A long journey home

This weekend, I went out into the field. I slept under the stars, but the compass of my heart was pointed in one direction. It wasn't pointed towards home, it was pointed to you Princess. I love the little, I love the brat, I love all of you. It has been a busy few weeks, with a few up and downs, but the only constant I have is you. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me happy knowing that I have your love no matter how I am feeling. The things that you say I "put up" with, are the things I love. Your bouncing excitement, your love of hobbies, your creativity, all of it. The empathy you feel, your range of emotions, your love of all things Disney. All of them, things I love about you. Half the time, you apologize about something I love you for, and you have no idea. Your un-realistic dreams amaze me. You say you are a handful, and I will tell you that I have two hands for a reason. So I can hold you all together in one place. My sweet Princess.

It has been a busy week. It has been a long week, and my Princess has been busy. I have been busy. She has a lot on her mind. I can see it, I can feel it. There is no greater frustration for me than when I can't be near her to quiet her mind. To give her the peace that she deserves and craves. She is special and perfect in so many ways, I can't even put into words what she means to me. I know she has questions, and I know she has doubts, and those I can fix in time. But it is when she is having a bad day, when she is stressed, when she is tired, those are the times I struggle because I know if I were there, I could give her what she needs instantly. I know that when I talk to her at night, it helps. I know that when she hears my voice, and sees my face, it helps, but nothing beats holding her in my arms, stroking her hair, and having her fall asleep on my chest. Knowing, that her mind is clear, her mind is quiet, and feeling her love. Our bond is symbiotic, her peace is my peace, her quiet is my quiet, my pleasure is hers, her bubbly personality tranfers to me immediately when I am with her. I have never felt a bond so strong, I have never needed another, like I need her.

I got 3 days and 4 nights... And never enough... Everything has changed. I never would have imagined I would have met anyone like my Princess. She is kind, compassionate, and very sweet. Her bubbly personality could light up the darkest reaches of space. Her giggle is one of a kind. The way she smiles at me, it reaches all the way to my soul. We laugh, we have fun, we play and I love every second of it. I have never met anyone who could make me as happy as she does. She is amazing. I was drawn to her when we started talking. She gives. With me, she gives. Her heart, her mind, her soul, she gives it all to me. If submission is a gift, then she is a treasure. She is worthy of everything that I have to make her feel like the most precious thing in my world. If you read my profile, I speak of having a bond. Having that bond makes for such an incredible experience, you will hear me harp on it quite a bit. With her, that bond is stronger than I have ever had with anyone in my life, and has been able to achieve it faster than anyone I have ever know. She was made for me. If you get the chance to speak to her, she will tell you I am cocky. She will tell you about how I am "always" right(my words, not hers). But I will tell you, with complete confidence, there isn't another person on this planet that can make me feel like she does. There isn't a single person on earth who can do what she does. Many moons ago, when I was in the lifestyle, I had subs. Back then, I was younger, still cocky, but it was more of a thrill ride, so you will see me give some of the "fakers" on here a break, because I will admit, the allure back then was a bit different than now. And I will tell you, the relationships that meant the most, were the ones I had in this life. So when I came back, I was expecting the same thrills. But my Princess has surpassed them all, leaps and bounds. She is the most incredible creature I have ever met. She will tell you she is proud to be on my arm. I will tell you, I am proud to share my soul with her. I love you, my Princess.

I'm sitting here, sipping on whiskey. I read your blog, Princess, and reflected back on my life(That took 7 seconds). Patience didn't come naturally to me. Cocky, yeah, been that way my whole life. I was aggressive in my younger days. Temper, check. But in my younger days, patience eluded me. In the beginning, it wasn't important to me. I didn't need it. It was one of those throw away items like a pepper packet in a KFC meal. Funny thing how life works, I went to college, didn't really want to see my next 10 years in debt, so I joined the military to pay for college. At the time, I wasn't for sure it was gonna do much for me, but hey it was free college, and the uniform did attract the women(I was 21, don't judge). Turns out I was pretty good at the military thing and I enjoyed what I did. Whenever a deployment came up, I raised my hand, I did what was necessary. 9/11 happened, everything changed. One weekend a month, two weeks out of the summer became a joke rather than a motto. My career field was a small one, which meant stop loss came around almost everytime my enlistement came up, I couldn't get out. I had to extend or re-enlist. I didn't really want to get out, but I was never given the option until I hit the 16 year mark, 4 short of a retirement check. Pretty dumb to leave then, so it was decided I would do 20. In those first 16 years, I learned a lot, and for a good portion of that, I was mentoring others, training others, and supervising others. I was very good, and had made a quite deal of rank along the way. So after all this time, the one thing that had eluded me my entire life I had. Patience. You spoke of that patience in your blog Princess. There are a lot who come by it naturally, some who learn it. It took me 23 years, countless weeks in the field and 5 trips to the middle east to get mine. My point being, that patience you speak of, took a great many years for this hard head to learn, and to find you when I did, well it was the right time. The patience you speak of, wasn't there 3 years ago, wasn't well honed enough 2 years ago. If we would have met 15 years ago, you wouldn't have been interested in me. 7 years ago, I wouldn't have been interested in you. Meeting you when I did, you are everything I have ever wanted or needed. I met you exactly when I needed to meet you, and that is why I'm never letting go. I was meant to meet you, support you and fight for you now.

