One of my greatest honors:
One of my greatest honors:
I have a rule that an event isnt over until the "thank you's" are done.
And today is that day!
I do the "thank you's" to presenters right away.
Today I finished the "thank you's" to the venders.
The house is almost ours again!!!!
Only 7 loads in the dishwasher!!!
And about 24 hours total of clean up.
Now we only have little bits to do left.
Floor's, finish the dungeon, paperwork from the event, start tweeking the website for 2020, empty the van,
FIND MY WEDDING RING
It went flying off today when I was throwing dirty rags into the laundry pile.... I HOPE
Then I need to start putting my efforts into paying off bills and recentering myself into life again.
Its interesting really. For at least two months prior to the event, if not longer, every free minute is planning, answering questions, working on schedules, meetings with admin, ect...
Now that its over its like a joyous cloud has lifted and I can refocus on my life with My Beloved.
I am still beyond elated.
But happy to be back to a normal schedule.
Its been a week since Through the Looking Glass has ended.
I worked all week and My beloved has been ill.
Lets just say my self care regimen has taken a back seat.
Last Saturday I spent about 12 hours in the wind so my face burned, then melted off and rebuilt itself. But not before looking like I was covered in boogers from the aloe.
Just now I finally sat down and trimmed the yeti coming out of my nose. I am surprised at how well I can breath. At one point it was like a prison movie as the nose hair clipper dimmed the lights in the house from the power surge.
I can feel my legs now, but my feet are still refusing to talk to me.
And I broke the new toilet seat. Twice.
Not sure how.
Its a regal life.....
I had a really amazing conversation with a dear young submissive.
We were talking about her past relationships. She said that she was concerned about becoming a submissive again because she loses herself.
I thought about that for a good hard minute and then something clicked.
I said to her:
You need to start thinking about how a Dominant will fit into your life. Not how you will fit into a Dominants life. You need to start thinking about-- in real time --what it would mean for you to have a supportive Dominant. What it mean that the days that you're studying for 8 hours the Dominant brings you lunch? How is it in real time the Dominant would fit into your life and make you a better and stronger person if you met them today?
Just because you have things in your life that need to take priority over what a Dominant needs does not make you less submissive. It makes you a powerful human being. As a Master type owning a powerful human being is beyond words.
My beloved owns her own business. I helped her build that business starting 5 years ago. I have ACTIVELY supported and promoted her business from the start. The stronger my beloved becomes, the more self-assured my beloved becomes means the more I have to up my game for her to lay her slavery at my feet.
For me, a strong, self-assured, intelligent, brazen, beautiful and mind blowing slave and or submissive is not only an amazing person to know but also a call to the D types to get and or to have their shit together
In our community there is a D-type that likes to date college women. Invariably they never finished college. It's been 3 they're onto number 4.
So as I am talking to this lovely new person I wanted to create the idea that it is healthy to have expectations of their D-type. It also creates an easier way to determine whether or not the relationship is healthy for them.
So I encourage all of you as s types to flip the script. To start thinking about what a D-type needs to do to fit into your life. To start thinking about what characteristics a D-type would need to have to be able to own you.
Good morning everybody. I had meant to chicken with the cage here and update everybody as to the looking grass was progressing. But everything was happening so fast and it was all so emotional that I really didn't have time. So I'm up now, late. Feeding the horses. Woohoo they're pissed.
In a lot of ways yesterday turned out to be like so many events that I've actually put on in the past. The wind was so bad and the temperatures became so frigid that we basically moved everything inside. So our massively huge impressive tent went unused basically throughout the entire event. So for that I am laughing my ass off. It was an expensive piece of scenery.
We had one slip by one of our presenters. But it's a questionable slip so I'm still trying to figure out how to do this.
Besides that you couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. We ran out of signing liability forms. We printed out a bunch more and then ran out of those. So the last two people that got in got in on pinky swear. Pinky swear I believe is legally binding. And ultimately they never did burn down the house.
Here's the part that I never saw it coming. We're actually thinking about having it back at our place next year. It keeps our expenses way down. We can get an idea of what are growth ark is. We just have to move it date wise for when it is not freezing outside.
