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Hidden In Plain Sight

A Bunnie and her Dragon
1 day ago. Tue 18 Dec 2018 12:14:48 AM IST

I am an addict...

obsessive

From as early back as memory takes us, there was a boy...

An obsession... just one

You took his place

All I ever wanted was to get lost in someone...

A particle among many

A subtle beauty that makes you glow for reasons unknown to others

I disappeared into you

I was happy

Whole

Purposeful

Complete.

Everyone tells me it’s wrong

Everyone says you’re a monster... a beast

Everyone said I was a beauty

The fairytale isn’t so romantic when they see it offscreen

I didn’t realise I was searching for a Beast until I found you...

Actually even then, I didn’t

It’s only now I see...

You were my Beast. My Monster. My Master. My Greatest Obsession.

1 week ago. Mon 10 Dec 2018 10:57:26 PM IST

An idea. Predators... they’re a problem. They come in all shapes and sizes... even dressed in sheep’s clothing. “How do we protect people from them?” has been a long asked question. Well... one way as a newbie, is to consider this...

Try something new... don’t consider anyone who approaches you, as a potential. Consider them a friend... and no matter how charming or thoughtful or sweet... or however much they “get” you... stand your ground, and keep them in that category. Even new “friends” who want to play... be wary of (wolves sometimes come dressed as red riding hood too).

So if you’re not considering *anyone* who approaches you as a potential... who does that leave? 

*It leaves those that You. Choose. to. approach*

Look through profiles, observe behaviour and responses on forums and blogs, chat in the chatroom... if you find someone who catches your eye, send them a message. If you’re terrified to do that, tell them. Most wont bite. This for me, applies for both Dominants and Mentors**

This is actually considered a very unusual concept. For a very long time, I didn’t even know it was acceptable to approach a Dom. I thought I was just supposed to make myself appealing and wait for Him to want me and come and find me. However, as I have learned more, I realised that that’s still a pretty vanilla way of thinking... and that generally... those who approach, aren’t the types of Doms I’m looking for. The ones I’m looking for are the good kind of predator ;)

I believe it can help to eliminate many of the worries of wondering if they’re a potential predator... but definitely not all... it’s by no means foolproof. However, it does also provide the opportunity to slow things down and go at your own pace, which can eliminate so much of the stress around being new too. It’s not always just a case of someone rushing... sometimes it’s a case of being rushed.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely still the unlucky chance you could find yourself messaging one of said predators, but in my opinion, the chances are much lower... because predators like the hunt. They’re more likely to be actively telling you everything you want to hear in order to be that trusty old teddy bear... or even the opposite... that you should automatically kneel before them and call them Sir or Master because “that’s what a good girl would do.”

Some may say approaching isn’t submissive behaviour. I see it as quite the opposite. To humble yourself in front of someone... and potentially face rejection... what could possibly be more submissive than that? It is definitely a very personally confronting thing to do, and not for the faint hearted. 

Anyway, just thought I’d share this so that others can realise that there are more ways than one, to shuffle a deck of cards.

 

**for reference... a Mentor as I know them to be, doesn’t control your orgasms or require pictures or tasks. A Mentor generally, will help you get an understanding of ideas and concepts and how things relate to you. They will help you find your path and what works for you. Much like a Tutor... they will help to decipher. I advocate for both Dominant and submissive Mentors... however... once again... approach them yourself, as there are predators who like to use this as a cover.

1 week ago. Mon 10 Dec 2018 03:12:24 AM IST

The sun was shining and I had to get out into it. For those that don’t know, I am solar powered... I need sunshine to function. The house was empty, so finally it was just me. I put my bathers on, grabbed a towel and drink and wandered out to find a good spot... somewhere slightly secluded if possible. I found one, settled in and relaxed, reading. After getting settled, the top came off... and after a little more time, the bottoms too. This is new for me. I’ve been topless sunbathing for a little while now, however naked is still pretty new. The odd thing is that I build it up in my mind, and yet when I actually do it, I always wonder what the worry was. It made me feel unsafe somehow... and slutty. Which is ironic because I am slutty lol. I just don’t like people to know that. So laying there, feeling the light breeze and sunshine on my skin... the warmth on the soles of my feet... I realised that I was actually really, really aroused. I started thinking about it and analysing how and why etc... and then thought hmm πŸ€” am I really just going to analyse this? Lol ummm... no. So down slides my hand... and yes... as suspected... wet. Actually... very wet. Needless to say, I came pretty quickly. 