Once again, I told you I was going to bed, for that I apologize, but I have to let you know. For the longest time Princess, the way you made me feel, who you were, it all seemed like a dream. You were perfect. Our dynamic fit one another, we were both what each other had been looking for, you were perfect. Then life happened. You had some turmoil, I had a few bumps, and in the end, the way I saw you, you were perfect. You can go back into my blogs and read why I found you perfect then. With everything life has thrown at us, you are still perfect. I will gladly admit to anyone on this website I sleep with a stuffed crocodile next to my head every night because you are perfect. I blog mushy stuff as often as I can because you are perfect(I never had a fucking blog until I met you). There isn't another person on this website, or earth, that could ever match you. You are perfect.

I read through the blogs, even the rants, and at the end of the day, I am still divided on whether or not rants are a good thing or not. Here's the dilema. A lot of rants are good, something to the tune of Doms ghosting subs, yeah, that's a good rant, and a problem because it hurts the community and need to be brought to light. Other rants, are emotionally charged opinions, looking to invoke an argument and division. In a small community that is judged by normal society on a daily basis, that division can be bad. Just my two cents, take it or leave it, but if something is bugging me, seems a little more intuitive to try and invoke the question on the blog instead of some emotional filled rant. Healthy discussion betters a community such as this, and helps us learn about each other, and ourselves.

It was a little more than just a smile. 

It was a grueling day. These tests always are. Exhausting, mentally and physically. The bottom of my feet are torn up. My arms are like butter. When I move, a lot of things hurt. As soon as I was done, I talked to you, there was no pain. Only good thoughts, smiles, and a warm feeling. You are my medicine. You make everything better. A single text, a single whisper from your voice, and everything is better Princess. You are all I have ever wanted or needed. You are my light at the end of a dark tunnel, my rainbow after a rainstorm. You are my everything, you are my world. You are my perfect Princess.

I normally don't put up long reads, articles, or URL links. Herein lies the answers to some questions.

https://www.apost.com/en/blog/people-who-like-to-be-alone-have-these-10-unique-personality-traits/5885/

1. Their Time is Valuable
Loners treasure their time. They know what they love and hate and won’t go to just any event, simply just to get out of the house. Instead, they are much choosier about whom they choose to spend their time with and will pour their energy into places and things they are passionate about. A loner realizes the value in pouring their energy and time into things they are passionate about and the people who matter to them are always a priority. If a loner seeks you out, you know you must be worthy of their time, as a loner doesn’t require any company.

2. They Have a Strong Sense of Self-Awareness
Since loners spend so much of their time thinking and introspecting, they learn a lot about themselves and those around them. They aren’t afraid to feel and in fact thrive on having those deep, one on one brainstorming sessions with their own mind.

3. They Are Level-Headed
Loners like to avoid unwanted attention or being thrust into the spotlight, so they will remain cool, calm and collected in the midst of a stressful situation to avoid making a scene. For that same reason, they are often repulsed by overly dramatic and irrational people and will avoid being around them at all costs.

4. They Are Open-Minded
Just because a loner may prefer to keep their doors closed, that certainly doesn’t mean that their mind is closed as well. On the contrary, a loner tends to be extremely open-minded, and up for experiencing new places, ideas and experiences. They just may require a little down time before and after being around lots of people.

5. They Are Loyal
Often when you heard the word “loner” you automatically assume this must mean that they don’t have any friends. This is not often the case. A loner does have friends, but instead of obtaining large groups of friends, they tend to be much pickier and choosy about the company they keep. Since they don’t require the attention of others to make them happy, they can be more selective about whom they spend their time with. For those lucky enough to be chosen by a loner, you can count on them to make a trustworthy, reliable friend that you can always count on.

