The Pondering Blog

1 week ago. Mon 12 Mar 2018 02:15:40 PM IST

There is a subtle shift happening. Below the surface... beneath, underneath, inside. Like liquid, I can’t grasp it. Like the sun, I can’t look directly at it. It slithers and slides and swirls and shimmies. Constantly moving and changing in shape and form. I can’t put a finger on it. But like my shadow, I know it’s there... with me at all times. Behind me, beside me, in front. Expanding. Contracting. Changing me ever so slightly, like a drop of water in the ocean. What will come of it? 

1 week ago. Sat 10 Mar 2018 01:00:22 PM IST

1 week ago. Tue 06 Mar 2018 10:31:34 AM IST

Come, take my hand,
Walk with me...
Let me introduce you to the world. Oh, you may think you’ve seen the world, but not like this... not from this perspective... not with this vibrancy, intensity, colour.

Come, sit with me, 
Learn to be still...
Let me introduce you to yourself.
Oh, you may think you know who you are... but not like this, not from this angle... not with this grace, beauty, clarity.

Come, kneel before me,
Learn to surrender...
Let me sculpt you into my masterpiece. Oh, you may think you’re amazing now... and you are... but wait until you see how magnificent you truly are.

Come, lay in my arms,
Learn to be vulnerable...
Let us explore the shadows of one another’s hearts.
Oh, you may think you’ve known love... but not like this, not from these depths... not with this tenderness, ferocity, sincerity.

Come, he said...
I am your Master.
Give yourself to me... we both know I don’t need to ask, but it reminds us of our place.
Let us learn the chapters of each other so we can write our story.
Oh, you may think you have a story... but not like this...

3 weeks ago. Sun 25 Feb 2018 08:03:13 AM IST

1 month ago. Sat 17 Feb 2018 11:24:33 AM IST

Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.


1 month ago. Sun 11 Feb 2018 11:45:18 AM IST

1 month ago. Sat 10 Feb 2018 01:01:04 AM IST


1 month ago. Mon 29 Jan 2018 06:30:14 PM IST

I hear them coming, and retreat into the shadows. I don’t want her to see me watching, even though we both know I will. I hate this. I hate that all I can do is watch. I feel so helpless. I try to call out to them... to warn them, but it’s useless. They’re under her spell. I understand... she’s mesmerising. That’s how she lures them in. I watch from my dungeon as they come through the entrance, down the ramp and into the lobby, laughing playfully, sexual energy sparking between them. I watch her reeling him in closer and closer. Drawing him into her web of seduction, his desire dripping from him like sweat. She knows I’m watching. She displays this in front of me over and over again. I know it’s to hurt me... and she succeeds, over and over.

She is evil of the purest kind. I watch this woman with a mixture of fear, trepidation, and fascination. I know what’s coming, I’ve seen it many times, and I’m amazed each time that they’ve no idea the danger they’ve walked into. Instead there he is, same situation, different face, on his knees... enamoured... declaring his love and devotion to her. I want to scream. I want to look away. I do neither. She smiles that wicked smile and I know it’s meant for me. She leans forward and I watch in horror as she slowly and deliberately devours the man before her. I don’t move... try to not make a sound... try to not even breathe. I can’t escape and I can’t look away. I’m under her spell. I pray that maybe she’ll forget I’m here and won’t notice me. Then, I realise it’s futile... she’s got me exactly where she wants me. Imprisoned, caged, trapped.... tortured and tormented. Punished. For being something shameful to her. A burden. Something she can’t bring herself to be rid of, but something she can’t bring herself to acknowledge, let alone accept. 

Her gaze turns to meet mine, and our eyes lock. A terrifying realisation overcomes me. I am her. She is me. We are one and the same.

1 month ago. Fri 26 Jan 2018 11:36:22 AM IST

You look into my crystal clear waters and it seems like paradise. I invite you in and it feels like home. You revel in this beautiful, warm embrace, unaware of what's going on below. Deep in my depths there's a darkness, a murky layer of silt, settled for now, but waiting. With each twist and turn the silt stirs. At first it's not so bad, maybe you even curiously like seeing the impact you're having, yes the waters are slightly murkier, but that's ok, nothing you can't put up with. However, as time goes on you eventually begin to forget. You forget what it was like before. You forget how comforted and special it made you feel to be cocooned in those magnificent waters, because all you see now is nothing. All visibility is clouded by silt. There is a yearning for what once was, because what is now is not what was on offer. This was not the promise. Self preservation kicks in and you retreat. This makes sense. You stand looking at the water before you and wonder how it came to this. It was once so breathtaking. You turn and you walk away. The silt slowly goes about making the journey back to resettle in the depths. 
Once again my waters are crystal clear. It seems like paradise. I invite you in and it feels like home...