Sub Steam

You needed to relax, so I took great pleasure in running a bath for you. Even though we always take a bath together, this time you needed, no you deserved the pampering. Adding the oils you needed, making sure the water was hot enough, folding a towel for your pillow. Kneeling next to the bath and continuously running the water over your chest, your shoulders, your knees, and every other part that wasn't submerged lol. Keeping the warm cloth over your face and rubbing the excess water off of your insanely perfect face. Helping you dry off, running my hands and towel up and down your body, admiring every inch of you, which I don't get to do often enough, it could never be enough. Kneeling there next to you knowing how much I wanted to please you, knowing how much I wanted nothing more in that moment to serve you, to give you exactly what you needed, not sex (not at that moment, though it wasn't far behind, lol) Words will never explain how it feels to love you so much. To want to give to you everything that I have. 

Because of who you are.

Because of how you take care of me.

Because of how you look out for me.

Because I know when your here I don't have to be afraid.

Because you are my safe place. 

Because I know that beside you is the place I was meant to be. 

Because when I'm kneeling at your feet with my head in your lap and your stroking my hair, I don't want to be anywhere else and I feel peaceful. Falling in love with you wasn't planned, geez Daddy, and it was fast lol!! I've managed many relationships and not felt a thing. But you, I never saw it coming. You are exactly everything I need. Even though I may fight you on some things lol. You always seem to make things work out. And I don't know how you do it. How you can be so confident, so reassuring, so loving and yet so strong. You are my world and I'm sitting here watching you sleep and I'm absolutely filled to the rim with how much you mean to me, with how much I love you. So I thank you my handsome man, Daddy.

Thank you for being the sun.

Thank you for the comfort that you provide.

Thank you for the Infinity that you wrap around me.

Thank you for the hair strokes when I'm kneeling at your feet and your working.

Thank you for all the orgasms lol.

Thank you for making me feel strong.

Thank you for making me feel worthy. 

Thank you for making me feel beautiful.

But above all of it Daddy, thank you for loving me.

Ive been shopping today...usually Daddy does the shopping but I know we have been talking about some ideas and I thought I would surprise him this morning (hes been a bit stressed out the past couple of days) New toys to add to our growing collection. Giving is my love language, if you haven't researched the love languages its eye opening. I guess actually now that I said that "out loud" so to say, that's probably why I'm a natural submissive. I love giving, whether it be time, material objects, it doesn't matter. I'm a giver. 

With Daddy its easy to give and I do. give. everything. Hes earned it. He has earned it since the very first sentence he typed up, respectfully, and asked if I wanted to chat with him. Subs, that's how you know you have a real shot, a real Dom, they are respectful to you. They can be commanding, dominant, firm, (even degrading in the appropriate moments 😉 ) but they are respectful to you as a person, as a sub, as a woman/man. So I give, and I wonder if he truly knows how much I would give. I give him everything I can now and I want to give more and I cant wait to give more. He is all consuming in my world and although for a little while I thought that had changed as our relationship and my lifestyle as an individual had changed but the past few days I've realized that it hadn't. I had worried that our Dynamic had shifted/diminished because of all the IRL stuff but it hasn't. Its still just as deep as it was when we met, he is still ALL CONSUMING *eyes rolling and toes curling*, lol, in my world. My desires are all entwined with him, my dreams are entangled, and my body still aches for his touch even after a couple of hours of his absence. He is so embedded in soul that I feel like I cant breath easily when he isn't near. 

I giggle, I blush, I get embarrassed easily talking about "private things", my heart races when he looks at me, my body tingles and my head gets dizzy when he touches me, hes still commanding my world and I've never trusted anyone before him to do this, much less let them do it. I've never trusted anyone before to be able to be submissive, and yet looking into his eyes in this second even though he isn't saying a word to me, he brings me to my knees. We hangout on video chat when we are working, even though we are busy its still a way to be together. I'm blogging and he has no idea what I'm writing as he is busy himself but I'm looking at him as I am typing and he really doesn't have a clue what hes doing to me. No clue how deep he is. 

