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A Literary Submissive

A journey through submission...and any other random thoughts/stories that may pop in to my head.
6 years ago. July 26, 2018 at 12:24 AM

I stare at the screen, the cursor flashing, silently mocking me for my lack of words. How can one tiny line cause me so much anxiety? Removing my fingers from the keyboard, I rest my elbows on the stark white desk, laying my forehead in my hands. I sigh, shaking my head. I spent most of my work day playing out scenes, dialogue, and characters, counting down until the moment I could bring them to life. Now sitting here, my mind is blank. Every sentence seems odd, every word void of meaning. I decide it is time to call it a night..with my head still resting in my hands, I hear the door to my room creak open. I raise my head up, and glimpse you through slit fingers..my Sir.


“What are you working on tonight Baby Girl?” You ask, stepping through the threshold.


“Apparently nothing” I huff, pointing to the blank screen, cursor still blinking its disapproval at me.


You ease in behind me, my small white chair a perfect match to my Ikea desk. I feel the warmth of your hands as they rest on my shoulders, fingers gently pressing in to my skin.


“Your words will come, they always do” I hear you say reassuringly.


I shake my head, unable to get past my inability to turn my words into creation tonight. You spin me around in my chair to face you, kneeling so we are eye to eye. You put your hands on my thighs, and can feel the tension that is singing through my body.


“You need to relax Baby Girl, you’re too tense” You grin at me, eyes holding a mischievous gleam.


Before I could react, you are pushing my skirt up, pulling me further down in my chair. You kiss your way up my inner thighs, taking your time, drawing long wet lines. With your head now under the skirt, your mouth so close to my lips, I can feel your hot breath against them. I hold my breath, waiting for you to close that distance. Then you are biting my inner thigh, that spot just below my lips. I have to grab the arms of the chair, my lower half raising off the seat, head going back, eyes closing.


I hear you laugh softly from under my pastel pink skirt. You love to mark me.


You stand, moving to my desk. I look at you, not quite following your movements. My mind is always a little cloudy after one of your markings. I hear your footsteps moving from my desk to the couch sitting at the opposite wall. Back and forth..moving my stack of papers and books from my desk.


You take my hand and lead me to the edge of the desk, removing my skirt and sheer white blouse. Laying me down over the desk, you kneel in front of me, spreading my legs.


“I think kitty wants to be kissed”


Voice barely audible, I whisper “Yes Daddy… please”


You stare up over my body as you lower your head. You start with long slow strokes, tongue moving with expert precision. My moans escape my lips. You place your mouth over my clit and start to kiss me. You kiss my lips like you kiss my mouth. Long, slow, and deep. My eyes close, back arching. You pull away.


“Baby girl, look at me”


I obey, and look at you down the length of my body. I watch as you devour me. Every lick, every kiss, you perform with ease and expertise. It isn’t long until I feel that all too familiar pressure building deep inside me. There will be no games tonight.


“I’m close Daddy, can I cum?”


For once, you do not make me repeat myself.


“Cum for me Baby Girl, cum hard.”


The orgasm hits me and my body arches off the desk. The only thing keeping me on it, and not falling to the floor, is your mouth still on me.


I fall to the desk, body limp, all tension draining from me. You stand eyes wild. I can feel your need thrumming off you in waves. My body tightens with the thought of what is to come next.


You strip down, and rope appears in your hand. You tie my hands together and secure the rope under the desk. I instinctively tug on it, not really wanting to get free. Your hands grip my hips, getting a better angle. You have to work at getting your cock inside me. You flex back and forth, until you are sheathed in me completely. You lean down and kiss me, your manhood throbbing inside me, making me squirm. You start at a steady tempo, making sure to fill every inch of me, agonizingly slow. Your pace increases and you catch your rhythm. I turn my head to the side, trying to delay the next orgasm. My laptop is still on, open to my blank page, cursor still blinking. It is blinking to the rhythm of our bodies now. As I stare at the screen, I can see them. I can see the words flowing from me in to the screen. Every word, every sentence, building with our rhythm, gaining momentum as our bodies gain momentum. I look back at you frantic as another orgasm starts to build. Turning my head back to the screen, I see it. My story..completed. Everything that I had been trying to put to words, there on the screen in my minds eye..finished. That is when the building pressure between my legs brought me back to us..getting ever so close to the surface..waiting to be released.


