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Submissive at Heart

A journey of discovery...looking for my One and Only.
10 hours ago. Tue 13 Nov 2018 04:39:01 PM IST

What do I want??? Hmmm, a lot of things, well not really...wait, yes, a new pair of shoes I saw in a picture. Actually, I'm still waiting for permission to be granted for those Bondage shoes. I wonder if he forgot; I'll have to ask. LOL

To my point, there is ONE thing I DO want - to PLEASE my Daddy ALWAYS!!! As a natural submissive, it is within me to want to serve and please and not disappoint, especially the latter. When I do, it weighs on me heavy. And since my awful "sub drop" last week, I reflected all weekend in ways on how to be able to, not necessarily avoid it if it happens, but how to be better prepared for when and if it ever does again. I want to be able to be there for Daddy when HE needs me. I don't want to just pour out of my cup and overflow his. We're partners in this and I want to be able to provide him with the same and in order to do that, I found some changes needed to be made on my part.

First, starting with physically. I've been on working on myself since March to lose the last of my weight after my second child (4years later). It has been really slow and steady and right now, I just have my last 6lbs to lose. Sounds easy right?? Not a chance. Frustrating!!! I started this before I came into this lifestyle and although, my Daddy loves my pudge and has no issues with the way I am, it's something I'm doing for me. I am SO grateful that he doesn't see me the way I did. I actually am fine where I'm at and owe it to him for showing me how to accept myself and love myself as is. I just have to reach my goal as I had set out to do. Anyway, I decided to start eating clean. This will also help with my health overall in feeling better and not fatigued as much, hopefully sleep better or actually sleep (LOL), and remove that mind cloud/fog at times. One problem I found so far, ALL I want now is a hot soft chewy bagel with my coffee and flavored creamers and a my hot chocolate!! I almost went to Starbucks this morning. I can taste that Mocha Frappachino with whip cream and the chocolate drizzle - okay, I'm salivating and about to drool. This is going to be challenging...oh, did I mention I'm in the mood for Chinese? The struggle is real as they say :)

Secondly, I'm restarting my yoga - this has always centered me and clears my mind and spirit. Making a schedule to fit into my not so busy days. I want to remove those negative feelings and thoughts when they come. Feeling insecure is not something that has ever happened to the magnitude it did with the "sub drop" and I did not like it at all and having displeased Daddy, makes me want to not have it ever happen again, at least try. I already put my self-after care kit together. I acutally for the first time in over a decade played music to fall asleep after one of our playtimes. I has always done this before bed when I was a teen. It was soothing and relaxing and forgot how it really helped to clear my mind. Funny, it's one of the things I do for both my kids before bed - you'd think I would have clued in. *light bulb*

I want to provide Daddy a place where he can come an unload when he feels the need and not have to ever worry or think about my state, unless I present it to him. I want to be his safe haven as he is mine, I want to be his rock as he is mine, and I want to be his refuge and solace as he is mine. I want us to be there for one another and grow together giving 100%.

So, I am hopeful that with these changes I can be a better submissive for Daddy and improve the quailty of my health both physically and mentally. I realized the other day that this lifestyle can take a toll on you and you do have to find ways to care for yourself and make changes when necessary - well, at least from my point of view.

Here's to a healthier and better me ;) 

23 hours ago. Tue 13 Nov 2018 03:44:46 AM IST

~Your wish is my Command. 

1 day ago. Mon 12 Nov 2018 06:36:23 PM IST

My journey here, as my blog notes, is about discovering myself in this lifestyle and exploring. I had no clue what that entailed. I, honestly didn’t know how to approach this. I came on here curious to see who was out there, with no intentions at the time to meet anyone or delve in anything.  But, that changed instantly all in the click of a button for liking a profile I just wanted to save ☺️ This changed the course of history in my life. 

 

There I was a wilted tired flower that stood in the middle of a concrete jungle, striving to survive where the elements, people, and life just beat down on it day after day and year after year. Taking away its beauty and strength. But, it’s roots remained deep and strong in that no one could pick it to discard it. It wouldn’t allow for it because it still had life and had a purpose.

