Thoughts along my way

Questions 

Us newbies are encouraged to a ask questions and people are great about answering them. And if those answers led me to ask more questions, they answered those too. 

So, I ran around asking Doms what quality they found most desirable in a sub. What skill they felt was most important to master. How often did they get together with their sub online? In person?

And while I still think these interesting questions. I should have also been asking things like.... What is aftercare and what kind do you provide? Do you believe aftercare is necessary when in an online only dynamic? Subspace, how do you check and see where your sub is? When do you think it's important to watch for subdrop. What is subdrop?  How do you help prevent it? If I'd asked those questions, I feel certain they would have been answered also. 

Those are two groups of very different questions. The big difference is I couldn't have asked the second group of questions without first hearing some of those terms, like Subdrop.

What I'm trying to get to is that us Newbies basically don't know shit. So encouraging us to ask questions is wonderful, but if we don't know what to ask, the answers we get aren't going to teach us much.

So if I, or a sub comes to you and asks what is the best color panties for a sub to wear on Fridays? Please answer that question, but then maybe suggest a question we can ask that could teach us something important or relevant. Because it's not always enough to just ask questions, sometimes we need to know what questions to ask.

( btw, that was a trick question, everyone knows about Panty free Fridays)

Thank you for the suggestions on how to make video chatting a more comfortable situation for me. I am quite sincere in my thanks... I spent months learning to relax enough so that a picture could be taken of me and come out looking like me. And I know that video is how things are done now.

And would find putting forth any amount of effort well worthwhile, only... only I have removed the word "sub" from my name. This was done many hours before I wrote that last Blog. I will give over ever fiber, ever last bit of essence that is me to one who would cherish what it is I give to Him. I would work until He was proud of what He saw, of who He saw in videos of me.... But how much of my heart and my time and my life should I poor into a something, without Him giving something in return? What does He offer that matches my sacrifice of all I've just listed? And forgive me Ladies for I do find your advice to be excellent and I will utilize your ideas if I find one worthy of the effort  or He finds me....

I do apologize for this is sure to be very unpopular. I only hope those on this site whom I call friend still wish to hear from me. But two things have I seen stated over and over again in the brief time I've been here...

1) this is a journey and a personal one and while many walk the same road no 2 walk in the same footprints... this, is where I am in my journey right now, in days to come, who knows, but this is where I am now.

2) what I offer, what each of us offers, every sub, every Dom, every single person that truly and freely gives part of themselves to another, what we give is precious, it is unique and we willingly take this part of ourselves, giving it over to another.... the only thing that can equal this gift is one of like kind. Your time and submission, deserving of His time and control... the gifts don't need to be the same, but they should be equal.

I find the past hours have left me feeling exhausted. So while I welcome and will read any comments left, supportive or scathing. I ask you to understand my delay in answering them, I need to rest for a little while...

I am not who you see in the video... is what I wanted to yell. This is, of course, highly confusing. You see, I come off looking very bad when trying to video chat, I find the situation horribly uncomfortable and so, when attempting this to do this (what seems a herculean feat to me)things went quite poorly. And this chat I'm referring to had no sexual aspect to it, it never made it that far. But I'm not writing this blog to air grievances, I don't think that is what these blogs should be used for... They should be used to share experiences, information, opinions. They should be used to make people think or smile but not to air your dirty laundry. So, with that in mind, I would like to share a thought that my most recent experience has put in the forefront of my mind...

It is simply that while this age of video chat and online, virtual, well, everything does indeed let us connect over great distances there is a cost. When you meet someone in person you usually know right away if there's a chance for things to go further between you. You feel the "chemistry" or you don't. But you get to see the person much more for who they are from the start. You haven't yet built up an image in your head of who you expect to see and therefore aren't, in turn let down by the person in front of you. Also you haven't spent time and invested your emotions texting and talking only to have someone see you through video and decide you don't fit the image in their head and they don't want you. 

Like I said, I do acknowledge how video can bridge large distances and apparently works for most. But like I said at the start, I am not the person you see in the video. To see who I really am, you must take the time or travel the distance to meet me. The real, in the flesh me. To do otherwise does us both a disservice. 

So, don't know if anyone will actually try this, but, I've noticed many of us have self esteem and or self confidence issues. Some of us, like me, are even lucky enough we get to depression and other fun things on. (Bi-polar manic depression for me)

I was truly lucky in that for 26 years I had someone who told me, almost daily, that I was sexy and I was smart and I was capable of handling things... for a year and a half now, I haven't heard that. And some days it's getting hard to remember. So I modified a trick my mother taught me and I want to share with anyone who might need it.

   What you'll need is a small box or can, some little scraps of paper and a pen. 

The idea is simple. Before you go to sleep each night, think back over your day and remember something nice someone said to you, about you. You'd be surprised how many nice little things we get told but simply forget. And yet we always seem to remember every little criticism... Anyway, remember and write it down. It can be anything from someone saying your hair looked nice that day to being told your casserole was yummy to a friend saying thank you for being there when they needed you (and yes, that is a compliment) But write it down and put it in the can or box or an envelope. If you can't do it every night even a few times a week will work. But you write down all these little things we so easily forget and then...

And then when those bad days happen. Those days when we don't like who we see in the mirror or we find it hard to see good and positive things in ourselves... Guess what? You don't have to!! You don't have take your own word for how great and special you are. You pull out that box or envelope that you've been slowly filling and you start reading. It's one thing to tell yourself how wonderful you are, but it's a lot more convincing when it comes from others.

I don't know how many will read this, it's not a flashy blog, no funny pictures or sexy sayings. But this idea does work. So if you made it this far, give it a try and next time you feel down on yourself, just read and let everyone remind you of how special you are.

             Pigtails and Puppies

I'm in such a playful mood today. The sun is shining and everything is still lush and green. I am happy today and I shan't think about how my hand has no other to grasp. I shall grasp the day, holding tight to the sunshine and birdsong. For today is a day made for laughter and play. A day made for pigtails and puppies. 

              And lucky me, I have both!!