So the other night I blogged about getting some well he was a little to rough. But even at that I ended up with a internal roid . But now I have a delimA every time I use the restroom it hurts so good I don't know weather to laugh or cry but the real problem for me is how do I told him that he hurt me without offending him
Well today is Friday I'm excited two days off so I can be looking good all weekend and I can get me some more clothes I am really hoping for my male friend to put me in my oplace he is new but makes me so wet I am looking y my dommy Mommy as well though
I will not count days any more I just now realizng that I am willing to be trained by anyone and reprogrammed. But also knowing that I really am a sub lesbian stuck in a man's body but would really want to be physically be put in my place and open to being made to take as much sperm in me as I've given out.
Last night I had the first enjoyable female sexual encounter it was not perfect but this girl was trying to get it to last forever I never enjoyed sex that much
C Adam sure there's a lot of y'all to turn my I'm having a very restless night if there is anybody who be nice enough and willing enough to you know so we're kind of. talk a little girl down out of being horny of the crate because I'm literally not sleeping because I need fake or real dick I don't know but never experienced it on the level that was pleasuring so me deciding to go through the full changes and finally being able to accept it without looking at myself disgusted has made my urges worse
So I have like completely came to the conclusion I today I'm tired of living this lie I am literally striving to just get the hell out of SC band move somewhere where nobody knows me and as a female like looking like a female and at least get my ID changed stating a different name this female stating I am female I know that's expensive but at that point I will everyday live that life I'm tired of getting up my panties in my wall wearing guys clothes on top of that to just hide who I really am when the person that I want to bloom and be a beautiful flower eventually after giving back to the female community by taking and servicing as a female I'm learning how to be a female and getting everything changed is much better than this person I am now she's much more beautiful she's a lot nicer and happier sad part of it is that she see being companion with somebody for so long I feel like I'm going to lose my mind does anybody does a female submissive do they feel like that or is my hormonal imbalance only an imbalance due to creating more home hormones or creating any hormones that just make me feel extremely horny all the time not as a guy I have not enjoyed guy fun time and over a year and I've trained myself to orgasm as a female for long periods of time so at this point right now I just feel like teenage girl who just hit puberty
So anyway I didn't get to finish everything I wanted to say but for starters for the comment that was put up there it's not really technically a fair choice in the first place because I don't have a choice and the change it's either live as a guy with female boobs who has chemical imbalance that creates hormonal swings pay $200 a month for testosterone shots or you know go all the way and at this point in time you know I've been through so much with this bull that I much rather just literally find somebody who's willing to start me a new not asking for a free beer handout I'm asking for a relocate and change I will earn my keep but you'll never see me as a guy I will be asking for things that will help me become a female more more until eventually after I I guess the word should uses giving atonement for 30 years of being a guy and you know guys are greedy and stuff and I think that I have to be at least you know somewhat either give back to the females and away that only makes sense to me which would be be seen by them as a less more feminine then them completely next sub or Dom and be willing to watch it for corded and mentally get my mind in the place that he needs to be so strange won't be so bad but I think the it's not right just to jump in somebody's Gender like that especially when when I literally have back when I was younger morally degraded women unfortunately and initially talk to them like they were under me and now I have the choice to make so this is probably I would say, come back and get me but I'm okay with it because in the end if somebody can truly generally put me at a point where I am happy with who I am and start fresh where nobody knows me as who I am currently or has ever seen me anyway literally I will earn my way to change name and gender on driver's license and even try to find a way somehow change social security number if possible so I literally am asking for somebody I guess create play Brand Nubian that has existed for a long time but has never got to live in the real world ever and I don't care at the end if they're willing to stand through with me when I wake up out of surgery and hey now only threw the rest away I mean they have first dibs on me because but I don't particularly like guys but I know in order for me to Foley toll firm Mike actions as a guy towards women if somebody a female were to demand me to do something for guys for them it would be and I would do it in a heart just because it's um you know a chick you know I have to experience everything has a check at least once if not cuz I'm not a dominant person anymore I used to be now literally I just one live is a lesbian sub maybe even a slave I don't want to have to make choices and I want somebody to make me fall through with this decision because I have a problem with following through right at the last minute I want them to have a contract with me at the end of this and literally push me to do this I deserve in the end to be happy with myself happy with somebody else regardless of where I'm at and don't want to have to hide like honestly speaking I don't technically have to hide but there's nothing for me here anymore
Unfortunately I don't have her have any luck with anything but I do but I look at that as plus every day that somebody doesn't another day that I express it by myself put on my pink panties and a bra what you work still at work right now really eager to fully you live this life I cannot leave him out there darkness bosses judgmental and I live in a state where people don't like it and don't respect it and I'm rough ready to be open to never seen as this person that I've had to portray for 30 years