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Online Dom/sub relationships

My blogs are my opinion based on my experiences and designed to help others who lack the tools to be effective and motivate those who truly want to improve in their dynamic relationships.
3 weeks ago. Mon 06 Jan 2020 08:21:01 AM IST

It's been 65 days since my last update.  Kitty and I have now been IRL for over 90 days.  It's been awesome.  We are perfect for each other.  She truly is the perfect little for this Daddy.

We have had 2 Loki's, for those counting and this last one gets a new home tomorrow.  Our Luci continues to be awesome.  Not all pets workout and the two Lokis are no exception.  Sometimes the personality of the dog doesn't line up with the perspective master.  Loki #1 was too sick when we got him and Loki #2 is too hard headed to be a service dog.

As for my need for daily schedules, well that hasn't worked out either as I failed to include the dogs in the schedule.  I am now (still) rewriting Kitty and my daily schedule to try to make it really work out for us.

As for the typical Daddy Dom and little girl activities, that's another issue.  The move to the new location, the plumbing and electrical issues with the new residence, my father's health (and his total negative outlook on life) and my retirement has been a little stressful for me and this has left me with a little bit less energy than I need, but Kitty has been very good on maintaining her part of the slash.  She has exceeded my wildest expectations and I have decided to celebrate her. We are going to hit the road next month and either do Valentine's Day at my favorite romantic place in Pennsylvania and/or Mardis Gras in New Orleans.  She deserves it and we both could use the road trip, not to mention adding a lot more states to the road head listing.

The IRL contract is STILL under revision but now that the budget is complete and the daily schedule is solidfying, the contract should be only a little bit aways.

As for the difference between IRL and virtual dynamic living, well there is definitely a paradigm shift.  Some things still remain the same but not many.  She still lays out her clothes and I choose but we added that she gets to choose Daddy's clothes.  She cooks all meals and I choose them.  She cleans her contractual part and I do mine.  We have adjusted the cleaning a little to include burning stuff in the burn barrel as well as trash dump days as the garbage guys in the country are not really a worthwhile investment but Kitty loves the burn barrel and loves to see what is burnable and how fast it burns... maybe her name should change to Firey Kitty or Pyro Kitty??? Hmmm, I will have to give that some serious thoughts.  We also have removed the cactus from a about an acre of land for Luci to play in as we got tired of pulling Cactus spines out of her paws so that continues to be a new weekly maintenance for us.  We also added the dog park for Luci as well as Luci's service dog training to our routines.

As for the future, well we are probably not going to remain where we are now.  I have my eye on some property at the base of the mountain that places me about 45 minutes closer to our favorite BDSM club which currently we have had no opportunity to enjoy due to the distance and the dogs... plus I like the area better and the absence of cactus and abundance of well water makes it more attractive.

As for our IRL dynamic, while we certainly have had to adjust from my dream (and her's too) dynamic, I think we can make it be what we both need and want out of this relationship.

To those who seek help, we are both still available, just not as active here.  We spend a lot of time just enjoying each other and smiling in each other's faces to be online a lot.  If you shoot a private message to either of us, please follow protocol, we will get the message and help anyway we can.  It is our hope that everyone can truly get the virtual or IRL dynamic they need and desire and we are always up to be helpful...... but please remember, before I get bashed again by someone I or Kitty try to help, our methods may not be conducive to your needs.  Advice is just that.  I don't sugar coat and neither does Kitty.  If you want all sunshine answers and gentle guidance or help, we probably are not the right people.  I don't like beating around the bush and as old guard, my opinions may not match what you may be expecting.

As always, our dynamic is not your dynamic and as such, please feel free to change the pronouns and such and do not leave negative comments.  Neither of us wants negativity.  It is far better to simply ignore my blog or Kitty's and find a blog that you align with.

[Storytime, for those who have missed it...]

I now have Funimation, Disney +, Netflix, VUDU, and Amazon Prime. I have the Smart TV hooked up to all of them AND the XBox AND the new 4k Player.  And yet,  I am sitting here staring at 75" of an off TV.  Why you maybe wondering.. well the answer is obvious fir anyone that has read any of my blogs... the empty "DO NOT TOUCH" remote box.

