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Online Dom/sub relationships

My blogs are my opinion based on my experiences and designed to help others who lack the tools to be effective and motivate those who truly want to improve in their dynamic relationships.
1 day ago. Mon 16 Sep 2019 05:16:35 AM IDT

I was working on the IRL contract and it occurred to me that one thing that needs to happen as Kitty and I prepare to move in together is the daily chores have to be divided up.  I think it is probably unfair to say everything is her responsibility, as tempting as that is since she is the submissive after all right?  I mean it did look great to me.  I mean it would be exhausting for me to be rolled out of bed, washed, dried, dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, shaved, fed, played with, rolled back into bed, screwed, and tucked in.  Whew. exhausting for me right?  Meanwhile all she would have to do is, get up, service me, roll me out of bed, my hygiene, her hygiene, dressing us both (I would have to ok the outfits though.. that's hard work!) do the other things, cook, vacuum, sweep, scrub the house, mow the lawn, do the maintenance on the mowers, shop, put everything away, cook some more, clean some more, change the channels for me on demand, roll me back to bed and then service me.  That is it, sounded fair. Ok, not realistic.  I guess I could at least change my own channels.  

I sought out to make a better more fair version, I  divided the outside as mine, except her flower garden.  I can do all the fertilizing and help with the building of the landscape stuff, but other than that, my "death touch" is not very conducive to growing things except a green lawn.  All the painting, repairing and replacing stuff can also be my stuff.  We spoke for a short time and she wanted the household as her domain, provided I allowed her to decorate as she desired.  After some talk about me not agreeing to a psychedelic color scheme  (she is from the Northwest after all), she relented and I agreed to stay out of the decorating business, except to do all the heavy lifting, shopping, etc.  I felt it was pretty much the same deal in most households anyways.  As long as I do not scream "My eyes, they burn!" and I don't have to poop in a bright pink bathroom, I am happy as a clam... however happy that is since I do not think anyone has ever really had a conversation with a clam, but I digress, we will just leave that to mean I will be happy and content. The chores outside the house such as mowing, raking, gathering the clippings up, weeding, outside the flower bed, etc, all belong to me.

Time to get that beer holder for the mower!  Yee-haw!  I think it made sense and Kitty seemed happy with it too.  My cooking skills are below average as I can definitively prove water can burn. My cleaning skills are average, except socks... I have a bad habit of dropping those and just walking away..... just walking away not seeing nothing.  Another clause complete in the contract and ready to finalize the whole thing when we meet up.

As always, if your dynamic is not the same as ours, please feel free to change the pronouns and if you disagree with anything in this posting (or found no humor in my psychedelic reference to the individuals from the Northwest), please keep it to yourself as Kitty and I deplore negativity.

"Kitten, what is this sock doing here? --- What do you mean you don't know?  --- I mean look at it?  Its just right here in the middle of the living room! --- Oh, Yeah I guess your right, it is mine. But what about that one over there by the window? --- Oh, yeah it would appear to be mine also, never mind, I will get these this time.  I do not want to make you work too hard, go back and play. --- What did Stealth say? --- Oh, yeah, ok, um.. I have no reply to that, when he is right he is right, Daddy will get his eyes checked."

4 days ago. Fri 13 Sep 2019 08:09:51 AM IDT

It has been a very bust week typing, revising, editing, deleting, printing emailing, and redoing.  We are on version six of the IRL version of the Contract.  Some things stayed the same:  the do's and don'ts.  Some huge changes were the daily routines.  We now have the day divided into four pieces: Morning, Noon, Evening and Night.  I know it seems like Evening and Night may have been the same time frame, but to us the training occurs in the Evening and the Night is for discipline and bedtime procedures.

We also had to sort out yearly vacations, allowances, expenditures, the new format for the Vanilla Day (now being moved to Saturday) the devoted Sunday of Daddy/little playtime as well as a bunch of protocol changes that we never implemented due to the difference between virtual (LD) and live-in (IRL).  I also trimmed the fat and cut out 10 pages of redundant stuff and things we had in the initial contract that we no longer wish to do or were only for the LD situation.

