The hospital called a little before 5 this morning. She's passed on...gone.
I keep saying It, telling family, friends, loved ones...
But I just don't believe it...it feels so unreal.
Thank you all who kept her in your thoughts and prayers. She's a peace now, with the angels gone before her.
I'm sorry I haven't written or kept in touch...
The last few months have been hard to say the least. Personal issues, and now I'm losing my mom. She went to the er on Xmas eve with double covid pneumonia, and had to be put on a ventilator a few hours ago. They are giving her 72 hours, but not much hope for a turn around.
If you pray, please say a prayer of peace for her. She is alone in covid icu and no one can visit her. Also pray for me, she put me in charge of everything, I can't do what she did! She was superwoman, a leader...I'll never be able to live up to her wishes. The next few days are going to be so hard. So not prepared for this. I'm just numb. Scared.
Hope everyone's Xmas was full of good memories. Cherish those you love, you never know when it's the last time you see or talk to them.
Thanks in advance for prayers.
Creature of the night
In the dark, late into the night,
She fears what could hold her tight.
Monsters and lovers lurking near,
She's been given many reasons to fear.
At home among the moonlight and stars,
Like a wild creature, running so far.
Wishing to sink into the sea,
Now a phantom, uncertain where to be.
Almost ethereal in her grace,
She's pale, without a face.
Desires to be with the unknown,
No longer a child, fully grown.
searching for others already light,
Trapped in darkness struggling to fight,
A lonesome creature of the night.
By kupkake
I have many favorite quotes, but this one in particular sticks out in my mind, as I lay in bed unable to sleep. Thinking of all the things on my to-do list.
"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
By Dr Seuss.
It speaks to me in so many ways lately. Just wanted to share something. I haven't posted in a while.
Have a good night all.
I'm so tired of the fight and struggle. I find myself getting depressed, and feeling like things will never change.
I'm stuck in this place. It feels like a nightmare of groundhogs day. I wake up and everything is the same. It's not better like it was supposed to be.
The future only looks darker that yesterday. Storms are coming that even at my strongest I may not survive.
I'm not a leader. Surely I will fail and fall.
I didn't ask for this, I never wanted it. I can't run from it. It paralyzes me.
I'm not asking for help, I don't want sympathy! It only makes the feelings worse.
Sometimes it just hurts Im angry and I have to let it out.
I'm aware this post may seem like a cry for help. It's not. I'm just venting due to insomnia. Writing my thoughts out helps ease them.
Thanks for reading my blogs. I'll get back to the happy me soon. 🥲
Have you ever been in a long term vanilla relationship, and kept your kinks private?
My first relationship (pure vanilla) was like that. He in his 20's, I was 19. Over time we grew together, inseparable at one point, we loved each other deeply. (15 years) We began to reveal kinks to each other, it was like a game. But the more we explored, we realized our kinks didn't mesh. He was the one who opened my eyes to the kink world, introducing me to his kinks. When I began to discover my own, and what I liked, we found out in the kink world, we were oil and water.
Ultimately it was a major factor (not the only reason) in deciding to end our relationship. He didn't like my kinks, nor did I enjoy his. We separated on mutual terms, and are still friends to this day.
I don't regret the time we had, I learned alot about myself as a person. I just wish it had come out sooner, and we had been more open with each other. The outcome would have been the same, without the kinks, but at the same time it would have saved alot of hurt and pain that wasn't necessary on both sides.
Have you ever revealed a kink that was rejected by your partner? How did you deal with it?
I cannot slay the beast of insomnia tonight. As are so many nights lately. So let me finish the stages, and then I'd like to take a break.
I'd love to share some stories I've written, but first... I need time to soak up a new side of thecage for me. I've been around, off and on for three years or so, but just started dabbling in the blogs. Bare with me, I'm a virgin newb at blogging. Lol
Anyway, back on track...
Stage three - the teen years...