"Kitten, have you seen the TV remote???" ... "I see.. so the dog had them?.. Really?!!! And you didn't think to take them away?" ... " No, Kitten, Daddy wasn't raising his voice.. I'm not upset.. no please don't cry" ... " I understand she needed a new toy and she seemed happy with them... But..." ... " No it's ok, Daddy can run to the electronics shop and get more ok?" ... "Is that better?" ... " Wait why do we need to take the dog?" ... " No I don't think she should help pick out the one she wants, they are for Daddy." ... " Ok, ok, we will get her ones too....."

Ah, the life of a Daddy with a kitten and a dog.  Who is in charge here anyways???

Remember, any typos, wrong words, or just total nonsensical grammatical issues with this blog are being attributed to artistic licensure of the writer and even if they were not meant to occur by the writer, they were destined to occur.

 

 

 

2 months ago. Fri 01 Nov 2019 04:17:18 AM IST

Its Halloween, one of my favorite days of the year.  It's cold and covered with snow outside.  It's a nice Halloween. 

Kitty and I have been taking our three mile walks almost daily.  Kitty has a new friend, a horse she calls Horacio.  Luci seems to love the horse too.  We even went out and took some pictures of the paw prints of the local critters.  One appears to be a bobcat but it's a long way from us so I am not too worried.

Tomorrow we are scheduled to sign the IRL contract.  It should be a nice ceremony.   I will be sure to post how it went for those interested. 

I would like to thank everyone who has supported Kitty and I and we continue to appreciate all the love and kindness. 

Hopefully, soon, Kitty and I will get back on track with our daily posts but we are currently spending a lot of time with each other watching movies, playing with the Xbox and with each other.

And as always, if your dynamic doesn't match ours, keep the negative comments to yourself as Kitty and I avoid negativism.

 

3 months ago. Mon 14 Oct 2019 11:55:42 PM IDT

I read a blog post today, and it inspired me to follow up on a previous post.
One of the problems I see when helping dynamics that ask for my help involves past Doms or past subs.

Some past Doms, Protectors, etc, do not seen to differentiate the past from the present. It is the right thing to do to break off contact with old ones so that a sub can grow and blossom under the current Dom. More often than not, past Doms, Protectors, etc, even those meaning to be helpful through friendly advice, just create interference.

A lot of the time, it appears to be done in the name of friendship.  Friends are important but much like in the Vanilla world, an ex-spouse is not usually a friend devoted to a person's success after all they are an "ex" for a reason, usually due to an issue involving a violation of trust that was so severe that the dynamic could no longer continue, so why start trusting now?

Trust, by no means is not the only reason a dynamic fails. Sometimes it simply is that the submissive can grow no further under the Dom and still feels incomplete so she chooses a new Dom.  So again, why seek advice from a Dom that failed to achieve the fulfillment of the sub's needs?

Also, while I am at it, the same goes for past subs of a Dom.  If something occured, be it trust or failure of training, that sub is no longer bound to a Dom, so why try again?

The same can be said for a past Protector.  That Protector failed to achieve full Dom wether it was due to that person's unavailability at the time of the sub needing a Dom or perhaps another reason that prevented the dynamic from becoming a Dom/sub dynamic.

In either case, once no longer "theirs", a policy of no-contact is far better and causes less interference or friction in the new dynamics.

As always, if your dynamic is not the same as ours, change the pronouns.  Also if you just disagree with my post, keep it to yourself unless you are able to present your point in a non asshat way.

3 months ago. Thu 10 Oct 2019 04:26:43 AM IDT

Kitty and I have been adjusting to our new lifestyle.  It has been an exciting adventure.   I have been adjusting our schedule to try to accommodate our bio-dog, Luci.  Luci has an apparent male-aversion issue which means if I raise my voice to my "command" voice, it is all teeth from her and growling and snapping.  This started right after I caught her taking a short bathroom break in the center of our living room.  She is "mostly" house broken, but a puppy is just that.. a puppy.  

I use a vinegar and water mix to re-establish dominance with the puppy and this does work.  It is mostly water but that vinegar smell really is not one of a dog's favorites, so poor Luci is unable to continue her wide open mouth growling "fierce" show of force and quickly quiets down.  It is a little trick I learned when I trained dogs.  It won't cure the long-term problem of her aversion to males but it does cure the short term issue of aggression.

