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Treasure Chest

Where you will find the hidden gems along my journey. My feelings. My raw and real emotions. You will get laughter, kink, positivity, with pain and some times heartache all wrapped in silver lining. So if you haven't been here yet, make sure you begin at the beginning.
3 days ago. Fri 17 May 2019 12:21:55 AM IDT

Ok Cage Family. 

 

So here's the deal. I posted a blog yesterday about an ex friend and ex Dom.

 

Two people that ive trusted so deeply and with so much.  Two people that I never expected to hurt me how they've hurt me.

 

So I spoke on it. I was real. I was honest. Raw. And pretty fuckin savage. I did it on purpose because that was nothing compared to the savageness of what they did to me over a matter of months. 

 

And inspite of how ham I went,  I have no regrets about how I handled it. I not only had hours to think it through first,  but I needed to release those demons and in that way. I needed to speak my truth. 

 

Plus I had it in my mind that I wanted these people to be exposed for the badness they are. So others that I value in this community will be on their guard. So they won't get hurt like I have. 

 

And it was worse because I was there for those two with my whole heart even when it was broken from my last Dom. That's just the person I am. Another reason why I can't regret any decision ive made over the last few months. 

 

Ive grown. Ive been chiseled and buffed. Ive been beveled to become closer to the person I'm meant to be. And now my heart can rest and these lungs could breathe. I can sing and cry and let out all the hurt over time, because it's necessary to truly heal. 

 

So im thanking my amazing friends who have been there for me, through every step of the way. Even when ive lashed out and pushed you away you didn't budge. I thank those who have told me to breathe. Those who have let me cry on the phone with you. The ones who have built me up again and supported my decision to write and stay true to myself on this journey im on. I even thank those who were there and are now gone. Who were equally apart of my journey, but our time together had just taken its course. 

 

And now I thank even those two, who hurt me most recently. Im glad I had the support from you both when I did. And giving me someone to help when you needed it, even if I feel betrayed by it now. Even if I feel used. That showed...me. It showed...Treasure. My character. My giving nature and selfless, loving heart. And I get to walk away being better and stronger for knowing you. 

 

So now, I'm quiet. Im singing. Im praying. And choosing love. God is love and the good always wins. Always. 

 

 

So please...stay safe, stay blessed and keep on KINKIN' on πŸ’‹

4 days ago. Wed 15 May 2019 08:31:56 PM IDT

Oh how you both are made for each other. 

 

The lies and deception fueling your fire. 

 

The fire of your FAKE ass friendship. How it burned me up from the inside. 

 

The tears you cried. Claiming abuse and untruths like you were allergic to honesty.

 

Not understanding the why. The motives. Taking advantage of my love. My kindness.  My Christianity. You couldn't get lower if you tried.

 

So it makes sense that you both hurt people since he's low as fuck. A SNAKE in the fuckin grass. No legs to walk on and no arms to crawl. 

 

Interesting how talented you are without those arms since you juggled us. Playing two women or more at once but two for sure.  She BEGGED you to commit and you couldn't until you did. Just like with me, but it was all bullshit since you had us both. 

 

Your harem afterall right? Playing the insecure, broken hearted type who needed lifting up and I lifted. Lifted you high but it never worked because your name is more suited for you than I realized. 

 

Because you belong down there.  Down low. On the ground. Below my feet. Not deserving of my respect,  my love,  my submission. 

 

My DESTINY was what I thought you were. It felt right...until the lies began to reveal themselves and you couldn't settle my plight. So was this experience meant for me? Was it my DOOM? My NEMESIS? No... because she was FAKE and so were you. And im not. Im the real deal that you both lost out on. 

 

Every comforting word and every prayer. Kneeling to God and kneeling for me. For my submission and for you.  For promises made that I kept, and ones you both made that were broken. 

 

It was clearly an experience I was meant to have. One with no regrets. I refuse to regret being the great friend and amazing fuckin sub that I am. 

 

Ive come out of this a little scratched and a bit bruised but those wounds will heal. Mending themselves like my heart has had to go through. The pain of my past and now you. 

 

You both are shady as fuck but ive got my armor in place now. Only those worthy of this sexy sub can get close. Get anywhere near this beautiful,  curvy, intelligent and humorous woman that is worth more than either of you could ever be, put together. 

 

Not good enough to clean my shoes, let alone shine them. 

 

So umm... what's your name again snake? VIPER? PYTHON? Damn...too bad... you've become too insignificant to remember your name. Just know that the next time you try to provide a diet plan for someone... how about you think about a personality plan? A fuckin morality plan... since you have no care for another woman... another human. 

 

The FAKER and the SNAKE. You deserve each other. You're nothing. Just being vapor together now. I hope it was worth it.

