New beginnings

Once again i find myself stuck in a situation were im priority#wth ever. Wat do i have to do to get sum one on one attention. I been thinking i should just let the whole lifestyle go. Sad think is i will not be living my true life. Facts im not living my true life right now. Im so upset and hurt. So much has happened to make me doubt my relationship. Hes no way involved. Can't really tell me anything about my lifestyle. It a long distance situation but we have been together 4 days and has not enjoyed my body. Hell he hasn't enjoyed my body since nov 23. Why?

Never thought I would find him. Oh how I love very command you give. I will eagerly dropped to my feet and serve you who are my king. I love you Daddy. The best caretaker ever. My💀

I told my Daddy in six day i will make one of his wishes come tru. Well, i failed. I got so carried away with surprising and satisfying him dat i took to long and it never happened. He was very upset. He yelled and i got upset and yelled back. I felt so wrong after he hung up on me. He said he was tired and restless. Which made me mad because I switched shifts to be with him dat night. I ran all my errands for da elderly in my area. I was exhausted but da thoughts of pleasing Daddy kept me going.. I'm just not good at all. Might as well be named mz cantgetrite. Hopefully he lets me make it up. Knowing he's upset and disappointed in me is killing me.

I've really missed you guys.. Hard work pays off and privileges Be my paycheck.. I was quiet, nice, obedient and sometimes invisible. Just to be seen and heard again amidst friends

At night i lay in my bed and think of all da ways i can become just as little as I'm made to feel. Maybe then all the bullshit will miss me. Nothing is ever right. All i do is wrong. Why deal? Why go threw so much? Nothing ever change either. Same words, same hurt, same promises and the same love. No visitors huh? All i get is work and home. All you get is the city. Spies here spies there. Lying here and lying good enough for doubt to build a hill full of bullshit. Damn this my life?

Love is has so many levels to it. One minute its deep. The next its shallow. It can be instant it can be fake. But it can't be is lust. 

Looking into the glass I see self and she is loving, kind, beautiful and Happy. She only knows herself. That one world.

Looking into the glass I see self and she is lacking, dark, pale and sad. She can't find herself. Lost between worlds

Poor Little Girl not da only in da world.

I sit and I think about days of my youth when I would run around in the backyard with friend and cuzn and look for that four leaf clover hoping wishing that this would be my day that I discovered my four leaf clover I was so full of Hope and imagination. Not once thinking dat the clover never existed