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4 days ago. Mon 19 Aug 2019 04:27:45 AM IDT

Last night was our monthly play party. Doors were supposed to open at 6 with the ponies.  I got a call that the person who wrangles the ponies couldn't make it. So we opened at 6 anyway because by then it was too late to change. But things got rolling more around 9. It was small. It was intimate.

 

 

Honestly speaking low numbers used to bother me. A lot. I mean a lot. And then two things happened.

 

 

The first was years back I was performing in a fundraiser. When one of my co performers said it doesn't matter how many people are out there. If there's only one person out there you give your all to that one person. If there are no people out there you give your all because you're all deserves it.

 

 

Years later we were a host house for local rganization and whenever the numbers weren't big the organisers would get so upset. They would go around the party mumbling to themselves about how people didn't show. Making the host house feel responsible for low numbers. The whole thing behind this huge uncomfortable piece of bullshit.

 

 

My beloved and I have decided that even if no one shows then that means we get to play. And if only a few people show that we need to honor and cherish who they are and this time with them. Stop being embarrassed over what could have been. But engage in and dance with what is.

1 week ago. Fri 16 Aug 2019 06:41:14 AM IDT

Today I started the search for a civil attorney to take my case. The bigot that has ignored the cease and desist has not stopped.  

I came on thecage to try to find peace only to see the topic of why politics matter. 

 

I am cut deeply by this. 

 

After Trump was elected our community went apeshit. 

The organizers refused to take a stand. 

Bigotry, hate, homophobia,  transphobia, racism exploded. 

People  that had  been giving lip service about safe space refused to act on it. 

 

It cuts deep. 

Deeper then I can say. 

Deeper then I understand.  

 

It forced me to create Obsidian.  

And Through the Looking Glass.  

 

But I can't breathe. 

The thickness of it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 months ago. Tue 18 Jun 2019 05:30:03 AM IDT

I was approached by a gentleman who was interested in me being his Master. 

He is very sweet, red flags all over. 

 

So I said- if you are interested in serving me then I have a piece of homework for you first. 

I sent him an article that I had published and gave the instruction that he would read it and then ask me three questions about it. 

I havent heard back from him. 

 

I oftentimes find that when approached by s types if I ask them to think they quickly become disinterested in serving me.

 

This hurts my feelings not one bit. 

I want to know how they think, what they feel, what they can bring to my table. 

If they aren't able to articulate those things we wont work anyway. 

 

But I was kind of wondering what others thought about this process.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 months ago. Fri 31 May 2019 03:17:10 AM IDT

One of my greatest honors:

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bj8w6gRF2mB4oK3RDsCEcdiH8WDEcC8M-d5XkY0/?igshid=yuif4uatyivf

2 months ago. Tue 28 May 2019 06:44:02 AM IDT

I have a rule that an event isnt over until the "thank you's" are done. 

And today is that day!

 

I do  the "thank you's" to presenters right away. 

 

Today I finished the "thank you's" to the venders. 

AND

 

The house is almost ours again!!!!

 

Only 7 loads in the dishwasher!!!

And about 24 hours total of clean up. 

Now we only have little bits to do left. 

 

Floor's, finish the dungeon, paperwork from the event, start tweeking the website for 2020, empty the van,

 

FIND MY WEDDING RING 

It went flying off today when I was throwing dirty rags into the laundry pile.... I HOPE 

 

Then I need to start putting my efforts into paying off bills and recentering myself into life again. 

 

 

Its interesting really. For at least two months prior to the event, if not longer,  every free minute is planning, answering questions,  working on schedules, meetings with admin, ect... 

 

Now that its over its like a joyous cloud has lifted and I can refocus on my life with My Beloved. 

 

I am still beyond elated. 

 

But happy to be back to a normal schedule.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 months ago. Sun 26 May 2019 07:26:49 AM IDT

Soo...

Its been a week since Through the Looking Glass has ended. 

I worked all week and My beloved has been ill. 

 

Lets just say my self care regimen has taken a back seat.

Last Saturday I spent about 12 hours in the wind so my face burned, then melted off and rebuilt itself. But not before looking like I was covered in boogers from the aloe. 

Just now I finally sat down and trimmed the yeti coming out of my nose. I am surprised at how well I can breath. At one point it was like a prison movie as the nose hair clipper dimmed the lights in the house from the power surge. 

 

I can feel my legs now, but my feet are still refusing to talk to me. 

 

And I broke the new toilet seat. Twice.

Not sure how.  

 

Its a regal life.....

 

2 months ago. Sat 25 May 2019 05:53:09 PM IDT

I had a really amazing conversation with a dear young submissive.  

 

 

We were talking about her past relationships. She said that she was concerned about becoming a submissive again because she loses herself.

 

 

I thought about that for a good hard minute and then something clicked.

 

 

I said to her:

 

You need to start thinking about how a Dominant will fit into your life. Not how you will fit into a Dominants life. You need to start thinking about-- in real time --what it would mean for you to have a supportive Dominant. What it mean that the days that you're studying for 8 hours the Dominant brings you lunch? How is it in real time the Dominant would fit into your life and make you a better and stronger person if you met them today?

 

 

Just because you have things in your life that need to take priority over what a Dominant needs does not make you less submissive. It makes you a powerful human being. As a Master type owning a powerful human being is beyond words. 