We aren't up to version 12, yet, like we were with the LD version but at this rate we will reach it soon.  We also dated it to start the next full month after we arrive in our new joint home.  This one will be bound like a book.  It will be on display as a coffee table book.  I have included the front cover below:

We still need to redo the spreadsheet that details the training.  I have some major reworking to do on this.  I need to ponder the new focus areas and concentrate deeply on protocols for our attendance in clubs.  Kitty and I are excited at the new challenges we face and new endeavors such as fire play.

As always if your dynamic does not match ours, change the pronouns and disregard anything you disagree with please keep negate comments to yourself as Kitty and I hate negativity.

It is a night of silence for me.  I managed to figure out how to set up Amazon Prime and I have the series "JourneyQuest," "Going Postal," and "The Hogfather," all in my watchlist.  KoKo, Stealth, and Shimmer and I are all cozied up on the couch as Kitty came in and decided I looked lonely so she brought them in and then promptly left me to go sing "Old McDonald had a Farm" with all her other stuffies.  ah Dang it...

"Kitten!!!  Kitty??? ... Um why are there so many Disney and cartoons added on the watchlist?  ... Yeah but remember you have the Netflix and I have the Amazon Prime. ... But, what do you mean that is not fair? ... No, but Kitten ... Uh huh, but listen... ... No Kitty I am not trying to punish you, its just that I wanted a... ... No I mean yes you can watch it too, but listen ... Kitten. ... I understand.  ... Yes, you are right, sorry I misunderstood what I said. ... Ok, go enjoy yourself again, Daddy will find his shows again...." Sigh

5 days ago. Thu 12 Sep 2019 08:53:24 AM IDT

As  I was writing the new contract for Kitty today, it occurred to me it was time to allow a new beginning to all those I blocked, felt wronged by, or just felt an "ick" factor towards.  It is hard to feel angry towards others when you have been given such a wonderful gift as I have with my Kitty.  I love you Kitty.

6 days ago. Wed 11 Sep 2019 10:50:44 AM IDT

It's funny.  I was not intending a lesson in my blog today.  Instead, this post was to involve explaining why I made the decision to walk away from a lifestyle I lived in the vanilla world and begin this one with Kitty.  A lesson still managed to creep into it though.

Depression has been with me my entire life.   My first wife of 30 years ago had discussions with my brother over the so called family depressive trait she saw in all my siblings.  Probably due to the horrific childhood that we all shared.  The deployments with the events I witnessed involving death and destruction, did not help.  Couple this with a personal life that grew from this depression and it becomes a wonder why I did not just quit it all.

I had my successes.  I achieved a Master's degree with a perfect 4.0.  I published my first software at 20. I wrote a book at 22. I rose out of poverty and I have owned beautiful expensive cars and had been married to beautiful women, former models, cheerleaders and such.

But, and this is why that last paragraph was important, I was still utterly depressed.  I knew my vanilla life was killing me.  I knew I longed for something more.  Pink Floyd has a pair of songs on the album "The Wall" which are "Empty Spaces" followed by "Young Lust" that has always sat in my head as what I needed.  Have a quick listen:

The song bothered me for years.  I couldn't really put my finger on why, but the answer was there in the lyrics.  I truly needed a "dirty woman.". But  what defines a "dirty woman?"  I think it is a woman who is not enshrined in vanilla wrappings.  It likely is a woman who is free in her mind to explore all her mind and body has to offer to a man.  She is uninhibited by society.  She is willing to explore her sexuality and unafraid to try what the vanilla world says is wrong.

I finally have my "dirty woman." I am finally out of depression.  I finally have happiness.  Thank you Kitty for trusting me, having faith in me, for giving me a chance, for loving me and thank you for you just being you.

