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5 months ago. Wednesday, August 6, 2025 at 11:08 AM

 

“First, quit picking old wounds and going for walks in the aches and pains you already made it through– you call it healing, but it sounds like a good way to take a haunting home with you. LONELY is a no-vacancies sign for an empty room on the backside of your chest, and there will never be enough people to love that empty out of you. Love will not save you. You will save you. Remember, no matter how much you need a voice at the other end of the line who only wants to take care of you, it is a felony to call 911 just because you need someone to talk to. You cannot shrink to radio static, to heavy breath on a telephone. Your aching does not end in an ambulance. Now, breathe. Yes, I know you’ve heard this one before. Do it anyway. Got ribs like the wrong side of a fistfight, yeah? That’s from the hyperventilating. Your lungs just survived a car crash inside of your body. Be gentle with them, please. Find the pocket of your heartbeat where you keep forgiveness. We will try again tomorrow– I know you’ve got a bone to pick with tomorrow, but it’s coming anyway. Listen, in a few hours our little world will turn herself right-side-up again, and you will forget about all the ways this lonely night sang you watered down blues and your hands will start to make sense again. You think you’ve seen every ugly corner of this whole rotten world, but listen: there are an infinite number of things we don’t know and, statistically speaking, at least half of them are probably very, very beautiful.”

POST-PANIC ATTACK by Ashe Vernon

 

 

This is one of my favorite writers. I stumbled across this poem in my files and wanted to share it.

 

 

6 months ago. Monday, July 21, 2025 at 4:07 PM

Today, I found myself deep in thought, pondering a particular aspect of attraction that never fails to captivate me—his hands. There's something undeniably magnetic about them, something that gets my heart racing and my pulse quickening. It’s the first feature I truly notice when my eyes land on a man, and over the years, I've come to realize that hands can reveal so much about a person.

Take a man with strong, rough hands, for instance. Those hands tell a story of hard work, of time spent outdoors battling the elements. I can easily imagine him being the kind of man who could scoop me up effortlessly, his grip firm and confident, ready to take charge in every sense. On the other hand, if he bites his nails—oh, that's a huge turn-off for me! It suggests a lack of self-control, a hint of anxiety that I find unappealing.

I can't help but share my deep-seated fascination: I have a bit of a hand fetish. There's an almost irresistible allure in well-groomed hands that sends shivers down my spine. They have a way of mesmerizing me, as if they possess a magnetic power that draws me in. During intimate moments, when I’m not blindfolded, I can’t help but track his fingers as they navigate the curves of my body. Each touch feels electrifying, igniting sensations I can't quite describe.

There are times when the gentle caress of his hands alone can push me to the brink of ecstasy, transcending the need for anything more. It's this intimate connection, the way his long fingers explore and savor every inch of my skin, that makes me lose myself in the moment.

So today, I take a moment to celebrate those hands—their strength, their grace, and the profound effect they have on me. They are more than just hands; they are a source of pleasure and desire that I cherish deeply.

 

 

6 months ago. Saturday, July 12, 2025 at 3:32 AM

 

Movies love to feature BDSM, but they rarely get it right. Common misconceptions in lifestyle films are easy to spot, though some moments come surprisingly close to accuracy. Consent and communication matter far more off-screen than most scripts bother to show. Even though the movies rarely get the lifestyle correct, there are still some entertaining movies, not titled Fifty Shades, that you may want to consider for your next kinky binge, listed at the end. So next time you want to pop some corn and enjoy some BDSM, you can try a not-so-shady movie.

BDSM movies rarely get it right, feeding into misconceptions that completely misrepresent the lifestyle. They often confuse BDSM with abuse, leaving out the core principle: consent. Dominants are painted as controlling and aggressive, which distorts the true nature of their role. Submissives are shown as weak or helpless, missing the strength required for submission. There is also the idea that BDSM is dangerous or harmful, a misleading exaggeration when the reality is that respect and communication are everything. Safe words and aftercare, vital parts of any dynamic for some, are often treated as afterthoughts or ignored altogether. Pain is sometimes overemphasized, even though it is just one aspect of the experience for some, and not essential for everyone. Lastly, trust is usually brushed aside, but it is the cornerstone of every authentic D/S relationship.

Movies can sometimes get BDSM right, especially when they explore it in a safe space. They occasionally reveal the psychological intensity that goes beyond physicality, showing how deep the connection can be. The power dynamics, while often exaggerated, sometimes reflect the consensual exchange of control in a way that feels true to the experience. A few films highlight the emotional bonds that develop, illustrating the trust and connection that are vital in these relationships. While these films may not be flawless, they offer a rare glimpse into the complexities of BDSM.