“Daddy..” I say to you, voice breathy.


You must hear the struggle and need in me. You wrap your hand around the base of my throat and squeeze. My body spasms, and you squeeze harder, knowing how much pressure I like.


“Cum” You command, so much power in that one word. I can not help but obey.


Your release slams in to me, and my body is rocked by wave after wave of orgasms. You collapse on top of me, our breathing heavy,as you untie my wrists. I wrap myself around you, kissing your neck. You stand up, taking me with you.


“Looks like we need to get cleaned up..” You say with a chuckle. I nod my head in agreement, not able to form words yet. You walk us into our tiled bathroom, and turn our  waterfall shower head on, making sure the water is warm before stepping us in. I feel you harden against my body, look down and find you erect once more. You set me down and face me to the wall..body pressed firmly against it.


“Ready for round 2 Baby Girl….”

 

 

6 years ago. July 18, 2018 at 7:35 PM

*This is my first attempt at fantasy style writing, I hope you all enjoy*

 

 

You walk through the door, exhaustion riding your body, and stress clouding your mind. I come to you, taking your hands in mine. As you look down at me from your considerable height, I drop to my knees in front of you. Your tired eyes meet my sparkling blues, and you manage a half smile. You take in my outfit, and your smile gets wider. The fire that ignites in your eyes makes me catch my breath as I say, “Welcome home Daddy”.


You take my hand and bring me to my feet. The first kiss is soft and tender. You pull me against your body, wrap your arms around my waist and pull me off the ground. I am held in place by your arms, feet dangling in the air. Now that we are face to face, you kiss me more deeply. I can feel your need. The kiss grows hungrier, your mouth feeding off of mine. I open myself up to you, letting you taste me with both tongue and teeth. You pull your face back, just inches from mine. I know that you are looking at my face, you love how I react to you. At that thought you set me down, still holding on to me, as my knees are a little weak from your kiss. You slide one hand down to my black lace panties, and slip a finger inside. From the growl that vibrates next to my ear, I can tell that you are pleased at the wetness that you have found.


“Baby girl”, you whisper.


“Yes Daddy?”


“Kneel”


That one word holds so much power. Power over me, power to dominate.

As I drop to my knees in front of you, your hand grazes my breast. The matching black lace corset presents my supple breasts to you, waiting for your attention. You cup my face in your hand, and I close my eyes. I hear the familiar sound of your zipper being lowered. My body instantly tightens, and I can feel myself grow slick at the anticipation.


I open my eyes and look up to find your erect manhood has escaped your pants.


“Baby girl”


“Yes Daddy?” I respond.


You smile at me, knowing that this is my favorite part.


“What do you want?” You ask me.


I lick my lips, mouth going dry. “I want you Daddy”.


“In what way?”


You love playing this game with me. We both know exactly what I want, but in this game of ours, I must verbalize it, beg for it.


“I want you..in my mouth” I whisper, not able to hear past the pounding of my heartbeat in my head.


“Good girl. Take what you want..now”


With that command, I wrap a hand around your cock, so small in comparison to your size, while I tease the tip. Licking it with quick flicks of my tongue. A growl escapes your lips, and that is my cue that you are sick of the teasing. I plunge my head down, mouth wrapping around the full length of you. Fitting all of you in my mouth, my throat is a challenge, but one I have worked hard to accomplish. As my lips meet the base, your hand is on the back of my head, grabbing my hair, gripping and tugging it, just the way I like it.