1 week ago. Tue 10 Sep 2019 04:35:09 AM IDT

To tell the truth I was going to take today off from writing a blog but after reading my Kitty's blog, I felt I needed to post a couple videos celebrating us.

and this one especially for Kitty:


I love you Kitty and I look forward to us being together, finally in one location until the end of time.


1 week ago. Mon 09 Sep 2019 05:57:13 AM IDT

How often it seems that the Vanilla World impinges on the kink lifestyle. It seems that we have to put our kink lifestyle on a temporary hold at times and live like "normal" people and reserve a weekend or two, maybe only the nights, for enjoying your kink.  I am writing this "short" blog to to encourage those pressured to examine their schedule and instead "flip the script" on the Vanilla world.  It would be far better for your piece of mind to live your kink lifestyle with the only a few vanilla interruptions.  For this I have a four suggestions:

1. Setup a monthly routine and put on the calendar exactly when your bills are due and schedule a "bill break" from your kink lifestyle and pay the bills at the appointed hour and day. Most are doing this anyways but by actually putting it on the schedule, it becomes part of your lifestyle and not an "interruption".  Enforce this time like we Doms are known to do and it now become part of the kink.  Sort of a Masochistic moment.

2. Phone calls to and from Vanilla relatives are only accepted at certain times.  I have found that most, if not all my "vanilla" friends and relatives bring with them stuff I don't care about for the most part or bring their problems for me to solve.  I am one heck of a problem solver, I admit, but I only want to solve my sub's problems and maybe a few of my own.  Chit-chat about Aunt Bessie's new wart, is not what I particularly enjoy nor discussing my Dad's new bout with hearing issues does not appeal to me.  I would rather be listening to Justin Bieber (ugh) than sitting through another hour and half discussion on either of these two topics along with all the rest of that sort of highlights to a vanilla person's life.  Our kink lifestyle is so much more rich and dynamic.  I am not rude to the vanilla relatives, nor anyone really, but I have perfected the two minute phone call.  Again Kitty takes priority.  What I am doing with her is FAR more exciting.  If they call before 6 pm, I let it roll to voice mail.  I also rarely check it.  I may call them back again during the 6 pm to 7 pm time frame, but after that, they all think I am asleep.  Perfect.  Most of my vanilla friends and relatives think I sleep all day. I do of course, make some exceptions for the really sick or the really unstable family members, but even those calls are kept to a VERY short call of less than five minutes.  When I lived in Italy, the Italians always answered their phones "pronto" which means "ready" and in essence means "hurry and speak".  They got used to paying by the minute (rounded up like our cell phones used to be) and hate wasting money on a phone call.  I hate wasting my time on a phone call so it became part of my life.

3. Meal times are scheduled too.  I gain a lot of weight, like probably most of the people my age, when I do not eat right.  I also am lethargic from this random eating when I am hungry approach as well.  We aren't cows grazing in a field, so why act that way?  Instead act more like the hobbits with their scheduled meals.  No, I am not a "person of the ring", but I do know a good thing when I see it.  I do not necessarily suggest you eat like they do, but by scheduling your dining times and snack breaks, you might find it very appealing to your kink self.

4. Schedule your bedtimes and "get-up" times.  I know, it figures a Daddy Dom would make this suggestion, but it is really much healthier to go to bed on time and get up on time.  I get lazy and fall out of rhythm and feel exhausted for it  It makes sense to put your self onto a alarm clock style life as well.  I can get by on only a few hours of sleep, if I I schedule those hours. In my contract with Kitty, it states she has a bedtime and she MUST sleep for eight hours.  ONLY eight and it is done strictly between a scheduled time frame!  I have been reckless as of late with this time frame and as a result find myself sleeping too much.  I would much rather be up playing with Kitty than wasting more of the day taking naps.  Try it and see if it works.  I am willing to bet that MOST will get more enjoyment out of following this sort of schedule.

Gentle readers, these simple four suggestions are not earth shattering.  They are not hard rules to follow either. They may not work for you.  But try them and see.  Give it a month and I think most will benefit.