In real-life BDSM, consent and communication are the core of every healthy interaction. Unlike in movies, real BDSM is about understanding and respect. Negotiation is key. Partners and playmates must openly discuss their boundaries and desires to ensure everyone is comfortable. Consent is not a one-time agreement but an ongoing conversation, with everyone checking in to make sure everything is respected. In real world BDSM, clear communication and consent are not negotiable. They are the foundation of everything that happens.

Many lifestyle movies feature artistic storytelling that can offer audiences unique and thought-provoking experiences. Some movies can be erotic and sexual with a boldness rarely seen elsewhere, and yet others are tame by comparison. No matter how they approach the sexy side of the lifestyle, they often dare to break societal norms surrounding intimacy and relationships, challenging our assumptions and broadening our perspectives. Additionally, they can be a great way to spark vital and honest conversations about BDSM. Finally, those seeking some movies that explore the wonderful world of BDSM should consider exploring the list below the next time you are in the mood for something a touch kinkier than Netflix and chilling.

What is your favorite lifestyle-related movie and why?

Belle de Jour (1967)
Severine, a young and beautiful housewife, struggles with her sexual fantasies and decides to work as a prostitute in a high-end brothel during the day while maintaining her seemingly conventional home life. As she engages in various encounters, her experiences blur the lines between pleasure, pain, and submission, revealing a complex exploration of her inner desires. Severine’s journey is one of self-discovery, as she faces the tension between her hidden desires and her outwardly respectable life.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film portrays the psychological complexity of BDSM and sexual fantasy, particularly focusing on the emotional and power dynamics involved in Severine’s experiences.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the idea of sexual liberation without fully addressing the emotional and psychological consequences of a dual life, as well as the complexities of consent in BDSM relationships.

Why it is worth watching:
Belle de Jour is a provocative and visually stunning film, offering a deep dive into the intricacies of desire, identity, and societal expectations, with a captivating performance by Catherine Deneuve.

The Night Porter (1974)
A former Nazi officer and a concentration camp survivor reunite by chance in 1957 Vienna, rekindling their psychologically intense and sadomasochistic relationship. Their obsessive bond blurs lines between trauma and desire, leading to isolation and social scrutiny. As their destructive dynamic deepens, it becomes clear that neither can escape their past.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It captures how intense psychological imprinting and ritualized roles can persist over time.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It blurs consensual BDSM with abusive, trauma-driven behavior, romanticizing coercion, and suffering.

Why it is worth watching:
It offers a disturbing, artfully rendered portrait of obsession, guilt, and the enduring grip of psychological dependency.

The Story of O (1975)
A fashion photographer named O is taken to a chateau where she is trained in sexual submission for the pleasure of her lover, René. As she is passed between men with increasing demands, she embraces her objectification as a form of devotion. Her journey culminates in emotional detachment and physical branding, framed as ultimate commitment.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It explores the psychological allure of consensual submission and ritualized structure.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It presents extreme submission as a path to love without acknowledging the importance of agency and negotiation.

Why it is worth watching:
It remains a provocative artifact that shaped public perceptions of BDSM and continues to ignite debate.

Maitresse (1976)
A small-time thief named Olivier breaks into an apartment and discovers Ariane, a professional dominatrix, in the middle of a session. Intrigued, he enters a relationship with her that challenges his perceptions of intimacy, possession, and independence. As their bond deepens, the tension between her work and his jealousy exposes the fragility of their connection.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It portrays BDSM as structured, consensual, and rooted in emotional and professional boundaries.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It flirts with the idea that love must conquer or erase a BDSM identity rather than coexist with it.

Why it is worth watching:
It offers a rare, unflinching look at BDSM without reducing it to either pathology or spectacle.

Story of O: Chapter 2 (1984)
O is sent by Sir Stephen to serve a powerful older man named Ivan, becoming a tool in his schemes involving manipulation and high society influence. As she is further objectified and showcased, her submission shifts from personal devotion to symbolic utility within a broader, colder hierarchy. Unlike the 1975 version, this sequel emphasizes detachment, aesthetics, and control as spectacle, stripping away much of the original’s emotional complexity.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It portrays the structured hierarchy and ritualistic display that can be part of certain BDSM dynamics.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It turns submission into spectacle, treating O less as a consenting subject and more as a decorative object.

Why it’s worth watching:
It reflects how erotic narratives can shift tone dramatically, showing the tension between symbolism and emotional depth in BDSM-themed cinema.

9½ Weeks (1986)
Elizabeth, an art gallery assistant, begins a passionate and increasingly intense relationship with John, a mysterious Wall Street broker. Their affair quickly escalates into emotionally charged and sexually experimental territory, driven by his need for control and her desire to please. As the intensity builds, Elizabeth struggles with the emotional cost.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It captures how erotic tension can stem from psychological risk and control dynamics.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It overlooks the role of communication and consent, framing emotional manipulation as seductive rather than harmful.