 

Along comes a man who’s interest is some how piqued. He reaches out and the flowers just falls in his hands. Not sure why, it isn’t afraid. It feels safe and can feel the warmth and life that radiates from his hand. He tries to pull out, but there’s a little resistance, he tries again gently and the roots loosen allowing him to take pull it out completely. He takes it and wraps in a soft cloth. Over the following days, weeks, and even months he tends to this flower by watering it, nurturing, feeding it, caring for it in ways it has never known and giving it shelter protecting it from the cruel world. He even touches it delicately that it causes the flower to arise and perk up. 

 

Slowly, the flower has gained the strength to be able to stand firmly, its colors are bright again, and it leaves even shine. It’s begun to bloom and show its beauty. It hasn’t fully blossomed yet, but it’s getting there. Where it sits now, it can see the world differently from its new view. Discovering that it can be cared for and cherished and made better. It knows it’s home for now.

 

With each passing day, it gets stronger as the man that has given it new life continues to pour life into and changing its view from time to time to expose it to new sights. It’s thriving with a passion to live and grow. 

 

This journey, thus far, has changed me in ways I couldn’t have any other way without my Daddy. His guidance, his teaching, his patiences and understanding. Pushing my limits and challenging me. Exploring my deep rooted desires that I didn’t know were there have been liberating and exciting. He shows me a side that at times makes me blush, but I love it! I’m excited to see what else is hidden in that cavern of desire and lust. 

 

As I continue to embrace this journey openly and wholeheartedly with no reservations, finding out more discoveries and explorations,  my adoration and admiration for my Daddy grows deeply and fondly. I’m more than lucky to have found him, I’m truly blessed!! 

 

Thank you Daddy for bringing me back to life and showing me the beauty that was within πŸ’–

 

Yours only πŸ’‹

1 day ago. Mon 12 Nov 2018 05:53:19 AM IST

I let my insecurities create doubts that got the best of me and I let my Daddy down. And, I feel terrible. I try so very hard to make sure I please him and that he’s proud of me. I suppose I was bound to disappointment, I was hoping not to at all: unrealistic I know. 

 

He in true Dom fashion gave me and showed me the reassurance I needed removing ALL doubt (s). He took the time to talk to me, he listened to me, and he pointed out what I needed to see that was obvious in a sweet and kind manner. He showed me thru our amazing playtime how much he cares. There is no question (s) in my mind any longer. I knew that and it was very evident, but again I let my insecurity skew my view. Not any more. 

 

I am one lucky girl to have a Daddy that is attentive to his baby girl making sure that she is cared for accordingly both mentally and physically. 

 

Daddy, I’m sorry to have displeased you. I will believe and trust in myself to not doubt the truth. Lesson learned! 

 

Thank you for the reassurance and for being an amazing Daddy to me!! 

 

Love your baby girl πŸ’‹

 

 

 

2 days ago. Sun 11 Nov 2018 09:17:52 PM IST

If you’re thinking this is relating to kink, sorry to disappoint. But, keep reading if you’d like a laugh at my expense.

 

I am hands down a DIY kind of girl. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty, problem solve and figure things out.  More often than not, I don’t even read instructions. 🀣 I’ll paint, unclog a toilet, heck I’ve even done some body work on my car - thanks to YouTube πŸ‘πŸΌ. I can put my stilettos aside and don on a pair of boots with no problem. 

 

Today, I decided to pamper myself a bit and noticed I needed to have my eyebrows waxed. I’ve been doing them myself for years. My Heritage decent has blessed me with dark hair, and it is both a blessing and a curse.

 

As usual, I get my kit out and prep. Remember, I’ve been doing this for years so it’s nothing new. I have had some minor mishaps and this is when having dark hair is a blessing 🀣. With that, I’m being very careful applying the wax. And then, oh oh oh 😱😱😱😱 too much on my right eyebrow at the bottom right. 🀦🏻‍β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»‍β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»‍β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»‍♀️Okay, now what??? If I put the strip and pull, they are going to be waaaaayyyyy to thin and it’ll look like a comets tail. The after wax remover lotion is not enough. Ughh! So, I take the chance, put the strip on and pull. 😬😬😬 wait for it - barely any hair on the strip. πŸ‘πŸΌ Phew, it got what I needed but where the wax was too much is now stuck like sticky glue to my eyebrows. 🀦🏻‍♀️ Let’s see if the cocunt oil will remove it with no issues. You’d think by now I’d just go get them done professionally. Never a dull moment in my life. Lol 

 

So, yes, don’t try this at home 🀣😏🀣

 

3 days ago. Sat 10 Nov 2018 10:35:59 PM IST

Very informative and wanted to pass on

 

https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/some-of-the-best-kept-secrets-to-sub-drop-recovery

3 days ago. Sat 10 Nov 2018 06:56:43 PM IST

Issue addressed, discussed, and resolved!

