Feileacan

I sent these to a blossoming sub earlier today as an outline and thought they might be helpful here. 

For anyone starting out in the lifestyle with a significant other who isn't quite on board, consider asking what their expectations of you are instead of asking for "rules." Everyone has expectations for their partner, even if it's subconscious. Examples: honesty, loyalty, fidelity, cleanliness, dedication, ect... Once you have those clearly outlined you can discuss consequences for not keeping true to those expectations. 

My advice is to make sure the punishment fits the crime. It doesn't make sense to spend a day in isolation because you forgot to check the mail two days in a row. 

Anyway. Here is mine.

Hard Rules: (Unexceptionable)

Always have gun when leaving the house, either on person or in vehicle.

Discipline Ideas: Watch training videos on YouTube. Write the rule repeatedly. Clean guns. Practice self defense techniques with D. Repeatedly load and unload ammo from a magazine. 

Always wear gun on person when meeting with a new client.

Discipline Ideas: Spanking. Position holding (kneeling, downward dog, squatting, ect...) Firm verbal scolding. Write an essay about kidnappings/killings from similar circumstances. Spend a day without physical touch. 

Behave and speak respectfully to D, the kids, and others.

Discipline Ideas:
1) Warning
2) Lecture
3) Write lines: Luke 6:45, Romans 12:10, John 13:34, Titus 2:7, Proverbs 21:21. Write apology letters to those I've whose feelings I've hurt/offended.

Gracefully accept compliments.

Discipline Ideas: I will hear the compliment again and respond appropriately. I will say 5 good things about myself. I will apologize for being rude and say thank you. I will repeat the compliment three times.

Drink at least 60oz of water a day.

Discipline Ideas: No tea, coffee, ect... for a week. Set "drink water" reminders on phone. Send D pictures after each bottle/cup of water is finished. Drink water whenever D tells me to without argument for 3 days.

No picking at my face or body.

Discipline Ideas: Hand swatted away from face/body. Apologize for breaking a rule. Take a cold shower for five minutes.

Brush and floss teeth before bed every single night.

Wash face before bed when wearing makeup.

Discipline Ideas: Take away make up for a week

Stay within the budget.

No drinks without lids in the truck.

No stopping on railroad tracks.

No loose trash on the floor of the passenger seat of the truck.

Soft Rules: (Exception)

No cussing.

Discipline Ideas:
1) Warning
2) Lecture
3) Write lines: Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 18:21, Proverbs 15:4. Eat super dark chocolate or chocolate covered coffee beans.

Exercise at least three times a week for half an hour.

Discipline Ideas: No dessert/sweets for the following week. No cheese for the following week. Exercise while D watches. 

Bedtime no later than 11pm.

Discipline Ideas: Early bedtime for a week. Hide the remotes. Put a parent app on my phone that turns my phone off after 9pm. Take my laptop with you to work. No KDramas for a week.

Get out of the truck the proper way.

All of the above: have me explain what it means to exist in our dynamic. Ask if I'm really taking it seriously, or if it's just a tool to manipulate you into showing love. Remind me that if I don't intend to take it seriously that we go back to the way things were when we were vanilla. 

There are so many unique punishments for specific styles of D/s. Things that would kill me are:

Pape Bear touching himself to orgasm while I face a wall. 

Not being allowed to provide him service, like making his drinks and food. 

Being asked to wear ugly clothing in public. 

Not being permitted to take baths. Only taking showers. 

Ect... 

Punishments should not lead to sex or be fun. They should be educational and inconvenient for minor infractions and emotionally or physically taxing for serious ones. 

-Jo

* I am being proactive in my daughter's learning and I'm watching her blossom with one-on-one instruction! I'm able to see where she struggles, to pinpoint the areas that need special attention, and give her the guidance she requires. It's been a struggle but it is so rewarding.

* Papa Bear and I have been spending a lot of time together which means experimentation, snuggles, and play. 

* My son and I had two good heart-to-heart conversations this week. 

* I've developed a good friendship with one of husband's friends. He's quite submissive, so there's no risk of attraction there, which is nice. We play magic together in person and online. Had it not been for the quarantine, he and I would probably never have talked. He's a good person and friend. 

* I was able to get two weeks of groceries for far less than I was expecting thanks to coupons and strategic selection.

* I was able to get everything I needed at the grocery store (except flushable wet wipes) because I went extra early. (Small victory, but I'll take it.) 

* I'm not using errands as an excuse to avoid housework, so my house is cleaner than it's been in ages. 

* Papa Bear's father came to visit before everything went crazy, and then his city shut down all flights going in or out, so he's here for another three weeks, which has helped me divert some of the kid's incessant energy from myself to him.  

