Valentine's Day used to be one of my favorite times of the year. However, this year for probably many reasons, it just feels different. Maybe it's the pandemic, perhaps it's the fact I'm single, or maybe it's because I didn't get the chance to pass out a single Valentine's Day card to a friend. However, perhaps I can write a BDSM Haiku?
Mmmm, my ass is red
From your firm hand on my bum
A smile starts to form
Today I'm too bothered by the current status of the world. Generally, I enjoy conversing with friends and talking to others. However, today I want to talk to no one but my dog. I know this will pass. To make it pass faster, I just wish to count my blessings in life. So I figured I would list a few of the things that make me happy. I hope others join in this challenge in naming five things that make you happy. Feel free to comment below or write your own blog post.
- My adorable puppy (he's actually 2 years old, but don't tell him that)
- My health
- My apartment
- My plants
- My understanding friends
I am blessed to be able to have these things in my life. I'm thankful for the community that this website has, and hopefully, on another day, I'll be able to post something a little more fun.
This may be the confidence speaking, but I'm perfectly okay with rejection. If someone tells me they are not interested or that I'm not their type, I move on. If I get no reply to a simple "Hey," I move on. To me, it's okay. I know that not everyone in the world is going to like me or fall madly in love with me. Now I need to clarify, rejection does not equal being ostracized. Being ostracized is unbelievably painful, and I don't wish that on anyone. However, if it's just one or two people here or there (and not a whole community), I do not take it to heart.
That being said, I do not understand some of the Doms on this site. The subs will know which ones I am talking about. The ones that send 15 messages are all entitled, "submit to me" or the ones that write "looking for online fun ;)". Sometimes I'll be surprised with paragraphs upon paragraphs that have been copied and pasted from one sub to another. Do they not realize we talk to each other? But my favorite is "Are you still there? You never respond".
Well, of course, I don't dummy. I say right in my bio, "Right now, I'm just looking for a community, but I'm always down to chat." Meaning I'm not looking to "submit", I'm not looking for "online fun", and no, I won't respond because I know exactly what you're trying to do. If you want to chat, maybe ask some questions? Or tell me about yourself. Because frankly, I'm not particularly eager to talk to people who only have one thing on their minds. Maybe I'm asking for too much, but I like people to be complex and not so one dimensional. I mean, seriously, you're a person, not a fictionalized rom-com character.
In the meantime, please don't get upset with me for your unwillingness to read my profile. When I am looking for a Dom, I will say, and I will be more than happy to chat about being a great match. But if I'm not ready... so why are you pushing?
https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?postid=42633&blog_id=45308
Breath shakey and fast
Skirt rising faster than thought
Mind racing, lips still.
No protest from her
Is she ready? She wonders.
Let it go, he says to her.
Fear drops to the floor.
Eyes meeting in the darkness
Comfort is found there.
Not to get too personal, but someone who was once very dear to me is no longer involved in my life, not through death, but a mutual decision. I once believed that this person may return to me, however, I know that this is no longer the case. Basically the decision for them came down to if they wanted to change and go to the next level or leave altogether. They choose the latter. My tasks in recent weeks have been choosing between morning the loss of this relationship or just trying to move past it and keep busy.
Allowing myself space I need to morn, is probably one of the nicest things I can do for myself. I do this by journaling or just lying down alone with my thoughts. I don't know how productive this is, to be honest. I feel lost in the moment, only in the end, to feel I have earned an ounce of clarity. Everything just feels hazy, and I end up even more insecure.
When I am busy, it feels easier. I'm with friends, and we laugh and have a good time. Everyone has reached out and has helped me in some small way. Whether it's sending me positive messages and memes or taking me out for coffee or drinks, they all have been there for me. I feel secure when I am with them. Sometimes I'm busy alone, though. I just bury my head in my work. I feel productive and can actually focus enough to accomplish what I need too. However, when the work ends or my friends leave I suddenly feel even more alone. I feel like I have to clamor for "what's next."
So, I've been trying to do a balance of both. Being alone with my thoughts, for the ounce of clarity, and being busy to avoid the pain. Let me know how you like to deal with these situations in a comment; I'm always open to new ideas.
Whether it's friendship, a dynamic, a relationship, even mentorship, they must always come to an end. Sometimes these relationships just fizzle out, but sometimes they end abruptly. No matter how they might conclude, they may leave you hurt and sometimes scared. So why do relationships end?
They end because very few people are worth a lifetime. I'm not trying to be pessimistic. I'm a very optimistic person, generally. However, I do believe in the clique poem. If you are unaware of what I'm referring to, it is that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. I will put the whole poem at the end of this post if you desire to read.
Every time a relationship ends, like most people, I want to examine why. However, learning why a relationship ends is not always productive. Sometimes relationships end, because they were abusive, sometimes they end because both parties are just too busy at this point in their lives. The takeaway of examining why relationships end isn't always as valuable as we would like to think. So instead, I like to think about what lessons I learned from this relationship and how can I carry those lessons further into my life. I examine why that person was placed in my life.
Sometimes a person is only in my life for a moment to help me with a hurdle like surviving a forced social engagement I was not interested in. Sometimes relationships last longer like a friendship. I recently had a friendship end. Although heartbroken over the loss, I was fortunate enough to have a conversation with her as to why.
Although she said I was a great friend, she felt we didn't share much in common. I understood as I had felt that way at times as well. However, our friendship had two purposes. One, she was my first friend I made in my current city. I believe that our friendship was to help me feel settled and not so alone.
However, for her, our friendship was important because I helped her through her breakup with her abusive ex. I helped her normalize the thoughts that she had dealt with. Although the relationship had benefited us by helping us through different things, it had served its purpose.
The lesson I learned from this friendship is that people will come and go in your life. Sometimes the purpose isn't to only benefit you, but the other. I also learned that by being calm and accepting that the friendship was over, I could calmly discuss with her and evaluate our relationship. At the end of the day, by wishing someone the best in their life is the friendliest thing you can do.
I don't know if this post will help anyone, but I thought I would share.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
— Unknown