At this point we had had to keep the date because the hotels were already booked, the plane tickets were already bought, all of the advertisement had already been out there. So when we lost our venue our only thought was okay we need to continue to do this on that date cuz we have a hundred people coming. How do we make that work?
To say that the last 24 hours worth success is underscoring the point. It is nowhere near how I feel from that wild train right.
For me there were several points that made this successful
The first is we were surrounded by POC, alt sex, non-binary, a neurotypical, all body sizes.
We did a kink walk and a pet parade. Everybody got prizes. Everybody got screams. We have people coming from out of state as guests not as presenters.
My beloved cooked all day. My beloved made her African peanut stew both for meat eaters and vegans. Salads, rice both buttered and not, fruit, handmade lemonade with mint, stewed cabbage both vegetarian and not . The smells from the kitchen permeated the entire house.
We had a young person here. During the kink clock you can do anything you want. When she started to undress it was revealed she had had a double mastectomy. The crowd went apoplectic. The screams of joy and approval and lust for her performance werw... let me put it this way it was a lot not to break down in tears at that point to see that this crowd that we had brought together wood so deeply loved somebody and accept them.
I have a large scar across my forehead. Pretty much dominates my entire forehead. Is from a rape when I was eight. I don't think about that scar much. But when that young woman took off her shirt and gave the wildest most sultry burlesque performance I felt deeply connected to her and the risk that she was taking.
I'm sure I am speaking out of turn here. I am not honoring her journey as I know little of it. What I do know is that moment changed my life...
Has more thoughts, about the last 24 hours I'll share with you the good and the bad. I just needed to put out there that you guys at thecage you made this better for me. You talk to me off my wall. And the love and support that you have sent the last couple of months has really kept me going
The pre prep starts tomorrow for Through the Looking Glass.
Place is mowed.
Tent goes up.
House is prepped.
Food pre preapared.
Dungeon furniture moved into place.
Vender areas measured and numbered.
Chairs put into place.
Lighbulbs changed out.
All areas marked.
Signs need to be made.
Hotel gets paid.
Out of town guests picked up and taken to dinner then hotel.
Littles tent put up.
Cart prepped for the ponies.
Kinkwalk area cleared.
And after that--- the real work starts.
I feel ready.
I feel buoyant.
I feel excited to my core.
Ill keep everyone here updated as we go.
Thank you Miss Bonnie- eat an elephant one bite at a time. Serve it up.
Yesterday I was really struggling with next week being Through the Looking Glass.
Its New Mexico in May and we got snow yesterday.
So much needs to happen in such a short period of time.
If the weather doesnt pick up we are really in trouble.
We have a back up plan that solves most of our concerns, but...
And then my other partner wrote me this :
"The bottom line is that the event will be a big success. Lots of attendees, great presentations, great event space, good energy. it will be the start of a wonderful annual happening. You already are planning for a hotel for next year! It’s going to be terrific. And people will look back in 20 years to the beginnings of the famous Albuquerque Through the Looking Glass event and hear the legends of its humble beginnings in a horse pasture…and wonder if it that was really true or just a legend."
I have read it over and over.
Today I woke up and felt like everything was going to be ok.
Yesterday I had the honor of meeting with a person in our community who is the vendor coordinator for multiple large people events. 1200 people and up.
I wrote down every word. I tried to soak in as much as I could. Multiple times I slumped back in my chair with my mouth hanging open while trying to take in the wisdom of this person.
I have been honored enough that they've agreed to come with me to contract a a hotel for next year's Through the Looking Glass.
Seriously a hotel...
They have dealt with big events for so long that they were very easily able to spot my deficiencies and both my planning process and how I'm thinking.
I was able to ask questions that I had always wanted answers two.
Do big events split up dungeon event dungeon space by gender? How do you handle photography? When do you need door monitors? How do you handle the need for barriers in the dungeon ? How do you even begin to negotiate a BDSM event that allows sex in a hotel? How do you afford and finance everything? How do you appeal to the best vendors and speakers? How do you grow?
I've done small events and day events since 2007. But my vision for Through the Lookin Glass is so much bigger than anything I've ever done. I am out of my depth. I have my energy, effort, desire, and drive. But I am deeply lacking in knowledge.
This event for the 18th is already a done deal. Now we just sit back and have fun.
