So I have been trying to make a playlist to play at an early 90's Goth/BDSM club theme....anyone have suggestions? I need a couple hours of music, and I don't want to just use My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult and Lords of acid...lol
Today, it's beautiful outside....I took the opportunity to sit out on the front porch in my amish made rocking chair. It was kind of relaxing, but not nearly as much as it should have been. I spent a lot of time on the front porch (and the back porch...lol) with my friend that passed earlier this year. The loveseat he preferred to sit in now a dusty retreat for spiders and other bugs. We had some really good talks out there....drinking cheap beer and vaping/smoking. I always miss him, but it was more pronounced for me as I sat out there.
this video was in my spank bank for so long
I am not good with words, I am worse at words when it comes to self describing or searching my feelings. I have craved to be feminine my whole life (at least as long as I can remember). I was caught as a young child in the bathroom trying on my mothers dirty clothes from the hamper. I have always felt like I should have been a girl....I have also always been too chicken shit to do anything about it. I joined the Army right after HS, and spent 20 years hiding my true self. Flash forward to the last few years, my feelings are still there....but I am a big, broken, unmistakably male person. My femme self hasn't gone anywhere, but I know I will never be completely what I want. I express that in my kink....(one of them). It lets me feel like the feminine person I know I will never be. I don't have to look at myself, I can close my eyes sink into the scene and it's all real. This is kind of my coming out statement, but also, I am writing this because I am pissed off. I have been joining trans chat groups and meeting other Trans Women and Men, but I tried to join a chat recently that ended up really hurting me. They were looking for trans people to help moderate a national trans kik chat. I was denied, and told it was only a fetish to me. It fucking sucked hearing that something that I have used to come to grips with myself and the rest of the world, disqualified me as trans in this persons eyes. I felt abandoned....I was hurt, I still am....but I am bigger than them. I know what I am, I might be scared to shout it from the mountain...but some day I will
this place makes me feel like I am home. I post off the wall stuff a lot, but I have never felt not accepted....and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and thank bellona for inviting me here, being a friend....and a mentor. The Muse, Devil's Damsel, Rosethorn, Venia and everyone else who has made me feel safe....thank you so much. XOXO
The Bloodhound Gang is one of my guilty pleasures....I used to (still do...hehe) make mix cd's for friends....however, I used to make them for myself as well....this one was on them for a long time....
Courtney Love has always spoken to me, so many emotions in her songs that speak to me. America's Sweetheart is a go to album for me
KIM DEAL KICKS ASS
There is a place that hosts "drag night bingo". It's exactly as it sounds...and I have chickened out of going three times now. I haven't even planned on "dressing up" but I still was too petrified to go. I don't know what I need to do, to give my self the strength to be who I really am....I still feel like I will let down those I love, and that is so fricken painful to me