As always, if your dynamic does not match ours, change the pronouns, disregard irrelevant information provided and keep negative comments to yourself.  Kitty and I hate negativity.

"Kitten, why are you still up? ... Oh, Bundy said it was ok?  And what are you two doing at 1 in the morning? ... I see, watching zombie shows.  Do you mind if Daddy turns out the lights? ... Oh I see, so you want them on?  ... Let me just ask, what time is your bedtime? ... Uh huh, and what do you need to do to NOT go to bed at 10? ... I see, so Bundy changed the rules?  Ok I am good with that, for tonight only BUT I don't want an added bill so you will need to turn off the lights. .. Oh I understand, zombies love the dark. Well Kitty, that is the new rule from Daddy, who trumps Bundy since Daddy pays the bills. .. Oh, I see, you have decided to go to bed but ... Oh of course Daddy will leave the night light on." It is good to win once in a while.

1 week ago. Fri 06 Sep 2019 06:24:41 PM IDT

I am always amazed at how many kinks there are out there.  A couple blogs ago I published a video that featured people trying to guess the kink of others.  I found it entertaining and fascinating.  As an educated psychologist (but NOT practicing) anything ANYONE does outside of the societal norm catches my eye.  Out of all the kinks in the video, the guy who went into an almost orgasmic state at being licked, even in the slightest, peaked my interest.  It was a new kink for me.  I LOVE discovering new kinks.

I mean, who doesn't like to be licked, but holy smokes, this guy REALLY REALLY REALLY likes to be licked.  I sometimes will lick Kitty's face but it is more intended to freak her out than excite her.

This meme, coupled with the video illustrates one of my main on-going themes of this blog.  The "My Kink Is Not Your Kink" statement (or Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay), as catchy as that phrase is, it is important to remember the mirror of it as well which is "Your Kink Is Not My Kink."  I certainly enjoy when I am licked, but not to the extent of the gentleman in the video.  Participators on the left side of the slash in my kink, the Daddy Dom / little girl certainly enjoy the Dominant side of the kink but it is a different "enjoyment" perhaps than the left side of the slash of Master / slave dynamic.  Most of us in my dynamic are "care giver" minded and thus we concentrate a lot on making sure our subs develop and bloom and immerse themselves in an environment filled with coloring, painting, bounciness, cute frilly outfits and of course lots of stuffies.  The M/s Dom concentrates on being the firm person who is always in control of his sub.  He speaks for her and she stays respectfully behind him and enjoys the lifestyle of taking care of his every whim.  I realize my summary falls short of what actually happens in the at dynamic, but I only wanted a "drive-by" summary of the two to illustrate the difference in the two kinks in order to illustrate my point of the kink dynamics and their importance and appeal to both Doms.

The point being to this blog (I find it helps sometimes for me to summarize lol), is that we all enjoy some aspect of the kinks we are involved in or we would not be involved in them.  Some of us have run from our kinks nearly or whole lives only to find out very late in life that we could have REALLY been enjoying ourselves and living stress free by immersing ourselves int he creativeness of our personal kinks.  Society, the "Vanilla World: pushes for full conformity and I would dare say that ALL of us in the kink world, are not conformers. Sure, you may hold a respectable job, do respectable things, go to a respectable church, contribute respectably to a respectable charity with a respectable amount of money, BUT HOW DARE YOU BE INVOLVED IN SOMETHING SO NASTY!  Well, screw the vanillanites.  Most of us will live to be old as heck because we live a lifestyle with a very GREAT way to relieve stress.

While I certainly would not say climb a clock tower and scream your kinks to the whole nation, I do say that you should embrace who you are.  To quote a famous person: "“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self acceptance opened.” -Shannon L. Alder" So proudly accept your kink as valid and in turn proudly accept yourself.

As always, if your dynamic doesn't match ours, change the pronouns and disregard anything you find offensive and avoid leaving a horrible pointless troll-like comment, even if it is your kink.  Kitty and I hate negativism.