Why it’s worth watching:
It reflects 1980s attitudes toward sexuality and remains visually stylish and emotionally provocative.

Blue Velvet (1986)
Jeffrey Beaumont, a young man, uncovers a disturbing underworld in his small town after finding a severed ear in a field, leading him into a dangerous relationship with a sultry nightclub singer, Dorothy Vallens. As he becomes more entangled with Dorothy and the violent Frank Booth, he is exposed to a world of sadistic power dynamics, secrets, and corruption. The film explores the blurred boundaries between innocence, voyeurism, and sexual obsession in a strikingly surreal and unsettling manner.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It touches on the themes of power, control, and submission, particularly through the character of Dorothy, who is trapped in a cycle of abuse and desire.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
The film romanticizes the dangerous, abusive aspects of BDSM, portraying it without addressing the essential elements of consent, mutual respect, and aftercare.

Why it is worth watching:
Blue Velvet is a visually captivating and psychologically intense film, offering a haunting exploration of the darker sides of human desire, obsession, and power.

Crash (1996)
A group of people, including a car accident survivor and a television director, develops a fascination with the intersection of trauma, sexuality, and violence. As they explore their obsession with car crashes, their sexual desires become increasingly intertwined with the destructive and dangerous aspects of their experiences. The film portrays a disturbing and surreal exploration of how the body, pain, and pleasure can converge in unexpected ways.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film captures the complex relationship between pain, pleasure, and desire, particularly how trauma and vulnerability can create a unique and intense connection in BDSM contexts.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the dangerous, destructive nature of the characters’ experiences, ignoring the importance of consent, communication, and emotional safety in BDSM dynamics.

Why it is worth watching:
Crash is a bold, provocative film that pushes boundaries, offering a disturbing yet thought-provoking exploration of the human desire for control, pain, and connection.

Preaching to the Perverted (1997)
A young computer geek named Peter is recruited by a conservative Member of Parliament to infiltrate London’s BDSM scene and gather evidence against its most notorious figure, Mistress Tanya. As Peter becomes immersed in the community, he finds himself torn between his assignment and a growing fascination with its values and personalities. His loyalties and desires are pushed to the limit as he navigates the culture he was sent to expose.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It highlights the diversity, consent, and humor often present in real-life kink communities.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It occasionally leans into stylized exaggeration, treating some dynamics more as spectacle than nuanced connection.

Why it is worth watching:
It delivers sharp social commentary with wit, color, and a rare insider’s affection for the kink world.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Dr. Bill Harford, a New York doctor, embarks on a surreal and disturbing journey into the city’s secret sexual subculture after his wife confesses to a past sexual fantasy. His exploration leads him into a mysterious masked orgy and a series of encounters that blur the lines between fantasy, desire, and obsession. As Bill delves deeper into this hidden world, he grapples with his own insecurities, jealousy, and the complexities of sexual and emotional intimacy.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film portrays the psychological tension and power dynamics inherent in BDSM relationships, particularly the complex interplay between desire, control, and trust.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes and mystifies BDSM, presenting it as part of a secretive, almost fetishized world without fully addressing the real emotional and physical boundaries, consent, and communication that are fundamental to healthy BDSM practices.

Why it is worth watching:
Eyes Wide Shut is a visually stunning and thought-provoking film, exploring themes of sexual desire, secrecy, and the complexities of intimacy, with strong performances and a haunting atmosphere.

Romance (1999)
Marie, a young schoolteacher, feels sexually unfulfilled in her relationship with her emotionally distant boyfriend. In search of meaning and desire, she begins exploring increasingly transgressive sexual experiences with strangers and older men. Her journey blurs the lines between emotional need, eroticism, and self-destruction.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It recognizes that erotic exploration can stem from a search for identity and agency.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It often conflates emotional neglect and pain with erotic fulfillment, ignoring the role of care in BDSM.

Why it is worth watching:
It is fearless in confronting sexual repression and challenges the viewer’s assumptions about desire and autonomy.

The Piano Teacher (2001)
Erika, a respected piano instructor living with her overbearing mother, leads a repressed life filled with voyeurism and private masochistic rituals. When a confident student named Walter pursues her, their relationship exposes her hidden desires and psychological fragility. The tension between her need for control and longing for submission intensifies as boundaries blur.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It captures how repression and shame can shape unconventional desires, especially in emotionally restricted environments.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It offers little sense of consensual negotiation, instead presenting BDSM urges as symptoms of trauma or dysfunction.