Pondering this new discovery has created so many new questions... does this mean I’m actually an exhibitionist and have just been inhibited by fear? The thing that turned me on seemed to be the possibility of being watched. What I find interesting about this is that one of my biggest fears has been around being watched. I struggle with “performance anxiety.” But being given the opportunity to get into the flow of things... those fears fade away. This is new... and exciting. My curiosity makes me look forward to seeing where it goes. 

I also can’t help but feel disappointed, because I remember how freely I loved anything sexual throughout my life... and remember shutting those things down because of judgment. All this journey has felt like so far, is undoing all the bullshit that has been placed on me by others, and getting back to who I was. However, thank goodness I’m finally here... finding my way back again.

1 week ago. Sun 09 Dec 2018 02:19:27 PM IST

1 week ago. Thu 06 Dec 2018 11:47:47 PM IST

The disconnect in communication between writing and verbalising is huge for me. I seem to be able to share every intimate thought and desire in writing, but when the moment comes to speak those things, I’m at a loss for words... my mind literally goes blank. Being here and interacting with an online community has helped in leaps and bounds with my ability to share my thoughts more openly in person, however I’m still nowhere near comfortable doing it. Even the thought of talking in such a vulnerable way on the phone, let alone Skype terrifies me. 

Someone who I greatly admire was recently saying how her Dom has her write a journal, and how it’s so much easier for her to be open with him that way. Sometimes seeing something in someone else’s words can just make something click... my best ideas for myself have come from trying to help others. I instantly had a thought that one way that could work to help with the disconnect between writing and speaking, may be to read the journal entries to her/my/your Dom aloud, after they’ve been written. That way you’re still being able to articulate what you want/need to say... and learning to become comfortable with speaking those things aloud. It would certainly help with the mind blank that I know I experience. And....

You could even take it one step further and use it as a form of training :) ok... so I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube clips of people doing activities whilst riding a Motorbunny... sooooo.... yes, you guessed it. Make it fun... add orgasms lol. I know I’d soon be writing essays to read for my Master ;)

2 weeks ago. Tue 04 Dec 2018 01:02:00 AM IST

Those who aren’t willing to look in the mirror...

will always find a way to justify their behaviour.

2 weeks ago. Mon 03 Dec 2018 08:27:50 AM IST

My connection to submission is beginning to feel like a distant dream. I don’t know what happened to the enthusiasm and all the questions. The curiosity about anything and everything. Wanting to learn and immerse myself in the community both on and offline. I’m really struggling right now to not feel really jaded. I’ve always kept myself pretty isolated and low key when it comes to people. They’re always safest at arms length for me. For some reason I thought this would be different. Smh. I’m such a fool. I’ve been doing some pretty severe culling lately. Good or bad people is not for me to say. My people or not my people, is. For some reason I had forgotten how easy it can be for me to walk away at times. In fact I’d completely forgotten that that used to be my default... cut and run. For some reason, along the way somewhere, I had decided to try to stop doing that. It has created problems. I didn’t know when to stay or go. I still don’t. But today I felt that old familiar ease of distancing myself and cutting ties. It amazes me how brutal my Dragon can be when she feels it’s time to step in and protect me. No remorse... just a turned back... and one foot after another... locking down doors behind her as she goes. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve even grown at all. I certainly don’t feel like I’ve come to like myself any more than I did... perhaps even the opposite. When you look more, you find more. Perhaps my problem is that I keep looking at growth as linear. Perhaps it’s more like a spiral... or circles. Or perhaps it’s just a facade. A story we tell ourselves.

I feel like I’ve run out of questions. How is that possible though... I haven’t even begun. I just no longer know where to look. I don’t even know what I’m meant to be looking for. I’m in limbo. Nothingness. Where do you go from there? What happens when it’s not so sparkly and new anymore?

2 weeks ago. Sat 01 Dec 2018 11:34:23 PM IST

During meditation this morning, an old story popped into my head. It speaks of two types of people... dolphins and sharks. Dolphins are nurturing and supportive and come from a place of love. Sharks are hard and chaotic and come from a place of hurt. Mulling over recent things, it occurred to me that I have shifted. I couldn’t see it. I could see it in the disruption to those around me here, but I couldn’t see it in myself. When my mind finally became quiet, I realised that I have not been behaving like a dolphin. I have been behaving like a shark. I’m really disappointed in myself for this. One of the lines in my mantra speaks of “grace.” I have not been behaving with grace. I am not going to make excuses. I will take responsibility for my actions and learn from my mistakes. 

