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It is not okay

No, it is not okay to grab my arm to look at my tattoo on my wrist
No, it is not okay to put your arm around me for no reason
No, it is not okay to hug me, even if I am or am not crying
No, it is not okay to touch me in any manner without asking or having consent
Yes, you may see my tattoo if you ask
Yes, you may put your arm around me if we are together
Yes, you may hug me if you are family or someone that is very close to me
Yes, my body my rules!
2 days ago. Feb 14, 2020, 10:55 AM

It has been awhile since my last blog. My migraines are kicking my ass, along with my classwork. I spoke with my husband, with almost having a bit of a mental break down, and we came to the decision to set school to the side for the remainder of this semester, along with skipping the Summer semester. Yes, I will graduate a semester later than planned, but as discussed, it could help mentally and emotionally. I am not able to really focus on the two classes I am taking now, and I am barley passing them (surprised if I do pass them at all). I just need time to refocus, re-energize, and to go back in the Fall with a clear mind (hopefully without migraines as well). 

As for the migraines, its fucking shit, I am done with them. I am on a new prescription, and it does seem to help as the migraines are not as intense. Somedays, I end up acting like an ostrich by sticking my head under a pillow with a blanket over me to block out the light and sound. I just want to give up sometimes, but know that is not the answer. Keep fighting, and push forward, there is bound be something that is causing the issue.  

I hope everyone is able to have a wonderful Valentines day today, remember, Saturday is "Singles day" so party like a rock star!

Love to all,

Hazel Eyes

1 month ago. Dec 31, 2019, 11:12 AM

Migraines are off and on all day. For a month of this shit, of either barley able to remember what needs to be done, or when was the last time I was able to hold a conversation, there may be some light as to why the migraines continue.... I can say that sleeping all day is not fun, once in awhile is fine but for a month? FUCK NO!!!!! All the moral support I received from my loving husband, and from my mom and his parents, I couldnt ask for anything better... Lion has been so supportive and nurturing, he is my rock!!!! right now is a good day, although the thumping in my temples wont stop, but its tolerable for now.

I am kinda shocked I was able to get some crocheting in, finished up a small throw blanket for the in-laws, and a Harry Potter themed scarf. I am currently working on a baby blanket from the yarn that Lion picked out. I am diligently working on it, and want it to be the final project of 2019.

Happy New Years to all, and everyone be safe!!!

1 month ago. Dec 20, 2019, 7:43 PM

So far this migraine(s) is slowly easing away.  Normal functions slowly returning, but still knocked down at times.  I think I found the underlings and causes, which I think is going to require a career change. Scrambling around, applying to positions to jump start my career, and move forth for the better, not just for me, but for my family as well.  I feel like such a burden to Lion. He has been nothing but supportive and understanding. I am grateful God put us in each others paths, and allowed us to live out the rest of our days together.  Even through the rough patches, I wanted to make sure that the children at least received something small this holiday season from us. As I just took my concoction of meds, I will have to cut this blog short. From our family to yours, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and Happy Holidays!

2 months ago. Dec 4, 2019, 9:01 PM

It started off as a headache on Sunday late afternoon, it started to progress, and turned to a full fledged migraine by Monday early morning.  I called out of work, and in hopes for it to clear up by Tuesday (which they only last a day for me). NO! it progressed so much I was crying, nauseous and dizzy.  It took all I had to hold back the tears and not worry Lion.  When he came to bed, he asked if all was okay, how can I lie? I told him no, and that a hospital trip was necessary.  He helped get my socks and shoes on, warmed up the vehicle and helped me to walk out.  It took all the energy I could gather to stand up.  He was so supportive and sympathetic. We get to the hospital (nightmare), and waited 2.5 hours, off on and on crying and about to get sick. He had enough, and found out there was a walk in clinic upstairs.  We get to the clinic, and waited another 45 minutes, only to be told they could do nothing but counsel me on how to help with it. SERIOUSLY! Its not my first rodeo with this shit. So I called my primary Dr in another state let her know what was going on. Grateful she knows my history, and she prescribed the meds I needed and has an excuse note ready for me.  Moral of the story, my husband (Lion), is the most thoughtful, caring, loving person I know.  He was beside me the whole time, making sure everything was taken care of, got my meds for me, and makes sure I take them on time.  I have to say its not always about being in a dynamic, we sometimes have to put the dynamics aside, and provide the care and nurturing from either a Dom/Master and Sub/Slave or vise versa. 