* I have basically perfected making whipped coffee over ice and it's AMAZING. (Prepare a cup with ice. Fill cup 3/4 with milk and add a splash of favorite flavored coffee creamer. In a small bowl put 1TBS instant coffee and 2TBS hot water then mix/froth until desired consistency is reached. Pour over ice.)  

* I've been struggling with the overstimulation of large groups lately which has prevented me from being engaged with my church. However, now that everything is being done online, I'm able to participate again. 

* I'm a control freak, germaphobe, so having my kids with me and all of us avoiding contact with other people is making me feel so at peace. 

I'm sure I can think of loads more. Maybe I'll do another tomorrow. But right now Papa Bear wants to go watch Tiger King together, so I'm going to spend some time with him. 

This blog has seriously lifted my spirits!!! 

TTFN! 

-Jo

The quarantine is getting to me. Papa Bear is "essential" which means that homeschooling, managing the house, and our kids are all on me. Pressure brings out my personal strengths but also weighs me down emotionally. I could feel myself winding up. I didn't want to lose my patience with the children, so I directed my energy at the dirty dishes. All the while, I wrestled with the idea of telling my husband that I needed his help. I'm a twin. I'm used to sharing the spotlight. When someone's attention is focused completely on me, I feel nauseous. So I sent him a text that just said, "I need your help," and then took my anxious apprehension out on the bathroom while I waited for his response. He agreed that it was time. The idea of trying something new twisted me into knots. I didn't like it. What was going to happen? What if Papa Bear didn't like it? What if I was awkward the entire time? I started making myself sick, so I swept. Then I confessed that I didn't want to be bent over the bed or even in child's pose. It felt too disconnected. I wanted to have him sit with his back against the headboard, legs straight out, and me laying over them. He thought that was a good idea. It wasn't fair that I was trying to take control of the moment, I can see now that I was, but I needed something that didn't feel unknown. 

Anyway... 

When the time came, he turned off the tv and put on music, but I couldn't take the attention, so I asked him to turn the tv back on. He chuckled at me, but did turn the tv back on. I laid over his lap. He started small and did quite a bit of warm-up before ramping up the intensity. Long story short... IT WAS AMAZING! Exactly what I needed. Within seconds my mind cleared and it was just sensation. I forgot the tv was even on. 

I feel so much better now. Lighter. Excited to wake up tomorrow. He also LOVED it. He said that he started watching the tv (because it was a blacksmith youtube show that he loves) but quickly lost interest and couldn't keep his eyes off of my body. 

I can't believe how natural it felt. We came together like we'd done it a hundred times before. If anyone is on the fence about maintenance spankings, I strongly suggest it. Do some research on erotic spanking and how to apply it safely and enjoyably, and then give it a try. 

- Jo

In the forum recently, I posted about a struggle my husband and I were facing wherein I would begin to feel frustrated or sad and over time, as situations would cause those feelings to compound, I would eventually explode resulting in an intense session of spanking, biting, manhandling, ect, that would effectively clear my mind and alleviate whatever stress I was carrying. Papa Bear and I took your suggestions to heart and decided to experiment with two new routines to see if they help. I'm going to post them here for anyone else who might be struggling with this phenomenon and is looking for options. 

1) When I recognize that I am feeling overwhelmed and am in need of his assistance, I will let him know. When our schedule allows, I will undress and lay in child's pose at the end of our bed. He will sit cross legged in front of me. I will then express my feelings/frustrations while he listens. (He said he might play with my hair or stroke my back during this time.) Afterwards, we may progress into a session of intimate spankings, biting, love making, or we may simply cuddle depending on what it seems like I need in that moment. However, if at any time I begin to speak disrespectfully or attack him emotionally, I will be ordered to stand with my legs spread apart, bent over the bed, and I will get spanked hard until my emotions calm down and I can think more clearly. 

2) In the event that I am having a sudden fit that is getting out of hand, he will order me to the room where I will remove my pants and lay bent over on the bed, feet planted on the floor, legs spread apart. He will then spank me hard until the anger inside of me ebbs, and then we'll discuss why I acted out during our aftercare session. 

I'm feeling confident in these adjustments. We both know how impactful loving pain is on my psyche and on our depth of intimacy following. I'll write back eventually about the effectivenes after we've applied the practice a few times and let y'all know how it goes. 

