What would you do with a hungry woman?
She doesn't want your money,
She doesn't want any favors
She just wants your body, your time, your focus,
She just wants a chance to devour you,
Touch you and taste you
Know all of you
Like a creature that has been locked away from her deepest desires for years
And you are the map to bring her back.
What would you do?
You wake me slow
With hands in my hair
And hungry growls
Stored up in days of restless impatience
You slide over and claim
Legs scissoring mine, spreading wide
Opening
To take without asking
Your arm slips around my waist
Breath on my neck
One touch, two and I’m groaning
Tipped into pleasure
As if I’m falling into galaxies
Scalded raw and red by star fire
All moisture licked up in
The fury of your passage
Through clouds and time
Until it rains again
In this other world
Where dreams come true
I can't take the photos or paint the pictures in my head of the mad woman who lives there. She’s all rounded curves with soft indents and dimples in all the right places. She’s witchy, Repunzel black hair that curls around the blush of her pebbled nipples, and hides the swollen fat slit between her thighs. I have to write her, journal her, poem her--in word after word. Write her Rumpelstiltskin cleverness, her bite of the hags apple, her sacrifice to the dragon with the blood or her womanhood unashamed and alive running down her legs and returning to the mud she rose from. I have to write her a hundred ways, in a hundred stories both innocent and corrupt, but always artlessly, blatantly sexual. I don't know if I’m exorcising demons or finding myself but I can’t seem to stop.
I open for possible
For cautious hopeful
For sun dappled light on white sheets
Melting into my skin
As I rise
And turn, face down and kissing cotton
Fisting salvation
as the light motes across my back
And then bend deep
With a groan
Of pain, of pleasure, of understanding
That long, low female sound
Echoing
Between valleys of carved out time
Spread my legs, expose
my soft hidden heartbeat
To arch unto
The knowledge
That grips my hips
Making blue and purple fingerprints
Lifts me to my toes
And sinks into
My moan.
(This was written on my phone and still has many typos.)
I was thirteen years old.
(I don’t see women talk about this.) I had a friend who was a boy and I wanted him to like me. So I set out to make it happen in a few soft I touches and brown eyed smiles. It worked. I had sized him up as the perfect victim. He wanted to be liked by a girl. Badly. So I became that girl. He was my friend, however, and firmly in the friend zone. I never had any intention of moving him closer.
I’m currently watching three little girls. The youngest is 9 months-the girls are learning to do the same thing.
Oh, they love their daddy, but no female child is above using his love for them to get what she wants. Some Dads recognize this, but they don’t understand it. Yes. His daughter loves him. Yes, his daughter needs him. But even at 9 moths old she is not above using his need to love, protect and provide for her to get an extra cookie after mom has said no. And getting that cookie (against Mom’s orders) feels like a triumph.
I’ve seen this play out so many times in households as daughters grow into young women that it baffles me that we as society seem to forget that this behavior can become embedded in a female character when it goes unchecked by diligent parents.
Add parental guilt and shame and its often reinforced.
This girl grows to be a woman. And she decides at some point that she wants a dominant, strong, decisive man in her life-in spite of the rampant feminism that has told her she needs only herself. She wants to be thrown into the bed and ravished. She wants to be desired. She wants a man who wont isn’t afraid of her pouts and emotions but doesn’t capitulate to her foot stomping. She wants to be protected and taken care of by Daddy energy.
Or at least she says she does. Because the same society that taught her she doesn’t need anyone but her own inner strength (which she has discovered in is exhausting, isolating , and soul killing) has also told her she can have everything both ways, told her that she gets what she wants and gets to choose what she doesn’t want.
And she can use that feminine gift that worked so well on Daddy to get it.
There are also those who feel entitled. They deserve to get what they want because someone hurt them. All their girlfriends support this, cheer them on. No one encourages kindness, mercy, or forgiveness anymore. The girlfriends are out for blood. It might hurt a man, but men do it all the time, men are fake, men use women for sex, men lie, so she, as an empowered woman, should do all these things too.
Fake subs exist. They use their feminine wiles to take instead if give, pretend to submit instead opening their souls, and hurt because they know men are worse than a wild grizzly bear in the woods.
They exist and they make it harder for the rest of us to find a man who hasn’t been burned so badly, multiple times, by a woman that he finds it difficult to trust or communicate past those experiences.
And let me be frank: Woe to a less than attractive man, because he has little value as a human being to a woman other than what he can give her. He deserves what he gets for thinking he should be loved and wanted, too. This man is a mark and some women will make him their victim if he allows it.
Just because I am saying there are manipulative and fake women doesn’t mean I am saying their aren’t manipulative and fake men. There are. I have engaged with and played dangerously more than one online wolf.
