Orgazmo Blog

DOM Trick #2 - Walk Your Talk

The trick to getting everything you want when dominating a woman is to walk your talk. She’s likely experienced the exact opposite: lies, disappointment, irresponsibility, blaming, manipulation, broken promises, inconsideration, inconsistency, and unfair treatment. Like anyone who deals with enough of that over time, she will have put up emotional barriers for her own protection. She may seem aloof or uninterested but If you walk your talk, you’ll stand out from the rest. If she’s submissive and kinky and you demonstrate considerate, firm, fair, and consistent behavior, she will be more likely to:

speak more openly with you
let her barriers down and let you in
believe you when you tell her something
re-enact the food, ice or strip scenes from 9 ½ weeks
not be afraid of getting her heart broken
forgive your occasional mistakes more easily
provide service with a smile
not roll her eyes at you when you’re being a dork
overcome her hard limits with your careful attention
drop to her knees and suck you dry upon your suggestion
trust you to try new kinky things that neither of you have experience with
crawl across the room, put her head on your lap and help herself to your balls
explore her kinky fantasies with you to see if you’re interested
lead you to a chair and worship your cock
explore all your unrealized kinky fantasies and make them happen
trust you to spend time with other women
explore her desire to have her ass spanked until your hand can’t take anymore
trust you with rope suspension when you’ve never done it before
overcome her fear of needles that has always previously been a hard limit
trust you with kinky fun that previously scared her
give you that FMF threesome you’ve always wanted
suggest you bite her pussy lips just to feel what it’s like
open her ass to your thrusting cock

-SirRender on fetlife

Honor is important in DM/sf relationships as it is the foundation of the dominant man's power. As I've written many times before, I am not an advocate of control by coercion, subterfuge or force. I advocate a positive dominance via respect, persuasion and honor.

So, what is the essence of honor?

There are four definitions of the word honor, two as nouns and two as verbs, that are relevant here.

Nouns:

1: high respect, esteem. "His portrait hangs in the place of honor"
2: a privilege. "The great poet of whom it is my honor to speak tonight"
Verbs:

3: regard with great respect. "Joyce has now learned to honor her father's memory."
4: fulfill an obligation or keep an agreement. "Make sure the franchisees honor the terms of the contract"
When a dominant man is honored by his submissive woman, all four of these become apparent:

His Place Of Honor - He holds a position of honor, a place that is distinct from the man who is not honored by a submissive woman. With this position come obligations and responsibilities that, should he fail them, will see him fall from that place of honor.
His Privilege - The privilege afforded the DM is one of access to and control over the sf. She wants him to take the lead as much as he wants to lead her. This is not his god-given right as a dominant man. It is a privilege that is only extended because of his honor (noun) and her honoring (verb) of him.
Respectful Regard - In his place of honor, the submissive bestows a respectful regard for the dominant and wishes to become devoted and loyal to such an honorable man.
Obligation Fulfilled - The advantage of his position, privilege and respect is that the dominant man can expect his submissive woman to fulfill the obligation of their agreement. This is the reward of being honorable. It doesn't matter what their arrangement is, only that she honor their agreement by fulfilling her obligation and keeping her agreement or promise.
I'm sure this all sounds great to most men:

Hold a position of distinction, power and honor.
Obtain certain privileges as a result of that position.
Be respected by his woman and likely her associates.
Have promises, agreements and obligations to him fulfilled.
Great. How do you get that?

By Being Honorable!
Okay, let's look at the definitions of honorable:

1: deserving of honor
2: of great renown : illustrious
3: entitled to honor
4: attesting to creditable conduct
5: consistent with an untarnished reputation
6: characterized by integrity
These are a bit circular but they all all hint at what is, to me, the two essential components of being honorable:

1. An unswerving dedication to the truth.
2. Reliably consistent action commensurate with agreements and obligations.
All other character traits of the positively dominant man emanate from these two aspects:

authenticity - knowing and speaking the truth about oneself
integrity - when we seek the truth and seek to act in accordance with it, we maintain our integrity; there can be no guile, incongruence or self-deceit when we are internally honest and our external behavior is commensurate with that inner truth.
self-control - knowing the truth about yourself and consistently taking action to ensure one is in accordance with agreements and obligations is the definition of self-control
trustworthy - the essence of being trustworthy is consistent action according to stated agreements
repentant - being dedicated to the truth means accepting one's limitations and errors and taking action to recompense damages done
considerate - to know the truth of his woman and act in a consistent and commensurate way is to be considerate and seek what is best for her
calm - when we ascribe to the truth and consistently take action we are in integrity with ourselves which produces a state of calmness because we are not warring with ourselves due to the incongruences in our character
I could go on listing many other qualities and relating them back to those essential two, but the point is to remind us about the essence of honor:

if you want to get the wonderful benefits of being honored by a submissive woman then you have to be an honorably dominant man and that is achieved by constantly striving towards finding and knowing the truth while also keeping your actions consistent with your words.
This isn't rocket science and it isn't new. But it is a reminder far too many men need these days.

-SirRender (on another site)

A book from someone who understands the cross I bear. 

There is a common misconception that being a Daddy is about age based role play. Being a Daddy isn’t about age play. It’s not about being a weak man. It’s not even necessarily about kink each and every time. Being a Daddy is about being strong. Nurturing. Caring. Protective.

People often presume that being a Daddy involves age play of some form. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Some kinks do involve age play, such as DDlg. But Daddy Doms are different again. This article relates to the simplicity of being a Daddy.

My wife is not an age player. She is definitely not a little. But like any emotionally driven woman she finds herself vulnerable from time to time. Whether that be because of stress in every day life, because of personal worries, personal conflict, or because of her / my Poly interactions or any other number of reasons, she simply becomes vulnerable at times.

She doesn’t need to verbalise when that vulnerability occurs. I see the vulnerable take over her personality as her demeanour changes and her need for Daddy becomes apparent and consumes her. She goes from this beautifully strong and independent woman and transforms into a particular persona that becomes even more beautiful. She becomes vulnerable and needy in the most heart warming of ways.

At those times, my sheer size becomes my weapon of choice. I’m what some people refer to as a little imposing. I’m 6’4” and around 200kg / 440lbs. Large arms. The type of arms that can destroy or envelop. When her vulnerability invokes my soft side to come to the surface, everything inside me melts. I feel the need to nurture her and protect her. And to do this, I pull her into me. Embrace her, hold her, hug her.

Not just the cuddle type hug. No. We are talking full body embrace style hugs. My arms wrap around her, pulling her in. Tightly. You know the type of hug I’m referring to. Those hugs so intimately tight, that you feel the warmth of the other body soak into yours, feeling it seep into your bones. So tight that you feel the person’s heartbeat against your own.

I pull her into me. A safe space within a safe place. Nothing penetrates that barrier that I create between her, her demons and the world. The safest place in the world. The only place that matters to her in that moment is being in my arms. In my embrace, where everything becomes safe, serene and calm. A place where nothing can hurt her. A place where she can let go and just be.

That special place.

In the arms of her Daddy......

-AussiePrimal (on another website)