Why is being a sub so hard?
Always the bridesmaid but never the bride.
Always fun
But never good enough.
Constantly used as a stepping stone and then your onto the next.
Always given such disrespect
Even after sticking out your neck
In love with the idea that I could be the one for you
Holding never to be true.
Waking up and instantly checking to see if he texted me back, nothing. Me realizing he didn't want a partner, he wanted a mother. Someone to cook and clean for him so he didn't have to. Someone to praise him for nothing and for his failures. Someone who never says no to him. Someone to pay for all his needs. Realizing he is a giant child not a man at all. What are you doing babe? You know he's not going to message you back. Why do you feel compelled to check? I know he was the person you talked to on a daily basis and now that he's gone you feel the need to fill that void in your daily life. However it doesn't need to be him again. You are so beautiful. Literally you attract men like a damn siren. You could have anyone you wanted. You don't need to it to be him. Calm yourself and stop trying to think of ways to get him back in your life. Seriously. Your not doing yours any favors by begging him to be in your life. That's what he wants and what he needs. He needs to have power over you to break you down again and again. He is a pathetic excuse for a human being. You are better than that. He never wanted a future with you. He never even saw you as a person. He only saw you as property. You pouring your heart out to him isn't going to change anything. He's never going to chose you. Stop putting yourself through the chaos of this toxic need for his narcissistic ass. He could careless that you feel like you can't breathe without him. He doesn't care how many sleepless nights you have because you know he's with someone else. He wad never yours to begin with. So why fight for such a one sided love story. You don't need him. You're strong. You can do this. You don't need that dumpster fire of a human. You were only a convenience for him and the second you weren't he treated you like a used up sock.
I find myself still constantly checking to see if he even bothered to message me back. When you go from talking to someone everyday for hours on end and all the sudden they stop talking to you it cuts real deep. Hurts like no other. I'm not strong enough to do this. It just hurts so much. I know he doesn't care and he could never talk to me again and it wouldn't bother him at all. I'm just not built that way. I'm screaming inside while trying to appear fine. I know he doesn't care for me yet it hurts so incredibly bad.
Don't cry over them, for they sure as hell are not crying over you. They feel nothing for you. They do not miss you. They could care less if you never darkened their doorway ever again. You could go no contact and they wouldn't even blink or notice. All you ever were to them was an after thought. Not even a person. Just a play thing for them when the world wasn't giving them what they wanted. You were their distraction for a period of time and now they will toss you aside and never look back. You never actually mattered to them. While you might be hurt and have feelings of longing for them, I can guarantee they have none for you. They are not thinking of you as much as you are thinking of them. In fact, they are not thinking of you at all. Those sweet words they offer up to you are just in hopes of manipulating you back into the same corner you came out of. They do not mean any of the sweet little things they have said to you. Not a single word. Do you hear me, not a single word. They do not care for you and most likely never have.
I'm in love with a narcissist. I don't know what my obsession with narcissists are. Apparently that's just what my type is. Not sure if it because I like the drama of constantly being built up just to be soul crushed later or if it's simply because I enjoy being hurt.
They don't want to marry you, they don't want to date you. Yet they don't want you to see other people. They just want to keep you on the back burner so they can have you as an option for when they are bored and desperate for attention. They are self absorbed and need to feel like they are the gods pure human form and that everyone should bow down and praise them. They constantly need to play the hero. Yet they want all the sympathy the world has. They also blame you for everything. Everything is your fault. They have unrealistic expectations of you. It's always their way or the highway. They don't have the time or patience to care for anyone but themselves. They never take your feelings into consideration. They never put you first. they think they are the best. Why would I be attracted to that.
What is wrong for me to be in love with a narcissist. My heart pines for someone I cannot have. Years of this back and forth. Oh you can't date me but you wanna use me for sex. Oh you need to cheat on your girlfriend with me but yet you won't date me. Oh you got married and yet you still want me as a side option.
Having pvc added to my corset was a huge mistake. It was completely unforgiving and hard to mold to my body. I can't help but wonder if it's going to crack when it ages. 
Nothing like being stuck in your corset unable to take it off. I made the mistake of tightening mine today while standing and on the ride home realized it was too tight to comfortably sit in. 😅 unable to take it off due to the restrictions of the car and the fast food sitting in my lap I felt slightly trapped.
When I finally got home I couldn't get the corset off fast enough, just being able to breathe again amd not having acid reflux would be so amazing. However I did not think about where I've been tucking my laces into. Which is the top of my corset. And I'm left with these indentations from where the lace sat between myself and the corset.
I would compare my corset lines to looking like a tire. 
Negative 10 outside. What perfect conditions to wear a corset. The freezing cold will keep me from over heating. 
As I get ready for the day and realize that my body needs a break from the corsets, I can't help but feel the need to lace myself into one. Looking in the mirror at my uncorested body I do not recognize myself. It's been such a long time since I've gone without my corset for a whole day. Whatever will I do. I'll miss the familiar squeezing from the steel bones. 😢 I miss the curves my corest gives me. However my ribs are too sore to wear one today. 😩
This is easily the most comfortable corset I own. It's a size 26, which is one size too big for me. However it does fit just right. I've worn this corset over a thousand hours and now that's it broken in its become too big for me. I guess that's kinda the point though. While I will be shopping for a size 24 corset. I'm still sad to leave this one behind.