 

That easy and simple when you communicate. Holy cow!!! Lol 

 

Thank you Daddy!! πŸ’‹πŸ’–

3 days ago. Sat 10 Nov 2018 06:30:36 PM IST

They can really take a hold of your mind and emotions if not handled or addressed. It can create fears, worries, and spiral into unwanted mental and emotional anguish. And it is and can be challenging to reign them in. 

 

I had the unpleasant experience yesterday of having an insecurity surface, which caused a visceral reaction by “sub drop”. It’s one that I have been working on since the very beginning of this journey alone, and I hadn’t brought it up to Daddy once because of worry as to how he would perceive me or think of me. This journey is new and I’m inexperienced, the insecurity, plus sub drop was a perfect storm for a disaster. But, I decided to be proactive and not let it fester, bring it up Daddy, which he listened to, and then later on, we can really talking about it in detail and address it. I’m sure some reassurance and further dialogue, we can resolve it. 

 

Interestingly though, the topic “sub drop” had come up in a forum, and then here the next day I’m hit with it. I was glad I was able recognize it quickly (well a few hours later). I couldn’t sleep last night just processing and analyzing and it was physically making me sick. I took some of the steps for self-aftercare (this is done on your own when you can’t be with your Dom or able to communicate with them) I had read about in researching further, because I thought I was going out of mind with this. “It’s normal” they say. Well thanks that makes me feel a whole lot better, but how do I get rid of it. Lol There’s no cure, but after care steps that’ll help. A self-pampering/indulging kit, I like it. πŸ˜‰

 

An important point, for me, that I came across is that “sub drop” can be more intense in committed  relationships that have more intimacy than casual relationships. That was good to know. 

 

So, after this experience, it made me wonder if any other subs have insecurities whether your new or seasoned in this lifestyle and what are they? How do you handle them? Has it gone away once you’ve managed and addressed it? Does surface from time to time? 

 

In a way, I’m glad it reared it’s head out so I can address with Daddy and not deal with it myself. It’s a very uncomfortable topic that makes me feel weak. πŸ˜”

It’s all about learning and growing - right! 

4 days ago. Fri 09 Nov 2018 09:48:36 PM IST

I absolute adore my Daddy!

 

When you have true open and honest communication in any relationship, you can talk about anything - even if it's uncomfortable.

 

I had something come up that bothered me and made my insecurities surface and run a little ramped and I knew if I didn't address it was going to fester and my mind would go places I wouldn't want it to. I asked Daddy if a quick second to talk that I had a question. He immediately said to call. I asked; he answered it - I explained why. He listened, acknowledged my concern, and offered a solution that I accepted.  A dialogue between two people calmly and civily. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

 

I was going to let it go, but in light of wanting to be open and honest about my feelings/concerns, I had to address my insecurity. And, I'm glad I did. We addressed it, I need to continue to work on this and trust Him as I have, so we can keep moving forward and it doesn't become a hinderence in our relationship.

 

So, keep those lines of communications open with your Dom/Daddy/Master/Domme. Be honest and don't bottle it in so that you don't explode and then it turns into drama.

 

It's refreshing to be able to actually talk to someone about something and feel like you matter and are being heard. Discuss the issue and find a resolution. Who knew?? LOL

 

Thank you Daddy!!

5 days ago. Thu 08 Nov 2018 08:45:12 PM IST

They are as deep as the ocean sea and sparkle like diamonds even in the dark. They hold the soul of a man who has lived thru pain and sorrow, yet is still affectionate. They show lust, desire, passion, and promise. 

 

Thru them he sees my soul, he reads my mind, he penetrates through the hard shell that has encased my heart. They speak to me. They captivate me and put me in a trance. I am drawn...I am lost in him...I am unrestrained...I am disinhibited...I am open - I am HIS!