty spaces.

How precarious to sleep with those whispers hanging over my head, shards of dangling glass.

But it’s worse to try and swallow them down.

Or to pretend like they haven’t left scars or pieces of themselves imbedded into my skin.

I swear sometimes it feels like if a stranger stares hard enough they’ll be able to see the reflective surfaces of those imbedded pieces.

Each piece is ugly.. it’s a picture or a scene of what’s inside me.. of what happened to me.

And God help anyone who can see it..

I’m warm in my bed, it’s quiet. The sky is barely lit, not even the birds or the sun have woken up yet.

I stretch and the bending of my legs pulls on my abdomen. My pussy lips open a little, and I feel it.

My morning dew.

I don’t remember having any naughty dreams, and I was too tired to fantasize about anything but the back of my eyelids last night. So then is this my body? Telling me she’s needy..

I smile at the thought of my body being as impatient as me in this matter. And then I close my eyes, take some deep breaths, and relax. I focus on my breathing as I move my hands over my stomach and across my breasts.

My Ramones t-shirt and my lace bralette get lifted up above my tits. I graze my fingertips over my nipples to wake them up. Then I pinch and pull, until I’m biting my lip and trying to keep quiet. I don’t wanna wake anyone up, I don’t want this stillness to go away.

Then I move my fingers lower, across my stomach and beneath my black sweats. I open my legs wide and I pull them back towards me. I use my fingers to open up my heat and I look for that magical little nub. You know the one, the one with thousands of nerve endings attached to it.

Then I play with it. Make circles.. and push down a little putting pressure every few seconds. It starts to tingle and my heart rate picks up pace. Small breathy moans escape my lips and it mixes with the stillness. It threads me through and through.

Until my hips are rolling and my wet pussy opening is grabbing at air, begging for some of the attention. I slip down a little and curve two fingers into my eager cunt and she starts sucking on those fingers. I pull them out and spread her wetness around. All over my clit and my pussy lips, before stuffing my fingers back in.

Now both hands are in play; two of my fingers fucking me while two others paint those circles around my sensitive little nub. I bend my legs back farther, I arch my back, and my heavy breathing turns into panting.

Then I’m moaning through my bit lip and my body is rolling. My breasts swaying like a mellow wave.

I hook my fingers and fuck myself a little harder, I move the fingers above my clit a little faster. And I’m so close, I’m so close that my stomach and thighs start to quake.

I need something, a push over the edge. I’m fucking myself so good, the wet sound of my fingers being swallowed up by my cunt is almost deafening. But it isn’t enough.

So right when I’m there, when I can feel my toes roll against the edge of that delicious cliff. I pinch my clit hard and let myself fall.

I shout out out my climax, there was no holding it in. My fingers don’t stop, they ride the waves and keep me crashing onto the shore. Until I’m warm and languid on my bed.

A small smile curves up my lips and I sigh, feeling content. I slowly pull my soaked fingers free and bring them to my lips. I swirl my tongue around them and suck my morning dew off them until they’re clean.

And then my alarm goes off, pulling me out of my erotic haze and telling me it’s time to start the day.

Something tells me it’s gonna be a good day.

-M

“I don’t know..”

“Is it that sometimes the pain inside has to come to the surface, and when you see evidence of the pain inside You finally know you were really here?.. Then when you watch the wound heal it’s comforting.. isn’t it?”

“I… Th-that’s a way to put it.”

- Secretary -

This is one of my favorite movies, and this scene kinda devoured me. I can’t even tell you how many times I replayed it. But that first time was the most impactful..

It made me cry,  made me fall a tiny bit in love with James Spader, and made me a whole lotta in love with that subtle kind of Dominance he exuded.

She felt seen, he made it clear he was trying to understand her so that she’d know that cutting herself was something that would no longer serve her. And he convinced her of it. He convinced her with his words, with his voice, and with his eyes. With his presence.

“No, Sir!” Never sounded so beautiful as it came out of Maggie’s mouth..