-Jo

I am a Christian. Thus, I have been called by God to submit to my husband. However, as a woman raised in the 21st century, and due to my naive understanding of the term submission, the idea of doing such a thing appalled me for many years. Submission to me was weakness and chauvinism. That being said, I trust God. I know that His commands are for my best interest even if I cannot understand why. Just as a parent provides their children with wisdom and instruction to help them avoid pain later in life, God, through His teachings in the Bible, does the same. A child who does not recognize the value of their parents instruction ventures out blindly and encounters heartache, difficulty, and strife. Similarly, a child of God who does not recognize the value of His instruction ventures out blindly and encounters heartache, difficulty, and strife. I firmly believe that God's wisdom laid out in the Bible points me in the direction of happiness. When I rebel against it, I struggle. When I live out His instruction, I flourish. Which is why I could not understand why He would command me to give up my identity, freedom, and opinions! Clearly that would make me horribly unhappy. I decided to take Romans 12:2 to heart and: "be transformed by the renewing of my mind by testing to discern what is the will of God." So I researched. What did submission ACTUALLY mean, because surely the term has become twisted into something different than God's command.

Here is what I found.

Submission is trust. The same trust I have for God, I put into my husband. I do this because 1) God has called my husband to be the head of my home and thus has divinely equipped him to manage the role of leader in our marriage. So I put my trust in my husband because I trust in God. And 2) Because my husband loves me. He wants to see me succeed. He wants to see me happy. Oftentimes I lose sight of that and feel like I have to fight for myself, but in reality, he doesn't desire to make me miserable. He wants to have a happy marriage just as much as I do. When I trust that he has my best interest at heart and follow his lead, our relationship blossoms and deepens in intimacy.

I could write a book on this topic, but for now, I will leave with this.

Submission as I understand it is trust.

- Jo

I've been told my whole life that I'm too "something" to be cutesy. So I decided to say f*ck'm and be myself. It's been a few weeks and I'm honestly happier than I have ever been and my husband loves me just the same, if not more. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't. I guess I was afraid that my true self would annoy him, but he loves being a big protective bear and coddling me relentlessly.

 Soooo... This is what I have to say.

If you're a ashamed or afraid of being vulnerable, or sensitive because your dad said it was weakness: if a friend told you that HER favorite color was pink so YOURS couldn't be: if you were  picked on for loving sports and dresses: if you ever tried to express yourself with bows instead of piercings and knee high socks instead of thongs, and because of that someone said you were trying to be a BABY! *inhales deep breath* BE YOURSELF!!! 

Don't let the labels of others define your truth. You be you!! 

xoxo

- Jo

That's me today. 

That is all. 

- Jo

When I'm struggling with depression or anxiety, I find that going through the motions of daily service grounds me. My days vary dramatically based off my work schedule, kids needs, my husband's work hours, but these are the core things that I make a priority to accomplish before bed each night:

Make the bed. 

Make breakfast and coffee. 

Do laundry. 

Do scheduled chore. 

Make dessert (if having.)

Make dinner. 

Serve hot drink. 

Store leftovers, wash dishes. 

Bedtime. (Cuddle, watch a movie, read together, intimate time, ect...) 

Does anyone else have service that they do daily, either because they enjoy it or because it's been requested by their Dom? 

-Jo

Our D/s dynamic is 24/7. For some that might seem ridiculous or impossible, but for us it's actually biblical. The Lord calls His people to submit to one and other in love. My husband submits to my need for a dominant figure in my life by setting aside his selfish desires to protect and provide for me. I set aside my selfish desires to aide and serve him. There are days that I am sad, tired, or overwhelmed and I simply don't WANT to submit to, or be respectful towards, my husband. But then I remember that I have made a vow before God and my husband to continue to behave with obedient submission even amidst the trials and the same applies for him. There are moments when he is flying out of the door for work, rushing to beat traffic, his mind already shifting into "work mode," but then he sees me standing in the entryway frowning and he drops everything to give me three minutes of his undivided attention.

Why do I say these things? Because after 4 years of trial and error, I have learned this. Whatever you choose to do, Dom or sub, top or bottom, master or slave, do it in love. Not love as feelings, but love in action as outlined in 1 Corinthians. Patience, kindness, without envy or boastfulness, not proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered, and without keeping record of wrong. Willfully decide to submit yourself to the care of the other party you are choosing to take responsibility for. Be it the emotional care of a sub or the physical assistance to a Dom.

Do it in love.

-Jo

As a child I was told to "grow up." 

When I grew up, I was labeled as a tom boy and because of my nature to please, obediently, I fell  in line. 

When I was old enough to begin breaking through my shell, I was told being "cutesy," was immature and not becoming of my age. 

Now I really am too old to be "cutesy." 

I don't just want to be myself at home. I just want to be myself. 

My heart is breaking for the girl who never was and never will be. 

-Jo