Hashtag one. I love starting my page with the word despite. As if I have something and I need to defend it. Despite my reluctant emotions. A close examination of myself from a stranger perspective is perhaps the most or least helpful. Depends on what the results might be. A practical explanation of my current status is necessary. I don't feel homosexual or hetero for that matter. I dislike the idea of random parties and strangers in the flickering darkness. I would like a white picket fence and apple pie. I'm home and I've just tried an apple pie recipe for the first time. A dress of satin or silk smooth. Hair done in tight headache inducing curls. The 1950's are calling and I want a good house and kids goddamnit. Instead I work overnights alone stacking water and come home to parents and a spinster sister. 3 years after a divorce and I'm like ground zero of Hiroshima still. Broken and alone. I danced for the first time in a dress a couple nights ago. James said I glowed. I dream of nights like that.
I don't have any plans for dancing again... I wish I did.