The Pondering Blog

11 hours ago. Fri 15 Dec 2017 03:53:34 AM IST

I may be naive to this lifestyle, but I’m not naive to life... don’t mistake my “newness” for ignorance. 

I may be patient and tolerant and compassionate, but I know when to walk away... don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.

I may not point out your flaws, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see them... don’t mistake my respect for blindness. 

I may be willing to accept a certain amount of bs... but don’t mistake my understanding for a lack of dignity.

I treat everyone with dignity and respect because I believe that no matter what, everyone deserves at least that. I like to believe in people... 

13 hours ago. Fri 15 Dec 2017 01:51:08 AM IST

Ok, so I just had a lightbulb moment. After a recent experience of my first exposure to an internet predator (yes... it appears I’ve been very lucky... although now I see, not luck, just surrounded by wonderful people), it has finally made me realise why the people I have seen as Protectors have been so dogged in their efforts. It’s because in this place they saw a Utopia for online community, and have been trying to preserve that. It was yet untarnished like other places, it seems. I wouldn’t know, this is my first experience with online anything. But I now have a newfound respect for those who fight so hard for us. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to come here and bounce around happily in my cloud of ignorance, and still get the opportunity to learn about this wonderful lifestyle, because ultimately that’s what brings most of us here. Our shared love of something... or everything... or anything. So, I just want to say a big, BIG Thank you to everyone who has made that possible, you’re all awesome and very much appreciated.

1 day ago. Thu 14 Dec 2017 11:53:34 AM IST

“I wish Santa would publish his naughty list...

What a great way to meet people.”

2 days ago. Wed 13 Dec 2017 11:01:28 AM IST

I’ve realised that I’m not a fool, but a romantic. My heart is just looking for a place to call home. 

I’m learning to be so much more gentle... embracing my softness and vulnerability, and recognising that this isn’t weakness.

I’m not so scared anymore of hurting, having learned that I am strong... knowing it deep within my bones. 

I stare out the airplane window and feel at peace somehow. I’m a mess... my life is nowhere near where I’d like it to be. It seems I have control over nothing...

And yet somehow, something within feels content.

I feel a wisdom deep inside that tells me this is just yet another transition, a shift in gears. I know myself well enough to know this peace won’t last. My curiosity and desire for experiences will push me back into discomfort.

But here I sit in this moment, feeling a pause. I take a deep breath, and listen...

2 days ago. Wed 13 Dec 2017 10:20:52 AM IST

I realised something recently whilst talking to a friend who is new to bdsm and this site. And I thought it might be worth clarifying for those in a similar situation. It’s easy to assume that because all you hear people talking about is kink, that BDSM or the D/s lifestyle is simply kink. What isn’t so obvious to the “new eye” is that there is an undercurrent that is always there that is not so openly discussed because it is assumed that everyone knows it’s there. The unspoken parts are the foundation... the core... the things that give the lifestyle it’s substance. Things such as:

Trust- putting your safety, care, heart... all, and even at times, life, in someone else’s hands and trusting that they’ll always have your best interests at heart. Learning to let go and allow someone else to guide you.

Vulnerability- giving and opening yourself up so completely... unlike anything you’ve ever known. Finding your strength in being exposed.

Truth- open, honest communication, not based on fear, but mutual respect and honouring of each other.

Connection- sharing yourself completely, the good, demons and kinks. Truly seeing each other for who you both are. Not having to hide or pretend.

Growth- always learning, discovering, exploring yourself and each other.

Balance- the dance towards that ever changing moment... continuously striving for the point in time when everything just fits. 

These are but a few that stand out to me off the top of my head. The kink is merely a part of a whole. All things work together. This is what it’s all about for me. True connection with another... as my real self, whether in an intimate relationship, friendship or community. 

*just to point out, this is written from a submissive perspective.

**please feel free to add any others.

5 days ago. Sun 10 Dec 2017 08:35:52 AM IST

How I’m supposed to shop for things:

*looks durable 

*3-year warranty 

*so ergonomic 

*stainless steel

*customer reports


How I actually shop for things:

“OMG.... this one has GLITTER on it!”

1 week ago. Thu 07 Dec 2017 11:53:46 AM IST

A hand that is understanding yet firm can guide even the most blind and lost. A heart that is generous and patient can unlock many doors. A mind that is witty and sharp can inspire and intrigue.

2 weeks ago. Fri 01 Dec 2017 06:17:37 AM IST

Ok so I recognise everyone plays a role within a community. I am very grateful to those who have taken on the crusade to keep those of us who are more vulnerable, safe. It is because of you that I can come here and be me. 

We have a lot of people in that role. I think what is missing are those people that are willing to guide. Sometimes I sit in chat appalled at the behaviour that some people receive and I think... man I’m so glad I joined when I did, because I was so naive and asked (and still ask) some really really stupid questions. Luckily for me, I was met with tolerance, patience, guidance and genuine care. It was people who had such a love and passion for this lifestyle burning within them that they passed that on to me and ignited my own inner burning. I will be forever grateful to those people. Unfortunately they seem to have been pushed to the back of the room. Protection and safety is VERY important, however, so is EDUCATION. Knowledge helps to keep people safe. What we’re forgetting is that the people arriving at this site ARE researching the lifestyle... that’s how they ended up here. And yes there are those that are abusers, as with anything. However, I think many times (in the chat room), it’s just new people unsure of themselves and unsure of where to begin. The real abusers aren’t going to expose themselves like that.

I’m not asking our Protectors to abandon their posts, you’re invaluable. I’m just asking to allow for the possibility of guidance. People can’t learn anything new until they’re aware there’s an option.

And yes, tacky, but some quotes...

“One good teacher in a lifetime may sometimes change a delinquent into a solid citizen.” Philip Wylie

“A good teacher must be able to put himself in the place of those who find learning hard.” Eliphas Levi

“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” William Arthur Ward

2 weeks ago. Wed 29 Nov 2017 09:47:06 AM IST

I feel my defensiveness creeping back. My heart slowly hiding away. I can sense it in my interactions with people... that closed off distance. That lack of interest in connection. I’ve been trying to remain open and vulnerable, but it seems beyond my control. I think we can all do with a break from my bleeding heart blogs anyway.

2 weeks ago. Mon 27 Nov 2017 06:37:36 PM IST

“Establish dominance in your household by staring at your husband while you unplug his phone from the charger and plug in your own.”