Something Witty

Out to dinner with this hottie. I know y'all jealous!

In hindsight, I should have guessed we'd end up in this dynamic at some point. The "signs" were there. Little things that make me think, "Well, that explains a lot. No wonder!" 

For instance, after concluding the romantic (and sappy) initial meeting, you slyly took my hands and guided them beyond the hem of your dress and up. As my hands felt soft skin instead of sexy panties I gave you a look of surprise. You smiled almost arrogantly in response because you got the exact reaction you'd wanted. You then removed my hands and asked "You probably want to get to the hotel, huh?" All I could do was nod. 

You sat in my passenger seat with one leg tucked under you and your dress pulled up distractingly high. You took my hand and slipped it between your thighs so you could show me how wet I'd made you already. You challenged me to touch you while driving safely. When I hit the rumble strips less than a minute in, you took over. If I couldn't manage to drive and touch you, maybe I could manage to drive and watch you touch yourself. That was even more difficult. But you'd known that. 

At the hotel we both knew neither wanted to pause for formalities. We looked at each other eagerly, knowingly. Hungrily, even. As we kissed and made our way to the bed, you pulled my hair. I gasped and smiled my "cocky grin", as you call it. You nearly tore my button up shirt away from me because you couldn't unbutton it fast enough. After you'd stripped me of my clothes you paused to look at me. Despite the intense level of primal desire from the second we crossed the threshold, and me standing where you'd stripped me with fervor, I indicated to your dress and said "May I take this off?" 

"You may," you said. And allowed me to do so carefully. Then you promptly moved to top me and pushed me back onto the bed with both hands, all in one fluid movement, much harder than I expected. And you grinned at my surprise once more.

Had you told me then that within a year we'd be in a 24/7 D/S relationship I would have had doubts. Looking back, I don't think it could have been avoided. 

You're hot. I love you. I'm your princess (so long as nobody else thinks I'm a princess). Happy Anniversary, My Love. Or maybe it should be called my Sub Birthday? Whatever you decide is acceptable ;)

One year ago today, I drove six hours, after working a twelve hour shift, to visit you for the first time since we began our long distance relationship. I was so anxious to touch you. And nervous. The last three miles took a year to travel. You waited for me outside in the cold for those last three miles because you couldn't sit still any longer. We talked for days prior about what we were most excited to do once we were together. Kissing. Holding hands. A hug. Things we moved to do while video chatting and quickly remembered we couldn't. It made us giggle and then made us long for each other's physical presence. The most important thing to me, my priority, was to wrap my arms around you, look you in the eye, and tell you I love you. In person. Face to face.

You stepped toward my car before I'd even put it in park. By the time I was able to get my seatbelt off and step out of the car you were already there. We embraced. I brushed my fingertips lightly along your cheek and then lingered there. I took you in. I wondered how it was possible you were even more beautiful in person. I'd stared at your face from a screen every single day. I thought I knew it as well as anyone could. I hadn't anticipated being mesmerized by how incredibly stunning you'd look in person. I felt your body against mine as we embraced. The soft lines that curved from waist to hips. The elegant curve from your neck to your shoulders and collar bones. I sighed, brought my gaze to yours, and said "I'm so in love with you." We kissed. If that moment had been a movie scene, the background would have blurred in favor of focusing solely on us. The headlights on the road would have crept by while we moved in real time. The stars would have visibly twinkled a little brighter. And the rest of the world would have been patiently waiting for this moment before going back to it's mundane existence.

One year later, the world still waits. And I fall deeper in love with you every day. Happy Anniversary, My Love.

Warning: Super sappy post to follow. Excuse any typos please. I'll fix them later.  The rain makes the touch screen accuracy less than ideal.

Today I am grateful. I'm grateful every day. But today I'm especially grateful. Oryx has accompanied me on my business trip as she does every month when possible. I consider it a sacrifice because she spends her days here alone in the hotel waiting for me to get done. She considers it a vacation. I am grateful that My Love would prefer periods of boredom and unpredictable schedules if her other options didn't include spending time for me.
This is the first time she's accompanied me since we entered this dynamic. She's been teasing me for weeks about her plans for me. She'd planned to tease me while we were out with my colleagues after hours. She likes to challenge me to see how long I can take it before I ask if we can please leave yet. I am really working on patience because I find I really like the build up.
On this trip, however, my schedule has been out of control due to poor planning by the company. Late nights and early mornings. I've not been able to plan a social outing because everyone is mentally exhausted after dealing with the unorganized daily schedule and hearing how early we have to start the next day. Nobody has had it in them to do anything but go to sleep afterward. Oryx is an extrovert. I am not. I know she's been looking forward to social time for a very long time. We always have fun on these. I'm trying hard not to be sad because I know she's been excited about this.
This is where the gratefulness happens. She's been nothing short of understanding. She's been caring for me every night. Keeping me positive through the day while I'm wading through the bullshit. She never ceases to amaze me. When she told me her priority as my domme was my well-being, I knew she meant it. I didn't know she'd be able to put me ahead of her feelings first every single time. When I have questions about what makes some people want to submit and serve....this is it for me. She absolutely deserves it. In fact, it's the least I can do for her to show how much I appreciate her. Her empathy, support, and caregiving are unwaivering. She waits until I'm ok before addressing her needs and feelings. I can't imagine how difficult that has to be for her. How much self awareness it takes. Discipline and control. It's for this reason I will always kneel for her. Refer to her as Ma'am or My Love. Always put forth my best effort with my duties. And respect her.
I may not be conveying the magnitude of this accurately. I'm not sure I can honestly. We've not been able to do anything she's had planned and she has every right to be disappointed. The fact that she would rather be here with me,despite having to put her plans on the back burner, will stay with me forever.
Ma'am, My Love, thank you. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you. The weekend isn't over yet. I'm bound and determined to serve you by making your plans happen. Come hell or high water. I'm bound and determined to be bound by you tonight ;). I love you.