Im not new to this site, however I havent been here in around 6 months, I think. I met a dom on here almost 9 months ago. I wasnt looking for Love, I was looking for a friendship, a relationship that included kinky, hot sex. Oh stop... you know thats why we are all here. I was Looking for a sexual connection, a deeper connection, an honest way to meet like minded individuals who we can partner with to meet each others needs. I wasnt, repeat,  WASNT looking for love. Wanted nothing to do with love. Love is the greatest form of self destruction. I knew that I wanted a relationship and a friendship with a Dom, because I was a submissive. I didnt know how much about myself that I was about to discover. I was vetting (a couple of Doms), that period where your deciding who is right and where the connection is. Then one popped up. We met after just a couple of days and spent our first night together (do not do as I do, do as I say, lol) thats dangerous girls and guys, be safe out there. I got lucky. I didnt need a vetting period with him. I was his after that initial 24 hours, I just didnt know. I fell in love with him after just a couple of weeks. We signed off of the cage after a couple of months (an ugly event that opened up both of our eyes). We have maintained our DDLG dynamic through our relationship, but we are also very grossly (like ewww, seriously) in love. We have taken trips, played with each others kids, held each other in painful moments, and had our moments when the world disappeared and the only thing that mattered was looking in each others eyes. Those intense, broody, green eyes that stare right through me and into the depths of me that no one else has ever been able to do. We share my home, and we share his. We are fortunate to get to spend over 50% of our time together. My heart still skips a beat when I hear his voice, my breathing stills when he looks at me, my world is ok when he smiles or gives me that little arrogant smirk he has. Ive been married before, Ive loved before him, but Ive never loved the way that I love him. During the day, out in public, (in front of the kids), I call him by his given name, but at bedtime or intimate time (whether that be shackled to a bed, or his legs, or watching a movie alone) he is and forever will be Daddy. I give him all of me, and he knows, he knows what it means for me to be vulnerable. I trust him with it, like Ive never trusted anyone. Hes my happy place, my safe place, my warm place, and I hope he knows that he is truly my sun.

A public Thank you to Daddy

I read an article and it hit pretty close to home and inspired this. It’s funny how the universe just lines up and helps you to put into words things you can’t even begin to explain when you ask it too. 

Oh Daddy,

I’m a lot to deal with, and I know this. I get over-the-top excited about regular and ridiculously little things. I get over-emotional about little, ridiculous things as well. Maybe that’s the little in me. 

I CANT shut off my brain. IVE TRIED. Any given second I have ten thousand ideas flowing rapidly through my brain at any time of day. I know you tell me I can, and I can, but only when I’m with you and it makes me wanna cry when I can’t shut it off and I don’t have you. 

I think fast. I speak fast. I type even faster. I get over whelmed at how quick things go so I jump from one thing to another to quick. You don’t stand a chance on keeping up, yet somehow you do! 

I sing my heart out, in the shower, sitting alone in my car, cleaning, even catch my self at work. I feel like my life is falling apart and I’m a failure at life, and then realize maybe I haven’t slept enough and I need a nap, and I need a glass of chocolate milk, and everything might be ok. But when I’m with you Daddy, everything is right. 

I send ten text messages, IN. A. ROW. And, you’d better believe they are full of exclamation points and emojis. How else would I get my excitement across? 

I work really hard to make everything magical for everyone. Because everyone deserves sunshine and love and magic and Unicorns. Even you Daddy. Unicorns and Crocky’s!! 

I apologize all the time, then I apologize for apologizing because I don’t know why I’m apologizing half of the time I just feel like I’ve done something horribly wrong. And I owe the apology cause I’m so messed up. 

I feel like I talk way too much and even take up too much space. So I always try to make sure I stay in my space. I dance anytime music is on store, car, bank, doesn’t matter.

I bounce, I bounce when I eat cause I’m excited about foo, I bounce when I’m happy, when I’m talking to you, I just bounce. 