But I wonder how many men were taught to be that way by the women in their lives and society and how many were just born that way…
I’ve seen little boys flirt. But they flirt to get attention, to earn a smile, to make their parents laugh. When they want a thing they point and demand the thing without any subterfuge. In adulthood it is a straight line between their desire and getting what they want-for men who do not play games.
Even the wolves online-they want those videos ladies-but most simply demand what they want up front without giving anything back.
It may be old fashioned and hetero-normative to say this, but I’m saying it anyway. Fake subs exist, women are predisposed to manipulate men and men become (are taught to be) manipulators.
Change my mind. I’d love to discuss. I know this is incendiary and I know they're a weak points to this argument. So lets talk about it.
I fell into the darkness
Where my true self lived
A creature of voluptuous hungers,
Silken black hair,
Silted dark eyes
And curves that swayed
With every step.
What was this? How had she gotten free?
I clutched at my white starched collar and coffee stained apron
In matriarchal revulsion
-That whore-
I thought I killed her
A hundred times
Buried her deep in unmarked graves
Yet here she was again.
Smile winking at me
In cream and secrets
Glossy damp crimson lipped
Over her freckled shoulder.
She kept walking,
Giggling as she bent to blow at a dandelion star,
Her pink hairless core
Winking at me
From a Venus fold
As soft and wet as a rose
In gratuitous bloom.
I turned hot with all the shame
She didn’t feel.
Before she danced through the dark,
Past a parade of masculine
Teasing skin
between motes of light and dark
Shameless in her appetite.
I had no knife to silence her
Here in the dark
Only truth
Whose wounds bled deep
In me
But left her
More free than all the starch
I’d used as armor
For my fears.
I wont be gentle
He said
But his rough was sweet
Slow pain
Covering her, pinning her down
In an embrace that arched her back
Cupped her chin
And slid deep into a dark everlasting
Past her flinch and her scream
Where every velvet stroke
Poured molten
In her soul,
And transformed sex into
Therapy
Full of dark epiphanies
And filthy growled affirmations in her ear.
(There is an image for this, in fact this is the last verse in a series of 3 images and three poems but I can't share the images so here's just the best of the three...)
She is a messy, sexy-filthy-thing
A dangerous, hungry thing
Blind and deaf and silenced
Waiting in the dark
To open
To bloom like some kind of freed night flower
Stars bursting on tumescent petals
Dew slipping down, down, down
Staining the sheets.
His dominance rolled over her in waves of warmth. He was in total control and she was losing hers.
He captured her eyes, owning her attention when all she wanted to do was look away.
“Are you ready to come for me?” he asked.
“You know I can’t. That I won’t.” Disappointment churned in her stomach. She frowned. Why did this matter to him when she was fully prepared to make him come as much as he wanted.
He cupped her face in his hand, demanding the total exposure of her soul, feeding his words into her. “If I can’t make you come, if I can’t bring you pleasure, if I can’t blow your fucking mind, then I'm not going to be your dominant. I know you can suck a cock. But can you follow my lead? Will you go where I want to take you? Will you trust me? So I’m asking. Are you ready to come for me?”
She wanted to say yes. But she’d also promised him absolute honesty. “I don’t know”
“Your orgasm isn’t just locked in your body, it’s locked in your mind, it’s locked in your trust, it’s locked behind a wall of worry and fear. I want to go behind that wall, where the real you exists.”
“ You can’t.” The words came out small but certain.
“Why?”
“Because if you do, I'll never want you to leave.”
His smile spread into his dark eyes making them seem to glint with feral hunger. “That’s fucking perfect.”
(also daringly posted in the forum)
“The Carrot,” behavior comes from a possible dom or sub candidate is when the person, YOU as the interested party are in talks with, refuses to commit to a certain thing until YOU prove yourself worthy.
Example: The Dom refuses to show his face or give any personal information until the interested party, the Sub, has revealed her entire body, given personal information, and cum at least ten times on command.
Example: The Sub refuses to show her face, reveal any personal information until the interested party, the Dom, has earned her trust, revealed personal information, or sent money, etc.
Example: The Dom holds up the collar as the ultimate reward, but will not present the collar until the sub has reached some undefined level of acceptance and “earned” her place beside him.
I don’t often see “Carrot” behavior listed as a red flag, but I was wondering how many others had encountered this type of red flag negotiation/behavior.
I have to admit, my curiosity, a competitive nature, and a desire to please has often worked against me, turning me into a carrot chasing victim rather than a satisfied and happy sub who feels like she has been challenged, experienced growth or pleasure from that challenge, and is now confident the carrot will be delivered.
It isn’t just manipulation and a power play, it is also obvious to me that the person holding the carrot has no intention of actually gifting it to the person trying to earn it.
Have you chased after the carrot like a donkey? When did you realize what was happening? Or have you, under the guise of ‘safety and privacy concerns,’ or other trust issues, actually forced your prospective sub/dom to chase a carrot you knew you would never “really,” be comfortable in handing over?
What are your thoughts on this behavior?