First, some background info:

I am stubborn, competitive, and fiercely independent. I have been in positions of authority for my entire professional career. I make the plans and oversee their execution. I discipline. I terminate employment. I make the decisions. I have been in logistics and operations for over 10 years. I have been the shot caller on things as simple as run of the mill production operations to complex events (that I won't specify here) that are matters of life and death. I am always in charge. Except in my relationship. And I prefer it that way. 

I'd always been a little kinky. Liked it a little rough. My partners were all mostly receptive of that, less one or two. Being in control in the bedroom was hot....but I never got the same or similar treatment in kind. Thus, it was never truly satisfying. I grew tired of being in charge All The Time. At that point, my libido dwindled until it was non-existent. 

Enter: My Love. I met My Love 13 years ago in college. She and I were both coming into our own and very awkward. I was newly out as a lesbian. She was becoming more comfortable with being bisexual (her conservative label, identifies as lesbian now). We were both giant nerds with little experience flirting with women. I was a two sports college athlete and she played Dungeons and Dragons. Yet, we were drawn to one another. We hung out several times but neither was brave enough to make our intentions clear. So the connection was missed. 

Thirteen years later, I was going through a divorce when I got her message. The spark was lit again immediately as my heart raced at the sight of it. Long story short, we've been together for over a year. I found a new job, quit my old one, and made the 300 mile move to her. We moved in together shortly after. I felt it was my responsibility to keep the household (with her two kids) functioning. I cleaned. I did laundry. I managed the bills, savings, and frivolous spending. She helped, of course. But I felt it was my responsibility. I had trouble relaxing. Letting go and ignoring responsibility in favor of quality time. I began having panic attacks when my To Do list was overwhelming. My only relief was in the bedroom and only when she'd take me forcefully and aggressively. I found myself in a state of relaxation I wasn't sure I'd ever experienced before. It was blissful and euphoric.

We began talking about BDSM in the bedroom quickly after that. We began experimenting with various kinks. Each time I was on the submissive side. She seemed to flourish in her dominant role. She's been in the role in the past so she was very knowledgeable. Most of her subs had been males who were really into humiliation. And since she was into women, she didn't feel the same sexual response or connection as they did. With her and I, there was love and mutual respect. There was need and desire. There was power exchange backed by emotion. There was zero humiliation. I am a prideful person. I have strong and unwaivering moral values. I was clear I would not tolerate any form of humiliation. And she had zero desire to humiliate me for her own gains. 

We both noticed the improvement in each other's mental health. I started asking about maintaining our roles 24/7. She and I discussed and researched together. We laid out responsibilities for the roles together. Here's where things become outside the norm...

Typically the sub serves their domme. This is commonly done through routines like making morning coffee, preparing dinner, household chores, etc. I told her I just couldn't be in charge on the professional side AND at home. She felt empowered by me NEEDING her to stay mentally healthy. To keep anxiety and panic attacks at bay. She laid out each of our responsibilities. After answering some questions of mine for clarity, we agreed. I formally submitted to her. She accepted. 

I go to work. I pay the bills. I'm available for play whenever she wants, with a few reasonable and agreeable exceptions. I anticipate her needs with hot baths, massages, flowers, and snuggles. 

She is in charge of the house. She cleans and does laundry at her leisure. And I'm able to let that go. I help when she instructs me to and that's not often. She manages our bills, savings, and frivolous spending. She manages our schedule as a couple. She manages appointments. She manages the kids' schedules. 

In exchange, I get to do a few things. I get to kneel for her in the playroom she made for us almost daily. I get sexual satisfaction. And I get to let go of all the stressors that were keeping me from being the best partner possible. I get to relax when I see dishes in the sink because I know she's going to handle it. I get to have the hottest and most deliciously painful sex ever. I keep telling her I think she's got the short end of the stick in this deal. She says she's supposed to have it. She's the keeper of my mental and physical health and that's a huge responsibility. She feels powerful, trusted, and honored. 

I was very against collars of any kind from the beginning of our discussions. After some time being in this dynamic, and seeing how wonderful it was to be loved like that, I approached the subject again. We went over symbolism, both typical and each of our own. We discussed types of collars. What they each meant and were used for. Why she liked the idea of me wearing hers. I decided I'd love to wear hers. She took my tastes into consideration (I don't wear much jewelry) and made me a day collar herself. I accepted it willingly. And we both cried like dorks. 

While we aren't the typical D/s relationship, we communicated our desires and developed what fit us perfectly. I am still an equal to her. We use a capital S in D/S. And I belong to her. Completely.