Next year however it's a whole other ballgame.
I'm going to keep core aspects of Through the Looking Glass. Who we represent, how we represent, and our core values.
What I have to legitimately look at is doing the entire thing on donations. There are always people who can't afford. We will do scholarships. I want to keep that.
But since I am serious about growth I'm going to have to critcally look at our bottom line.
Where I'm most blown away is in the idea that we can go to a hotel within our second year.
That I have somebody who can legitimately teach me next steps.
I am still trying to take in everything that this person shared. I want to honor this learning so deeply.
We have so much growing to do! And I am deeply deeply ready.
Today is a day of gratitude and fulfillment and being able to be in awe.
Thank you for reading my dear cage friends!
Walking into last night I wasn't expecting a lot of people. Numbers whether they are high or low don't tend to bother me. I figured we'd have about 9 people. I was wrong. We had really good numbers last night, a ton of new people, and holy shit the play party was freaking awesome!!
It started out, and here's where I just giggle at myself, we didn't have paper cups, plates, or silverware. We had to wait till somebody donated at the door for us to go get paper goods.
Our gratefulness was that we had enough toilet paper.
For this party I was completely different.
I sat outside in the beginning. I greeted people as they came through the gate. I just took it easy. I did not have the brain power to do the door. That just was not going to happen, so I needed to make sure that I was keeping an eye on everybody.
Then the mysterious and magical Vanna showed up. Vanna has been working on this thing called "The Box" and she brought it last night. It's not completely done but it is beautiful! We've decided to name it the sexhedron. It is 4 independently standing pillars connected at the top. Lots of eye bolts for tying people up. The sex sling is in the process of being made. Once done it will go in the middle !!! Its app 10×10.
Throughout the night people were outside on the deck and playing under the stars. People were utilizing that piece of equipment all night long. I was over the moon.
There's still some work that needs to be done on it before its ready for May 18th, but the joy and fun of which we are already infusing into her, was palpable.
Lil Miss is retiring from Obsidian and moving out of state. Last night was the last play party will we be together where she is actually a part of Obsidian. She made me a cake. It was a booby cake with a black and red corset. It was so good!
Lil Miss came with her new beau. I liked him right away. Smart, independent, not a dick. Lil Miss had mentioned that maybe they wanted to get a lesson from me on flogging.
I played that by ear because he is a new D type to her and I don't want to step on any toes. I don't want him to feel like people look down on him for whatever his style is.
So, last night were all outside on the back deck and he ties up Lil Miss on the sexhedren and he turns to me and says "what do you think?"
I thought Okay you are comfortable with me coming in here. I worked a little bit with Lil Miss on the sexhedron and then I said "the best way to do this is to untie her and let's take it from the beginning."
I worked with him on positioning, thinking it through, and putting the emotional intent of the scene above all. Even though the flogger is in your hand what else are you going to use and do before that flogger? It was a soft moment for me and I was deeply grateful to be a part of his growth.
I have a different style when it comes to teaching flogging then most people I've seen. For me it isn't about me, it's absolutely about these two people being able to connect. Listening to Lil Miss moans and breathing patterns, it was just a joy. I don't take over. I would show him what I was doing. I would demonstrate. I would say "can I touch you?" Then step back.
When it comes to this kind of teaching it is all about building the energy between the two of them.
All of the play was wonderful!!! There was so much fun, beauty, and joy.
It was the absolutely perfect mix of people who didn't look like me!!! Non-binary, trans, altsex, POC. It was exactly what I had hoped it would be. I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a long time and I came up and give them the biggest hug.
There's a generalized excitement about May 18th. So I'm very excited about that.
Later in the night about 2 in the morning when things were kind of calming down, somebody started a scene and I was just watching.
They turned to me and said "can you work with us a little bit?"
I'm always honored to do that so I said sure.
The first question that I asked them is "what's your Dynamic? Are you top/ bottom? Is there a power exchange?" They didn't have a lot of answers for that and I said "okay those are things you're going to want to think about."
Then I said " let's just kind of work this out and as we go we make adjustments."
It started with a very interesting exchange. She said "where do you want me?"
He said "where do you want to be?" Then she went over to the table and bent over.
I stopped them at this point and I said "what just happened here?"