We typically fall in love and get our hearts broken during this time. Limits are pushed harder from both sides. Kinks are revealed, some liked, some not. You find out here if this is the one. Can you weather the rough waters of a new relationship? Are they what you need? So many fun things to try. Memories that will last a lifetime. (Some good some bad) be free to discover yourself. Most dom rules should be in place by now, and the sub understands them completely. Now is the time for edits/rule changes...
For the dom, they get to have more fun during this time. They will push you farther than you thought you could go. That's where the adventure begins, let them take the reins and guide you. Don't be a pushover tho, they don't have total control yet.
*pause for authors note...
Most of the time everything I write is raw and in the moment. It's not pre-typed, proofed, or edited. It's simply written, and done. Please forgive Grammer and punctuation errors. Lol
*press play to continue to stage four...
Stage four - congratulations you made it adulthood! Yeahhhh! Here's the keys to your brand new lifestyle. (Said in my best game show voice.)
All jokes aside, if you made it this far...kudos!!!
Trust, respect, love, honor, truth, and the bond is all there. There is nothing you wouldn't do for each other. As a dom, you reached the top of the mountain. As a sub, you fully submit, knowing and trusting your dom completely. Enjoy every part of it you can, after all, it's what you have worked for the whole time. Go live your fantasies, and make your dreams come true....
Well, that is that. The way I think it should work for the most part. I may have left out some things, but most will understand...I think. Lol
Now to retreat to my cave where I can be me, in my introvert world. Until next time....
Wow, did not expect such a response to my blog!! 😂😂
I'll get right to it on this one. So many things swimming in my little head that want to come out. But I need to finish this first. With that being said, I present to you, my version of stage two...
Stage two - toddler era...
This is where basic rules are established. The dom makes them, and the sub breaks them. (How else will we learn lol) some limits (minor ones!) May be tested here. Exploring and fun is the goal. Introduce new things, is it liked or not? This is the subs time for learning, and doms time for teaching. (A baby can't walk, talk, or feed themselves right?) The sub may also test the dom here, what have they learned about you as the sub?
Stage two is fun, as are all of them! Enjoy it, those moments don't last forever. Cement the foundation for the future. Don't worry doms, your turn is coming soon. Lol
*I said nothing about "fake doms" in this one, hope everyone is okay with it. 🤔😜😂
First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been kind. I look forward to getting to know you all better.
Second is...since posting my first blog yesterday, my inbox is now flooded with messages. Some are nice, but mostly it's fake doms wanting to know my kinks, limits, and so on. I don't mind sharing basics, but as a sub, I feel like most doms miss the first stage.
In my mind, the d/s relationship has four stages. Infant, child, teenage, then adult. It's easier for me to process that way. I'll explain the first here, and maybe post the others if anyone would like to know them from my point of view.
For me personally, I think a d/s relationship should go through four stages. All equally important, but the first one is special. After all, it is the beginning of something wonderful. The dom is like a parent, the sub like an infant. The sub needs to be nurtured, feel safe and secure, bonding and trust is developed here. It's not about sex and kinks at this point. Nothing extreme, no punishment given. It's a learning experience for the sub.
Stage one- infant....Like with a baby, the dom has to learn about the sub. What makes them happy, sad, angry, ect...explore, find out likes and dislikes, get to the subs core.
Basically this is where the dom learns everything about the sub that he can. In turn, it's also a chance for the sub to get to know the dom. The baby is also learning how to please the dom. Praises are given to let them know they are doing good.
Once there is a good foundation here, you can move on to the child stage. (More fun ☺)
P.s. if you want to know the kink side, you have to know the vanilla side. Otherwise it's just kinky sex.
It's a little scary, for an introvert like me. Nonetheless, something new to try and break out of my shell. For my first post, I'd like to share a quote from one of my favorite movies...
"The noblest art is that of making others happy..."
I believe it's the purpose of my being. If I can put a smile on someone's face, that otherwise may not have smiled all day....well that's something special.
So with that mindset, I'm creating my blog. Hopefully someday, someone will be reading this, and if it brings them joy or pleasure of any kind, then it has served its purpose.
Thanks for reading...will be adding more soon.