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Plain Jane

Well I am just a plain Jane with simple thoughts. Bdsm is new and I love learning about it. One day I may have a relationship. I have tried a couple of times but have come to realize I get attached fast and that is not a good thing. So for now going to continue my learning.
1 day ago. Jul 28, 2021, 6:25 AM

Soooo I make these amazing boxes. Some are just because boxes some are get well soon some are you are missed. Each one is different no two are alike. I started making them when my daughter…… um she went away for a while for long periods of time, and no not…. To prison although I have said she needs to be locked up. 😁

anyway sorry getting off track. Am I crazy…..??? Loaded question here but I am asking. 

so someone hurt me they made me cry myself to sleep for over 9 days I didn’t know if they were alive or dead. I texted I called no response from them. Then I had to pull out my mean girl panties and send a not so nice text. Yes sorry I played his ego. I know I know I’m a bad.  Uggggh yes here it is that thing that I can read people. I knew if I sent it and they were alive they would answer. I was not wrong at all, in less than three minutes I had a response. I really do not like this gift or curse I have, but it works. 

ugggh off track again sorrrrrrry. Anyway I had known about their surgery and waited yes waited not knowing for sure. though in my gut I knew. I really did know I just needed confirmation really. And they ignored me. I was hurt not going to lie about that at all. But I had started making him a care package these take at least a week or two to make like I said they are really amazing. But now I look at it and question should I send it. I mean I took my time to make it. It is personal for just for their personality I can’t send or give it to anyone else. It would be ridiculous.  

answered my own question I’m crazy and a dumba$$. I’m sending it if they don’t want it because of their ego then that’s up to them to be mean not me. I’m not going to stop loving someone that stopped loving themself a long time ago. I maybe not so smart at grammar or spelling or computers but I am not a JERK!!! I took my time and they can sit on it. Thanks guys ♥️♥️♥️♥️

PS yes it’s for a man and there is facial masks and good hygiene stuff. Hygiene is nothing to be ashamed of. My coworkers have not stopped laughing but really most men just don’t like getting caught but inside they really enjoy the pampering. And if you ladies are asking what question I think your asking in your heads. The answer is YES. 😁☺️🤷‍♀️

2 days ago. Jul 27, 2021, 9:47 PM

Sooooo is it just me or does anyone else like talking to telemarketers? 

I mean I just got called and this nice lady wanted to help me get disability. I asked her what my disability was she said she had to ask me a few questions first. So I answered her questions. then asked her again what my disability was going to be?
I asked if I could have one that would kill me in 54 years. Or maybe I needed a dresser someone to come dress me in the morning and then at night for bed. Because I had a disability of design, my fashion wheel was off maybe? She asked me what I did for a living and when I told her I worked two full time jobs and three part time jobs she said she couldn’t help me. I asked if we could lie like half the rest of the people do, she had no answer for me. She had no response. I then said I knew what my disability was. She got excited like WTH people she was so into me telling her my disability. I told her it was, answering  my phone. I was to curious to not answer and then got stuck with people. I don’t understand why she hung up on me though what the heck. 🤷‍♀️☺️☺️☺️♥️ I love my imagination♥️♥️

2 days ago. Jul 27, 2021, 7:08 AM

He smiled whispering in her ear honey you will never  stand the storm. She smiled and signed “I am the storm”. 

3 days ago. Jul 26, 2021, 3:19 PM

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

3 days ago. Jul 25, 2021, 11:27 PM

So I was swindled again. Because I don’t know when to stop believing. 

I believe everyone is good, or at least there’s something good about everyone. You just have to look hard enough. I am not going to stop believing because that’s what my whole world. And my whole world  is based on that belief. 
not going to say I wasn’t hurt. But once again forced to do things I don’t want to do. My intentions were pure. But I was mean. Some people only respond to mean and ugly. It’s soooooo sad. 

so I wrote a pome not many will get. 

My problem is I read people very well it’s supposed to be a gift yet it always feels like a curse. People who truly know me have used this gift. Asked me to sit in on things I have no reason to be. I give my reading and then leave. I should sell this but really I’m just a problem solver and I’ve learned I’m very,  very good at it. Well other people’s problems anyway.

Silence falls on feather white ears. 

