Sadie's Sweets

I'm living my best sensual/fetish life and I'm living proof you can too! Real people doing kink for real! 🔥💯🖤💙❣

Touch base with yourself by discovering what type of sensual touches you like. Many people are starved for touch and sensual self touches can be an effective way of filling that need. I invite you to take just a few moments today and touch yourself, really connect with yourself. Explore what you like and enjoy some time with your own company.

Slightly meditative, this video will bring a bit of relaxation to your day too. Sensual touches are a good practice when cuddling a new partner. Take time to get to know them. 

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to, you just can't have marks left on your body after play. If you crave intense sensation or pain here are three devious ways that your Top can cause a great deal of pain without leaving marks.

Hit up my blog for the links that are in the video notes on YouTube which I don't think you can see because the video is embedded here.

 

 

I believe that consent is wonderful, it's legally necessary, AND that it may not protect you. Some people believe that the consent requirment will keep them safe. It should keep you safe, but we don't live in that world yet. As black and white as consent should be, not everyone agrees on what exactly consent is. And accidents happen. And some people don't give a fuck about consent. And, and, and.

We live in a (vanilla) world where no does not mean no. Amazon is full of books that teach 'overcoming objections,' 'getting past no,' 'getting to yes,' etc. We are constantly bombarded with messages that teach us that 'no' is just a little bump in the road to 'yes'. As much as we don't want to admit this, it affects us in the kink community at large.

When two people negotiate, I believe that they are both 100% responsible for showing up to the table in good faith, having done due diligence, and doing their best to cover every base. Those who know better are also responsible for doing better. As a Top with a decent amount of experience when I play with a new, or new to me person, I insist on negotiating to yes only (sometimes refered to as "inclusive"). I bring more knowledge and experience to the negotiation table, I am at an advantage, and I am responsible to use all of that in good faith. My 100% covers more area than a new person's 100%.

At the negotiating table, we are each 100% responsible for ESTABLISHING our boundaries.

Now. Here's where things get confusing and need to get really clear.

(This is easier to conceptualize from the perspective of the bottom so we'll start there but this applies to Tops as well)

The bottom has stated their limits at the negotiation table.

In scene, it is not the bottom's responsibility to enforce their boundaries or limits. It is the Top's responsibility to respect those limits and boundaries.

Fight, Flight, FREEZE, and FAWN are all very real, and often involuntary, responses to consent violation/trauma/etc. 

(deep breath)

It is also highly advantageous for the bottom to enforce their limits, enforce their boundaries, and say no. It is highly advantageous AND not their responsibility. 

Well, what do we do with that? We need to embrace the expectation vs reality world. We as a community (especially those of us who know better) need to start teaching what to do when things go wrong. Not only teach, but practice it as well. If you want to get a clearer idea of what I'm talking about check out this video

 (I'm not affiliated.) 

I believe this starts at munches and I believe it starts with everyone. A simple, polite, oh hey, we ask before we touch people, goes a long way. If you notice someone freeze while being touched, intervene - a simple, polite, oh hey, we ask before we touch people. If someone intervenes on you mistakenly be gracious, oh hey, I did, you must have missed it.

I teach classes in this vein. (I was terrified that I would be called a 'victim blamer' however the classes were well received.)

There's a lot to unpack here and a lot of it is not mutually exclusive. It really is a puzzle with a lot of pieces!

I'd like to add one more practice that I follow - as my bottom drifts into subspace, the deeper they go the more responsibility I have to keep my word and to keep them safe. They go to a place where they may not be able to respond. I put them in that place. It's my responsibility to bring them back safe.

Lastly, if something I wrote seems confusing, feel free to ask me to explain.

Social media sites have all these rules about what kind of content can be monetized and they will cut you if you're too sexual. 
 
Show a nipple on Facebook, even in a culturally appropriate setting, and you're in Facebook jail. 
 
The sex worker who raised so much money for Australian Wildfires lost her Instagram account for "selling sex". Never mind that at no time in the fundraising did she accept any money! She gave her nudes away.
 
So if your content is too sexy you lose your monetization on YouTube because your content is not considered "suitable for all audiences".
 
And yet! Here is Facebook catering to my deviant sexual fantasies by presenting ads like this one below. 
 
Where is the your ads are not suitable for all audiences button?
 