I appreciate everyone's suggestion to Kitty on her post and most of you will be glad to know I am already on top of it.  I took over Luci's feeding which really made her very docile towards me.  She hasn't gotten growly with me since I did it.  Now its all lovey dovey and cuddles.

Now if only we can go ahead and get her to sleep through the night....

 

 

3 months ago. Sun 06 Oct 2019 06:10:08 AM IDT

Recently, I agreed to be a Mentor to a Dom trying to improve and / or salvage his relationship.  It isn't the first time I have done it and I have enjoyed watching a struggling  dynamic solidify and become strong through assistance.  This time, it ended badly.  It was a crush the messenger situation when the Dom discovered the cause of the issues within the dynamic and was asked to speak with the submissive in order to verify what the Dom felt was going on.  I did what was asked and was greeted with a "fuck you for trying help and now my sub is upset." Well, unfortunately this does happen when you have someone face themselves in the mirror and they don't like what they see. 

So with that back story, here is today's blog which I will help clarify what the roles of being a Mentor or being a Protector are. ! Gentle reader you may disagree with what I have to say today and certainly the couple I tried to help will probably take some offense to this post, but it isn't about them.  It's about helping the new sub and new Dom, and struggling dynamic find help that is both helpful, non predatory and essentially dedicated to helping them succeed.

I know I covered the role of a Protector in an earlier blog post, but I have recently been confronted by an individual claiming that the role of a Protector is apparently a life long commitment and friendship.  So let me sum this up:

1. A Protector is temporary.

2. That person should only screen applicants.

3. No training should occur.

4. No nude pics, morning or evening greet requirements, etc should be in place.

5. No financial support should ever be provided.

6. Upon helping the sub find a Dom, the protector bows out of the dynamic and does not allow contact unless the sub is having issues and / or is concerned about the current selected Dom not being viable.. maybe safety or questions about the agreed upon guidelines that the selected Dom said he would do for the sub are not being met. 

7. Like #6, the FORMER Protector is treated like any other outside Dom and must ask permission to contact the sub, etc.. High Protocols are in effect.

 

Now for a Mentor.

1. The main job of a Mentor is to help grow the dynamic of the Dom that requests his involvement. 

2.  His advice is just that, advice... but it is advice that was asked for so do not attack the messenger. Be accepting of criticism IF you asked for it.

3. He is usually allowed to contact the sub freely to as he becomes a temporary part of the dynamic.

4. No training of the sub is to occur.  He may give help to the Dom but the Dom performs the training.

5. If the Mentor exposes an issue, try to fix it or live with it.

6.  He deserves accolades for even trying to help.  Telling him to fuck himself because he exposes that weakness is not the right answer.  Instead let him know that his service is no longer needed and part knowing that the Mentor tried to help you.  Remember that the Mentor has a life and a sub too and he is giving up valuable time for you.

7. Not as all advice works for everyone.

8. The Mentor is just a Dom basing observations on his past and research.

 

Clear enough on both.  So now what?  Do you need either?  Maybe.

If you are as new Dom then maybe if you find a creditable old guard Dom willing to be a Mentor then I say grab onto him.  These guys have tons of advice but be wary, they may tell you stuff your generation may not recognize as valid or outdated.  Also understand he is being EXCEPTIONALLY nice by agreeing and some respect should be due.  But then again he is just a Dom too right?

Do you ever need a Protector?  I have expressed my opinion before.  I think that if you are going to your first club meet, then it's a good idea.  Online, probably not.

Also, it may help some new Doms and subs dig through my blogs and find my posts on High Protocols.  They are good solid guidelines for interacting and playing NICE with others on the Kink playground.  Of course you can choose to not follow them and join the ranks of asshats.

As always, if your dynamic is not the same as my dynamic, change the pronouns and disregard anything you disagree with, block me, ignore me, skip my blogs, etc.  Whatever it takes but this is my post. Not yours. Do not leave negative comments below just move on.  Kitty and I hate negativity.

