Sweet Deanies Insights

Due to an incident that occurred my Dom had agreed to turn tables and be refused intercourse and orgasm.

So the last two days of my visit there was no sex and then I went home and he couldn't relieve himself either.  Three days after I came home his balls were aching and so I played a little, asking if he thought I should continue to refuse him an orgasm or if he felt I should release him from his word.

And then I came up with a plan, I told him he should catch the train to my house and I would suck his cock dry, but first he must complete certain tasks.

The tasks were quite simple but required some thought and imagination.

The first part I requested him to bring milk and bacon, easy tasks to complete.

I also required a baseball cap, he collects them and its the thing I associate with him most, he never is without a cap on.  I wanted something that when we were apart had a strong visual connection and attachment to him, to comfort me.  I also required a jumper of his that smelt of him and had pull cords as I have a habit of provoking him when I'm with him by pulling the hoodie drawstring tight, which normally leads to a warning glare and if I carry on, a spanking.

I also wanted a love letter from him telling me why he likes to be with me.  This I thought would be his most difficult task, he's not openly emotional and rarely talks about his feelings.  

And lastly, I wanted him to use his imagination to find something around the home he could create a flogger with that was not something traditionally used, ie: he couldn't use a wooden spoon or belt for example.

So he stayed up all night, got the first train to see me and arrived at the station at 7am.

The letter was beautiful and really moved me, it was only short but perfectly worded. 

He made me wear a blindfold and flogged me with his created flogger that was still a mystery to me until he made me use my soft safe word for the first time ever, which had been so hard for me to use.  After, he held me and stroked my hair telling me how proud he was of me for finally finding the courage to use my safe word.

And then I kept my end of the deal and sucked his cock until I had drained every last drop, swallowing as much as I could.  

So, things are back to normal now and I've no leverage left for a little of the power, but I really enjoyed today even though I know my place and enjoy being his sub.

We decided it was so much fun though and both want to do similar to one another again, maybe tasks like telling the other they must buy something at a hardware store within a certain budget that could be used unconventionaly as a collar/cuffs/plug/flogger etc...or pet store/grocery store etc

Maybe that it could be bought and used as it comes or a task that it must be adapted to be used.

A fun task to add items to our play kit and to give our imagination and devious minds a work out.

Any ideas welcome :)

I need to learn to use my safe word.

This morning I was woken to sir pulling and tugging on my left nipple.  He squeezed hard and tugged down.  At first it was pleasant and I felt my pussy getting wet, but soon the pain was intensifying.  I pushed his arm away but he came straight back, I fought with him, pushing him off, kicking him..He demanded I put my hand down away from where I was protecting my nipple from him.

I carried on trying to stop him but it was no use, I cried out and screamed as he pinned my wrists above my head and pulled on my nipple harder.

I know he wants to make me use my safe word now and he's not going to ease up until I do.  I want him to stop but I'm stubborn and I can't bring myself to say my safe word.

I'm now crying and hyperventilating when finally he stops, I lay motionless trying to calm my breathing, to bring myself back.  He falls asleep and I climb out of bed and go to the bathroom.  I spend a few minutes crying, letting my frustration and upset out.  I feel disappointed in myself and my inability still to take control and safe word out.

Yesterday my Dom asked me to flog him, well actually we were having an intimate and emotional moment when he slid the belt into my hand.  I looked at him perplexed, asking him why he was giving me his belt.  I have never enjoyed inflicting pain on others, I'm a masochist, not a sadist.  My Dom has only ever been a sadist, so at first I was wondering what kind of trickery is this?  Is this a test or some form of punishment?

I had been told to go to bed 10pm that night as we had an early morning, but I'd stayed up until 2am waiting for him to come home, punishment made sense, but this seemed far fetched as punishment.

After some hesitation I climbed off the bed and ordered him to lay on his stomach.  I pulled his jeans down below his bottom so his raw flesh was on display, waiting for the belt to colour his skin.

The first two times I flogged him were hesitant but then something strange happened and I entered another state, trance like...and I wanted rhythm...so then the flogging became more disciplined, one....two....three....four...each lighting his derrierre red...five....six....seven....eight...he drew in a sharp breath and buried his head into the pillow...

Had he had enough already?  Surely not?  My strong, powerful Dom!  I had taken floggings far worse than this, in the hundreds without using a safe word...I remembered something, he had no safe word.  

I crouched down beside his head and stroked his hair and asked him if he'd had enough, he turned and pulled me in tight, kissing me.

He told me he'd learned something and that he should be more careful when punishing me but I told him, unlike him, I enjoy pain.  I told him I love the feeling as the belt connects, biting at my skin and the intensity as the cane comes down cracking across my bottom.  That my mind reels and spins as it flies and swirls, dancing with all my demons, releasing them with every crack, thud and snap and setting me free.

I felt pleased though that this hadn't been some cruel punishment, although now I wonder if I'm on the sadist spectrum as there was something...strangely pleasant about watching the belt land, the skin flush and his sharp intake of breath.  I could have gone on longer if he'd wanted me to.

As I laid back down next to him, and he held me tightly and lovingly in his arms, a beautiful sense of peace came over me...I felt equal to him...I submit to him by choice, my gift to my love...but I could just as easily give pain instead.