 

πŸ˜‰πŸ˜˜

5 days ago. Wed 15 May 2019 07:08:23 AM IDT

Oh how you both are made for each other. 

 

The lies and deception fueling your fire. 

 

The fire of your FAKE ass friendship. How it burned me up from the inside. 

 

The tears you cried. Claiming abuse and untruths like you were allergic to honesty.

 

Not understanding the why. The motives. Taking advantage of my love. My kindness.  My Christianity. You couldn't get lower if you tried.

 

So it makes sense that you both hurt people since he's low as fuck. A SNAKE in the fuckin grass. No legs to walk on and no arms to crawl. 

 

Interesting how talented you are without those arms since you juggled us. Playing two women or more at once but two for sure.  She BEGGED you to commit and you couldn't until you did. Just like with me, but it was all bullshit since you had us both. 

 

Your harem afterall right? Playing the insecure, broken hearted type who needed lifting up and I lifted. Lifted you high but it never worked because your name is more suited for you than I realized. 

 

Because you belong down there.  Down low. On the ground. Below my feet. Not deserving of my respect,  my love,  my submission. 

 

My DESTINY was what I thought you were. It felt right...until the lies began to reveal themselves and you couldn't settle my plight. So was this experience meant for me? Was it my DOOM? My NEMESIS? No... because she was FAKE and so were you. And im not. The real deal that you both lost out on. 

 

Every comforting word and every prayer. Kneeling to God and kneeling for me. For my submission and for you.  For promises made that I kept, and ones you both made that were broken. 

 

It was clearly an experience I was meant to have. One with no regrets. I refuse to regret being the great friend and amazing fuckin sub that I am. 

 

Ive come out of this a little scratched and a bit bruised but those wounds will heal. Mending themselves like my heart has had to go through. The pain of my past and now you. 

 

You both are shady as fuck but ive got my armor in place now. Only those worthy of this sexy sub can get close. Get anywhere near this beautiful,  curvy, intelligent and humorous woman that is worth more than either of you could ever be, put together. 

 

Not good enough to clean my shoes, let alone shine them. 

 

So umm... what's your name again snake? VIPER? PYTHON? Damn...too bad... you've become too insignificant to remember your name. Just know that the next time you try to provide a diet plan for someone... how about you think about a personality plan? A fuckin morality plan... since you have no care for another woman... another human. 

 

The FAKER and the SNAKE. You deserve each other. You're nothing. Just being vapor together now. I hope it was worth it.

 

πŸ˜‰πŸ˜˜

 

 

1 week ago. Sun 12 May 2019 12:55:42 PM IDT

***DISCLAIMER: This blog might trigger someone if they've had an abusive past. Please don't read on if this is too close to home***

 

Ok...so for some reason, this month has been one of the hardest yet. 

 

I keep getting beat up by life. But memories are mingled in there as well. 

 

I go through my days like a zombie, on auto pilot it seems. I wake up in the morning and I'm so in my head, that half the day is gone and its like I can't remember how it passed by and ive seemed to miss it.

 

Then im guilt ridden because I'm a mom. I shouldn't be missing precious moments with my favorite little human. But I guess our minds do crazy things when they try to protect themselves. I know what its like first hand....

 

So...I know that what im about to mention isn't a new concept in the bdsm community. Many people struggle with abusive pasts of some nature, whether physical, emotional, mental, or sexual. 

 

So I haven't felt the need to post about it here. Not only because it just hasn't come up to do so,  but because im all about overcoming my abusive past without airing it so publicly. 

 

But for some reason, I'm getting road blocked by it and I refuse to allow it to bring me under. Within trying to overcome my emotional turmoil, here's my story...

 

So, almost 11 years ago to the date, I was 20, at my cousin's birthday party, and got raped by a guy I was dating. He was 28 at the time and was drinking pretty heavily. We had agreed to wait to have sex because we were still so new to our relationship and other circumstances that factored into our decision. 

 

It was late, I went to bed. But woke in the night with him on top of me and holding me down. I remember feeling immediately afraid because I didn't know what was going on. But my brain also felt sluggish. I remember thinking that I must've not slept long because of how slow my brain was functioning. I still don't know if he put something in my drink that night.

 

Anyway, he sweetened up to calm me. Kissing me and touching me a bit. But there was an underlying fear no matter what he tried first. Gut feelings and intuition are amazing things. Too bad I didn't feel something sooner...smh.

 

So he basically removed the clothes necessary to have access to do the unthinkable. While im doing my best to shove him off me and saying no, he had his way. He used taunts and his physical strength to pin me down mentally and physically. 

 

The deed wasn't even done yet and I felt overwhelming shame and self loathing. Im strong. Always have been. I wasn't the girl who got raped. Who got betrayed this way by a guy she adored and trusted.