Why it is worth watching:
It delivers an unsettling, masterfully acted character study that forces the viewer to confront uncomfortable truths about desire and identity.

Secretary (2002)
Lee, recently released from a psychiatric hospital, takes a job as a secretary for the enigmatic and meticulous Mr. Grey. As their working relationship unfolds, it evolves into a D/S dynamic that helps her discover emotional and sexual fulfillment. Their connection challenges conventional ideas of romance, discipline, and acceptance.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It shows how a consensual D/S relationship can foster communication, growth, and emotional healing.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It simplifies the complexity of negotiation and aftercare, portraying emotional breakthroughs as spontaneous rather than built through trust.

Why it is worth watching:
It remains one of the few mainstream films to treat BDSM with humor, empathy, and genuine affection.

Kinsey (2004)
The film chronicles the life of Alfred Kinsey, a pioneering sex researcher, and his groundbreaking studies on human sexuality in the mid-20th century. As Kinsey and his team conduct extensive interviews and research, they challenge societal taboos and reveal a wide range of sexual behaviors, from mainstream to fringe practices. Kinsey’s personal life also becomes entangled with the complexities of his own sexual identity, influencing his work and relationships.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film acknowledges the diversity of sexual practices, including BDSM, portraying them as legitimate expressions of human sexuality, without judgment.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes Kinsey’s research process, glossing over the ethical dilemmas and the potential psychological impact of his studies on both participants and researchers.

Why it is worth watching:
Kinsey is a compelling and thought-provoking film, offering an insightful exploration of the history of sexual research and the ways in which Kinsey’s work reshaped societal views on sexuality.

Lie with Me (2005)
Leila, a sexually assertive woman, drifts through casual encounters until she meets David, whose emotional depth challenges her guarded independence. Their passionate relationship becomes a confrontation between physical desire and vulnerability. As intimacy grows, both are forced to reckon with their pasts and what connection truly demands.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It acknowledges that erotic intensity can serve as a pathway to emotional exposure and self-reckoning.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It skirts over the structure and communication that make BDSM sustainable, instead framing intensity as inherently transformative.

Why it is worth watching:
It blends explicit eroticism with emotional realism, offering a rare, unapologetic look at modern sexuality.

The Pet (2006)
A young woman, Susan, becomes entangled in a D/S relationship with a mysterious and dominant man named Mark, who keeps her in a state of constant submission. As the power dynamics intensify, she grapples with the emotional and psychological toll of her new life, while trying to reconcile her desires with her sense of self. The story takes a darker turn as boundaries become increasingly blurred and both characters face the consequences of their choices.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It explores the deep emotional vulnerability and psychological complexities that can accompany BDSM dynamics.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the extremes of control and isolation, neglecting the importance of trust, negotiation, and mutual respect in healthy BDSM relationships.

Why it is worth watching:
It offers an intense exploration of psychological submission, forcing viewers to question the boundaries between desire, control, and personal identity.

The Duke of Burgundy (2014)
Cynthia, a wealthy entomologist, and her younger lover, Evelyn, engage in a complex D/S relationship defined by strict routines, rituals, and role-playing. Over time, Cynthia begins to feel a deep emotional conflict as she grapples with her dominant role and the evolving nature of their dynamic. As her feelings of control clash with a desire for genuine intimacy, both women are forced to confront the emotional toll of their relationship.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It sensitively explores the emotional complexity of BDSM dynamics, particularly the strain and introspection that can arise from dominant roles.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the psychological weight of dominance without fully addressing the importance of clear communication, consent, and negotiation.

Why it is worth watching:
The film offers a visually captivating and emotionally profound exploration of power, control, and vulnerability in intimate relationships.

The Little Death (2014)
This darkly comedic film follows five couples as they navigate the complexities of their sexual desires and fantasies, each struggling with unconventional kinks. The stories intertwine as the characters confront their secrets, exploring themes of shame, acceptance, and the line between fantasy and reality. Through its humor, the film examines the different ways in which each couple seeks connection through their most intimate desires.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It realistically portrays the challenges of navigating desires that deviate from societal norms, focusing on communication and vulnerability in relationships.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It occasionally romanticizes the emotional risks and complexities involved in BDSM, oversimplifying how negotiation and trust are essential in healthy dynamics.

Why it is worth watching:
The film blends humor with depth, offering an insightful and candid look at human sexuality, while showing the importance of acceptance and self-awareness in intimate relationships.

