The Pondering Blog

8 hours ago. Sat 20 Oct 2018 12:07:24 AM IDT

Just so you know...

I’m not ruined and I’m not broken.

Yes, I’m hurt...

My heart is broken.

But, do you think I haven’t survived that before?

You know my story...

You know I’m stronger than that.

You know I’m strong enough to withstand you...

Why do you think I could kneel for you?

Just so you know...

I may hurt, but I know my strength.

It burns deep inside...

The fire you wanted to consume...

It’s still mine.

3 days ago. Tue 16 Oct 2018 07:29:27 PM IDT

I’m awake and it’s way too early. I just dreamt of you. It was so real, I could feel you in my soul... how much of a comfort you were. Just your presence. I was in awe of you. How strange to say that of a person. A person in a dream. You don’t know how much I love you because I’ve always been too scared to say... for fear of you not feeling the same, and thinking me just a silly girl. But just sitting next to you makes everything heightened. We’ve been speaking of spanking as punishment... I told you it turns me on... you don’t see how or why it should... to you, it’s correction. I love that you think this way. I imagine your hand smacking my ass as I’m roughly strewn across your knees... ass bare and at your mercy. It makes me blush. You look at Doms and think... what asseholes. I look at you and think... what a Dom. I say this to you and you laugh and shake your head with a smile... and then...

You say the words that will forever change our course. I see that it’s not what you meant to say, and that you’re just as shocked that they slipped out. I then also see the acceptance and relief that this finally happened. “I love you.” That’s all. 

As I jumped up and reached out my hands and gently took your face in them, whilst softly planting a long desired kiss on your lips... in horror I realised that I had misread your “I love you.” It was meant more as a platonic, little sister sentence. I recoiled, blushing furiously, and embarrassed to my core. My secret was out. And so horrifyingly obviously. There was no retreat. I couldn’t look at you.

But... how foolish... because it’s you. You know me better than anyone ever has and ever will. You’re shocked but not surprised... because you always knew. It was always you. This is where it begins.

2 weeks ago. Tue 02 Oct 2018 10:41:08 AM IDT

I have realised that my struggle is unique to me... however it’s not unique. We all have the same struggle. To find where we belong... whether it’s in the arms of a Dom/me, or with Your arms around a sub, or Protecting the wounded and broken, or Guiding those that are lost, or Mentoring those that are seeking knowledge... we’re all looking for that place that gives us validation to ourselves. So this is just a little bit of recognition to my fellow seekers. You’re brave... You’re admirable... You’re worthy... You’re seen... You’re appreciated... Thank you. Hugs and love to you all 💕

2 months ago. Wed 08 Aug 2018 12:04:38 PM IDT

Listen closely to how people talk about others, because that is how they will talk about you.

3 months ago. Sun 15 Jul 2018 11:31:41 AM IDT

I came here expecting to find bdsm... and found a community.

I came here expecting to learn about kink... and learned about friendship.

I came here hoping to find someone who would save me... and found someone who showed me how to save myself.

I came here to hide and distract myself... and found depths of myself I never knew existed.

None of this was conscious... I thought I just came here out of curiosity.

All of this was conscious... I am so grateful.

3 months ago. Sun 08 Jul 2018 11:22:51 PM IDT

When you love someone who constantly overthinks, you are loving someone who's mind play tricks on them. *You are loving someone who can't help the way that they think. Who can't help how much* they think.

Someone who over thinks is someone who is always going to have questions. They are someone who is always going to be processing one thing at a time, and then constantly be overwhelmed with what if's and questions marks.

When you love someone who overthinks, you have to be confident in your relationship. And you have to be an over sharer.

You need to be one step ahead of them, never letting their head start to spin with self doubt and self hatred. You need to not just tell them that you are there for them, you need to show up and do it. You need to take action, instead of just putting words into their head.

You need to be compassionate. To understand when they have questions about your past or about last night. To understand when out of nowhere, they are being flooded with fear. To understand when they think everything is terrible, while meanwhile, you think everything is great.

They can't help how their brain is programmed to process life. They can't help the thoughts that poke and prod them until they need to explode. They can't help it.

You need to show them empathy. To show them that you aren't going to judge them when they ask you if you love them for the hundredth time in a day. To show them that you aren't going anywhere when they tell you what they are worried about, or what they are fearful about. You need to show them that you will love them, despite how much they repeat and overthink and over worry.

You need to be able to communicate. To not just reply with one word answers or one sentence text messages. You need to be able to always say how you feel when you feel it, instead of hiding it. Over thinkers will try to find meaning in everything that you say and do, so you might as well always tell the truth, even if it's hard to do.

You need to be able to talk them out of their frenzies. To be able to calmly tell them, 'no of course that isn't going to happen', or 'I promise they didn't think you were weird', or 'of course my parents adored you'.

Over thinkers tend to over analyze everything, but also over analyze the people that they are with. Be prepared to have an answer for everything. And be prepared to sometimes have hard conversations (just like every other relationship in the world).

Above all, you need to be loving. Loving an over-thinker can be a challenge, but isn't every relationship a challenge? Be yourself and let them know how much you care about them. An over-thinker can sometimes drive you crazy, but they will stay loyal to you for eternity.

And they will love you, no matter how many weird habits you have or how much baggage that you carry. They will love you for not just putting up with them, but for loving them no matter how many times they drive you absolutely nuts.


*Written by Lauren Jarvis-Gibson



3 months ago. Sat 07 Jul 2018 01:05:27 AM IDT

3 months ago. Tue 03 Jul 2018 12:39:42 AM IDT

4 months ago. Tue 19 Jun 2018 10:08:20 AM IDT

The first time I experienced the sound of silence, it absolutely crushed me. I felt terrified, I felt I wasn’t enough, I’d done something wrong, I felt abandoned, I was hurt and angry and scared and confused. I didn’t know what was happening or even why it was happening. 

 being ignored...

In my eyes, there is a very distinct difference between being ignored, and silence as a punishment. I think many people (as I did originally), often confuse the two. After a lot of observation and experience with this, I’ve noticed that ignoring seems to merely be a bit of a temper tantrum, an inability to communicate, and well... a little bit childish. Unfortunately, it’s also very overdone. I know for myself, that I find being ignored very detrimental. It damages trust, solidity, and it’s not consensual.

 silence as punishment... 

I made a conscious decision early on, to not make silence as a punishment a hard limit for me, because I didn’t want to take away my Doms option of having a way of truly punishing me if it was necessary... removing His attention is probably the most painful thing for me. It requires a huge amount of trust for me to hand them that one. And it comes attached with conditions... the punishment is to be discussed beforehand eg. why and how long for etc. In those circumstances, it’s a very effective tool. For myself, it can be quite positive, as it makes me aware that I’ve done something very wrong, and encourages self reflection. This, is consensual. It has been agreed upon ahead of time. This, I do not find detrimental because it doesn’t make me feel unsafe or abandoned. It helps me to learn. 

 the important thing to remember...

It’s so difficult to communicate when you’re hurt and angry. No one likes to say things that can’t be taken back. The desire to step away is understandable, and can seem like the logical thing to do. However, on the other side of the coin, is a person left wondering what’s going on. I have been on both sides of the coin.

What it ultimately comes down to is whether it’s going to strengthen your foundation, or weaken it. Finding cracks and fixing them is very different from creating cracks that weren’t there to begin with.


*i understand that there’s potentially a lot of triggers here for people. Just be aware that I speak only for my personal experiences.


4 months ago. Thu 24 May 2018 11:57:14 AM IDT