a place where everything is not okay

-please read the last post to relate-

I have an update
I did break up with her but she kept calling and apologising through a mutual friend and said she wanted to have coffee just to apologise and I agreed, she said that she is willing to do anything to get back together but I said there is nothing we can do
After that she proposed that she is willing to make our sexual relationship a dom/sub one - we were always switching - were I am always the dom
Could this work? I REALLY love her and miss her
I'm just lost rn
And I don't know if I would like to always be the dom
+ she came on to me that day and I stopped her and told her I need to think about it
It's been two days and I didn't call her yet

Hello if you read my last post it was like a year ago or more 

So far this year has been the worst year for me

My partner whom I mentioned kept going over my limits even after talking to her she would apologise and cry and say that she didn't mean too but after a while she would do it again 

I feel like I'm being abused and I can't get out of this toxic relationship I don't know I just don't have the courage I love her so much but she keeps hurting me emotionally and physically

One time I tried to end it and she started crying and begging and promising to change so I didn't

I really don't know what to do

I found a sexual partner she is as they say "way out of my league" and if you read my previous posts you will realise how hard it was

She is a switch too like me when I am the dom everything is ok but when she is the dom and I am the sub she goes over my limits but it's not her fault because I never told her... 

I'm just afraid that if I said anything she will Leave me because that's the way she like it and she really makes me happy 

I really dont know what to do we are meeting tomorrow what should I do so she won't leave me? 

I was diagnosed 8 months ago with severe depression and bunch of other stuff I dont wanna talk about. I had it for a year and a half I refused medication as my parents dont know and I dont want to tell them and I don't really have the money to buy the medication which is expensive 

The point I am getting to that the only time I stop thinking about all the shit in my life is when I am doing a thing related to being a sub where I get physical pain so I can forget about my real pain and lwithosing all the control to someone and being a dom where I feel I have all the control not like my life where I have no control and everything is just so fucked up

Whenever I have suicidal thoughts I just think about being with someone whom I love and care about and she do love and care about me In a relationship where we can share control and make things right together amd make each other strong

But it's just a Dream I know it won't happen and I don't know why am I even fighting anymore?

What if you fell in love with a 100% vanilla person? Just wondering will it work?

Is it a good idea for a switch to be in a relationship with a dom/sub? I mean what if they want to satisfy the other side of them? And as a switch I can assure you it's a completely another person in you who have other needs and thoughts and personality 

I can remember when I first started having thoughts about my sexual prefrences I was 14, my first fetish was a foot fetish as I was young and still affected by our society and by how I was raised at first I thought of my self as a less of a man.

It was really a hard period in my life, always thinking I'm less than others and then I was begining to be a sub and all that stuff just made me feel less and less of my self and me myself was not accepting who I am. 

I started accepting my self like 2 years ago and what helped me that I became non-religous (ex-muslim).

finally I knew I was a switch a year ago and I loved and accepted my self as I am since then.

It wasn't easy but it was worth the suffering.

hope you all are doing good :)

I'm an 18 years old egyptian male (switch), I just wanna talk about how hard it is to be into BDSM in a country like mine

you can't ever speak loud about your sexual preferences the only thing that you will gain here is the contempt of others you will be one of the intouchbles in our sad racist society even your parents may think you are cursed or smth lol

it's nearly impossible to be in a relationship of that kind every thing is strict and it's also nearly impossible to find a partner with the same prefrences as they are afraid to talk frightened from the society 

people here are just filled with hate to anything diffrent sexually/religously/etc....

it makes most of our ungathered BDSM community in egypt go into depression and even the psychaitrist wont understand lol

my only hope is going away from this hateful enviroment as I've been into kinky stuff since I was 14 and I knew I was a switch like a year ago 

just wish me luck!