If you’re lost in the world, I’ll come and get you
If you’re lost in yourself, I’ll come and get you
If you’re sick and unwell, I’ll come and get you
If I’m tired myself, I’ll come and get you
And sometimes I think; “well, who’s gonna get me?”
Then I come and get you
‘Cause you’re all I need
I don’t know who wrote this, but it completely covers all the feels right now.
One of my favorite Halloween traditions is to read spooky poems and short stories. Nothing gets the imagination working like a creepy, scary tale!
I came across a new genre of smutty literature when I was looking for something sweet and spooky to occupy my time while Daddy was in the hospital. Sentient smut. Yes, it’s really a thing!
This short, raunchy book had me giggling and made me look twice at the pumpkins on my porch! The puns were spot on and the corniness is over the top, but it was the perfect sticky treat and gourd fun to take my mind off of the present surroundings.
Is sentient smut for me? Probably not on a regular basis, but if you are looking for something weird and spooky for the fall season, give this a try! 🎃🫦🍭🥵
This is day #2 in the hospital with Daddy. We came to the ER Sunday night because He was so uncomfortable. They immediately did a scan of His abdomen and admitted Him. They removed 5.6 liters (11 pounds) of fluid from His belly and He feels so much better. There are still lots of IV meds and tests being run.
I have been here, by His side this whole time. I only left to go and get a shower and get His list of things He wanted from home. I have been able to be His help in all of this. It has allowed me feel useful and given me a purpose as a submissive. I have been able to pour out my love and need to serve Him. It makes my heart sing.
And let’s not forget the masochist side of me. The hospital recliner should be considered a torture device….just sayin’. I am stiff and sore from that damn thing! 😁
I don’t even know where to begin in all of this. Disbelief. Shock. Denial. Anger. Fear. Dread. One big mass of feelings that just keeps rolling and reversing and replaying. Each one multilayered on their own and balled up together, they are all consuming and suffocating.
Anger surfaced yesterday, white hot and roaring. I screamed the toxic thoughts that were slowly eating me alive by not uttering them. I couldn’t say them before because I know that He already has so much to deal with and I hate to add to His crushing burden. But His last bit of information threw me over the edge.
My Dom has a horrific disease called MASLD or Metabolic dysfunction-associated steatotic liver disease. This man, who might have a beer or two a week, is dying of cirrhosis of the liver! His is brought on by a family trait that used to be called “fatty liver”. He isn’t an alcoholic, or overweight, or diabetic. It is just bad luck.
We found it when He went to see a doctor to get a hernia fixed. This hernia is bad and desperately needs to be taken care of. His lab work looked off and the doctor did an ultrasound of his liver to confirm. We were shocked, as he didn’t have any symptoms or telltale signs. That quickly changed. Within a matter of weeks He has begun to suffer and show that this prognosis is, in fact, real.
I want to be strong and supportive for Him. He deserves that at the very least. I have kept my emotions at bay and only speak about my plans in keeping Him as healthy as we can. I am meal prepping everything He eats to change his diet. I have researched and purchased supplements that may help keep the scarring at bay and help the still functioning parts of the liver healthy.
Yesterday He told me that the surgery won’t be taking place any time soon. He was informed that his blood work is too out of whack and that he has a high probability of dying on the table because of it.
To say that I lost my shit would be putting it mildly. My whole illusion of “control” and “a plan of action” and “navigating” through all of this to get back to where we used to be, was shattered. It finally hit me that life as we know it will never be the same. Ever
In all of this we have begun to barely function as a couple, let alone a dynamic. Gone are those feelings of closeness and intimacy that only a Dom and sub can understand. We are on autopilot and merely surviving. My tantrum made me feel better momentarily, but I know that I need to get these feelings out in a healthier way. He doesn’t need a blow up every time I can’t take the pressure anymore. So I have started journaling again. Maybe getting it all down in black and white will alleviate some of it and help keep me sane.
I was feeling sappy one day last week and sent this to Daddy. He laughed and said it was a silly song, but I have heard him play it every day since. 😁
I am getting ready to start a new job tomorrow. One that I have worked hard for and spent years gaining all of the skills for. I have been waiting and hoping for this opportunity to come along someday, and someday is finally here.
As I begin packing my bag of things that need to go to the hospital with me, I realize that there are things that CAN’T go with me. This hospital has a strict no jewelry policy for their surgery department….I can’t wear my collar.
I am completely heartbroken! I have never taken it off since Daddy put it on me. He assures me that we can find something different and that it really is just a necklace and that I have the true collar in my heart and mind and soul. Still, it makes me cry to think that I won’t have it on to fidget with and hold in my fingers when I need to feel Him close to me
I am waiting for Daddy to come home so that He can remove it.
Daddy swears that it’s not a toy for me, but I can’t help but see a nipple clamp attached to a paddle. The way that He smiled as He showed it to me……makes me wonder.
https://omgkinky.com/bdsm-body-writing-ideas/
Above is an informative article on marking or body writing. Daddy and I both enjoy the practice of it. We have found ways to make it personal and playful and it makes me smile.
At times, it makes me all out laugh!
You sit, never moving, waiting for me.
I have run from You, afraid that You will see something that You don’t like
I have hid behind the busyness of life
I have raged at You when I felt embarrassment from my vulnerability
I have done self destructive things to prove to myself that I don’t deserve You or good things
I have looked to others to give me what I thought I needed
You have kept Your unwavering calm and consistency.
You have been an ear when I needed to pour out my grief and sorrow and worry
You have been the arms that held me when I needed comfort and care
You have been a companion when I became overwhelmed by my self isolation
You have been the joy and laughter that I seek
You have allowed me time to figure myself out and to see that You are never leaving….ever….no matter what.
In just sitting with me, You have helped me to find myself and all the good things that I deserve.
Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not fix anything in particular, just let us feel that we are cared for and supported