30 days without a day off from work. I'm hitting a wall and burning out. Burning out despite the 115 degree temperature in the shop lol. If you feel compelled, comment hilariousness, encouragement, memes (if you can even do that in the comments) jokes, anything positive so I can get some good vibes going please! Kinksters Unite!
Literally. And some have jokes, too.
I've been debating how to go about this blog for a couple days now. Do I go down Petty Road and make my point slap someone in the face and laugh? That risks the point being masked by offensive delivery and angry reception. Or do I explain myself with less flare in hopes that it hits home deeply but calmly?
One of my personal core values is productive communication. I try very hard not to speak out of anger. I try not to say things would render the point or conversation unproductive. My personal belief is you can communicate absolutely anything effectively without anger and without personally attacking someone. So that's what I'm going to do.
This does not apply to everyone. And I realize everyone has the right to create, write, and/or post freely. I am not censoring anyone. I'm speaking of the the message received or the concept developed by the reader. I also realize a long term relationship isn't what everyone is searching for. Some people are just searching for strictly play partners and that's absolutely ok. I'm thinking of the people who are looking for a constant. A long term thing.
I read profiles that are all about how a dominant can master the mind of their Submissive. They say they can help them reach their true potential. I've seen blogs stating a good dominant can help a submissive better themselves and do things they thought they'd never be able to do. There are writings saying they want to and can help a Sub develop and grow personally.
A lot of things written by Submissives state their likes and dislikes. Some pull no punches and warn people who may just want to manipulate someone to play as soon as possible. The Hit It And Quit It types. Submissives show they're armed, independent, and invulnerable as a deterrent.
The thing is, dominants have potential, too. All the things they say they can make or help a Sub achieve, a Sub can help them achieve the same things. Partnership is always going to be two sided. It's symbiotic. Each person should gain something in exchange for whatever they're giving. Dominants can learn more about their personal capabilities from a Sub who trusts them with more than they've been trusted with before. They can learn how to be empathetic while taking emotional care of a Sub and letting their Sub take emotional care of them. A Sub can pull a Dominant out of a hole just the same. They can boost the Dominant's self confidence. Encourage them to go after the thing they're not sure they can achieve. Rejoice in victory. Empathize in defeat and ensure they know that nobody is defined by their victories and losses. A Dominant can be turned into a superhero by seeing themselves through their Sub's eyes. And a Sub can do the same.
Subs, you can reach your potential without a dominant. You can do anything you want to do. You can better yourself under your own power if you feel the need. A Dominant can do all of that on their own as well. You may find new goals or improvements that come to light through your relationship with your Dominant. And you may work on those together. Thing is, so may your Dominant. You can be great on your own but better together. So is your partner. Don't feel like the solution to your life is a Dominant who says they can fix you or make you better. Find a Dominant who makes you happy. Whom you connect with deeply. Who values you. And you, them. Find someone who views you as an equal and a partner. And you, them. Find someone you want to do life with. It should be a symbiotic relationship. Mutually beneficial. Whatever the benefits may be.
Just kidding. It's hot as fuck in this shop. If it weren't for the humidity I'd have wondered if I was back in Iraq. 7 hours down. 9 more to go today.
When life takes away the whip and gives you lemons, make her lemonade.
When life replaces her drive, her "her-ness", submit by carrying some of weight. And remember it's temporary.
When life makes her question herself, remind her that delegating to her Sub is well within her role.
When life tells her she's unworthy, remind her she's strong. Remind her you're hers. And she, yours.
When life gives her more than she can handle, show her you submitted because you wanted to, not because you are weak. Show her you're powerful side again. The Leader. Pick her up and carry her if necessary.
When life interrupts your precious dynamic, remember why it works. Remember how amazing it is. Remember how amazing SHE is. And get to work.
Because it's worth it.
When life takes away the whip and gives you lemons, make her lemonade. Use every single lemon till life runs out.
