I'm not an emotionally open person, despite being empathetic to a fault. I don't like to let others see me weak or needy or broken, and a lot of the time I don't allow myself to feel these things for fear of people seeing me as anything but put together and stable.
But my guys are my strength, my safe place to feel weak and small and vulnerable. I know that they will keep me safe and mostly sane, so slowly I have been able to let some of these gross feelings exist inside me without being scared that an ounce of badness will send me back into that dark place this lifestyle pulled me out of.
I ran from unhappiness like it was the plague, doing everything in my power to avoid discomfort, disappointment, loss or rejection, and if I'm honest I still do sometimes, but with that security and guidance that one gets from living this life I've been allowed to feel the good side of these emotions too, the hope and excitement, the thrill of trying something new and actually enjoying it. I can be more open with the people I trust and let them see when I'm hurting and actually have a support network when I need it.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be scared to be a mess, because some of the best things in the world make the biggest messes.