“I use love to gaslight myself,” I said.
“I’m such a fool.”
‘Of course,’ she said, placing her hands gently over her heart.
‘We all want love. And we have all learned to do whatever we need to do to find that love.’
‘Instead of rejecting that part of yourself, just hold her close and tell her “of course”.’
💕 We all need wise women in our lives. If you don’t have one just now… this share is for you 💕
I’m so angry right now. And I can’t shake it.
I’m angry for what was.
I’m angry for what won’t be.
I’m angry because I’m hurting.
I’m angry because a part of me still loves
him.
I’m angry at that part of me for still loving him.
For even now, still hoping things might be different.
I’m angry at him for not being able to be what I needed.
I’m angry at myself for not being able to be what he needed.
I’m angry at both of us for breaking it.
For failing.
For giving up.
For not being able to fit together.
I’m angry at how easily he has moved on.
I’m angry at myself for not moving on easily.
I’m angry at my past.
I’m scared.
I feel so alone.
So broken.
I’m angry that I’m not where I want to be.
Impatient.
I’m angry that the world is so cruel.
That life is unfair.
I’m angry for still being childish enough to believe in fairness.
In right.
In goodness.
I’m angry at all the pain.
At our stupidity as humans.
I’m angry that we hurt each other.
I’m angry that we destroy everything special.
Innocence.
Beauty.
Connection.
Kindness.
I don’t want to carry this anger.
Because it is anger that disconnects us.
So I feel my anger. I accept it. I cry for my pain. I cry for what is.
And tomorrow will be a new day.
Most mornings I wake up with a song in my head. Kind of like a theme song for the day. This is my Sir’s favourite song. He introduced me to it, and it fast became my favourite song too. One thing we actually do share is very similar taste in music… I love the connection we formed around this.
Our dynamic ended two days ago. I made peace with that yesterday. Waking up to this was a beautiful way to enter into today… my birthday.
The closing of a chapter, and beginning of a new one…
Put your dancing shoes on… it’s an oldie but a goodie (imo). Enjoy 😁:
Song by Talking Heads Pick me up and turn me round I feel numb, born with a weak heart I guess I must be having fun The less we say about it the better Make it up as we go along Feet on the ground Head in the sky It's ok I know nothing's wrong... nothing Hi yo I got plenty of time Hi yo you got light in your eyes And you're standing here beside me I love the passing of time Never for money Always for love Cover up and say goodnight... say goodnight ... Home, is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home, she lifted up her wings I guess that this must be the place I can't tell one from another Did I find you, or you find me? There was a time before we were born If someone asks, this is where I'll be where I'll be Hi yo we drift in and out Hi yo sing into my mouth Out of all those kinds of people You got a face with a view I'm just an animal looking for a home Share the same space for a minute or two And you love me till my heart stops Love me till I'm dead Eyes that light up, eyes look through you Cover up the blank spots Hit me on the head ah ooh
This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)
Home, is where I want to be
Shame is something I have recently been exploring within myself. Where it comes from, what triggers it, how it has impacted my life.
There was a belief behind this… a drive. If I could overcome feeling shame I’d be free. Free from caring about judgement.
It occurred to me this morning whilst reading a book from one of my favourite authors, that perhaps we never overcome shame… and perhaps we don’t need to. Maybe it’s in the acceptance of the discomfort of the shame that comes up when we truly bare ourselves to another, that we find peace. Maybe it’s the shame itself that indicates that we truly are being vulnerable. That uncomfortable feeling of being exposed.
Just some thoughts.
Let’s hear it for the Men who face their demons.
Let’s hear it for the Men who can sit with discomfort.
Let’s hear it for the Men who’ve let go of FOMO.
Let’s hear it for the Men who want to do the work…
I see you. Thank you 💕
When we are young, it’s the illusion of perfection that we fall in love with.
As we age, it’s the humanness that we fall in love with- the poignant stories of overcoming, the depthful vulnerability of aging, the struggles that grew us in karmic stature, the way a soul shaped itself to accommodate its circumstances.
With less energy to hold up our armor, we are revealed and, in the revealing, we call out to each other’s hearts.
Where before wounds turned us off, they are now revealed as proof that God exists.
Where we once saw imperfect scars, we now see evidence of a life fully lived.
~Jeff Brown~
Just because she’s timid and shy,
doesn’t mean she’s not perverted.
Just because she cries freely,
doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hurt.
Just because she has a tender heart,
doesn’t mean she doesn’t crave cruelty.
Just because she seems like she might break,
doesn’t mean she’s scared of the darkness.
She can’t compartmentalise.
Offering everything.
All that can be seen, yet so much more.
So, why does that make you afraid of her?
Or, for her?
Can those realms not be explored together?
For some reason the way she is seems to make people want to love and protect her.
She loves that.
But she still needs a Monster.
So, if you’re going to be the One to protect her from the monsters… then she needs it to be You.
https://thecage.co/https://images.thecage.co/static/no-image-found.pngAlthough I’d say my ass isn’t a great feature of mine 🤪, for the sake of a fun challenge, here it is:
and what would life be without some lovely bruises to accompany an ass?!:
*not my writing*
I’m telling you
she does not belong.
Not to one person,
not to one place,
not to one set of ideals.
Her mind changed her heart,
which changed her mind.
She was nothing
if not completely free.
Maybe we’re just afraid of anyone constantly searching.
Anything that didn’t clip her wings
or make her feel caged
was exactly where she was meant to be.
You’ve got to respect the things unafraid of going off path.
And she would always be the type
to lose herself
trying to find her own ways.
I suppose the river doesn’t compete with the earth,
it carves its own path.
It doesn’t brag,
or boast,
or beat its chest.
It just flows.
And the moon doesn’t try to outshine the stars.
It just glows.
The flowers
amidst the trees
which radiate and uphold life,
they only grow.
She wasn’t free because she knew where she was going.
She was free because she didn’t need to know.
J. Raymond
From Spades/Let Her Run.