From your view, my head is bobbing up and down, my mouth only going down so far. My right hand is again wrapped around the base of you, while my left is gripping your leg for balance. With the hand around the base of your cock, I give it a little squeeze, sending even more sensations through you. I know just how much pressure to use, to send you over the edge. I test my limits tonight, and squeeze a little harder, while my mouth sucks on you. Both of your hands are at the back of my head, and I can feel the strain in your arms as you fight your body.


One minute I am on my knees, licking and sucking. The next I am being lifted and pressed against the wall. You hold my weight with one arm around my waist, while you push your pants and boxers down to your feet, where you kick them off and away. Next goes your shirt. This takes a little more maneuvering. I try to help by pushing it up and within a minute, it is on the floor. You turn to me and again that look catches my breath, and makes things low in my body tighten.

That look a man gets when he’s thinking about sex, knowing that you are his and that he can take you anyway he wants to.


You kiss the top of my breasts, biting down hard, marking me with your teeth. This sensation sends a shiver through me and my eyes close. I hear the sound of ripping cloth, and my body jerks from the force of you ripping my panties off.


I put my arms around your neck and our eyes meet. We stay that way for what seems like forever, lost in each other. I feel your tip at my opening, teasing me. You grin at me as you slide in, causing me to gasp at the sheer size of you. It is in these first moments, when are melded together, that I feel truly complete. That I am safe, and loved, and whole. This feeling overwhelms me, and time has not lessened it.


Time resumes and you are inside me, filling me up. Sometimes I think it’s too much, and that I can not take all of you. Just as I’m about to tell you it hurts and to stop, the pain feeds into pleasure. I can feel the sweat on your chest as you lean in against me, putting your left arm on the wall for support. The pressure is building between my legs, faster and faster. I know you can feel me tighten, because your rhythm falters for a split second.  I know that I am not allowed to cum without your permission.


This is another one of our games we play. You please me until I’m at my breaking point and beg for you to allow me to cum, while I fight against the pleasure as long as I can. My breathing speeds up and becomes shallow, this is your cue that I am close and still fighting it.


“Ask me baby girl”


I shake my head, eyes closed concentrating.


“Ask me baby girl” you repeat


Again, I shake my head.


You pick up your pace, and deepen the thrust. I gasp.


I open my eyes to see you with a sly grin on your face, eyes shining.


“Ask baby girl”


As always, my stubbornness loses out.


“Please Daddy” I half ask, half beg.


“Please what Baby Girl?”


“Please Daddy. Can I cum?”


“Beg Baby Girl.”


I can feel it building, I don’t know how much longer I can hold back. I know the punishment for orgasming without permission, and it isn’t something I want to tempt.


“Please, please Daddy. Can I please cum for you?” I beg you, voice barely a whisper.


“Look at me” Again, such power in your words. I look into your eyes.


You look into mine, “In 5...4...3...2...1...cum for me Baby Girl. Cum for Daddy.”


I climax and my body bucks against yours, nails digging in to your back. I feel your release come just as mine is ending, sending my body in to a second wave of orgasms. My body goes limp, mind fuzzy. You scoop me up in your arms and carry me to our bed.


As you set me on the bed, you remove my corset, and lay me down against the pillows. My eyelids are heavy, sleep pulling at me. I feel the bed shift as you crawl in behind me. Although you are over a foot taller than me, we fit together perfectly. You snuggle in behind me, spooning my backside. You wrap your arm around me, and kiss my head. I clear my throat, and after two tries say to you, “Welcome home Daddy, I love you”


You chuckle softly in my ear, and say, “I love you too Baby Girl.”

6 years ago. July 8, 2018 at 1:29 AM

I’ve always had a hard time with feelings. More specifically, allowing myself to HAVE feelings for someone. It started off as a defense mechanism. Building my walls out of adamant, and so high they were a fortress. This was done to protect myself, to allow me to flow through life unwavered by these ‘feelings’. 