I start new things constantly—new hobbies, new projects... and I don’t finish one before I start the other! My whole life is a work in progress. 

I see clothes that I absolutely HAVE to have. DADDY! I know I have too many, I can’t help it!

I think Disney is the best movies ever. I like every song that comes on the radio, and I rave about them, and I research the lyrics and try to figure out the deeper-meaning. I get on one topic and I dive straight in the deep in. I research. I read. I discuss it. With so much enthusiasm it’s scary! 

I cry about situations, and then turn around with my next breath and flip the switch and find the silver lining. Then I cry about them again because even though there’s a silver lining I can’t get past the sad. Until I’m distracted. 

With you Daddy I jump in without looking back. And I don’t even blink about it! 

I hate this about myself. Sometimes I can say I love this about myself. Everything I just said makes me question myself, and want to be by myself, and makes me want to be with everyone all the time. I guess because deep down, I want their approval to make me feel like I’m not completely insane. But with you Daddy, you make me feel like I’m perfect. 

But when I’m not with you I quiet myself up. I put all of me in a bottle and I don’t get as excited. Everything is not as magical. And I’m just weird. And professional and big. 

I give everything I can to everyone. I forgive even harder no Matter how much it hurts me, I work hard, I always try my best. I laugh hard. I smile a lot! I cry harder than normal people, probably more frequently than normal people too. I screw things up, in a big way. But I always try to fix it. 

I dream big Daddy, and unrealistically. 

I live 1000 miles an hour. And I love easily. Even though im scared to death. 

I feel others pain Daddy. Even those that don’t deserve it. I cry, for people that I don’t even know. If someone is hurting and is close to me, I. Feel. Every. Pain. And. Tear. I’m insanely empathetic. I am an empath, I am weird to even admit that I believe that and that makes me feel uncomfortable. 

I know I’m a handful Daddy.

I am one that loves hard and honestly. 

I am one that is psychopathically loyal. (Seriously it’s probably not healthy) 

I am one that honestly believes with all her heart that there are Fairies and trolls, and angels and demons. It’s not a joke. 

I am one that believes that there is good magic in this world and bad magic. 

I am one that wants to be a bad ass but I really wanna hide under the blankets and listen to my Disney playlist. 

But above all this... 

I am one Daddy, who whole heartedly and solely belongs to you. 

I know I’m a lot. But I love you. 

Ever get one of those songs in your head that just won’t stop. This song has been playing in my head for a week. I finally gave in and have been listening to it constantly, over and over. Not a big surprise as I listen to Disney all the time anyway. This one just wont stop though. I had no idea why I liked the song so much until I started paying closer attention to the lyrics (I’ve included those at the bottom) Music is so powerful, regardless of what type it is. Even something as simple as a Disney tune can take on a whole other meaning before you even realize it. I’ve tried my whole life to be someone that I’m just not. And I just long, to be me. Now that I’ve crossed that line, obviously, I feel some guilt and conflict about leaving the comforts of conformity. I struggle with the fact that I’ve lost my parents and brothers, and that I’m looked upon with such disappointment. But the feeling of being out, the feeling of knowing that I don’t have to be who they want me to be is such a relief, I am who I am, and I don’t have to lie about it anymore. No one has ever accepted me, just at face value. Until He did. He encourages me to be me, in his own way. Its been so stressful and so busy this past week/two week, and I haven’t gotten to speak to and see him the way I have wanted too. It’s weighed on us and it caused me to be quite unreasonable with Daddy last night. I went to bed feeling awful. Fortunately, I have a very understanding Daddy and he knows me better than I do. So this morning I still was graced with my “Good Morning Princess” text, and I cried. I didn’t deserve that this morning and yet, he was gracious enough to give it to me anyway. The man has my heart and soul. I wish I could find the words to express it but they just simply don’t exist. So I’ll do the amateur thing until then and just use the “L” word. I love you Daddy, Infinitely. You are the Sea in my world. Deep, constant, endless, and vast. Thank you for being so very good to me. Tomorrow evening cannot come soon enough.

