The title of this first entry feels so cliched even as I entered it. Who am I..what am I...but the truth is these are questions circling my mind frequently these days, more often than not lingering at the rear of my cerebral cortex regardless of the what’s enveloping the rest.
My introduction to this lifestyle was a rocky one. One that most would tuck and run from. One most would probably use as an excuse to protest and/or persecute for the rest of their given lives anything remotely connected to it. One I have no desire to revisit even though it’s essential to understanding some of my less than savory parts. No excuses..but it certainly exacerbated them if nothing else.
Those who are still finding themselves, insecure in their own place in this world so quick to label, tweak, critique, even break us can wreak unfathomable havoc on the soul.
I found myself so doubtful for years of my own abilities- told that I lack the ability to be anyone’s submissive. That I was not a submissive. That I’m not submissive.
Slowly I’m finding my way back to the love and appreciation I had for myself. The confidence in my abilities. That perhaps there are others like me that are submissive but only for one. Strong and assertive in their daily lives because they have to be. That being submissive doesn’t mean broken, pathetic, in need of guidance in every aspect of life, damaged emotionally, a wet mop, a door mat. That we don’t all need a knight in that aspect but seek the safety and trust in someone to relinquish the power we handle, we wield every day.
Who am I..still figuring that part out. What am i..I feel like I’m closer to answering that.