Freedom in submission. Surely we have all heard this before. To most people outside this lifestyle, it is an oxymoron. And taken at face value, it is easy to draw that conclusion. But as most of us in it know, the point is that in the submissive's position, it is how we let go, how we get to cast away our anxiety by allowing another to take the reigns and do the steering for us, whether that be in our every day lives 24/7, just a scene, or somewhere in the middle. We do what works for us in our own dynamics. Finding that balance can be tricky when starting out, as I learned when I entered this world last year. My first, short-lived dynamic was essentially 24/7; being new and naive, and going through what's called sub-frenzy, I did not know much about the process and how to negotiate, or how many different types of dynamics existed, or what kind would be best for me. I was eager to try it all. The first Dom I entered into a dynamic with was experienced, but experience doesn't always equal good. Now, he was not necessarily a bad guy, or to the point of many "fake" Doms. He had a certain level of respect and understanding. But, what he failed to do was go over what he expected of me before asking to be exclusive. I found out over the few weeks we were together that he essentially wanted a slave, and did not like brats. Which, on our first meeting I did tell him I was a bit of a brat. That right there should have been enough for him to decipher that this wasn't a good match. I think he had just been without a sub for so long that he was willing to overlook it and over the weeks we were together, he would get upset when I bratted, and in these instances I was not consciously bratting, I was just being myself which is a playful and joking. As my current Dom knows, there is a difference between me playing around as just part of my personality, and intentionally bratting with a purpose. When we first met we did go over things like safe words and limits, but that was about the extent of it. To be fair, I did express that I was open to almost anything as I was still trying to learn my likes/dislikes, however, again, I was ignorant to how dynamics worked as a whole. I wasn't even aware 24/7 TPE dynamics were a thing. But I soon found out as the days went on, that is what he wanted. Which should have definitely been explained to me as a brand new sub before asking for my submission. Over the few weeks, he would start giving me orders, daily tasks, and even demanding I do things while at work at the drop of a dime and if I didn't comply would be upset with me. By the third week or so, I realized this was causing me much stress and anxiety and is not what I wanted, and so I ended the dynamic, much to his displeasure. He urged me to reconsider, but I would not. It was clear to me by that point he expected that he would be able to mold me into the type of submissive he wanted, and not what I was comfortable with. Even if he would have been willing to bend, I knew he would not be happy with me fully, and I want my partner to be as happy with me as I am with them. And besides all that, while we generally got along, I did not feel a strong chemistry on a personal level. It just was not a good match, and you would think being in the lifestyle as long as him he would have understood that from the jump. Anyway, that made me rethink things a little, as I started wondering if that is simply what a D/s relationship is; Master/slave. I found this site, and learned there are many different ways to have a BDSM centered relationship. Therefore, I continued my search for the right one for me. I talked with many Doms over the following weeks, had some interesting conversations, and found my heading. I learned things I liked and didn't like through conversation rather than physical experiences, though I still had much to learn in that way as well. But I vaguely knew what kind of dynamic I wanted. I then met my current Dom/Daddy. We didn't start out that way though. Initially, it was more or less a standard D/s, which still being new, was fine with me. I continued learning more on here, on TikTok(yes, there are some well spoken and knowledgeable people to learn from on there, don't laugh :D), and within the local community with whom we began attending munches with and in a chat group. Over time our dynamic has evolved into more of a DD/middle, but still maintaining general D/s protocols. It is not a 24/7 TPE, but it leaks out some into our general lives with him helping me become a better person, pushing me to make and chase my goals and realize my potential in life. This is what works for me/us. Your dynamic should be bettering your life and mental state, not harming it. And what works for one may be torture for another(and not in the fun way). All this to say, for those new to this, don't be afraid to try something new or scary; I have learned some things I thought I would hate I actually love. And if you are trying something and it's not working for you, speak up. Especially as a sub, don't let that title put you in a position to submit to somebody who is not making you happy just for the sake of being a "good submissive" because that is not how it works. You should be happy to submit to the person you are with, and if that's not what's happening, do something about it! There is absolutely freedom in submission, and in the same hand, it should be making you feel empowered within. Because once you find the right situation for you, it is euphoric.
1 week ago. May 21, 2025 at 3:30 PM