 

3 months ago. Thu 03 Oct 2019 07:12:57 AM IDT

Geez.. who would have thought I own so much stuff.  We are busy organizing Kitty's stuff and we are reorganizing mine.  I haven't even gotten into my storage unit to get the clothes and my gadgets.  So looking forward to that in the next few days..... soooooo looking forward to it.. (ugh).

Oh, and we added a new family member.  A brand new puppy.  She's 3 and a half months old.  We picked her up from the local humane society today.  Her temperament is wonderful and so far no accidents.. fingers crossed.

Well, back to work unpacking and reorganizing.

 

3 months ago. Wed 02 Oct 2019 07:24:33 AM IDT

Kitty and I made it to our destination which means the following occurred:

1. 4 states of Road Head.

2. Met with another Cage member in person.

3. Went 1350 miles on 4 tires, 1 mile on 3 tires, and then the last 100 on 4 tires again.  No we did not have a flat.  We literally had the drivers front tire come off and bounce down the road.  I walked a mile to retrieve it.  Other than some scratches from the brake pad, it was in great condition.  Borrowed a lug off each of the three remaining wheels and then put it back on.  Drove to an o'Reilly and all 20 lugs back in place.  The drivers front fender took some damage from the tire smacking into it when it escaped the car.  Things is, we just went all the way up and back down from Monarch Pass.  It handled great.  And then about 50 miles past that, a "whomping noise" started.  Sounded like a flat.  Checked it.. no flat.  Went a ways, womping sound again, pulled over, no flat.  And then we are driving and feel a lurch to the left and then see the tire bounce down the highway.  Exciting times.

The brakes were checked just two days before the trip.  Two of the remaining tires lugs were also loose when I tightened them all down.

Well in the end, just an adrenaline rush.  The 4x4 handled it like a champ.

And like I said, we are here, shampooing carpets, organizing, etc... fun times ahead..... fun times ahead.

3 months ago. Tue 01 Oct 2019 07:07:30 PM IDT

Although Kitty and I are STILL on are road trip, we expect to arrive today.  Apparently 1450 miles is too much for us to drive in 2 days, plus we wanted to stop and visit with one of Kitty's little friends from here on the Cage since we were going to be able to go through his town with only a slight route adjustment.

That being said, let me address a few red flags I have seen popping up here on the Cage in dynamics.  This is ultra important to stress it is MY opinion that these are red flags.  If you feel differently , and this is likely because it is happening in your dynamic, choose to ignore them at your own peril.  Don't explain why to me, your a grown person and make your own choices.  Dont justify your exception.  It's none of my business. And yes, I understand it probably was none of my business to even state these items as red flags to begin with.

So all that being said, don't get angry or defensive.  If you find yourself getting that way... it's a red flag that I am probably right.... just so you know. 

And Doms, if I state something that I THINK is a red flag and you are doing it in your dynamic, shame on you and don't bother getting nasty in the comments or sending me a flame message.  I don't have tolerance for asshats.

Ok.. so you have been warned.  Here is my list:

1. Your Dom(or sub) does not want others here or on other sites to know his name.

2. He wants you to keep the dynamic a big secret.  Similar to 1,  but to the point possibly he doesnt even want you to acknowledge he is your Dom or sub if asked.  He may be hiding other subs.

3. As a sub, you aren't allowed to talk with anybody including other subs.  This is isolation and is predatory in nature and unhealthy.

4. He deletes his profile here to show he cares and his exclusivity to you.  This is bull skate.  He is avoiding others from questioning him.

5. His profile doesnt match who he says he is.  Look carefully at his details in his profile and ask questions. Liars make mistakes. Verify any information he tells you with other subs.

6. The Collaring process takes a week.. wow.  Come on ask yourself why so quick when it is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. 

7. Absence of any safe word at the beginning of the interview process. This should be one of the first discussion  points.

8. No training is occurring.  It's all sex play.  You have become his personal porn star.

9. He ignores your limits or has never asked.  He quite frankly sees you as nothing.

10. You cannot get a hold of him ever and yet he can get a hold of you.  Although he is the Dom, he still must make himself available to you when you need him, even if you are a slave.

 

There are more but these 10 seem to be the big ones.

So what should you do if you see one or more of these red flags and acknowledge (rather than attempt to explain it away to yourself) it as occurring in your dynamic.

