M/s 24/7

Mind is just blown. This morning we reserved the truck. It is a Dodge Ram. I have wanted this truck since I was a child.

The 1st truck I ever had was a ranger, and something was off with the financing and the payment was like $600 a month. I wasn't making good money back then so it got repossessed..

The 2nd time I tried to own a truck was when I ended up in the car accident. It was a Dodge Ram it wasnt the color that I wanted, 2wheel drive. But it was still mine...

Then the car accident happened and  I was on disability and couldn't afford it--  so I turned that truck back into the dealership .

This is the 3rd go in a lifelong dream...  This truck will be paid off in full and it has all of the bells and whistles. She is PRETTY...

This has been such a long uphill battle. It's like I can't get my head around this massive accomplishment. I have wanted this for years and every time I achieved it something would happen and it would slip through my fingers. 

I'm at that place again where I am asking myself--- am I just setting myself up for this massive trauma to happen. Because I can't handle the thought of having another TBI. 

So many thoughts are going through my mind this morning...

I reached out last yesterday and started talking to the college were I will  almost likely  go for my doctorate program. Doctor . PhD. With a nice truck.

It's a lifetime of dreams that I cannot tell you how many years felt like it would never be possible. Like I just wasn't the one. You know?

I wasn't the one that had the high education,  I wasn't the one that had the nice truck,  I wasn't the one that owned the house.

I wasn't the one.

Because THOSE people are special in some way that I will never be

Coming to terms with all of this history --- as well as the ghosts in my head is deeply overwhelming.

Thanks for listening guys-----

On 7/25/22 we found that the van had a broken head gasket. So in essence we have been without transportation since then. 

Very very luckily- I  work from home.

So besides groceries and the mail- we were ok. Luckily- we know people that were good to be paid to run errands!!

After a lot of time- stress- and work- 

We are finally going to be able to get a truck in the next 2 weeks or so!!!! 

At first I was able to make adjustments to not being able to go to the gym... but that got harder and harder. 

That has been the most difficult adjustment.  

So I am OVER THE MOON excited about this!!! 

We have found a few possibilities!! 

Good morning everyone!!!!! 

Today is a laid back beautiful day! 

I have a lot of homework! 

Also--- I am Master identified and I clean the kitchen. I enjoy it. It gives me a sense of pride and ownership. 

When I first transitioned into becoming a Master I was asked- in an M/s relationship who drives the car? 

Back then I really had to think about that- if I  drive thats more work for me ---  if My beloved drives then does that symbolize who is in control? 

Now the answer is clear- I  choose who drives. And because I am the WORLDS shittiest driver- its gonna br My beloved. 

When I  1st began my journey these questions of who-does-what had weight to them. And then over time everything just became so clear.

I clean the kitchen. Cleaning the kitchen gives me joy. Why would I take away my own joy over some pretense of what other people think should be happening in an M/s relationship.

 Because that's what that is. There are no official rules in BDSM. There there are personal joys.. Personal attachments to power.. Personal attachments to slavery.

And just because somebody else says-  Masters don't do that and because I do it means I'm not a Master,  is  NO reason for me to stop doing what gives me joy.

 I don't corporately punish either.. I'll probably address this in a blog later. However when I made the decision other Masters were completely blown away by this and were very happy saying I'm not a Master.

And my answer was---  it isn't what you think that matters.

 The biggest damage that can happen besides besides abuse and blah blah blah is the damage that we do to each other.

What we choose to validate what we choose to destructively talk about. Those things matter.

 I have decided that as a Master my social responsibility is to be approachable. It is to be willing and  honest when it comes to answering questions about my Mastery and My beloves slavery.

 I have always asked masters what is the one thing? Every slave has 1 thing that that they absolutely struggle doing. My beloved struggled with dusting. Someone else's slaves struggled with toilets.. Every slave has one thing. If we don't talk about this 1 thing openly then what are we really really doing here? You can't create community if everybody's so everybody's so pent up on trying to be perfect in an image that doesn't even exist in real time .

 We all have our little things. We all have our big things.. We all have  huge massive flaws but if we are afraid to be original to the people who will understand our relationship dynamics then we fail ourselves in our communities.

 I challenge myself to speak as openly and honestly as I can. Do not put up a front. To simply allow my Mastery to be what it is. If it does not fit into somebody else's definition that's on them.

Maybe some of this comes with age. In that case I love being old!!!

My beloved is making homemade apple butter with apples from our apple tree. 

It is this amazing experience of apples and cinnamon filling the household. 

Have a great day !! 😍😍😍

How do you know you are loved in 5 words?

Pumpkin pie ice cream sandwiches 

I don't understand something. Maybe it's because we've been Poly for a long time.... not sure..

I have a good friend of mine who is in a new relationship. They just bought a house together after being together for like 3 months. So they're cleaning out the old house and the new girlfriend has stuff in there from previous relationships.