"Kitten, the movie starts in 30 minutes and it takes 20 minutes to get there ... what do you mean I haven't given you enough time to get ready?? ... You don't remember me telling you three hours ago?? ... What do you mean it's KoKo's fault? I don't think you can blame KoKo on this. .... You too can tell time! ... Oh you were teaching KoKo to tell time, well I am not really sure how to respond to that, um I guess I will go back to the living room and wait, and oh the next movie stars in three hours..." (sigh)

1 week ago. Wed 04 Sep 2019 11:17:15 PM IDT

Kitty and I celebrate Wednesday as our Vanilla Day as most of you know.  For those who have not waded through the almost combined 250 blogs of Kitty and mine, the Vanilla Day is where I, as her Daddy Dom,  take a break from enforcing the contract between us.  This means she can jump on and off the bed, not exercise, eat whatever, dress however, etc. 

To celebrate this day, i am sharing a video I found on Youtube.  I hope you all laugh as much as I did.  The sad thing is, it rings soooo true:


As always, if your dynamic is different than ours, change the pronouns and disregard anything you do not agree with.

I have no vignette today featuring Kitty or the stuffies, frankly on Vanilla Day, I am just relaxing, so I included this video to illustrate different kinks as one of the sayings I repeat a lot (and elude to in the "As always.." statement is "Your Kink, isn't my kink, and my kink isn't your kink" so enjoy:

2 weeks ago. Tue 03 Sep 2019 08:42:31 PM IDT

As many readers of both my blog and my little's blog know, Kitty and I are prepping to change both of our lives.  She is moving 1500 miles east and I am moving 500 miles west so that we can both begin our life as an IRL dynamic. I am taking a bit of time to detail the items that I believe any virtual dynamic will need to change.

1. As many may or may not be aware of, we have a signed contract for a virtual dynamic so some if not most of that contract will need be reworked.

2. The income will become one, at least for the immediate now until Kitty finds a job and/or starts college.  My income will also be one of retirement which is both a blessing and a curse.  She will certainly have more of my time as I will not have the distractions of my job but we will be restricting ourselves to about a fourth of what our combined incomes were previously.  Smiling in each others faces 24 hours a day does not generate money.

3. Our house currently does not exist.  Fun times are ahead to get it built.  We have a plan and soon it will happen.  We, unlike some other dynamics might have to deal with, have a home to live in while ours is being built at almost no cost other than the usual utilities.

4. Our schedules are changing.  We need to rework what our day looks like to get her exercise in, bedtime, yoga, etc.  We found out that during our 20 days, that the virtual schedule did not work.

5. Vanilla distractions will become an issue.  This is a big one as the community we are moving into are actually as a whole seemingly older than I either physically or flexabilty to accept others.  The shock factor is alive and well.  We have spoken of the local natives reaction in both our blogs.

6.  No escape from each other when she gets growly or I get irritated.  Currently I can generate an excuse, if needed to take a break from the stressful Daddy role.  This, as the 20 days showed, is not an option.  While there were no big issues during our 20 days, who knows what a few months might do?

There are more but these 6 are my immediate 25 meter target that must be delt with.  Yay us!  I am confident we can get these taken care of but they still MUST BE TAKEN CARE OF.

As always if your dynamic doesn't match ours, change the pronouns, ignore the irrelevant parts and keep negative energy to yourself.

"Listen KoKo, we can't keep doing this.  I need to know how to refer to you?  Is it "they", "he", "she", "ze", "e", "ey", "xe", "fae", "ae", "ve", "zie", "per", "sie", "yo", "en", "co", "tay" or something else?  I think that's every second person pronoun I actually am aware of? ... oh, I see ... well, yes I guess if your busy right now we can talk about this later.  Do you know when? ... oh I see, but I don't think that's a time..." sigh.. I guess I got to keep trying.  They/he/she/ze/e/ey/xe/fae/ae/ve/zie/per/sie/yo/en/co/tay is so difficult to figure out.