I want to matter, I do... I want to feel like I'm worth everything to someone and to know that it's real. I'm so used to people being fake it's stupid... They pretend you matter to them then they use you and you're no longer of any use to them... That's all that ever happens if I give someone a chance.... I want someone to genuinely care. I guess I'm alwaysgoing to be invisible.....
I'm still at work, we don't close for a while. I have one delivery I look forward to every Saturday my co-worker was supposed to go home an hour ago but my manager let him stay and keep taking my deliveries. I bust my ass for my company and I'm never thanked for any of it. Cut this cut that do this do that make this get that..... On top of dealing with a thankless job and co-workers, someone I used to think a friend tore my family apart and had my infant daughter taken from me and they decided to show up at my job and start crap so I'm hiding in the warming closet that proofs the dough until they leave because I can't stop shaking.... My adrenaline is high and it's fight or flight. I'm trying to stay calm but this person helped rip both of my families apart and doesn't feel bad about it expects me to still be friends with him and act like everything is ok and I want nothing to do with him. I will never see my baby girl again because of him! I'm freaking out and I'm trying not to cry.....
My boss took his shirt off in the store again...
It shouldn't have any effect on me but it does.
I stop thinking and breathing and start drooling. He's breathtaking to look at.... He has no idea that I like him and I would probably lose my job of he ever found out... I can't help but admire him and I'm constantly berating myself for wondering what it would be like if he ever actually noticed me took an interest. I'm nobody's "type" here at work tho, I'm just a doormat for them to use. I haven't slept in over 36hrs and I won't have a chance to get any sleep until Monday night. I live with a controlling and somewhat abusive ex and my life is a giant Klusterfuk right now because of it. I have feelings for my boss and it makes it difficult to be around him cuz I want to tell him everything.......