Dear John

I finally took a good look in the mirror

...

...

...

                 and it made my pussy twitch 😜

I am done looking.

This phoenix is dying.

I'm burning and melting, my flesh drips off me yet turn to dust before its met the ground. 

I'm hurting but I'm not sad. The physical pain is only temporary, yet I can't breathe through it. The air is dry, my throat is burning, the transformation feels endless

But another piece falls. And then another. 

I can see my bones thru the flames and even without muscle, they still move. 

But I'm cracking. My bones are almost burned through, they pop and crackle. 

There's no place to go, the fire is within me. I can't run, I can't leave. I'm free but I'm stuck.

I'm growing motionless.

And now.. Now I can't move but I'm still buring. 

I see the flames, i smell the heat.

But.

I don't feel anything 

No pain, no heat, I can't even feel myself. 

And now I'm falling?

No, I've finally collapsed. I've falling into the only person that can catch me. 

There's one person that can take me where I need to go, There's one person that can guilde me and mold me better. 

There is only one.

There is.. and there will always be one.

Me. 

It's me and And i am She.

I've gotten myself this far, Ive seen the dynamic i want and I've gone as far as teaching men how to dominate myself.

I've done the work on both sides and I'm tired of this repetitive cycle.

the pieces of me I've given away are dead already.

& with this realization, I am born again. 

it feels like the situation is always the same, down to the very conversation.
I'm here because I enjoy the lifestyle.
I enjoy the power exchange dynamic.
I'm a submissive and Yes, I've had a Sir before.
(profiles help, like alot)
I prefer something daily and personal.
no, I wont to take pictures of my holes for you because you simply call me good girl either.. that doesn't work anymore.


why does it feel like every dominant has the same approach? are all subs the same?? is that why there's no variation in conversation??
I know that's a lie. every sub I've talked to is so much different then the last. they're as different as night and day.


there's no way this is it. but even on other sites,  it is.

this is it.

submissive must mean personal porn maker. no, on the clock, personal porn maker. because things are fine when im doing that,
it's the moment I ask a Sir to deliver his promise, or even make time to CoMmUnIcAtE, like so many of you "dominates" swear you stand on, thats when we're done. that's when it doesn't work anymore and this isn't a good fit. that's when I'm blocked without reason, waiting for a response.
Its cowardice.

Use your words.
I will say, it really opens your eyes to the types of dominants people THINK they are. Everyone is 'soooooo' much different (than what I've concerned about.)
yea, okay, as different as dusk and dawn .


I'll consider it a bullet dodged.

You don't have to be rude to be mean. 

You woke me up for what? 

    becuase Now I'm upset, so forgive me for acting out but why shouldn't I. 

i was quietly minding my own. sleeping inside myself. 

I'm here now. Now What? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to act out?

becuase see, I heard what you said, I hear you, I do, but, selfishly, whats that got to do with me?

I could take it when I was sad, then, it makes too much sense

but when I'm angry, it warps my ego. 

when I'm angry, those excuses feel weak. and you're stronger than that. aren't you? you're making me feel......[untamable]? nahh. not the word. too eager? no, what else would you expect from daily tasks.. I'm sure there's such thing as doing to much but there's also definitely such a thing as not doing enough. 

What was this supposed to teach me?

I already knew what I wanted. We were just making sure? 

oh, k, thx. xoxo? 

no doe. am moose. bbl.

Dear Joh,n 

   my mind is growing over this. and i dont do well when im bored.

give and take. but take... take... take the time to give.. thanks.

so thanks for.. opening me up. 

now what . .

anything further, sir?

because this feels familiar. 

and its too easy to get stuck inside my head..               i want out of it. 

really sir.... how bout you just be there or be square...!!  (it means you arent aRound)

How dare you Sir. (please forgive me)

I dont appreciate you shifting my world around. I was happy and I was set in a routine already. I have everything I want, but now not anymore?

And where are you anyway, Sir, dont make me wait. *iiiiiiiii* dont like feeling like this, this is not the control I wanted to give up. I said you could take my body, I said Id give you command over me but I didnt know that meant youd have my emotions under wraps..

I DONT miss you...Sir. I just crave you and your attention.

And Im NOT jealous...Sir. but you said I could have your time.. and I wanted it..

 *IIIIIIII* DO NOT NOT HAVE AN ATTITUDE SIR BUT YOU SAID WHAT YOU SAID AND THAT HURTS MY FEELINGS .

This isnt fair. I feel like a school girl waiting for her crush to come around, youre a damn theif, SIR. give me my thoughts back.

I just wanted a new form of disicipline.. a new hand to guide me. Sir, I dont know what I signed up for..... I like you. Like, like you like you. and i feel dumb about it.

You tell me its my subs nature to crave her dominate but im getting physically angry. Im addicted to you. (too quickly might i add)

the way you speak to me, & the feelings you wake up.  Im scared.... scared of my emotions, and scared of what youll do to me.. im scared of what i want you to do to me..

im scared of who you might make me.

but mostly Im scared i might like it.

Whatever.

i dont even know who i am anymore. 

---   joh.n doe . 

iis th@t g00d 0r b@d..

      ii`ve b33n d0ing @l0t 0f cl3aniing..

🙈🙉🙊💋

-- j0h N d0e..

forgive me, this has no rough draft.

i didnt think about what to say, i simply came here to write today. 

        but he called me his pet-- no, his pretty pet.

and he told me i had no power. that he's taking it all and asked me did i accept that.

i did. and i do. for so long ive wanted 'someone' to take my control.

      ive been seeing him for 3 months now and today, in the 4th month, i gave all of my power to my Master. 

         and i dont believe this is too fast. in fact, i want it to be faster. because he didnt become a Master until today.

hes sweet to me.

he cares for me.

he is gentle to my sadness.

but he spanks me until my ass is hot.

he motivates me.

goes out of his way to find me on the days im hiding. and somedays that means literally making a trip to come see me.

he teaches me,

       and corrects the toxic behavior ive been taught was 'normal'

he's stern. firm.

       but soft, his voice shakes me into submission.

I L*VE HIM

where is this coming from? today, he came to see me and we talked. really, we had a whispered conversation. and it felt to right to sit on my knees in front of him, while he sat on my bed. while he whispered in my ear and choked me. never enough for me to pass out, but enough to get me wet. while he stroked my face and made me look at him. while he told me to shut up and listen

that was is MY place, MY spot, where I was meant to be.

i never want to let go of my place. 

his slut. his pet. his woman, his slave

i am all of the above

i stopped looking for a master

and my Master manifested right in front of me.

i am so thankful for this man

--------

i am his Doe 🦌

e·volve          /ēˈvälv/

verb
1.develop gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form.

synonyms: develop, progress, advance, move forward, make headway, mature, grow, open out, unfold, unroll, expand, enlarge, spread, extend; alter, change, transform, adapt.