Love (2015)
Murky and intense, Love follows the passionate and tumultuous relationship between Gaspar and Electra, exploring the highs and lows of their sexual and emotional connection. Their affair grows more complicated as Gaspar reflects on their time together, grappling with jealousy, obsession, and a desire for something deeper. The film delves into their exploration of uninhibited sex, but emotional complexity and eventual detachment set the stage for the unraveling of their bond.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It showcases the raw intensity of sexual desire and the blurred lines between pain, pleasure, and emotional connection.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the idea of chaotic, intense passion without addressing the importance of clear consent, communication, and mutual understanding in BDSM dynamics.

Why it is worth watching:
With its provocative visuals and emotional depth, the film offers an unfiltered look at the complexities of love, desire, and self-destruction.

Chloe (2009)
Catherine, a successful but troubled woman, hires a high-end escort named Chloe to test her husband’s fidelity after suspecting he may be cheating on her. As Catherine becomes increasingly involved with Chloe, their relationship becomes complex, filled with obsession and power struggles. The film explores themes of jealousy, desire, and the blurred lines between control, trust, and intimacy.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film explores the psychological dynamics of power and control within sexual encounters, reflecting the complex interplay of dominance and submission.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the dynamic between Catherine and Chloe, focusing more on the emotional drama rather than addressing the crucial importance of communication, consent, and mutual respect in BDSM.

Why it is worth watching:
Chloe is a suspenseful and emotionally intense film that examines the boundaries between love, desire, and manipulation, featuring strong performances and an intriguing plot.

SM Rechter (2009)
Sarah, a young woman, enters into a BDSM relationship with the mysterious and controlling Rechter. As their dynamic evolves, she becomes increasingly entangled in a complex web of submission, pain, and emotional struggle. The film focuses on Sarah’s internal conflict as she navigates her desire for control and her willingness to submit, questioning her own identity and needs in the process.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It portrays the psychological intensity and emotional complexity inherent in D/S dynamics, especially in the context of submission.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
The film romanticizes the darker aspects of BDSM without delving deeply into the importance of trust, communication, and the boundaries that define a healthy relationship.

Why it is worth watching:
It offers an intense and raw look at the emotional complexities of BDSM relationships, with a strong focus on the internal struggles of the characters, making it a thought-provoking experience.

A Dangerous Method (2011)
The film follows the complex relationship between psychologist Carl Jung, his patient Sabina Spielrein, and the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud. Sabina, struggling with psychological issues, becomes involved in a sexual and intellectual relationship with Jung, which complicates both her treatment and his professional life. As the trio navigates the boundaries of love, power, and sexuality, their personal and professional lives begin to unravel, reflecting the intense psychological dynamics at play.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film portrays the emotional and psychological complexity of BDSM dynamics, particularly focusing on the exploration of power, control, and vulnerability in relationships.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the relationship between Sabina and Jung, focusing on the intensity of their sexual connection while downplaying the need for clear consent and healthy communication in BDSM.

Why it is worth watching:
A Dangerous Method is a fascinating historical drama that explores the intellectual and emotional tensions between Freud, Jung, and Spielrein, with strong performances and a thought-provoking look at the early development of psychoanalysis.

Sleeping Beauty (2011)
The film follows Lucy, a young woman who becomes involved in a secretive and unsettling world of high-end, ritualized sexual encounters, where she submits herself to be sedated and used by wealthy men. As she navigates her participation in these encounters, she begins to confront her own desires and the complex power dynamics at play. Lucy’s exploration of submission leads her to examine her own emotional boundaries and the consequences of the world she has entered.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film captures the exploration of power and submission within BDSM, particularly focusing on the psychological aspects of vulnerability and control.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the act of submission without fully addressing the importance of trust, consent, and communication that are crucial for healthy BDSM relationships.

Why it is worth watching:
Sleeping Beauty is a visually striking and thought-provoking film that explores the darker sides of desire, submission, and human connection, offering a unique perspective on intimacy and control.

Nymphomaniac (2013)
The film follows Joe, a woman who recounts her life filled with sexual experiences, from her youth to adulthood, to a man who finds her injured and takes her in. Through fragmented storytelling, Joe explores her sexual desires, power dynamics, and self-destruction, revealing a complex relationship with her identity. As her story unfolds, the viewer is exposed to a raw portrayal of sexuality, pushing the boundaries of what is typically accepted in society.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film accurately portrays the complexity and emotional impact of BDSM relationships, focusing on themes of control, submission, and power dynamics within a sexual context.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes some aspects of extreme sexual behavior and blurs the lines between genuine consent and manipulation, especially in certain power dynamics.

Why it is worth watching:
Nymphomaniac is a provocative and intellectually engaging exploration of human sexuality, offering an unflinching look at desire, self-destruction, and the intricate web of emotional and physical connections.