3 months ago. Oct 21, 2019, 10:38 AM

So, the most amazing thing happened one week ago from today! I married my best friend, lover, and the most amazing man ever!!!!! I can't describe everything that rushes through my brain, but I can say that I am as happy as a pig in slop. The warmth and love I have coming from his family is heartwarming. In the past, I have not ever had the sense of belonging with who ever I dated, especially when I was in a LTR. I contemplate why I deserve to be with such a wonderful person? Why do I deserve it? I am use to the belittling, the hands around the throat, the shoves down the steps, the ducking from being hit in the face, and many other things.  I thought this was normal, as I have seen a few others go through the same thing.  I was never good enough, never able to speak my mind, not able to voice my opinion, hell I was not even able to use my own funds to fly back to visit family.  Again, all this was normal scenarios that I was use to.  Now, shit let me tell you, I see what life and love truly means.  Am I use to it? Erm, getting there, getting use to knowing that mistakes happen, and the consequences are handled with a "shrug of a shoulder" so to speak.  Why do I feel as if I am still not good enough though? Maybe my brain is malfunctioned, and needs a shock treatment? I do know one thing though, he is my soulmate.  The words to express how I feel, the emotions I have, the memories I cherish, every day I am away from him, I keep thinking of him.  We are going through a stressful time together, nothing too major, just family needs to be family and stick together.  I will stand with him to help him, and know that my place will always be beside him. We are only married for a week as of today, Monday, October 21st, I take the words full heartedly "for better or for worse"....We will push through the stressful times, and know that happier times are just over the hump.  I love you are words that can't even express the full deep meaning of how I truly feel.  To the most amazing man in my life, Lion, I hope you know how much you truly mean to me, and how proud I am to be your wife! Forever yours, I love you! Sa'apol!!!!!

4 months ago. Oct 4, 2019, 9:06 AM

You mean more than life itself....My protector, my savior, my world, my love!

 

4 months ago. Oct 2, 2019, 9:00 AM

Just one more week of the first half of my semester to be over, then it's another 8 weeks to finish out the rest of the semester.  Only 5 more to go, YAY!!!!!! I normally slack at the end, I just get bored with it all.  The rest of the 5 semesters will fly by though, mostly due to three of the classes will be for my major, 5 classes for my minor and the rest will be for my degree.  Have I really learned anything from any of the classes? Erm, well, um so......Shall we discuss something else other than college? lol..... Well, at least there is a month usually between semesters, which at that time I will be able to focus more on Lion and our relationship.  I don't feel as if I am providing enough, and think the time I am off between semesters will help me refocus.  I am more than blessed to be in his life, why he accepted me I have no clue! Sometimes, I feel as if I fail. I know he loves me with more than his heart, and I love him just as much (deep down we all know I love him more :P ).  The thing is, as my other blogs indicated, but "beat around the bush" so to say, I was in an  abusive relationship in the past.  I fallen victim twice, the third time I saw it start and I dumped him like a bat out of hell.  Lion has shown me more of what life is, mainly how people should be treated. There are many scars on me that will never go away, mainly reminders of what I went through.  I take them with pride, why you ask? Well, I have to consider from what I have been through, and where I am.  The past didn't break me it only made me stronger, and understand myself more.  He has been the most thoughtful, caring, wonderful man EVER! God must've known we were meant to be together.  It's not a coincidence that we joined the site only a day a part (could have been an hour or so, who knows for sure), but the point being we both joined. If I didn't contact him and just remained silent, I am more than positive that we would not be where we are today.  God did put the courage in me to send a message, and to even continue with the conversation.  Why would he put me and Lion together? I can answer that extremely fast, cuz we are soulmates.  I am sitting at the table (supposed to be doing my homework), but I wanted to get much of what is really sitting on my mind out. I don't want to know what life is without him, I don't want to find out either. If he goes before me, I am there right next to him. Gravedigger will need to dig two! 

 

4 months ago. Sep 29, 2019, 5:50 PM

I am sitting outside contemplating what the day will bring. He is sound asleep right now, which I should be still sleeping as well, oh well! My new job starts in a week and I am not ready to mentally part away for 9 hours away from him.... we been around each other for the past three weeks, and to have to leave for work will be hard.... I will miss the random hugs and kisses, and the many conversations we have throughout the day... I know it’s the “adult” thing to do (having a job), but still annoying... on a different note, my degree is almost completed, just 5 more semesters, then off for my MBA (maybe not right away).... well time to prep dinner for tomorrow, love the process of making tzatziki sauce, and preparing the meat.... might sneak in a nap as well

4 months ago. Sep 28, 2019, 9:59 AM

Someone Like you

I used to dream of someone like you,
To hold me tight and see me through,
To love my eyes and love my smile,
And when I'm scared stay with me a while,
But now I've got you I don’t know what to do,
It's amazing this feeling I have for you,
When I look at you my heart melts to the floor,
Everyday I love you more and more,
When life gets me down your always there,
A good heart like yours is very rare,
You’re my world you’re my universe my star,
I would never change a thing that you are,
All my worries and problems disappear,
When you hold me in your arms I have no fear,
The only fear I have that’s true,
Is living my life without someone like you.

By: Jessica Sings

 

4 months ago. Sep 26, 2019, 6:12 AM

Some days I feel mentally drained, and don't know what is going on at times.  I become forgetful, disoriented, and fall back in to some old habits.  The stress levels are not as high anymore, not sure of how to handle that.  Being under constant stress and not having to deal with it all that much anymore, I can say is mentally tiring at times.  Well, on a good note, I was able to hold up one of my promises and helped with our first major purchase.  I am more than excited to see him smile, and have fun like he deserves.  It melts my heart to watch his face light up like a kid on Christmas Day.