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Quips and Chains

Because all pleasure and no pain makes me grumpy.
1 year ago. Sun 17 Jun 2018 09:56:31 PM IDT

I thought I’d give you guys a peek into what I do. I’ve got a commission piece I’ve been working on and it’s been more challenging than anticipated because it’s a style I’ve never attempted before. Granted it’s a crappy angle and somewhat distorted thanks to cellphone camera, you get the idea. Lol 

I would love to see what passions drive you outside the arena if kink.

1 year ago. Fri 15 Jun 2018 11:48:24 PM IDT

Miss me? Cause I missed me. I’m sorry I withdrew and became a hermit until my meds were at a therapeutic level. I love each and every one of you and it had absolutely nothing to do me NOT loving my community or being part of the cage and it will 100% happen again. Cross my heart and hope to whip my Sub tonight. 

Seriously, though. Insurances are a bitches. If you can’t find fresh serotonin, store bought is fine. Blah blah blah. 

 

I AM BACK AND FULL OF AWFUL PUNS! 

1 year ago. Sat 28 Apr 2018 10:44:14 PM IDT

As of late, our formal contract has been the topic of discussion at home. All of the terms and conditions have been discussed at length, of course, long before we decided to enter into a 24/7 D/S dynamic. But a formal contract is wonderful to have for a number of reason. Done correctly, it makes a beautiful display piece and lovely reminder of the commitment and relationship of D/S (sort of like a marriage certificate), it’s a handy reference tool (we have a LOT of rules, some that are only on alternating weeks, we cover expectations of behavior in private and public, we cover corrections and rewards, etc), and it gives each couple (or triad et al) the opportunity to discuss things that might not otherwise come up. For example; verbiage that might feel offensive to one but is generally accepted vernacular, ask questions that only occur because of a certain clause in the contract, etc. 

Contracts also offer protection to all parties involved and all parties involved should have a hard copy of their own if you are not married and living together. 

 

Ive had such fun doing this that I’ve considered offering this as a service here with ink and calligraphy, hand decorated in the way of your choosing. If you think this might be something you’d be interested in, please let me know! 

1 year ago. Mon 16 Apr 2018 11:50:58 PM IDT

 

1 year ago. Sat 14 Apr 2018 07:17:42 AM IDT

Hi. I’m a Domme. I also live with mental illness. I take medication to manage the symptoms of it and I have to stay on top of it. Mental illness is real, just as real as a physical illness. All in all, what I have to manage is relatively mild. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression, and ADD. 

Recently, I screwed up the medication that manages my PTSD, anxiety and depression. I don’t know why I felt like I could put off taking it for one day; maybe the time was inconvenient. But I put it off another day. And then I just... forgot. For almost two weeks. At first, it didn’t make any difference. I was fine. I was still me. And slowly, emotions started cropping up totally illogically with no trigger whatsoever. And then the sadness and feeling of being overwhelmed by everything crept in. 

I’ve corrected it. But because of my slip, things that are my responsibility slipped by me. It felt too huge to tackle and instead, I’d just sleep. I love who I am when I’m getting the right amount of serotonin and dopamine. I wish my brain manufactured it all on its own. I’m still grappling with issues surrounding my PTSD, but the panic attacks are so much less. 

I want to let you all know that mental illness isn’t a deficiency in who you are as a person. If you slip up and relapse into it, pick yourself up and try again. If you can’t do everything, do something. And remember that you are enough. Sometimes, it’s okay if all you’re able to do is brush your teeth or shower. Remember that no matter how alone it feels, your illness will lie to you. 

This site is amazing and if anyone ever needs to talk, I’m open to listening or giving advice as are many others here.

your illness doesn’t define you and you are not your diagnosis. It doesn’t mean you’re weak and it doesn’t mean you’re not deserving of good things. Easier to say on this side of the prescription, I know! 

1 year ago. Tue 10 Apr 2018 01:13:44 AM IDT

Though I am not new to BDSM, nor am I new to being a Domme, the idea that a D/S relationship is different than a vanilla relationship is pervasive. It’s an easy trap to fall into. At the core of every D/S, DD/lg, Maker/Doll, etc relationship... is, well, a relationship. How those of us in the community view certain things, I’m sure, is vastly different than in the vanilla realm. But it would be a mistake to think that regardless of who you are in a relationship with that you don’t change, you don’t or shouldn’t grow, evaluate how you approach communication. It’s a mistake to think that, as people, we are static. 