I've been staring at the edge of the water
'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try
Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go

I know everybody on this island, seems so happy on this island
Everything is by design
I know everybody on this island has a role on this island
So maybe I can roll with mine
I can lead with pride, I can make us strong
I'll be satisfied if I play along
But the voice inside sings a different song
What is wrong with me?

See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know, what's beyond that line, will I cross that line?

The line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, how far I'll go

I was in meetings and an all day cert today. In my professional attire, all grown up. I got bored... well my Little got bored and my attention span went else where. 

P.S. It’s apparently not ok to randomly giggle out loud in a financial meeting! 😳😂

Love you Daddy! 🌈🦄🧜🏻‍♀️🧚‍♂️🥰😈🐊

    We spent 3 full days and 4 nights together. We cooked together, we went and ate together, we pushed limits together, we watched movies together, we went to sleep curled up together. I got to look at his handsome face for a long weekend. I got to hold his hand and massage his back. I got to kiss him so much my lips dried out. I’m sore in every orifice, my lip is split, my throat is sore, I have bite bruises, and… I have my collar. I have, everything. I’m overflowing with gratitude and Thanks for everything he did to treat me so good this weekend and every time I’m with him. He is an amazing gift. The bite bruise on my ass turns me on as I sit down, I was eating a pickle today and smiled, because my lip stung, and I instantly readied at the sensation. I am his, he can make me feel like nothing is wrong with me, like I am perfect, when I know what a mess I am lol. I can’t begin to understand how it all happened so fast, but he has my heart. He has all of me. We are both very sexual people, and we both know that my heart is attached to my vagina lol. Daddy knows how much I love him, though I worry about him thinking I only love him for his skills. When I run my hand through that ginger beard, and look into those green eyes nothing else matters. I get lost in him, when no one else has ever made me so calm. I don’t worry when I am with him. From the big decisions to the itty bitty ones, I let him handle it. I love watching Daddy handle things, he handles them with such confidence. Hes so so strong, physically, mentally, sexually, confidently, emotionally. I feel so safe, and I have felt that way from the moment I walked in that hotel room, not knowing him from anyone, and I don’t trust people at all. He was different though. Daddy has always been different and as I told him over the weekend I cant describe it, even with an extensive vocabulary. There isn’t a word. Intensity isn’t it, love isn’t strong enough, primal, isn’t right, warrior isn’t right, there isn’t a word for whats in his eyes when Im looking in them. He is a hero for what he has been through in his life. He is a hero for ALL that he has accomplished, a hero for the tiny humans he is raising, a hero for the respect he shows to others, and my favorite reason that he is my hero, is that after being in a very dark place for many years, he pulled me out. He doesn’t even think of himself as a hero, he doesn’t talk much about things, he doesn’t even realize how much he has done to fulfill so much of me. Im so proud to be on his arm, so proud to wear his jewelry. In this life its his collar, but in this vanilla life, my professional life, he knows me so well to know that I couldn’t wear something “dark” out, so he bought me a gorgeous chain, a gorgeous symbol of how bright and infinite our bond, our love is. 

I can wear it always, at work, at home, and know that I am his. That he wants me, and that Im cherished, ALMOST as much as I cherish him.

Less of a lovey post and more of a SHIT JUST GOT VERY REAL post:

Well I’ve had a hard road the past couple of weeks. Like probably the worst one I’ve ever traveled, and I’ve not had an easy life. Not looking for sympathy but, more or less, hopingthat it will hit home to someone else. I’ve watched my entire life burn to the ground, everything I’ve built, the reputation I’veworked for 15 years, and the family and relationships that I’vetried so hard to repair. All of this because someone decided that it was wrong for me to love more than one man.

My husband and I hit a roadblock in our marriage a few years ago. We have three children and we decided to stay togetherthrough it. At the very least until the latter one reaches 18. This works in our marriage because even though we have hurt feelings we aren’t angry with each other and we decided to have an open marriage. So, whomever this person is, has spread the rumors through my bible belt small town USA community.