Elle (2016)
The film follows Michèle, a successful businesswoman who is brutally attacked in her home but chooses not to immediately report it to the police. Instead, she embarks on a complex journey of psychological manipulation, revenge, and self-discovery as she tries to gain control over the perpetrator while navigating her own dark desires. As the story unfolds, Michèle’s relationships with her family, colleagues, and lover become entangled in a web of power dynamics, secrecy, and moral ambiguity.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film accurately depicts the complexities of BDSM, including the power dynamics, control, and negotiation involved, as well as the blurred lines between pain and pleasure.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the psychological manipulation and the blurred lines of consent, making the darker elements of BDSM appear more acceptable than they often are in real-life situations.

Why it is worth watching:
Elle is a gripping and provocative psychological thriller that challenges conventional boundaries of morality, sexuality, and trauma, with a strong performance by Isabelle Huppert.

The Housemaid (2016, South Korea)
In this tense psychological thriller, a young woman becomes a housemaid in a wealthy household and becomes entangled in a dangerous affair with the master of the house. The affair triggers a deadly battle for control and power within the household, as the housemaid’s actions stir jealousy and deception. As the tension escalates, the household’s fragile balance is shattered, leading to a devastating conclusion.

What it gets right about BDSM:
The film explores power dynamics in relationships, touching on the elements of dominance and submission, though it is portrayed in a highly exploitative and manipulative context.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
The film romanticizes unhealthy, non-consensual power dynamics without addressing the importance of mutual consent, communication, and boundaries, which are fundamental to healthy BDSM relationships.

Why it is worth watching:
The Housemaid is a gripping exploration of power, control, and betrayal in a morally ambiguous and emotionally charged setting.

Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (2019)
The film follows Juha, a widower and heart surgeon, who enters into a BDSM relationship with Mona, a dominatrix, as he seeks to explore his grief and sexual desires. As Juha’s connection with Mona deepens, he grapples with his emotions, attempting to reconcile his intense need for control and his buried pain. The relationship leads him to confront his trauma, revealing the complexities of his psyche as he seeks healing through submission and dominance.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It authentically depicts the emotional vulnerability and psychological depth of BDSM relationships, showing the personal and complex dynamics of submission and dominance.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It romanticizes the idea of BDSM as a path to healing without fully addressing the importance of mutual communication, trust, and the psychological risks involved.

Why it is worth watching:
The film blends dark humor with emotional depth, offering a unique exploration of grief, desire, and intimacy, with a compelling, nuanced portrayal of human relationships.

Pleasure (2021)
The film follows Bella, a young woman who moves to Los Angeles with dreams of becoming a successful porn star. As she enters the adult film industry, she grapples with the harsh realities of the business, encountering exploitation, manipulation, and the tension between her professional aspirations and personal desires. Bella’s journey explores the struggles of maintaining agency and authenticity in a world driven by commodified sex and power dynamics.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It presents BDSM scenes within the adult film industry as both a source of empowerment and exploitation, highlighting the complexity of consent and the power dynamics involved.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It tends to oversimplify the emotional consequences of the porn industry, romanticizing the pursuit of fame and success while glossing over the toll it takes on mental health and personal boundaries.

Why it is worth watching:
With its raw and unflinching approach, Pleasure offers a critical look at the adult industry, exploring themes of autonomy, exploitation, and the tension between desire and manipulation.

Sanctuary (2022)
Hal Porterfield, heir to a wealthy hotel empire, and Rebecca, his long-time dominatrix, find themselves in a tense final session in a luxurious hotel suite. As the night progresses, their roles become increasingly blurred, and they navigate the boundaries between submission, power, and vulnerability. The film explores how both characters challenge their expectations and confront their emotional needs within their complex dynamic.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It captures the psychological and emotional nuances of BDSM dynamics, illustrating how power and control can intertwine with vulnerability and intimacy.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
It tends to romanticize the complexity of the BDSM relationship without fully exploring the essential components of trust, communication, and aftercare.

Why it is worth watching:
The film presents a provocative and intimate look at power dynamics and human connection, with strong performances and a captivating narrative.

Babygirl (2024)
Romy, a successful CEO, embarks on a passionate yet complex BDSM relationship with Samuel, a younger intern who is new to the lifestyle. As their connection deepens, Romy struggles to navigate the power dynamics, while also confronting her personal desires and societal expectations. The film follows their evolving relationship as they both explore vulnerability, control, and trust in unexpected ways.

What it gets right about BDSM:
It authentically portrays the emotional and psychological depth of BDSM relationships, showing the complicated intersection of power, trust, and personal growth.

What it leaves out or romanticizes:
While the film delves into the intense dynamics of BDSM, it may romanticize the difficulties of maintaining clear communication and boundaries without fully addressing the importance of safety, consent, and aftercare.