6. They Have Clear Cut Boundaries
Saying no is often difficult for a people pleaser, but not so for a loner. Since they aren’t concerned with winning over anyone else’s approval, they aren’t afraid to stand their ground, especially when they feel they are being taken advantage of.

7. They Know Their Strengths and Weaknesses
Loners are able to take a step back and make a mental checklist of their strengths and weaknesses. They know they aren’t perfect, but still strive hard to make improvements.

8. They Are Empathetic
Loners are hyper-aware of their own feelings and the feelings of those around them. They are willing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes so to speak, and understand and respect the needs of other people.

9. They Aren’t Perfect
Since no one is perfect, the same goes for a loner. The good thing about a loner though, is that you don’t have to tell them that they aren’t perfect, as they are already well aware of areas within themselves that could use a little improving.

10. They Are Guided By Their Own Intuition
Loners are highly driven by their own intuition. Their gut feelings are strong, and intense and can alert them of danger or warn them when something doesn’t feel right. They can often get a strong sense of someone right off the bat with little to no direct interaction with them. This can be a good or bad thing, as it may be hard to get on a loner’s good side if their first impression of you wasn’t a positive one.

11. They Aren’t Co-Dependent
Loners are perfectly content to be on their own, so they won’t waste their time with the wrong person out of a fear of being alone. This doesn’t mean that a loner never needs anyone else, but they depend on themselves first, instead of needing constant attention and approval from others.

12. They Are Kind And Compassionate ​​​​​​​
Loners often possess a certain softer, gentler approach when dealing with others. They are able to look past their own needs and wants to truly understand how to relate and sympathize with others.

13. They Are Brave and Courageous
Loners are comfortable and confident with themselves and their abilities. They are not afraid to take their time self reflecting and facing their inner demons head on instead of filling their lives with outside distractions.

14. They Love Themselves
Loners love themselves, but not in a self-serving, narcissist way. A loner understands that to truly love someone else, they must love themselves first. This concept can be difficult for some to grasp, but a loner is more focused on developing deeper, more authentic friendships, versus those fake and shallow relationships.

15. They Are Reliable
Loners understand that time is valuable, so they won’t waste yours. You can count on a loner to be punctual and dependable. They won’t keep you waiting, or pull a no show. If they make you a promise, they will go to great lengths to make good on their word.

16. They Have Emotional Strength
Loners have deep inner strength and hold steady when the going gets tough. They know how to work through those moments of pain, frustration, and anger and don’t allow trivial things in life get them down.

17. They Have Strong Morals
Loners have a great sense of right from wrong and there is no convincing a loner to do something that they don’t agree with or aren’t comfortable with. Peer pressure simply won’t fly with a loner! They aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in and aren’t easily convinced or swayed by others. If you enjoyed reading this article, please make sure and share it with your friends and family!

I am just re-reading some old blogs(You are a very talented writer), every once in a while, I catch your faint scent still in the apartment. While you might disagree, the weekend was wonderful. I look around. This used to be my place. My space. You came up for a single weekend, and I can't look at the place the same anymore. Your presence, in a single weekend can change my entire outlook Princess. I look in the living room, I see you on the floor, catching up on paperwork. I look in the kitchen, I see us cooking together(my homemade crab rangoon is the bomb, and your salisbury steaks are fantastic). I look in the bathroom, I see your soap in the shower. I look in the bedroom(where I still get the strongest scent of you), I see the candles, and I won't share what else I see there. I look at the bare walls, knowing they won't be bare for much longer(Watching your eyes light up at that thought is so fucking heart warming, I'm appalled). All of this in a single weekend. This is no longer, and will never be my space again. It is OUR space. I used to just look at this place as a place for me to sleep. A place for me to live until I find a better place. In a single weekend, you turned this crappy apartment into a home Princess. A place I want to be. I know you will be back, and I know everytime you do, you will make this place move livable. You can't help but add your personality to this place, and I couldn't be happier. I was dreading to the thought of coming home tonight, with all the reminders of you here. Instead when I came in, all the memories made me smile, made me happy, just like you do. You might not think this weekend was perfect, but considering how I feel right now, how your presence is still here, and how happy it is here because of you, this weekend could not have gone any better, because you are still here. And I will blog right here and right now Princess, I was wrong. I told you that unicorns don't exist. But the truth is, you are my unicorn.