What do I want??? Hmmm, a lot of things, well not really...wait, yes, a new pair of shoes I saw in a picture. Actually, I'm still waiting for permission to be granted for those Bondage shoes. I wonder if he forgot; I'll have to ask. LOL
To my point, there is ONE thing I DO want - to PLEASE my Daddy ALWAYS!!! As a natural submissive, it is within me to want to serve and please and not disappoint, especially the latter. When I do, it weighs on me heavy. And since my awful "sub drop" last week, I reflected all weekend in ways on how to be able to, not necessarily avoid it if it happens, but how to be better prepared for when and if it ever does again. I want to be able to be there for Daddy when HE needs me. I don't want to just pour out of my cup and overflow his. We're partners in this and I want to be able to provide him with the same and in order to do that, I found some changes needed to be made on my part.
First, starting with physically. I've been on working on myself since March to lose the last of my weight after my second child (4years later). It has been really slow and steady and right now, I just have my last 6lbs to lose. Sounds easy right?? Not a chance. Frustrating!!! I started this before I came into this lifestyle and although, my Daddy loves my pudge and has no issues with the way I am, it's something I'm doing for me. I am SO grateful that he doesn't see me the way I did. I actually am fine where I'm at and owe it to him for showing me how to accept myself and love myself as is. I just have to reach my goal as I had set out to do. Anyway, I decided to start eating clean. This will also help with my health overall in feeling better and not fatigued as much, hopefully sleep better or actually sleep (LOL), and remove that mind cloud/fog at times. One problem I found so far, ALL I want now is a hot soft chewy bagel with my coffee and flavored creamers and a my hot chocolate!! I almost went to Starbucks this morning. I can taste that Mocha Frappachino with whip cream and the chocolate drizzle - okay, I'm salivating and about to drool. This is going to be challenging...oh, did I mention I'm in the mood for Chinese? The struggle is real as they say :)
Secondly, I'm restarting my yoga - this has always centered me and clears my mind and spirit. Making a schedule to fit into my not so busy days. I want to remove those negative feelings and thoughts when they come. Feeling insecure is not something that has ever happened to the magnitude it did with the "sub drop" and I did not like it at all and having displeased Daddy, makes me want to not have it ever happen again, at least try. I already put my self-after care kit together. I acutally for the first time in over a decade played music to fall asleep after one of our playtimes. I has always done this before bed when I was a teen. It was soothing and relaxing and forgot how it really helped to clear my mind. Funny, it's one of the things I do for both my kids before bed - you'd think I would have clued in. *light bulb*
I want to provide Daddy a place where he can come an unload when he feels the need and not have to ever worry or think about my state, unless I present it to him. I want to be his safe haven as he is mine, I want to be his rock as he is mine, and I want to be his refuge and solace as he is mine. I want us to be there for one another and grow together giving 100%.
So, I am hopeful that with these changes I can be a better submissive for Daddy and improve the quailty of my health both physically and mentally. I realized the other day that this lifestyle can take a toll on you and you do have to find ways to care for yourself and make changes when necessary - well, at least from my point of view.
Here's to a healthier and better me ;)