Simply, run.  I don't believe it's a true dynamic.  I believe you are being used.

Find someone who is truthful, proud to own you, and actually gives a damn about you, you deserve it.

As always if your dynamic doesnt match ours and you find yourself in disagreement with me, keep it to yourself.  I cant stand negativity and frankly this is my blog.  Don't bother flaming me or leaving nasty messages.

 

4 months ago. Sun 29 Sep 2019 07:59:08 AM IDT

48,135 is the magic number.  It's how many seconds left before my plane is scheduled to touch down at Kitty's airport.  I board in about 18,000 seconds.  A short layover in Dallas, because ALL flights seem to have one there or in Chi town.  After a short 10,500 seconds staring at the terminal in Dallas, I will be back in the air.  Then it's just the remaining 10,500 seconds of flight time and Kitty and I are starting late road trip to my house.

Just seconds really.... just seconds.

And now just 47,000....

 

 

4 months ago. Sat 28 Sep 2019 06:22:02 AM IDT

So how do you, as a submissive, know you are a little?  I have found a list and it it really asks you a few questions.  How many of these appeal to you? (and no you do not have to like them all to be a little):

Do you like being called Little one, baby, little girl/boy, etc?

How about watching children's shows or movies?

Does it feel good to be talked to like a baby or little kid?

Do you NEED Bedtime routines?

How about wearing, seeing, or being put into a diaper, does it feel good?

Do you secretly collect and use Sippy cups and/or bottles?

Do you have a pacifier (paci/binkie, etc) you keep in a drawer?

Do you always try to finish the kid's place-mat at restaurants?

Do you want someone else to order for you at a restaurant?

Do you like acting and being silly?

So what is it? (in case you haven't read about it in the 100 plus blogs I have posted on it)

A ‘little’ is a submissive type, with some childlike needs and behaviors that just wants to be playful and be kid-like again. There is no chronological age requirement.  You do not have to like the color pink.  You can like any color you want, even black Gothic stuff. You don't have to parade in diapers or suck on a binkie all day.  You don't even have to watch Disney movies all day.  Its more of a head space thing than an outer-expressive thing.

Sometimes, but not always, your friends may have noticed this trait in you.  Are you considered immature in your thoughts, wants and ideas?  Are you always bouncy and full of energy?  Do you get SUPER cranky when things do not go your way? Not just mad, but you seriously see yourself on the floor spinning around on your back pounding the floor with your hands and stomping your feet. Maybe that car cut you off and now you want to coat their entire car with slime.  Do you want to avoid being an adult?  Do you just want to sit and color and look cute? Maybe, just maybe, you are a little. 

But what about your need to be spanked, tied up, etc??? Good news, a Daddy Dom can (and will) do all of these things as well, while attending to your inner little side.  Not every submissive has a need to be a little.  It is not a fix-all for the submissive struggling to find her Dom.  i am not suggesting that in anyway.  the little girl submissive is only a subset of the submissive category.  It is not for everyone.  It is a blast for those who have found that aspect of themselves though.

If you want to know more, ask my little, Kitty.  She can help you discover yourself or if you wish, there are a huge number of other littles around on the Cage.  What is important, at least to me, is that you find happiness.  The only way you can find happiness is to truly know what and who you are.

As always, if your dynamic doesn't match ours, change the pronouns and disregard anything that you may find unacceptable, repulsive or just plain "wrong" and most importantly, keep it to yourself.  Kitty and I deplore negativism.

 

Finally have everyone in the car and we are ready to go to the park.  Now just a quick role call:

Kitten... check.

Teddy... check.

Shimmer... check.

Spidy... check.

Stealth.. check.

Nova... check.

Snowball... check.

Piglet... check.

Henry... check.

Rustie... check.

Wolfie... check.

Marie... check.

KoKo... check,

Tinkerbell... check.

Bundy.... Bundy... Bundy... Anyone.... Bundy...

... What's that kitten?  You heard Bundy is sick and what was that? ... Your best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend who heard from this guy who knows this kid who is going with a girl who saw Bundy pass-out at 31 flavors last night.  ... it does sound pretty serious. Thank you Kitty.