Prior to being with Maiden, my princess, my Sub (with a capital S), I knew of only one way to express the innate Domme qualities that I possess. That one way was... absolutely unthinkable when I looked at her face. We wanted to pursue this and I had the desire to be more, be better. Not just for her, but for myself, too. This is cathartic. This is healing pieces of me previously broken and swept under the rug, parts of dreams locked away.

True to all that she is, she’s taken my hand and led me to healing. She hasn’t healed me. It’s wrong to depend on any other person to ‘fix’ you. As Dommes, we don’t ‘fix’ our subs and neither should they be held responsible for that. 

Instead, she showed me I can heal myself. That it’s possible. She has loved me through the times I didn’t love myself. She has held me up when I weak. And she has always, always been my number one fan. She cheers for every victory, no matter how small and I cannot tell you how important that is. 

I had so much trouble trying to find that inner Domme. It hit my confidence hard. Trying to twist my body into knots to look at things differently because if I could just look at it a little differently, I’d see that Domme inside me and know how to reach her. I was so caught up in trying to look the part (if I saw the reflection in the mirror looking like the Domme I know, could I fake it until I made it?), so caught up in walking that fine, invisible line of pushing boundaries and keeping her safe and erring on safety fartoo much. I was caught up in trying to provide a Domme for her that I thought she wanted. 

She just wanted me. I’ve been in this community since I was 18 and not only did I allow myself to get caught up in the idea that PornDomme (as we’ve come to call it) was what I HAD to be, I needed to wholly remake myself into a characature of who I was, wildly exaggerated. And since I was 18, I have never been wanted for only myself. That I could come as I am and find myself loved, wanted, desired, and worthy of submission simply because of who I am. 

I finally relaxed. I relaxed into who I am and had *fun*. I wasn’t concerned with who I was supposed to be, what I’m supposed to look like, the words I’m supposed to be saying. Instead, I just had fun and used her for my own pleasure and it works because what gives me pleasure is the same that pleasures her. 

 

I know there are other Dom/mes out there who go through this, themselves. No two D/S relationships are the same and finding yourself when you’re in love and committed isn’t an easy task. My advice to you is... stop trying. Let it flow. Come as you are. Be received as you are and enjoy yourself. If you aren’t enough, the relationship is doomed from the start. 

And GrimmMaiden, my sweet princess, my love. It is because of you and your support I have found the surety of my path, love, and trust I never knew possible. You are forever cherished. 

1 year ago. Wed 04 Apr 2018 03:53:15 AM IDT

This site has been absolutely wonderful. Though new, I and my sub have already become fast friends with some of you and feel a real sense of community. It’s liberating to feel as though there’s  place where we can truly just be ourselves among others who happen to share our... ah... interests. 

I have a small bone to pick. Listen up. Don’t call me your mistress. Not even my love addresses me as such. It’s not the way I’d like to be referred to by her and certainly not by anyone I’ve never spoken to before. The bond between a Domme (or Dom) and their sub is special and should be honored. You don’t kneel in my playroom? You don’t get the right to call me anything other than Grimm, Oryx, or GO. 

Are you a sub who is looking for his or her own Domme? I certainly hope you find your bliss. It won’t be with me. When you message me and tell me that you’re on your knees waiting for my instruction and refer to me as ‘your mistress’, let me explain to you in no uncertain terms that it does nothing for me except make me sad that you value yourself so little that absolutely anyone will do... so long as they’re willing to debase, punish, or order you.

Want to know HOW I know that you have no standards in your Great Domme Hunt? You didn’t bother to even read my profile before sending me that message. You were wholly uninterested in who I am as a person and instead simplified me right down to the role that I fit in my relationship. That isn’t with you. 

Subs, if you think I’m speaking to you I probably am. You want to turn off a good Domme? Keep it up. There are those out there who have your best interests in mind. Who are, in fact, judicial with their time, energy, and emotions. Why on EARTH would she choose someone who, from the very first interaction, has proven themselves to be wholly disinterested in who she is beyond play? 

You want to get yourself in a dangerous situation? This is a great way to do it. Unscrupulous abusers will see you, snatch you up, wring you dry. Then leave you. 

It’s insulting to continue begging when you’ve been told no. You neither care about who I am as a person, nor do you listen to the things I am expressly telling you. And you’re shocked when you simply cannot find a Domme who wants to take you on. 

Again- if you think this is about you, it probably is. Look closer at your interactions. Make an effort. And LISTEN if you are told “No.” I don’t owe you a damn thing. Not my time. Not any emotional investment. Nothing. I choose when, where, how, and why I give those parts of myself and I especially choose to whom. 

And so I don’t close on a negative... I want to thank everyone for making me feel so very welcome. The overwhelming majority have been nothing short of the community I’ve always wanted.