I love when life throws me random a-ha moments. This last one blindsided me in a much needed way.
A little back story. I have a fear of canes due to a previous bad experience. Sir is well aware of this fear/boundry. He knows i want this boundary pushed so he incorporates it in play in small but meaningful doses. I can say with all honesty now, that the distinct swish a cane makes as it cuts the air, now causes me to shiver in fear and delight. My breath catches in my throat as i try to stifle a moan. I can hear the grin on his face.
But i digress. This particular play day was different. First of all the energy as i entered the room was different, not in a bad way just felt heavy with intent. I proceed to climb onto the bed and lay prone face down as instructed. Arms stretched in front of me, i jump slightly as Sir begins caressing my shoulders, his hands traveling down my slowly relaxing form. A soft almost silent moan escapes me as his hands slide over my ample backside.
Lost in that moment i am snapped back to reality with a firm and delightfuly audible slap on my ass. The moan turns to a giggling yelp. The fun has begun.
Sir proceeds to work on his blank canvas with his artistic flair. The strokes of his paddle leaving glowing impressions. The sound and sting of the flogger....i swear i can hear him grinning.
The barrage continues as said canvas comes alive with colour. I am lost in my head just processing each stroke when suddenly there is a silence. My mind now residing in the moment. After a few moments of lucidity i hear it... that fucking swish. My entire body tenses up and an involuntary sob escapes me. SWISH!!! I grab handfuls of the sheet and bury my face tears welling up and my breath ragged. Fuck he hasn't even touched me yet. The gentle taps on my reddened cheeks feel like electricity as my back arches instinctively, providing you with further access as my ass is in the air now.
My sobbing muffled in the sheets as i feel the jarring sting of that first full cane stroke. Impulsively i raise myself up onto my hands head back as the tears begin to stream silently down my face, my body trembling. My head is spinning as Sir's stern voice instructs me lie back down. My body wracked with silent sobs i lay there trembling as Sir runs his rough hand over the freshly formed welt. The reprieve is brief as Sir begins his cadence of cane strokes. Each one eliciting further sobs and tears.
These tears are different though, they are filled with anger, fear, pain, frustration and relief. Seeing this Sir checks in and asks if i am ok and if i wish to continue. Without hesitation i nod and say yes please. WTF did i just say? I never thought i would be asking for more of the cane. But no sooner than i say yes...through the gut wrenching sobs i beg Sir to please help me let go and finally feel something. I lower myself back down my face buried in the tear stained sheets as Sir puts the final strokes of colour on his canvas.
I lay there convulsing with sobs of release and relief. I feel myself letting go, letting the tears cleanse me of my emotional burdens. Sir comes and stands infront of me his presence further calming me down. He wipes a tear and hands me the box of tissue. Through the fading sobs i look up at him and thank him over and over. My mind and shoulders feeling like the world has been lifted from them. It is then i see that sparkle in your eye that makes me fall in love with you all over again. I am where i belong, safe with you. Sir then proceeds to wrap me up in my fuzzy blanket and tucks my teddy bear in with me. I float off as i process what just happened.