 

With family members in the house, so close by,  I couldn't scream or call for help. I was half naked,  exposed and unable to fully grasp what was going on. 

 

My mind went into survival mode and tried to protect itself from the emotional anguish that was sure to break me. I was in denial while everything was going on. I didn't realize it then, but in hindsight, he broke me that night. The unfathomable thing happened to me and I couldn't accept it.

 

When he finally let me up,  I ran to the bathroom and dry heaved for what felt like hours. I washed myself up as best as I could and went back out to him. 

 

He literally looked up at my approach and grabbed me like a lover in pain. He put his arms around me, with his head on my chest and begged my forgiveness. Literal tears coming out of his eyes. I was numb and said in words that it was ok but of course it was nothing but. I was screaming inside. 

 

We didn't discuss it after that. It was the non existent jackhammer that crushed my heart. And my mind kept everything covered in blackness for a year until I could process the reality of who I'd become. 

 

Within that year, he and I stayed together. On and off. An extremely emotionally and mentally abusive relationship ensued. I was the bitch. The cunt. The whore. I was nothing and everything to him. This precious punching bag he couldn't let go of and the powerful lioness he couldn't tame. He was chipping away at my spirit, piece by piece but there was still fire burning within me to fight back.

 

My family saw the change in me. Years later, I was told that I became very introverted and quiet. I wouldn't talk to my friends and family or even look them in the eye. My physical appearance changed as well because he hindered me from dressing in anything that would make me feel confident or beautiful. Make-up wasnt allowed and clearly a smile wasn't either. 

 

So I walked around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. So much weight on them, that my parents later told me that my body looked hunched over a bit, that I literally had my head down all the time. πŸ˜”

 

It saddens me to think about it now. I was young and vibrant. But was forever changed by that whole experience. I know it stemmed from the rape. His later abuse and insane control over me were possible because of my brokenness from that night. 

 

And I know judgements will be made after reading this. Like why didn't I leave or fight back or do more or something different than what i did? Ive lived with them for years. And from my own family when it came out. They were angry and blamed me. Then blamed themselves for not protecting me. Which then caused me to comfort them and not the other way around. A vicious cycle in itself. I get harmed and I do the comforting. How twisted is that right?

 

So believe me, nothing anybody could tell me would be something new to what I've been told already. 

 

Im purging all of this here, on the cage,  at this time because im struggling. The 11 year anniversary of my rape approaches and its taunting me this year. It could be the progression ive made further into D/s that has triggered something. Maybe its issues with trust in relationships of all kinds. Hurts. Pains. Losses.

 

So I figured I'll purge it all... right here. Free myself of the initial thoughts so I could at least sleep. 

 

This journey called life is an interesting one. We feel like we've dealt with and overcome something and it rears back up when we least expect it, so we could deal with it some more. 

 

Im being molded and shaped every day. And I can walk away from my situation as a survivor and not a victim. This blog is about strength, not sorrow. So if you understand my pain, I'm sending hugs and love your way. May the Lord's strength and peace be with you as it is with me always. I couldn't get through any trial without my heavenly father. 

 

So thank you all for every ounce of love and support you've shown me. For your friendship. It means more to me than you know. I adore you all my fellow kinksters. My beautiful cage family. God bless you and thank you for listening...goodnight. 

 

 

 

1 week ago. Sun 12 May 2019 12:58:58 AM IDT

When all you're thinking about is just laying back and enjoying the pleasure of his tongue and hands. Mmmm. πŸ‘…πŸ’¦

 

 

 

πŸ’‹

1 week ago. Fri 10 May 2019 07:19:18 PM IDT

When I think of my Sir, I smile. 

 

Like a genuine smile from my heart that meets my eyes. 

 

I adore his care for me. Its the type not given so easy. The kind that is naturally there through a friendship,  but then grows and strengthens over time. Something that wouldn't have just happened with anyone. We bonded and connected through hurt and pain. We supported each other through a storm we were both drowning in. 

 

So I feel blessed to know that this specific man feels for me the way he does. Not only through attraction, passion and desire. But the need to fight for me. For my health. State of mind.  For my best interest. 

 

He's stern yet gentle. Really kind, but strict. He's lenient and fair, yet unyielding. He is all things consistent and contradictory. That man keeps me in line and on my toes and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

 

Sir,

 

Butterflies swarm my stomach upon hearing your voice. Reading a text.  Or seeing your name pop up on my screen when you call. You excite me and keep me feeling flushed and giddy, but like your sexy Puerto Rican siren.... like literally all at once. How?? LOL. πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‹

 

I love your longing. As its something that I can fully relate to because it matches mine.

 

We've been through some rough stuff together. Things that have made us weaker, yet stronger. Things we support each other to work through. To work past so we may make it to the other side, stronger than we originally thought possible. 