So here I am, the scarlet letter bright and obvious on my chest. My mother has disowned me loudly and brutally, and (with the villagers) has led with the pitch forks and torches. Its been a roller coaster of a ride trying to maintain a peak work performance, explain to my older children that mommy isn’t a whore and Nana is unstable, trying to be happy with and take the stress off of my husband, field all of the phone calls, delete social media, all while I am trying to avoid bawling uncontrollably at least until bedtime. My anxiety and panic syndrome are at the worst its ever been and I am barely holding it all together.

All this though is so confusing, because I haven’t hurt anyone, Daddy knows about Hubby, and Hubby knows about Daddy. They split me lol. All this pain is being brought on because of love. I love. I love both of them but because of that, because I love, Im going to hell. Im good to all those around me, I always try to have a good heart and do good for others, I was born high maintenance but with a servant’s heart lol. A running joke in the family. Well whatever family I have left, I guess. I’ve had people to tell me to just lie (I don’t lie) I thought about it though. But when you tell a lie you always end up following with another and it took me years to be able to break the cycle of lying, even the little white ones. I don’t want to do it again. I shouldn’t have too.

My private life is not of concern to anyone and it was hurting no one. I know it worried Daddy that I would fade into the conformity, but I won’t do that. I’m a fighter, I’ve been a fighter my whole life. I’ve fought for things far less important than this. Daddy has been here through all of it and not once did my loyalty to him waiver. I love. My God loves. My Jesus loves. So, I will in turn continue to just love.  Just because I love differently or because I love more does not change any one’s world, except those that choose to let it.

I do know that all of this has in turn shown me that I love my daddy unconditionally, because conditions have FUCKING SUCKED lately. My husband and Daddy both have been amazing and so good and patient with me the past two weeks, and I know its been so hard on them to see me in such pain, I don’t know how they put up with me. That right there just helps me to confirm that I don’t feel like my loyalty should lie anywhere but right where it lies.

If you were to ask him, he would say that he is not a Dom. That he is something else entirely. He is very dominant, he is very firm in what he stands for, he demands respect without demanding, he has expectations, and oh oh oh...Daddys firm hand! But he is so much more than what he even realizes. He is the air that when my anxiety and panic takes over, fills my lungs with life saving air. His arms are the security that I never thought I would feel again. He is the light that is all guiding in my dark world when everything feels lost and hopeless. He is the laughter that comes so easily from my heart. He is not my dom, I guess by your standards he is. But by my standards, he is everything. He is the Sun. He may be my Dom, but he is also my Daddy, my man, my love, he is in fact…mine. 

I’m laying in bed and trying my best to sleep. You are running through my head, eleventy billion different thoughts. The constant one is that I love you and I can’t stand being away from you right now. The week is hard without you. Even though you spoil me obscenely with the calls and texts and video chats. If you didn’t, I don’t have a clue how I would survive. It’s you Sir, it’s always you. Its you when I’m running errands, its you when I’m at work, it’s you when I’m laying in bed at night. My heart, my soul, my thoughts, my actions, they are all with you. Whether you are here physically or not, I always keep you in mind as Im making a decision. From taking “that” position at work, that I pretty immediately declined because I knew you’d be uncomfortable with it, and rightly so, my job has potential to have some dangerous elements to it. You just tend to forget that I’m a big girl, lol, I’m only little when I’m with you. You have unfortunately seen me at low points and in hysterics (my family is horrible, that’s been established), you’ve seen me at my shyest, you’ve seen me at my bubbliest, and most importantly you’ve seen the intense deep admiration and love when I look at you. You read where I wrote that you have been healing for me. I mean it with every fiber of my being. I’m just a broken person who I didn’t think I would ever feel this way again. I believe in it all again, because of you. My only goal is to make sure you feel as loved as you make me feel. You are so strong, and I am so hypnotized when I am around you. With you Daddy, my world is magical again. From the Mermaids, Unicorns, Fairies, and never ending Rainbows, and most importantly, YOU.