 

 

My beloved owns her own business. I helped her build that business starting 5 years ago. I have ACTIVELY supported and promoted her business from the start. The stronger my beloved becomes, the more self-assured my beloved becomes means the more I have to up my game for her to lay her slavery at my feet.

 

 

For me, a strong, self-assured, intelligent, brazen, beautiful and mind blowing slave and or submissive is not only an amazing person to know but also a call to the D types to get and or to have their shit together

 

 

In our community there is a D-type that likes to date college women. Invariably they never finished college. It's been 3 they're onto number 4.

 

So as I am  talking to this lovely new person I wanted to create the idea that it is healthy to have expectations of their D-type. It also creates an easier way to determine whether or not the relationship is healthy for them.

 

 

So I encourage all of you as s types to flip the script. To start thinking about what a D-type needs to do to fit into your life. To start thinking about what characteristics a D-type would need to have to be able to own you.

3 months ago. Sun 19 May 2019 07:47:07 PM IDT

Good morning everybody. I had meant to chicken with the cage here and update everybody as to the looking grass was progressing. But everything was happening so fast and it was all so emotional that I really didn't have time. So I'm up now, late. Feeding the horses. Woohoo they're pissed.

 

 

In a lot of ways yesterday turned out to be like so many events that I've actually put on in the past. The wind was so bad and the temperatures became so frigid that we basically moved everything inside. So our massively huge impressive tent went unused basically throughout the entire event. So for that I am laughing my ass off. It was an expensive piece of scenery.

 

 

We had one slip by one of our presenters. But it's a questionable slip so I'm still trying to figure out how to do this.

 

Besides that you couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. We ran out of signing liability forms. We printed out a bunch more and then ran out of those. So the last two people that got in got in on pinky swear. Pinky swear I believe is legally binding. And ultimately they never did burn down the house.

 

 

Here's the part that I never saw it coming. We're actually thinking about having it back at our place next year. It keeps our expenses way down. We can get an idea of what are growth ark is. We just have to move it date wise for when it is not freezing outside.

 

At this point we had had to keep the date because the hotels were already booked, the plane tickets were already bought, all of the advertisement had already been out there. So when we lost our venue our only thought was okay we need to continue to do this on that date cuz we have a hundred people coming. How do we make that work?

 

 

To say that the last 24 hours worth success is underscoring the point. It is nowhere near how I feel from that wild train right.

 

 

For me there were several points that made this successful

 

 

The first is we were surrounded by POC, alt sex, non-binary, a neurotypical, all body sizes.

 

We did a kink walk and a pet parade. Everybody got prizes. Everybody got screams. We have people coming from out of state as guests not as presenters.

 

My beloved cooked all day. My beloved made her African peanut stew both for meat eaters and vegans. Salads, rice both buttered and not, fruit, handmade lemonade with mint, stewed cabbage  both vegetarian and not . The smells from the kitchen permeated the entire house.

 

We had a young person here. During the kink clock you can do anything you want. When she started to undress it was revealed she had had a double mastectomy. The crowd went apoplectic. The screams of joy and approval and lust for her performance werw... let me put it this way it was a lot not to break down in tears at that point to see that this crowd that we had brought together wood so deeply loved somebody and accept them.

 

I have a large scar across my forehead. Pretty much dominates my entire forehead. Is from a rape when I was eight. I don't think about that scar much. But when  that young woman took off her shirt and gave the wildest most sultry burlesque performance I felt deeply connected to her and the risk that she was taking.

 

 

I'm sure I am speaking out of turn here. I am not honoring her journey as I know little of it. What I do know is that moment changed my life...

 

 

Has more thoughts, about the last 24 hours I'll share with you the good and the bad. I just needed to put out there that you guys at thecage you made this better for me. You talk to me off my wall. And the love and support that you have sent the last couple of months has really kept me going

 

3 months ago. Fri 17 May 2019 06:33:58 AM IDT

The pre prep starts tomorrow for Through the Looking Glass.

Place is mowed. 

Tent goes up. 

House is prepped. 

Paperwork  readied. 

Food pre preapared.

Dungeon furniture moved into place. 

Vender areas measured and numbered. 

Chairs put into place. 

Lighbulbs changed out. 

All areas marked. 

Signs need to be made. 

Hotel gets paid. 

Out of town guests picked up and taken to dinner then hotel. 

Littles tent put up.

Tables placed. 

Cart prepped for the ponies. 

Kinkwalk area cleared. 

And after that--- the real work starts. 

 

I feel ready. 

I feel buoyant. 

I feel excited to my core. 

Ill keep everyone here updated as we go. 

 

Thank you Miss Bonnie- eat an elephant one bite at a time. Serve it up. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 months ago. Sun 12 May 2019 02:53:01 AM IDT

Yesterday I was really struggling with next week being Through the Looking Glass. 

Its New Mexico in May and we got snow yesterday. 

 

So much needs to happen in such a short period of time. 

 

If the weather doesnt pick up we are really in trouble. 

We have a back up plan that solves most of our concerns, but...

Oy. 

And then my other partner wrote me this :

 

"The bottom line is that the event will be a big success.  Lots of attendees, great presentations, great event space, good energy.  it will be the start of a wonderful annual happening.  You already are planning for a hotel for next year!  It’s going to be terrific.  And people will look back in 20 years to the beginnings of the famous Albuquerque Through the Looking Glass event and hear the legends of its humble beginnings in a horse pasture…and wonder if it that was really true or just a legend."

 

 

I have read it over and over. 

Today I woke up and felt like everything was going to be ok.