This is an acrylic painting My Love, Oryx, just finished. She was hired to paint it as a Mother's Day present. All she had to go off of was a photo she looked at from her phone. I'm beyond proud of her. The recipient bawled when she saw it. The painting is dead on to the photo. Right down to the little cowlick in the hair. She doesn't see herself as gifted sometimes. But I disagree. Take a look and see for yourself! Photo of it isn't professional quality obviously. My bad on that. (Consent to post photo given)
I peruse profiles on here. I like to read about people. I see quotes from dom/mes and subs that say things like "A sub can be taught to give completely" (paraphrasing). I see things that say "I am well trained" as a sub. Or "I have a strict training program" as a dom/me. "I am intense, strict, and very capable of training you to submit."
What is this "training"? To me, no training is needed on how to submit. It's a choice and is based on agreement between the parties. Submission would (read: should) not occur if the Sub isn't completely comfortable with doing so. I am speaking just from my own experience. I didn't, nor would I ever, need trained. Because I set the pace as a Sub.
What do you train, Dom/mes? What have you been trained on, Subs? I have a tunnel vision type understanding on this because I'm so stubborn and independent. Please enlighten me. What needed to be taught? Aside from information about the roles and common practices. I get why an inexperienced person would need guidance on that. I did and I did my own research as well.
Disclaimers: This is not meant to make anyone feel shamed for training or being trained. Nor for their perspective on the dynamic(s). This is something I personally have a hard time grasping and I want to learn about. Your help is appreciated.
Oryx...hehehe...I love you...hehehe. Dont be mad. You'll get there.
Oryx and I were discussing the psychology behind people choosing BDSM practices. She believes I have Sensory Processing Disorder. While she's not a doctor, her oldest son was diagnosed with it when he was a toddler. She says I have consistent symptoms. I like to touch things. Things that look like they'd feel "neat" or "feely". I have an aversion to foods with a certain texture. And it hurts my ears to ride in a car with the windows down. Specifically when the pressure in the car is off and the wind sounds like helicopter blades. If she's correct, she thinks that's why I have a high pain tolerance. People with SPD often have an aversion to typically benign touches, like tickling. In turn, they often have a high tolerance for things that would be painful to nuerotypical people. That lead me to do some research on masochism. How the pleasure parts of their brain light up at pain stimuli and their tolerance in general is much higher compared to non-masocistic folks.
Then I learned there is some correlating data between those with PTSD and BDSM. Also, cancer survivors and BDSM. And the science and psychology behind it is fascinating.
I've been told by many that practicing BDSM is a cathartic experience. It is for me, too. It relieved stress. Can ease anxiety. It can sometimes involve a much deeper level of trust and intimacy. For these reasons some people gravitate towards it as a release and break from everyday life. For some, that's all it may be. For no other reason than they like the feeling of being free. They enjoy the cathartic experience of letting go completely. And that's it.
I am not interested in anyone's background story who doesn't want to tell it. Or anything that may drum up feelings of anxiety or panic. I would, however, like for those who are comfortable to identify whether they fall into one of these categories. You can comment on this blog or send me a bond. Or pretend you never read it. Again, I do not want to pry. And I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I think we, as a community, are a very complex group. So, if you so choose, please reply or bond with the number that corresponds with what you feel may be a "why" behind your BDSM preferences.
1. Purely cathartic. An escape. Or just sexually arousing.
2. Mental disorder. Ie- ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, other (list if you like)
3. Mental Illness. Ie- PTSD, anxiety, depression, Traumatic Brain Injury, other (list if you like)
4. Serious injury survivor. Ie- paralysis, amputation, other (list if you like)
5. Life Threatening Illness. Ie- cancer, viral or bacterial infection, other (list if you like)
Again, I am purely intrigued by the inner workings of why we belong to this community. If you are in anyway uncomfortable or upset, please don't hesitate to let me know. And don't provide an answer, reply or bond or otherwise, if you don't want to.
If there's enough interest and enough replies, I'll post my findings while keeping the anonymity of those who have replied privately. I appreciate all of you for being who you are immensely.