My brat trait has been life long, more so a personality than a trait if I'm honest. I've always been stubborn, prone to tantrums and have a temper.
Brats in the kink community can be a lot of fun, they can be silly, affectionate, cheeky and infectious! Brat lovers absolutely thrive of our banter and when the balance is dynamic is right, don't often get bored. But out there in the wild, in reality it's not often well received.
These traits have got me into A LOT of trouble over the years, I'm renown for pressing the "fuck it" button more often than not but I've also spent the best part of a year trying to change.
I've really worked on myself, tried to not let the little things rub me the wrong way, checked myself when I was wrong and tried to look on the flip side and think "why are you reacting this way and what do you need to look at"
I got sober almost a year ago and tried to follow a 12 step program to keep me sober. To those that arnt familiar (and without going into to much detail) it's about admitting your problem, finding your part in the problem, letting go of resentments, admitting your wrong doings, making amends and just finding peace and faith in yourself. (My understanding before I'm pulled up for it)
To do this you have to have someone take you through these steps and on the weekend after months of work my sponsor dropped me. She told me we couldn't carry on, that I was too traumatized and was unable to move on from a certain part of my past and that eventually I'd go back to drinking unless I sought out professional help (this wasn't her place to diagnose and was quite frankly a cop out from her)
I was *heart broken I trusted this person with some of my darkest secrets and wrong doings, opening boxes and wounds I'd buried years ago! And for what? To be abandoned? to be dropped? To be shot down just as I felt a shift in myself!
I wanted to give up, I instantly felt sorry for myself. "Fuck it off kid, you tried. What more can you do?"
"You might as well go to the pub"
Then that little brat inside me came back with such a vengeance!
"Don't you fucking dare!" I thought to myself "Don't you dare throw all of this away! Don't you dare roll over and be told some utter bullshit! You haven't drank for nearly a year and your letting someone get in your head like that? Don't you dare!"
And having that little brat inside me, saved me on this occasion. Having that stubborn bullheaded trait inside me, stopped me from making a very very big mistake.
And for that, I am a grateful brat!