At one point I realized that this fortress I built was truly impenetrable. Even I did not know how to lower the walls. For years I’ve been working at them, scowering the walls, looking for even the tiniest of cracks..then it happened. 

I met a dom online. It started out like every other encounter I’ve had. We talked every day for weeks, getting to know each other,and we never ran out of things to talk about. One day he asked if I could try to open up more and allow him in. Funny thing was, he had already started to wiggle his way in...slipping through a crack I hadn’t realized was starting in that black adamant wall of mine.  

I had grown accustom to hearing from him everyday. This man was truly in my heart, allowing me to feel things I had not felt in years. Was I worried? Yes! I decided to take the chance and jump in anyway. I soon accepted his offer to be my first dom. The thought of this did not scare me. It made me feel like I was finally at peace. A sense of calm had washed over me. Two days later...he ghosted me

I cannot tell you how deeply this affected me. At first I was mad. Mad at him, then mad at myself. Why the hell did I let him in. WHY?!? I know better than to let someone in, because once they get in, they will forever have a piece of me...and I can never get that back..ever. 

 

I cried and cried. I cried at home, at work in the bathroom, in my car..everywhere. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about this, that I had no one to turn to. At this point I realized something. If he was able to walk away so easily, I never truly meant that much to him. So I decided to pick my grown ass up off the floor, shake off the sadness, and be thankful. 

Thankful that I can feel for someone.  He may have broken a piece of my heart, but in the end, it is open. Open and ready for someone who won’t hurt it. Someone who will hold it with such care and look after it. 

Not only are my eyes open for a new life and experience, so is my heart. I’m ready to catch those feelings and love with everything I have. 

A Literary Submissive 

6 years ago. June 12, 2018 at 1:11 AM

 

 

                             “All fear is the same no matter the cause of it, you conquer or are conquered by it.

                                        I wasn’t in to losing, not even to myself, maybe especially to myself.”

                                                                                            -Anita Blake

                                                                                               ‘Jason’

 


You see, I have one of those pasts. The kind that makes people pity you when you share your tale. I’m not the girl that wanted or needed pity, it just wasn’t in my nature. It had been 12 years since, but it still affected me, more than I’d like to admit. So much so, that on this particular night, the night I first felt what the BDSM lifestyle had to offer, I felt ashamed for enjoying it. My first thought after this experience was, “You’re broken, that is why you loved it.” It felt wrong to derive such euphoria from being held down, with his hand gripping my throat, and not knowing if the next squeeze was going to be too hard. As a survivor of familial rape, it must mean something about me was...wrong...right? So wrong, that now, I was defective.


I took these feelings and buried them as deep as I could, then shoveled the proverbial soil over it.


Fast forward to 3 years ago, I had a similar experience with a now ex-boyfriend. Even though it was accidental on his part, I again felt that wave of euphoria. The kind of ecstacy that I would later come to realize happens when you give up all control. At this moment, I still felt that shame, and embarrassment, so back in the ground my little dark secret went.


I am not ashamed to admit that I have had my share of sexual partners. Many one night stands, trying to replicate this long ago, but not forgotten experience. I tried and tried to replicate, without recreating….to no avail.


So...here I am. Many wasted years later, ready to admit who and what I am….to myself.


I am a submissive.


That does not make me weak, or any less of a human being. It means that, although I have a strong dominant personality in my work life, I want someone else to take control in my personal life. No, it will not be easy for me to just submit and obey, I am after all full of spirit and fire.


So this blog will be my journey. The journey of finding myself and knowing that there is NOTHING wrong with the way I feel. My journey of finding a dominant. One with the patience to help me grow into myself, and learn who I am. One who doesn’t mind a little fight and independence in their submissive. Most importantly, one who will treat me as his equal and love me mind, body, and soul.


A journey of learning how to get out of my own damn way.


So, to those that are starting their journey, those that are in the midst of finding themselves, or those that have found exactly what you are looking for...I hope you find strength, comfort, understanding, and acceptance within the lines of these pages..

 


A Literary Submissive