Why it is worth watching:
Babygirl is a thought-provoking exploration of desire, power, and self-discovery, offering a fresh take on BDSM relationships with strong performances and a compelling narrative.

 

 

~Written By  Edward Volkl

 

What is your favorite kinky film, or do you have a favorite lifestyle movie not on this list? Please share why it is your favorite or why it should be listed in the comments.

6 months ago. Sunday, July 6, 2025 at 3:26 AM

 

* Bring It On Home Daddy ~ Ted Hawkins ~ Watch Your Step
* Good Feeling ~ Violent Femmes ~ Violent Femmes
* Love You Madly ~ Cake ~ Comfort Eagle
* Ten Years Gone ~ Jimmy Page, The Black Crowes ~ Live At The Greek
* Here Comes The Night ~ Lulu ~Something To Shout About
* The Worlds Strongest Man ~ Scott Walker ~ Scott 4
* You've Really Got A Hold On Me ~ The Small Faces ~ From The Beginning
* Happiness Is A Warm Gun ~The Beatles ~ The Beatles
* I know It's Over ~ The Smiths ~ The Queen Is Dead
* It's All Over Now Baby Blue ~ The Animals~ Before We Were So Rudely Interrupted
* Not Dark Yet ~ Bob Dylan~ Time Out Of Mind

 

 

You've Really Got A Hold On Me ~ The Small Faces ~

I don't like you
But I love you
Seems that I'm always
Thinking of you
Though you treat me badly
I love you madly
You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me, baby

I don't want you
But I need you
Don't want to kiss you
But I need to
Though you do me wrong now
My love is strong now
You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me, baby

I love you
And all I want you to do is
Just hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me

Tighter
Tighter

I want to leave you
Don't want to stay here
Don't want to spend another day here
Though I want to split now
I can't quit now
You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me, baby

I love you
And all I want you to do is
Just hold me
Hold me
Please
Hold me
Squeeze
Hold me

You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me
I said you've really got a hold on me
You know, you've really got a hold on me

7 months ago. Thursday, June 19, 2025 at 11:15 AM

 

This book was a gift from my first Dominant, a gesture that felt both intimate and significant. As soon as I opened the cover, I was swept away into its world, absorbing every word in a single day. I found myself deeply resonating with Elizabeth, the protagonist, as her struggles and desires mirrored many of my own. Each sentence felt alive, with her thoughts and feelings leaping off the pages like vibrant colors in a painting. There was a certain fervor in my reading, an urgency to connect with her journey and understand the complexities of her character. The way she expressed vulnerability and strength simultaneously struck a chord within me, inviting me to reflect on my own emotions and experiences. It wasn’t just a book; it was a powerful exploration of identity and desire that stayed with me long after I closed the cover.

I highly recommend this book to anyone in the lifestyle. It offers a profound exploration of identity and desire, capturing the complexities of relationships in a way that is both relatable and thought-provoking. The protagonist's journey resonates deeply, reminding us of the powerful connections we can forge with ourselves and others. It's an engaging read that lingers long after you've turned the last page.

 

Excerpt From:

~Elizabeth McNeill - 'Nine and a Half Weeks: A Memoir of a Love Affair'

"By the time the utter predictability of my orgasm sank into my brain, it had, of course, long been familiar to my body. There was no mistaking the power this man had over me. Like a well-made windup toy, whenever he set me in motion, I came. Moods of wanting or not wanting to make love were moods I remembered from a book. It was not a matter of insatiability but one of inevitability of response. He did what he did, and then I always, inevitably, finally came. Only the preludes varied."

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 months ago. Thursday, June 12, 2025 at 2:53 PM

 

I love to share music with others because it creates a connection that goes beyond mere words. By exchanging songs or playlists, I can discover shared tastes and preferences with the person I'm flirting with. It opens up a dialogue about our favorite artists, genres, and even the lyrics that resonate with us. Music has a unique way of revealing our personalities and emotions, making it an ideal way to establish common ground and deepen our bond. I absolutely love sharing music with others because it fosters a connection that transcends mere verbal communication. When I exchange songs or create playlists for someone I’m flirting with, it becomes a delightful exploration of our shared tastes and preferences. This process not only allows us to discuss the artists and genres we enjoy, but it also ignites conversations about the stories behind the songs, the emotions they evoke, and how they relate to our personal experiences.

 

Each track we share opens up a window into our personalities, revealing our hidden passions and vulnerabilities. I find it fascinating to see what resonates with them—whether it's a particular lyric that speaks to their heart or a catchy beat that makes them want to dance. These musical exchanges create a rich tapestry of dialogue, helping us bond over both the songs we cherish and the memories associated with them. 