 

I want this with you. The fight. The battle. The support. The adoration. Everything that is you,  I want. I crave. 

 

I have no regrets about decisions that have been made. I would do it all over again for you. 

 

Its unfortunate that you can't see the greatness in you. The greatness I see. But I will spend every day showing you. Reminding you of my heart and who now holds it.

 

I placed it in your hands some time ago in the midst of the chaos. And I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I see the fire in your eyes to protect it and that's all I need. 

 

So as you sleep, dream of me and the Treasure you hold. Remember, that although you claimed me, and with force *giggles*...I willingly gave myself to you. My heart. My body. My submission. 

 

No regrets Daddy. Its you and me. Wherever this journey takes us from here, I want it with my hand in yours. No questioning it. No looking back. Im here and there's no other place I'd rather be.

 

So yes Sir, I'm totally and completely nuts! Lol. (Im sure that's what you're thinking as you read this)... I'm crazy! Crazy for you! I have truly taken on the title of Batshit Crazy Girl with reverence and joy, because I'm YOUR Batshit Crazy Girl πŸ˜‰

 

With those beautiful eyes that make me wet and swoon, I adore you. With that handsome face and sexy as hell body,  I crave you. But because of your mind, your heart, I submit to you. 

 

And yes, you've claimed me, but I'm claiming you right back. Shouting from the rooftops. Right now. Im yours!  But you're also mine. And I thank you... for giving me you. For giving me greatness. 

 

With all the nuts I could gather 😏...

 

-Your babygirl. Your princess. πŸ’‹

 

 

1 week ago. Tue 07 May 2019 09:19:12 AM IDT

The bittersweet of today...

 

Im telling you... when it rains it pours.

 

When things seem to be improving, life hits you with a curveball. And not just anywhere, but right between the eyes. 

 

Im blind, head exploded with pain and nose bleeding from the impact. 

 

But thankfully, my kind and gracious Sir was there for me every step of the way. Directing me. Distracting me... whether by sweet and sexy words, or dirty strictness...(i got both πŸ˜‰)...it's all appreciated. 

 

I find that just the presence of someone who cares and builds me up, makes the hardships easier to bare.

 

So he cleaned up the blood gently. Wiped my face and got me fresh again. Softly and gently,  with sure and steady hands. A little bit of pain during the cleanup, but it's to be expected. 

 

And now im sporting two black eyes from the circumstances, but it's ok. Time heals all wounds. So I will snuggle with my Bug and rest until sleep steals me away. 

 

Im ready to be swept far into the clouds on my aftercare blanket. It will be my magic carpet tonight. 

 

Thank you to those friends who are there and support me. Who stay strong with and for me when i need you. And thank you Sir for just.... being you. 

 

Im nuts πŸ₯œ

 

πŸ’‹

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 weeks ago. Mon 06 May 2019 02:40:27 AM IDT

We all know ive been down in the dumps lately.  But things are improving and im in a better place today. So to bring the point home... here's a Kalen video. Love it! #Crying 🀣🀣

 

2 weeks ago. Sat 04 May 2019 09:36:56 PM IDT

 

πŸ˜” I'll let this song speak for me since I have no words. πŸ˜”

2 weeks ago. Fri 03 May 2019 12:49:21 PM IDT

Damn.  My head is a mess. 

 

Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

 

I keep saying that I won't let these Doms get under my skin.  But how is it not possible when you submit?

 

When you willingly give your will over to someone else's control? 

 

You trust them to hold you and wipe your tears. To honor their commitments as you do yours every damn day.

 

With every task. Every rule in place. 

 

I am fiercely loyal. Fiercely a good girl. 

 

And yet my head is fuckin spinning. I can't get him off my mind. 

 

I try to move on. I ache for closure, as much as I ache for his touch. 

 

I once told a friend that men are black holes. They just suck you into the abyss of madness. 

 

Each one holds this power. And they either make it a lovely ride or a really fucked up one. 

 

Why do I keep getting the fucked up ones? Oh yea. Because im clearly still growing and being molded for my One. 

 

I will enjoy fun play.. laughs..adventures along the way as much as I can.  But im also reveling in the sad feelings. 

 

Its ok to dwell and ponder. To ask the tough questions. As long as I continue to believe that im worth it. That im worth fuckin greatness, because I am, its all good. 

 

Ive lived up to my name. Im a Treasure, even if the black holes don't see it.

 

So tonight,  I'm up late as usual. Good girl mode on high and pondering my worth. Processing feelings and decisions made. 

 

My mind is going in circles. Circles over this shit and over him. Will he be a lovely black hole or a fucked up one? 

 

Until time reveals it all,  this song is just too fitting not to post here.

 

A night of thinking, deserves great music. 🎢🎡🎼