alaurable's Blog

Society does not always respond very well to dominant women. We are often seen as rude, bossy, unnatural, or a challenge to be put back in our "rightful place". I loved being in a military cadet program in high school because it was the one place where my dominant side was applauded and nurtured instead of squashed. But even there, I was still usually under the authority of men who outranked me.

When I became more dominant and confident in my opinions and attitudes, people from my religious past called me hateful, rude, and inappropriate. We were raised to be sweet and accommodating, and to only ruffle feathers when we were promoting the church's ideas (which were usually decided by men). Basically the message we got was "don't think for yourself, just channel your passion into roles that WE set out for you." One man told me that I could disagree with him but only if my opinions didn't contradict scripture. And who decided what contradicted scripture? We both knew he felt that was his job.

I eventually called bullshit. Ohmigod how horrible, a woman who thinks for herself and won't do as she's told! (gasp) THE WORLD IS ENDING! GRAB YOUR DICKS, THE DOMINANT WOMEN ARE COMING TO DESTROY YOUR MASCULINITY!

Not only must I look for emotional maturity, reliability and good chemistry, but now I must also look for partners who are not turned off by the fact that I may be more dominant as a femme than they are as a masculine type. Instead of letting a man always lead and teach like I was raised, I'm not afraid to jump in and take the reigns myself. Not everyone is cool with that.

Fortunately in the kink community there are many awesome masculine types who love my dominance without overly focusing on it as a fetish. It's one of the many reasons why I don't bother with vanilla dating anymore; it would take so much work to become compatible with a vanilla guy that it doesn't seem worthwhile for me in most cases.

As with most of my writings, this may easily apply to people of other genders not mentioned here.

I love seeing photos of myself and hearing people's reactions.

It's an ego boost. I like being applauded and worshipped for how good I look. Being a Domme has helped me become ok with this shameless confidence.

I like having an excuse to connect with people on social media. I like people, but often I prefer social media contact to in person contact.

It's a massive personal victory for me to finally feel this confident in my own skin. It took me most of my adult life and years of difficult self growth and facing my fears to become this happy with how I look, and to get comfy expressing my sexual/weird side. Now I intend to revel in it! Hearing positive feedback helped me realize that I'm not actually as bad looking as I used to think I was.

I LOVE dress up and I like sharing my artistic expressions with other people who also love dress up. I like seeing their cool cosplay or fetish ideas because it inspires my own, so I like to return the favour. Sharing a beautiful outfit or makeup job is like sharing a piece of art that I created. The canvass just happens to be my body.

Boobs and asses are just so much fun. Why not show them off and make people drool? ;)

I like dressing up other people too, but since I'm usually my own model I'm in most of my photos. I want to do more photos with other people, though. Now that our house dungeon spaces are getting set up I'd love to start doing photoshoots with other people more often. If you'd like to be in my amateur photos I'm open to that.

For me, this means:

I support all women's choices, whether their choices are traditional or unconventional. You can be a CEO or a stay at home mom, wear a nun's robe or a bikini, get an abortion or adopt, and I will support you the same. It is freedom of choice that empowers us, not a specific role.

I support trans women and gender non-binary individuals just as much as cisgender women. By excluding those who don't fit into society's rigid gender expectations, we cause so much damage.

I support women of colour and women with disabilities. I acknowledge that they face unique struggles that I may not understand or relate to, but that doesn't make them any less important or worthy of our activism.

Feminism is not about women being better than men, but rather fighting for equality and freedom of choice for all genders. Sexism harms men too. Feminism that shames men for not being masculine enough, that discredits abuse and rape against men, or that doesn't call out other social injustices that negatively affect men, is not inclusive feminism. While it's not ok for men to belittle our struggles and hijack our activism, abuse against men happens too and absolutely needs to be talked about and addressed.

What does feminism mean to you? How do you personally ensure that your brand of feminism is not excluding at-risk groups or promoting unhealthy social ideals?