Sadie's Sweets

Usa-chan thinks I work too hard and should spend some time playing...

This quick, two-minute mindfulness meditation leads to better self-pleasuring and stronger orgasms. Here in part 1, you learn the technique, next week in part 2, you'll learn how to apply it. For the longest time, I didn't understand how mindfulness meditation applied to life let alone how it could improve your sex life. This works for pleasure with others as well as self-pleasuring.

Last year I was put in a position where I basically needed mindfulness to survive and it all clicked into place. Here's hoping you can learn from my mistakes! :-) 

For years I identified as a Dominant yet felt like a fraud because I enjoyed receiving intense sensations including pain. So many people teach that on either side of the slash there's a continuum when in reality kink identifications are more like a sphere. Yes, you can be a Dom, a sadist, and love receiving pain. These things are not mutually exclusive. There's no one true way. Be who you are!  

This sadist loves kawaii! Be who you are. No labels, just you. Shatter stereotypes! It's ok if you don't identify as little and love cute things. It's ok if you do!

This article highlights a genius individual, the group he started, the positive effect it's having on masculinity and how it's transforming himself and others.

We need more examples of this in the world. While shattering the stigma around not behaving in an expected or "traditional" manner these individuals are also working on becoming better versions of themselves and sharing the spotlight by using any privilege they have to give others a hand up.

Merb'ys - Mermen in Newfoundland

What's your Sunday Shout Out? Who do you see bringing positive change into our world?

I'm living my best sensual/fetish life and I'm living proof you can too! Real people doing kink for real! ????❣

Touch base with yourself by discovering what type of sensual touches you like. Many people are starved for touch and sensual self touches can be an effective way of filling that need. I invite you to take just a few moments today and touch yourself, really connect with yourself. Explore what you like and enjoy some time with your own company.

Slightly meditative, this video will bring a bit of relaxation to your day too. Sensual touches are a good practice when cuddling a new partner. Take time to get to know them. 

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to, you just can't have marks left on your body after play. If you crave intense sensation or pain here are three devious ways that your Top can cause a great deal of pain without leaving marks.

Hit up my blog for the links that are in the video notes on YouTube which I don't think you can see because the video is embedded here.

I believe that consent is wonderful, it's legally necessary, AND that it may not protect you. Some people believe that the consent requirment will keep them safe. It should keep you safe, but we don't live in that world yet. As black and white as consent should be, not everyone agrees on what exactly consent is. And accidents happen. And some people don't give a fuck about consent. And, and, and.

We live in a (vanilla) world where no does not mean no. Amazon is full of books that teach 'overcoming objections,' 'getting past no,' 'getting to yes,' etc. We are constantly bombarded with messages that teach us that 'no' is just a little bump in the road to 'yes'. As much as we don't want to admit this, it affects us in the kink community at large.

When two people negotiate, I believe that they are both 100% responsible for showing up to the table in good faith, having done due diligence, and doing their best to cover every base. Those who know better are also responsible for doing better. As a Top with a decent amount of experience when I play with a new, or new to me person, I insist on negotiating to yes only (sometimes refered to as "inclusive"). I bring more knowledge and experience to the negotiation table, I am at an advantage, and I am responsible to use all of that in good faith. My 100% covers more area than a new person's 100%.

At the negotiating table, we are each 100% responsible for ESTABLISHING our boundaries.

Now. Here's where things get confusing and need to get really clear.

(This is easier to conceptualize from the perspective of the bottom so we'll start there but this applies to Tops as well)

The bottom has stated their limits at the negotiation table.

In scene, it is not the bottom's responsibility to enforce their boundaries or limits. It is the Top's responsibility to respect those limits and boundaries.

Fight, Flight, FREEZE, and FAWN are all very real, and often involuntary, responses to consent violation/trauma/etc. 

(deep breath)

It is also highly advantageous for the bottom to enforce their limits, enforce their boundaries, and say no. It is highly advantageous AND not their responsibility. 

Well, what do we do with that? We need to embrace the expectation vs reality world. We as a community (especially those of us who know better) need to start teaching what to do when things go wrong. Not only teach, but practice it as well. If you want to get a clearer idea of what I'm talking about check out this video

I believe this starts at munches and I believe it starts with everyone. A simple, polite, oh hey, we ask before we touch people, goes a long way. If you notice someone freeze while being touched, intervene - a simple, polite, oh hey, we ask before we touch people. If someone intervenes on you mistakenly be gracious, oh hey, I did, you must have missed it.

I teach classes in this vein. (I was terrified that I would be called a 'victim blamer' however the classes were well received.)

There's a lot to unpack here and a lot of it is not mutually exclusive. It really is a puzzle with a lot of pieces!

I'd like to add one more practice that I follow - as my bottom drifts into subspace, the deeper they go the more responsibility I have to keep my word and to keep them safe. They go to a place where they may not be able to respond. I put them in that place. It's my responsibility to bring them back safe.

Lastly, if something I wrote seems confusing, feel free to ask me to explain.

Social media sites have all these rules about what kind of content can be monetized and they will cut you if you're too sexual. 
 
Show a nipple on Facebook, even in a culturally appropriate setting, and you're in Facebook jail. 
 
The sex worker who raised so much money for Australian Wildfires lost her Instagram account for "selling sex". Never mind that at no time in the fundraising did she accept any money! She gave her nudes away.
 
So if your content is too sexy you lose your monetization on YouTube because your content is not considered "suitable for all audiences".
 
And yet! Here is Facebook catering to my deviant sexual fantasies by presenting ads like this one below. 
 
Where is the your ads are not suitable for all audiences button?
 
But hey! I guess if you pay to advertise you can sell all the sex you want!!
 
So frustrating.