I had someone tell me it was ok to come out of my walls.
My walls were beautiful and sparkly. With small reflections of myself. Just enough to know I was still alive and real but I didn’t have to feel. They tore those walls down till they found out that in my fort of walls built high and strong. was silence and the small reflections were ways to read lips. The music played loud to hear the happy tunes. The captions were on for a reason well known. With one that stands in the background can hear the lips sing with praise, or the voices with blades as sharp as diamond, cut others down like unprotected Forrest. 

grammar is awful, spelling atrocious. Sounds fall on silent winter leaves. There’s no place for deaf ears near or far. 

does silence kill or is it the hearing of the sounds that kills the world.
When spring comes does one listen to the singing birds. Or is that just the play of sounds in ones head, or the sound that one might imagine.  Do blinkers make nose or just a flash of light?  When dogs bark do they all sound alike? What is the sound of a kittens purr? 

deafness is a silent world where one does not fit in either world. Vanilla or BDSM. Either world is just the same.  Those in silence do not belong theirs is a silent World.
Deafness is a silent world we’re one does not fit in either world. 

 

 

 

 

1 week ago. Jul 22, 2021, 6:26 AM

Today was supposed to a perfect day. I had left over PTO “use it or lose it stuff” I had the day completely planned. I was going to play baseball with my grandson he’s 2 1/2 and I think he’s the greatest player of all times. But I woke up I couldn’t talk my throat was just raw. Yup I spent the day in urgent care. Got a shot in my butt that hurt. Had to text everything to the doctor and nurse. It probably took longer because of that also. But I was giving my paperwork and sent to get my prescriptions.

 

but as I sat in the waiting room I listened to everyone around me complaining about something I was no different complaining in my head. I was right with them. Then my son sent me a picture of my grandson wearing his little baseball outfit saying I hope you feel better grams. And that’s when it hit me. “Not everyday is a good day but there is something good about everyday”. That simple picture made today a great day. You see my grandson son doesn’t care I couldn’t run after the ball for him when he hit home run after home run. While I do. I should be the size of a feather with as much running I do for those balls. 🤣 he just wanted me better so we could have another day. His free will of love is so unconditional it really has no end. 

then I thought about a few things from my past. And why I couldn’t forgive myself for them. I had no control over some and I did what I did with no bad intentions. My heart was in the right place. Just bad people that were put in charge did bad things. Yes I allowed it. But again I did do what I did with good intentions. I can’t be responsible for others actions only mine. I want to thank maxstern. He knows what I’m talking about. That is enough. I’ve always known I wasn’t responsible for the things out of my control but I was ashamed of the way I handled them. But then realizing  today I handled them the very best I could and with no bad intentions I’d like to say no bad thoughts but that wouldn’t be honest. But my intentions were pure and to the best of my ability at the time with what I had to work with. I don’t need to feel guilty I don’t need to be ashamed and I most importantly need to one let it go. Two forgive myself. And three be happy it is in the past. These are easier words spoken than lived. Something good came of today I forgave myself. If even for a day or a moment. Now I can work on doing it everyday. Something good came of a bad day. 

3 weeks ago. Jul 1, 2021, 10:31 PM

Yesterday has been and gone. 
Tomorrow will I find the sun,
or will it rain?

 

everybody’s having fun
except me I’m the lonely one 

I live in shame

i say goodbye to romance, yeah

goodbye to to friends. I tell you

goodbye to all the past

i guess that we’ll meet 

we’ll meet in the end

 

ive been the king. I’ve been the clow

it won’t be me this time around

to live in pain

i say goodby to romance, yeah

goodbye to all the past

i guess that we’ll meet 

we’ll meet in the end

 

the jester with the broken crown

it won’t be me this time around

to live in pain. 

I say goodbye to Roman, yeah

goodbye to friends.

I tell you good bye to all the past

i guess we’ll meet

we’ll meet in the end.

 

I can remember where I was when I first heard this song. 

 

4 weeks ago. Jul 1, 2021, 5:53 AM

4 weeks ago. Jul 1, 2021, 5:44 AM

The angel and the devil secretly get along. 
sitting up

there with me in the middle from dusk till dawn.

I get so confused by which way to turn looking at me like decide which bridge to burn. 

if I’m wrong or right, you stand by my side Devil never knows, devil never knows. Listen, listen you’ve forgiven me for the thousands time


looking over my shoulder, looking out, looking out for me. 


Devi never knows, the devil never knows, angel in disguise. 

ooh. Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh 

oohh oohh oohh oohh 

looking over my shoulder, looking out, looking out for me. 

oohh oohh oohh oohh 

oohh oohh oohh oohh 

Looking over my shoulder, looking out, looking out for me. 

oohh oohh oohh oohh

oohh oohh oohh oohh

looking over my shoulder, looking out, looking out for me. 

It’s a long way down. 
even longer way back up. 
when the chips fall down. 
you would always back me up. 
when the shit goes down. 
you would always back me up. 

 

4 weeks ago. Jun 30, 2021, 7:17 AM