So due to my ex being a bigger pos than I imagined, I had to completely move and restart my life.
After several job interviews going no where, I said f it and called my mom, she immediately came to get me so I moved 2 states away from my ex and I'm at least in a cozy house with access to regular groceries
Why my ex is a scum bag - through turning in my keys to the apartment people, we learned he had an entire plan to make me homeless, something I knew nothing about.
He was getting into drinking and hiding stuff from people so I don't fully know what happened to him but I frankly don't care, no one deserves to be homeless, so to know the guy I wasted 7 years on was perfectly okay doing that to me, f him.
A lot of me is traumatized and going to take a long time to recover and heal let alone trust someone again
A lot of me wants to become cynical, hateful and give up on the concept of romance and people as a whole
But I don't wanna give that pos the satisfaction of breaking me
He's done enough damage, I'm not losing my soul over this
I'm still heart broken and devastated by everything but then I got angry looking at my bank statements and how over the years, he only gave me 3 grand after begging for gas money for work or groceries, meanwhile i had sent him 12 grand over the years on top of buying all the furniture for the apartment because I thought he was someone worth loving. But no, he's just a lost sad pos who's now sleeping on his mom's couch and lost everything, including me.
I have no idea how to start my life over from scratch, I almost don't even want to be a kitten again because that side of me is so emotionally exhausted
But I moved to a state that's lgbtq friendly / kink friendly, they have so much visibility here and it's helped me feel safer seeing all the flags everywhere.
So screw the past, I'll make the best of this new chapter of my life even though I'm terrified of a lot.