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Hidden In Plain Sight

The philosophies and adventures of a girl, just trying to make her way in the world.
“I’ve done every damn thing in the book wrong”... this is the story of that journey.
4 days ago. February 4, 2023 at 9:00 PM


Whatever you look for, you will find.

Look for a lovely thing and you will find it…

Look for an ugly thing and you will find it…

 

 

 

3 weeks ago. January 17, 2023 at 1:18 AM

So… this is way out of my comfort zone on so many levels. But… here’s to a clear diagnosis for my mammogram 🥂. My boobies aren’t trying to kill me! I’ve never loved them more than right now 💕

It has been a very stressful few months waiting to see what the lump was that I felt. A cyst. Apparently very common. If we pay attention, we can get in early when we notice changes.


Get your girls checked, ladies. If anything, it will bring you peace of mind.


And…

Here they are… a celebration of these lovely bits of me 😊🥳🙈

4 weeks ago. January 10, 2023 at 12:02 AM

Love has been the theme for me this past week. This morning brought with it an interesting epiphany. Somewhere along the lines, I picked up the belief that “earned” love is more valuable than “freely-given” love. Interestingly though… at the same time, I made a promise that I wouldn’t be the type of person who made others need to earn my love… I wanted to give it freely.

A side thought… does this mean that I see my love as less valuable?


Receiving freely-given love has always felt unfamiliar and unsafe. And if I’m truly being honest, a little bit boring. There’s no drama if there’s no struggle… and the truth of the truth is that those of us with addictive personalities sure like (the) “passion” (of some good old drama). I always pined to be accepted and seen and loved for who I am… and yet I wanted to struggle and work and feel that I needed to earn that. Why? Because it seems somehow more “romantic”?


My last Master gave me the gift of experiencing being given love freely. At the time I rejected it and even fought against it. I also learned that my love wasn’t as freely given as I believed. It’s not until now that I even became capable of recognising that that’s one of the many gifts He gave me, as I now find myself in His position… learning to truly nurture that in myself and give that gift to another. I didn’t realise that above everything, He was actually teaching me how to love, in a real way, not the (I see now) childish way I had always thought was love. I now see too that this is why, confusingly, throughout all the struggles, my heart both rejected, and felt safe with Him.


It makes me wonder… will I still have the drive to be a slave if my drive doesn’t come from a place of needing to “earn” love? What if my slavery came from a place of strength? Of believing that I am already loved? That I am already enough? What if my slavery came from a place of trusting that I will always have enough to give? What if I learn that it is my purpose to help Him believe in Himself, simply by loving Him in a way that feels safe so that He too can believe He is loved and enough and doesn’t need to “earn” love?


But I need help to do that. I need the help of those whose guidance I trust. Is it wrong for me to go to Others to seek that guidance? They say it takes a village to raise a child. Perhaps too it takes a village to be a slave?

1 month ago. January 4, 2023 at 11:17 PM

Maybe that’s our difference…

You seek perfection.

I seek quite the opposite.

 

“I want to look like I was never afraid to let the world take me by the hand and show me what it’s made of. I want to leave this place knowing I did something with my body other than trying to make it look perfect.” - Rupi Kaur.

1 month ago. December 17, 2022 at 3:33 AM

As I knelt beside Him, my hair firmly in His grasp, I watched as she sucked His cock with a skill and focus that stirred in me a mixture of envy and absolute awe. A tenderness and kinship in the understanding of the small idiosyncrasies we share when experiencing these situations. Deep fascination at watching from the outside and seeing how everything occurs and looks when one is not amongst it all firsthand. And a warmth and  appreciation at how much pleasure she brought Him. Well… and the fact that it was very, very, hot.

What a wonderful beginning. Fingers crossed there are many more to come…

1 month ago. December 12, 2022 at 6:39 AM

2 months ago. December 1, 2022 at 7:07 PM

Being unwilling to move a muscle…

despite the growing aching in my joints,

Sandwiched between Sir and our puppy dog…

the best place in the world,

Because I’ve realised that I’m just as much Home for them…

as they both are for me.

3 months ago. November 8, 2022 at 11:38 PM

3 months ago. October 21, 2022 at 10:07 PM

“Can I masturbate please, Sir?”


‘If you plug yourself, come in here, get under the desk, and worship my balls while I have a wank to porn.’


My heart sank. For some reason this annoyed me. I was super horny, and had already mapped out my plan… getting into the shower and using the jet stream of the shower head to find that blissful yumminess of water stimulation… a definite favourite for me.

I sat there as I contemplated that not only had that whole plan just flown out the window, it was now unlikely I would cum at all because I would be focused on Him. I got more annoyed. Dragged my feet. Got up slowly and went to put my plug in. I was so horny dammit! I just wanted to cum! I just wanted a private moment to myself for my own pleasure!

But… no.


I went into His study, crawled under the desk (rather unenthusiastically), spread my legs, began touching myself, and licking His balls. I knew straight away that I wasn’t going to cum. And I knew straight away that He was going to cum quickly. As I was licking, He began stroking His cock, and said casually, ‘you will never masturbate alone again. It will either be with Me or with another slave when we have one… but never alone again.’


There are usually always two internal responses for me. A part that finds things super hot, and a part that hates it (but finds that super hot also). This time however, there was also a little bit of anger. He touched on something. Something very deep, and something very personal.


When He came, I cleaned up His yummy goodness (for some reason He tastes soooooo good), and asked if I could go and shower. I then got in the shower and masturbated. This is the first time I have directly defied my Master. It was such a “fuck you.” It brought such curiosity because a) I pride myself on being a good girl, and b) since my first wanderings into this way of life my orgasms have basically been “owned” by someone or other. I’ve been asking permission to masturbate for so long now it seems odd when I don’t have anyone to ask. And yet I realised something this morning. I had never really truly given my orgasms away. Or perhaps I should say, I have never truly shared the privacy of my orgasms. I have never invited or allowed anyone to share that aspect of my sexuality. Everything else, yes. But my orgasms, no. For me they’ve always been super private and for me only. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I grew up in a family that allowed me no privacy whatsoever, so that is the one thing I kept just for me. But for some reason, this order felt so intrusive. It’s the first time I’ve experienced anything that has truly challenged me. Truly challenged a deep part of me. And I still don’t know how I feel about it. I’m scared I guess. I don’t like the thought of giving Him that level of power. I can’t believe He found it. My kryptonite. I’m angry. I’m scared that I’ll never get to orgasm again. I’m annoyed that He has now made everything I have, completely about Him. I wanted to keep that selfish little part just for me, and He has ruined that… and I didn’t even realise I felt that way until now. I’m angry that He has permeated every part of me… without me controlling it. Such a swift card to play. And some part of me thinks He knows. That He’s been holding onto that one. That all this time He has seen me better than I expected. Bastard.


The irony is that I have craved to be seen authentically, my entire life. I have craved handing over that power and vulnerability. I crave enthusiastic subservience. And now, feeling so exposed, I don’t like it. I don’t like having nowhere to hide. It makes me feel so fragile.


The problem also is that it really, really turns me on…

3 months ago. October 13, 2022 at 2:11 AM