But hey! I guess if you pay to advertise you can sell all the sex you want!!
 
So frustrating.

 

Indulging in your personal pleasures helps you connect deeply with your self. When you connect deeply with yourself, you are better able to connect with others. Self-exploration and indulgence will help you recognize your boundaries and know what you're able to share with others.

Check out this video explaining some of the pleasures I enjoy indulging:

Ever have a guest over and they spot one of your kink-a-licious toys playing peek-a-boo out from under the bed or worse right in plain view?

Check out these 5 tips on how to explain away that stray toy or piece of fetish furniture in this video.

What excuses have you used for your toys lying around? Share in the comments!

 

In a world where a woman’s beauty is graphically described across a wide variety of songs, I’ve come to love

When extolling the virtue of the object of his affection’s beauty he chooses to sing “all tanned up and my kinda pretty”. It’s a powerful descriptor of beauty and how every individual has a different idea of what beauty is.

“My Kinda Pretty” is definitely a concept that needs to gain more ground. It’s one that I work to foster by encouraging a “to each, their own” type environment as well as making it acceptable to state an admiration of an aesthetic that is not societally popular. I, personally, think it would be good for society to take one big step back from generalizing.

Practice Makes Progress

Reclaiming the acceptance of a variety of beauty is going to take calm assertions and non-defensive responses. Calmly asserting your admiration of a particular thing (Mmmm, I love shoulder-length hair on men) sets the stage that you find it more than normal and acceptable but desirable as well.

Predictably when you assert your admiration of something non-traditional, you’ll at some point be met with an “EEEEEW! GROSS!” or something similar. At this moment your response has the power to shatter stereotypes. A bit of friendly banter, a bit of laughter, and a “don’t be silly, just because it’s not your thing doesn’t mean that it’s not my thing!” will go a long way to educate people in a positive way. The unexpected reaction shows you have nothing to defend, and you don’t – beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

Unexplored Beauty

A company in a pretty slick publicity move held a contest to find the world’s most beautiful vagina. What makes this more interesting is a separate group of scientists ran some analytics on the publicity contest, did some other science, and their results were quite interesting. You can explore the whole thing through the links but the tl;dr version is this: [The study] “provides evidence that both simple and more complex vulvas have a nearly equal percentage of admirers.” I would go so far as to say that in an environment where there is no predetermined social standard of beauty that variety wins the day.

As an aside that I found very interesting – “ pictures depicting contest entrants in a doggy style position obtained ratings 2 points higher on average (p <0.001) than others.” That’s statistically significant and the study had to drop all the photos taken in doggy. I suggest this evidences that it’s not what you got buy how you display that counts. Also, doggy is hot. 😉

Aesthetic And You

Recently I read a post of an individual decrying the quality of munches and the community in which those munches were hosted because said munches were not stocked with individuals that met this particular person’s aesthetic criteria. (First of all, these types of posts say more about the person posting than they ever will about the target of the post.) This person went on further to talk about, in detail, how un-aesthetically pleasing to them some of the munch guests were.

My advice to anyone in this situation is if having your aesthetic met is of high importance, go to a place where people that fit your aesthetic are. Why stand in the middle of the street and scream about how unappealing the tomatoes at Fred’s Grocery are to you? Just go over to Sally’s Supermarket and pick out your kinda pretty tomatoes. 

The Great Beauty Equalizer

Ultimately everyone is beautiful just as they are. Whether or not you're someone else's (or someplace else's) kinda pretty is irrelevant. Your own beauty is undeniable. Never doubt this. Venues, magazines, people, etc. may crave or cater to different kinds of pretty. Just because someone or something seeks a particular kinda pretty doesn't mean that your kinda pretty is diminished.

Porn and kink are the ultimate equalizers. When it comes to porn and kink, there’s a place for everyone. I’ll leave you with this humorous yet poignant clip where Sam Morril summarizes this concept perfectly. Amy Schumer Presents Sam Morril – Positive Influence.

 

I don't know how or why these never got posted. A few years ago GvS made me a breathtaking duct tape kimono for the duct tape fashion class and runway show at the Rochester Erotic Arts Festival (REAF). It was an awesome class to teach and all of the duct tape fashion creations were amazing!

This kimono was ungodsly hot and I nearly passed out after MCing the runway/fashion show. Totally worth it. A beautiful work of art complete with a low slung obi.