A saying that I love... and that I keep close as a good reminder... “if someone tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” Although no one has come directly to me, it has been pointed out to me by others, that I have hurt people. If this is true, I take responsibility for that...

So, I apologise to those that I have hurt with my words. I would never mean to intentionally hurt anyone. 

A valuable lesson I will take from this is to see that it’s possible to do so without even realising. 

I will be more mindful with my words.

2 weeks ago. Fri 30 Nov 2018 09:49:32 PM IST

I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. He was clearly upset that I was being judged for things that aren’t me. Bless his heart ☺️

When I told him that I didn’t care, at first he thought I was just trying to be strong. Then I explained to him that I actually really don’t care. People are going to form an opinion of you, whether you want them to or not. You have no control over that whatsoever. The opinions that matter to me, are the ones of those I care about. They are the people who see me, and who I know and trust will give accurate feedback. Those are the ones who I know will come from a place of love. If they come to me and share concerns, I truly listen. It hurts like all hell, because one of the biggest things that pains me is to disappoint those I care about. So I listen, learn and try to adjust. 

Why on earth would I give that kind of power to someone who not only doesn’t know anything about me, but isn’t necessarily even coming from a place of goodness, let alone love. Ummm... no thank you lol.

I am a weak person towards those I love. Their opinion means everything to me. Whether that’s healthy or not, I’ve no idea. However, outside of that... I walk alone. I don’t live my life according to a grapevine. Yes that makes me an outsider. But damn... the quality I have in my life, far outweighs the quantity. Give me quality any day, please 😁

Maybe because I’m a bunny, or simply because I’m Bunnie, I observe packs and pack mentality, and I try to stay the hell away from it. Nothing good ever comes from a pack hunting together. Not if you’re a prey type anyway lol. I understand that because I’m friendly with many, I can cause confusion for people. They think I’m in the pack. I always cringe when new people think that I’m some “Alpha miss popularity” sub, and think that they either need to be scared of me... or even funnier... feel threatened and think they need to cut me down. I just sit it out and wait... it doesn’t take long for them to not see me as a “cool kid” threat. Then I just go back to being me 😊

As much as I love people, and want them to find the space that’s just for them, I never did put my hand up to be the hostess. I hate responsibility... ask anyone that knows me. Hell... ask me. I have no desire to be responsible for anyone other than myself. That’s all I have control over. What I do with me. Those that seek guidance, I always gently nudge into the direction of the people who love to guide and teach... because I’m not one of them.

There are very few people that I let into my inner circle. Not to be snobby or to be exclusive... that’s just what I’ve come to realise suits best who I am. I am not a teacher, and never have I said that I want to be. I share my experiences and my opinions based on observation and personal experience. Regardless of what some may think, I don’t judge people and how they choose to live their lives... for one simple reason... I don’t care. Yes you heard that right. You are none of my business. Unless we become inner circle. Then I would give anything for you. I am not a fickle person. I do not call someone a friend lightly. I do not love someone lightly, and I sure as hell don’t submit to anyone lightly. I also don’t walk away from someone lightly. I am friendly to everyone, because I believe that everyone... yes everyone... deserves at least a social level of dignity, respect and care. I believe everyone has value, and deserves to feel that. I share opinions, and I listen to the opinions of others. I don’t care if we disagree... in fact I expect it... we’re not clones. Where I seem to walk alone from here, is that I don’t hold our differing opinions against others.

*I see who they are as seperate from what they believe.*

Yes... this gets me in trouble. Yes... this brings down a reign of judgement on me. Especially from those who like to, and feel it’s necessary to “pick sides.” Do I care? Not in the least. Because those that matter to me... and those who recognise that my door will always be open if they need someone... even if our voices don’t align... they’re the people I want around me.

2 weeks ago. Wed 28 Nov 2018 12:23:48 PM IST

What does it say about someone when they constantly feel the need to tear others down? Why would you come onto a bdsm site and portray that everyone there was an idiot for wanting to submit? Or that all the guys/gals that contacted you were desperate wannabe Dominants? Don’t like it? Why be here? Must be a lonely place being so perfect.

I understand the desire to want to protect yourself, and the drive to be defensive after you’ve been hurt. But remember this... we’ve all been hurt. You’re not unique. Even in your desperate desire to separate yourself from all of “us”... you’re not unique. Take some time away from the mirror and go read some other blogs... everyone is unique.