 

Music has a remarkable ability to evoke emotions and memories, making it an ideal medium for building a sense of intimacy and understanding. As we discover what moves us, we establish common ground that deepens our connection, allowing for a more profound and meaningful relationship to develop. Through music, we can truly express ourselves and appreciate each other's uniqueness in ways that words alone often can’t capture.

 

 

How about you? How do you flirt?

 

 

 

 

7 months ago. Tuesday, June 10, 2025 at 4:25 PM

 

I think we forget that life was never meant to be understood; life was meant to be felt. We spend so much time trying to figure everything out, trying to fix, explain, solve, and control. But life is not a puzzle; it's a wave, and you were not meant to carry the wave - you were meant to let it move through you.


The joy, the fear, the heartbreak, the moments that didn't make sense till much later. You were not broken, you were becoming. I think the sadness comes from holding on to what was meant to pass.


We grip the moment, the person, the feeling, hoping to freeze it in time, but everything you have ever loved was borrowed, and the beauty of it was never in the holding. It was in the being. So if you are hurting, don't rush to escape it. If you are lost, don't race to find direction..


Feel it, all of it, because this too is part of the dance, and if you listen closely enough, even your pain is trying to teach you how to be alive.

 

I heard this on Instagram. I don't know who the original author is, but I thought it was so beautiful, and I wanted to share it.

 

 

7 months ago. Thursday, June 5, 2025 at 9:31 AM

 

Here Comes The Sun ~ The Beatles ~ Love 

Sunrise~ Noarah Jones ~ Feels Like Home

Sunrise ~ Simply Red ~ Sunrise

Tequila Sunrise ~ The Eagles ~ Desperado 

Sunrise~ Coldplay ~ Everyday Life

Morning Dew ~ The Grateful Dead ~  London 1972

Good Morning ~ Kanye West ~ Graduation

Morning Glory ~ Oasis ~ What's The Story, Morning Glory?

Morning Has Broken ~ Cat Stevens ~ Teaser And The Firecat

Every Morning ~ Sugar Ray~ 14:59

Sunday Morning ~ Maroon 5 ~ Songs About Jane

Morning ~ Beck ~ Morning Phase

Here Comes The Sun ~ The Beatles 

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to their faces
Little darling, it seems like it's years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
It's all right, it's all right

 

 

 

7 months ago. Friday, May 30, 2025 at 3:13 AM


The push and the pull. The give and the take. Dominance and submission — it’s never as simple as one leading and one following. It’s the yin and the yang, a constant interplay where power shifts in whispers and glances, in tension and release.

True dominance isn’t about control in the way people often imagine. It’s not about forcing, demanding, or taking. It’s about presence. It’s about listening — listening to her body, her breath, her hesitation, and her hunger. It’s about reading between the lines of what she says and what she doesn’t. Because what she holds back — the stifled moans, the quiet shiver as your hand tightens around her wrist — tells you everything you need to know.

And whether it’s named or not, there’s always an element of consensual non-consent at play — that intoxicating tension where she’s resisting just enough for you to chase her. It’s the teasing twist of her body as she tries to squirm away, but never quite leaves your grip. The breathless “I can't…” that’s not really a plea for you to stop, but a test to see if you’ll push her further. The quiet defiance — a sharp look, a bitten lip — that silently begs you to take control.

But here’s the truth — the part that’s easy to miss: dominance doesn’t just come from being assertive or demanding. The greatest mistake in dominance isn’t being too rough or too soft — it’s losing awareness. The moment you get too focused on what you want to do rather than how she’s responding, the connection falters.

The paradox of dominance — and what makes it powerful — is that the more you control, the more you surrender to her needs. You guide her body, but her reactions guide you. You take her apart, but only because you’ve built the space where she feels safe enough to fall apart.

That’s where the trust comes from. It’s what makes her push back against your grip, because she knows you’ll pull her closer. It’s what makes her moan “No…” even as her body begs for more. Because underneath every gasp, every shiver, every breathless plea, there’s a quiet certainty — that you’re still there, paying attention.

Because dominance isn’t just about pressure — it’s about presence. About grounding yourself in her rhythm — the way her hips tilt closer or her breath stutters — and knowing exactly when to push her deeper and when to give her room to breathe.

That’s the magic of it. The balance. The exchange. Because while dominance looks like control, it’s her pleasure that drives you. Her moans are your reward. Her surrender is your proof. And that delicate balance of pressure and permission, of control and release, is where the magic happens.

Because in the end, dominance isn’t about taking at all.

It’s about giving — giving her the space, the trust, and the freedom to let go, knowing you’ll catch her.

@roastedespressobean

I'm posting this with the permission of the author.

7 months ago. Sunday, May 25, 2025 at 9:33 PM