Sex toys, lingerie, notes and those sorts of things . And my friend is losing her shit.

I don't understand this,  it wasn't like her new girlfriend lied to my friend about her past. My friend knew about her past and as they're cleaning out the old house of course there's gonna be this stuff.

My friend wants to talk to me about it and I don't really know what to tell them except-- get your shit together. Everybody has a right to their past. And you are emotionally punishing your new girlfriend for hers. 

That  Is what I'm thinking I want to say but I'd love to hear what you guys think.

I would love to here what you would say to to a friend who came to you because they are losing their shit because they're finding ex's stuff in the new girlfriend's house.

I could really use some insight here.

I have a friend who makes horrific decisions around men. Thier first husband was a serial killer ( no kidding) and their second is an alcoholic/drug addict, who claims to be a Master, but takes no accountability at any time. 

They had been in a voluntary inpatient therapy program for a month. Although they did not have access their phone- I wrote them everyday. Sometimes several times a day. Wishing them luck, sending love, funny memes. 

When they got out they didnt want to see anyone. I clarified with them if it was ok to keep sending good mornings and funny things. They said yes. 

One day out of the blue- they wanted to come over. Sure! 

I moved work around, we put on their favorite movie, and My beloved made some chili.  

We sent some money as they agreed to pick up bread and cheese for us. 

At some point I get a text asking if it was ok if a total stranger could come to our house. Because they "liked his vibe" .... I  said no. 

Then they didnt pick up the phone for the next 5 or so minutes. 

I finally got them. When they said- that the universe spoke to them. Tgis person was walking on the side of the road. I went ballistic. 

I mean I lost it. I went on to say "You mean to tell me that you let a total random stranger into your car? Where you have your car keys, drivers liscense with your address, pictures of your 16 year old daughter, and your housekeys?!?!? And you wanted to bring them here? What are you thinking?!?!?"

I was so angry, triggered, and in complete disbelief about her actions. 

They said "I didn't know you when we first met"

I said "we met at an event then went out to dinner - in public- that is completely different then pucking up a random stranger and taking them home!" 

Their response- "for the last 30 years the universe tells me who to help". 

I was incredulous "you have a 16 years old daughter. What are you thinking? You put us in danger and her in danger"

I was done. 

I dont remember how it ended. 

They left the groceries at the gate, then drove off and spent the next 3 hours with this total stranger. 

Got home at 1030 pm. 

Texted My beloved that she was home. 

I havent heard from them since. 

I am shaking my head here. Im still angry, triggered, and astounded at this decision. 

I would love any insight that you would like to share. Am I missing something? 

I am so angry. I mean still.  Trying to understand my own reaction. And their actions as well... 

I had a wonderful talk with My beloved about the adult diaper community. 

Fascinating. 

I was unaware that medical stores are getting shut down because they sell adult supplies to the adult diaper community. Then are only allowed to reopen in adult zoned parts of the city. 

WTF!!!!! 

I know that the adult diaper community is very varied. But never had an interest. 

We also discussed: 

Colorism in the stripper community. 

This one particular long term predator in the community. 

My beloved follows leather identified Pro- Dommes in social media and had a fantastic round table on race play. 

Outing "doxing" especially as retribution for supporting BLM. As well as being doxed for being involved in race play. 

This is becoming more and more predominant.  

My beloved is an amazing cook. I know that a lot of people say that- but she has a gift- of which I benefit greatly.

I push My beloved to explore new recipes and I have started getting new kitchen equipment and replacing outdated equipment.  

But...

About once every 7 years or so something goes really wrong....  Last night My beloved cooked for 3 hours. Buttermilk biscuits, fried chicken, broccli and cabbage....

And it was inedible.....

It was so bad I was genuinely confused... I  mean I  kept thinking something has got to be wrong with me.... because its never bad and moreover ---  its NEVER this bad....

My beloved has made eggplant parm that got her a marriage proposal from a gay man. 

My beloved has made African Peanut Stew that singlehandedly calmed a pack of wild lesbians. 

Poached pears, banana pancakes, homemade pizza, homemade chicken pot pie, salmon with mango/chili salsa, watermelon/feta/mint salad, homemade agua fresca- all types, steak, chicken wings, stuffed pork chops, and the ART of the sandwhich....

I have literally had wet dreams about her shrimp tacos....

Last night was so much of an anomaly I am wondering if I dreamt it....the only proof has been the farts....

Im just going to say it.

I do not understand why gorean is still a thing. The books were written as a response to the feminist movement.

They glorify non consent and misogyny. 

But mostly- I do not understand the need for a person to have someone else define their BDSM journey.  

Also- the slave position chart is racist, sexist and abelist. 

I am not understanding why anyone finds this appealing.  Much less why they would subscribe to it.