They're looking at each other and they're looking at me because this is how they normally do things.
I said " what just happened here is she asked for you to take control. You did not take control. So she did. What that means is if she doesn't trust you to take control then she's going to have to. Out of self-preservation. So let's try this again."
I separated the two of them we pretended there was a room between them and I told him "think of the three things that you want to take control of. Do you want her to be sitting, standing, laying? Do you want to be facing towards you or facing away? Lastly, how is it that you want to present yourself when you enter into the room? In other words what's your intent the scene?"
He said or him the intention is sexual.
I said "perfect we can work with that."
I had him walk back in and take control of the space. As the scenes were progressing it became easier for him to take that control. I really enjoyed watched his evolution.
In their personal dynamic she is used to saying "what do you want?" Then he throws it back to her. Since he's not making a decision she does. Getting them to break that pattern during a scene was really interesting. Once he saw it he was able to change it pretty quickly.
Beloved , I, and Lil Miss co topped just the cutest cutest cutest guy. He was just adorable.
The way cool thing was how much love, laughter, and a sense of real community permeated the event.
In the end I had people come to me and say thank you so much and they feel so very welcome and that that is a really big deal. That's something that we strive for and they'll be seeing us on May 18th.
I'm just so excited!
So to put a little bit of truth out there. I was starting to have really bad second thoughts about May 18th.
What is it doing to us? What are we trying to do? Does this matter? Why am I bothering?
With all of this running through my head our other partner said go watch this documentary on Fyre Festival.
I'm like sure, whatever, yeah this will help me. I'm going to humor you but I don't anticipate this changing my life---- well it did. Fyre festival, for those of you guys who don't know, was a music festival that people were paying $10,000 to $250,000 per person for. What basically happened is they showed up and there's no music, no villas, no food, no water, no sanitation. They did have tents with soggy mattresses.
So I thought to myself "as bad as stuff could potentially go on May 18th. At least I'm not that guy!"
The Obsidian team reminded me that IT IS A GOOD THING the event is going to be small.
We are expecting between 60 and 90 people, which is small for us.
They reminded me "Let's keep it small until we really get our systems down."
I stopped pursuing vendors at this point. I'm just focusing on processes. What are the processes that need to happen?
What are the processes that we can utilize to make it bigger with controlled chaos?
It was really great to be able to talk to the team about this. We might be small this time out but we actually need to be until we have our own selves figured out.
It was a perfect party, with so many amazing conversations. I am still in after glow.
Yesterday I met with the head of NM:TNG. After the meeting I was exhausted. I mean completely wiped out emotionally, physically, psychologically.
I got into the car and recounted the conversation to My love.
It had gone incredibly well.
I took lots of notes and am optimistic for a collaboration.
I learned a lot. She is so smart and has organized large events for the better part of her adult life. She gave me amazing tips. I have always organized small events. So I'm in over my head here. She agreed to come to the event and critique it!!!! That was so awesome to hear!!!!
And there is always a but.
I was very clear that she needed to check in with her group BEFORE we finalized anything.
I kept reiterating this.
She said "I am Switzerland."
I said "I am not. "
She said "Cant we all just recognize that we are all kinky and get along?"
I drew a deep breath and looked at my paper but did not respond.
It was after I told my love about the conversation that she had the best insight.
My love said "you were defeated during this conversation. Considering what has happened in the past that makes sense".
It was like a lightbulb went off.
I've been through this before.
I meet with someone. They get excited about what a collaboration can do and what I can offer.
Then they go home and tell their friends or group and next thing I know they dont tell me they are pulling out I get to read about what an abusive asshole I am.
I kept telling her- dont commit until you run it by your group because I dont want to alienate your base.
I also kept saying you dont owe me an explanation for anything. I just need to know end product.
She said she could get me her class description, bio, pic, and class name yesterday.
I said "check with your group first."
So now I wait.
My goal with Through the Looking Glass is to have a collaboration with all speakers.
My thought is when groups cross post and cross promote we all win. It also gets harder for the gossip mill to keep up the rumor that all the groups are warring.
I'm so tired just recounting this.
I am waiting for the turn from her so I can read about how much of a problem I am.
I will keep doing what I do.
The collaboration goal will remain.
We can do this.