Cam’s thoughts

I wish i knew what i wanted,

but things have been up in the air for me so long,

I am convinced that may be where i belong. 

I keep hurting people, and i'm tiered of it. I will have convinced myself i have found my nook in the world, only to loose aspiration a few months later; leaving those i've drawn in and convinced to care for me.

There have only been a few constant things in my life, and i think for now i'll just hold on to those. I don't want to hurt any more people.

Maybe this is too vague, but the words are hard to find. Has anyone else ever felt this way? 

I had recently been doing some remote IT help on a friends computer one night when i see them take control of the mouse, open up a blank notepad and simply type

"HI!!!!
I love you!!!"

I knew very well they were being silly and having fun while i waited for something to finish up, but i found it having a very significant impact on me. A small little reminder that i was appreciated.

That is all, just wanted to put those feel goods in the air <3

The past month or so has been a rough one for me emotionally. Now that things seem to be on the path to normalizing, i'm sitting here reflecting on my interests and where i want to go from here.

I find that things that once held great interest to me do not sound as appealing anymore. As an example, one of the toppy things that i partake in is Shibari rope bondage. The last few times i have tied a rope bunny up, i have felt no joy in doing so; this used to fill my heart with joy and fulfillment in the past, and the story is the same for many of my BDSM related interests.

I believe i am in the middle of change on many different fronts, including personality, interest, and attraction. Some of you on here that i talk to regularly will no doubt have noticed my decline in responses and the length of my response times becoming greater and greater.

To those people, i am sorry.

I am struggling to maintain the connections i made in the online realm, and i fear i have disappointing them in the process. Perhaps the online realm of relationships just is not my cup of tea, or perhaps i just need time to heal and adjust; relearn my interests and explore myself a bit.

Right now i am focusing on my physical and mental well being, the kinky stuff will come in time when it is organic. I am learning the definition of patience.

It's finally done, i have moved fully into my new apartment and i have my own space again! The past week has been non-stop and I am glad to finally have had a night to sleep. Who knew you needed rest??

I'm glad i finally have space to play, so i've sectioned off a space of my home for rope and other fun and naughty things <3

As an update to my last post, I had said i was presenting as female in public for the first time. I happy to report it went amazingly! My friends were ever supportive, as i knew deep down they would be, and i cannot wait to have more chances to do so in the future. 

Fun tidbit, i dyed my jute rope red so i made a matching red outfit. Was a fun sight =)

How has your guys' week been?

Tonight is the night of our munch in our smaller community. 

Some of you may know, I am male born but embrace both male and female genders, with my feminine side being a newer discovery. I have yet to present my self as such to my friends, but I plan to change this tonight. 

I am terrified.

Im hoping all goes well, which I’m sure it will. Then we can all play! I’m thinking a red and black outfit to match my rope ? 

~Cam

i have immersed myself into self exploration in a hope to help aid my broken heart, and I am happy to say that it is slowly working.

I have met some wonderful people here in this site thus far and I am learning interests that I never thought i would have. I hope to keep learning and improving myself as a person and as a kinkster. 

What are some things you all have be exploring within  your own kinky lives? I’d love to hear what you  have been playing around with. ❤️

Step by by step my heart is lightening~

Tonight I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down in person with two amazing people from here on the Cage as they made their way to their new home together.

i am so thankful for the stories and wisdom that you two had to share, I will definitely be holding them close and consider what I’ve heard. 

I wish you two safe safe travels and I hope we can see one another again soon!!

I feel i have a lot about myself I still need to learn and improve upon, and I feel tonight was the first significant step in that direction. I want to better recognize my wants and needs and communicate that to potential partners. I have no idea how to do that just yet but that is my next goal. ❤️

A few hours ago, my Mommy and I broke up. I’m feeling so lost and hurt right now and all I could think to do is write it down somewhere. It just so happens most of my friends that I would lean on are not able to talk and I feel stranded and alone.

I miss my mommy.

I would greatly appreciate distraction if any kind internet strangers have the time/energy for that.

-Cam❤️